THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[TSandullo]

Hey Miss Meh, I hope you are doing well.

 

At your stage, friendly but distant is a great approach. You manage to maintain your self-respect, distance and sanity while not coming off as a needy/spiteful emotional b

 

Regarding how confused he is, how he doesn't know how to act around you, PAY NO ATTENTION TO IT.

Reason being, once he acts indifferent and okay with it, you could risk asking yourself why and wondering if he is alright with it all.

 

Fear not about setbacks, after all, what is life without the odd slip up eh?

Just keep progressing a day at a time and the odd setback is negligible.

I too have had my (well not so private...) meltdown moments too.

 

You are doing great, and if staying away from mutual hotspots is beneficial for you emotionally, then great.

 

Hell, as a byproduct, you might even spike his curiosity. Note, I did say byproduct and might...

 

TC gal

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Day 7

 

I feel really confused

 

I don't know why

 

crap

 

All part of the journey friend. Not an easy ride at all, but hey, you make the effort of posting here on ENA.

 

Why? Cos you got the balls to stand up and say (even if you don't know it)

"Hey! I'm going through sh right now but I'm gonna be good soon!"

 

So go ahead and feel the confusion, but accept it.

 

Hope you are feeling better today.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Hey Loxxt,

 

Girl, I read your message and 'Matt's letter.

 

I wonder how you would have felt had you never known that he was questioning himself about getting back together with you?

 

Would you have moved on completely knowing that it was completely over?

 

I guess I would be pulled back into the hurricane if I heard from a friend that my ex wants to reconcile.

 

I'm going to ignore everything you have mentioned about the FB goings ons.

IMO, the whole thing is irrelevant, unless of course some mild amusement is gained from watching the entire online drama.

 

you mentioned him being weak as well as that you half expect him to continue the relationship, expecting her to end it with him.

I guess, as you have mentioned before, that if he truly and wholeheartedly wants to make things work with you, he has to step up, end it with her and take the appropriate steps in doing so.

 

Nice one about meeting those other guys! Who knows, now this time he will really up his game to get you back!

 

Girl, whatever happens, you're gonna be fine.

 

TC

 

your friend, TS

[TSandullo]

Day 12:

 

I'm feeling better than yesterday after I discovered they're already exchanging "I love yous". But I believe that in one of the posts in this thread, the sooner they exchange "I love yous" the sooner the relationship is deemed to end.

 

Yes I know, I have to focus on myself. I'm trying, it's just really hard trying not to think about her and her relationship. I gotta stay out the news or else I'm going to find out more hurtful things.

 

My last exam is tomorrow morning! Wish me luck. Then a 4 month summer

 

Oi oi!!! Careful! hope your exams went well with all this malarky going on!

I honestly have stayed away from all news, just so I don't get caught in an emotional whirlwind during my exams!

 

But good luck to you, hope you did well and that you have an enjoyable well deserved holiday!

 

How, also remember, as holidays have arrived, you have loads of time to do lots of cool things. Also, you have loads of time to think...and trust me, you don't want your thoughts to be occupied with what your ex and her new chap is up to...

 

So, keep yourself occupied and distant from them (physically and informationwise) until you feel you have the emotional strength to withstand all this.

 

At this stage, they are not simply things you hear...but 'hurtful' things.

 

so best step back completely, for the benefit of yourself.

As easy as it is for me to say, forget about what goes on with them.

Hey, they might get married tomorrow, have 5 happy kids, get a house with a picket fence and a lawn and join the local golfing club.

That is their life, their story.

 

This is yours.

 

TS

[coolchick64]

DAY 0

 

Well kids, I'm back.

[dont know]

Welp. Day 11 now, best morning I've had yet which is weird.. Cant wait for the weekend to roll around so I can go do things other than study. Gonna go back to the gym again today to lift and run, so hopefully I'll be lookin good by the end of school! Still miss her. Want to check up on her to see what shes doing. Buuuuut, I wont.

[Rotxsen]

I know mate I had one of those moments I just wanted to like pick up the phone and cut all my ties and boundaries because I felt a moment of despair but then I took a look around and I was like if I'm like this right now there's no way I'm in shape to be with her or someone else for a while I have made some progress but It seems like I can still break down and the other reason I was feeling like this because of family issues my stepfather being abusive to my mother and I sometimes really I just feel like exchanging my liberty to cut him down and get rid of this parasite but I know that's not the answer like mother said there's a god out there sooner or later he will be the ultimate judge and will cast down sentence for what he has done to you and I endure it we almost there to leave him behind.

 

But seeing my mother cry and myself because of treachery bro the things he has done to me, he has gone to the point he lied to get me in trouble oh man I can list the amount of things that's the reason I broke down I was trying to hold on so much that I just broke apart and because of him I felt despair needy and by my curse I started thinking about my ex and I remembered when this happened to me just like it happened to her we used to give each other company a feeling of security that we will never hate each other but then again promises are just words and no actions the 21th was a horrible day that's the way where her influence get me the most the day I lost..... no I didn't lost anything she wasn't there in the first place anymore the lady whom I fall in love was gone only a mask of her remained sometimes I wonder what she is doing, how she is doing I'm sorry fellas but I'm too deep on NC to go back the 29th I will officially complete the 90 day challenge and I will not back down I will keep going forward hence to tell you the truth TS and everyone I feel like I have moved on as if yeah there's no pain there's no hope but then sometimes it bursts out I hope along my journeys I find someone or something that will inspire me for a brighter future.

[Poetry Guy]

Alright, I had actually agreed to go through a No Contact phase as of yesterday but I like the idea of this thread so go ahead and count me in.

 

How I'm feeling at the moment and what I'm doing to be positive and move forward:

 

Well, first of all, I joined this website so that, in and of itself, is a positive step where I'm not just shutting myself down from other people and being both mopey and depressed about the recent breakup. I've also purchased a book on "How to Get Your Ex" back which outlines some similar concepts and talks about the various things that I should be doing rather than dwelling on the situation. I talk to friends and family and have actually even recently joined facebook for the first time in my life to reconnect with old friends and that has been very beneficial to me as well since it keeps my mind occupied on other things. Am I still thinking about her? Sure, otherwise I wouldn't be on here typing this message. lol At the current time, a part of me actually accepts that this relationship may indeed be over for good without any chance of reconciliation and while the statement itself might sound a bit negative, its really not. When you "accept" or "come to terms" with a situation, that in and of itself is a positive indicator that your life isn't being ruined by a breakup. There are lots of things that I would like to say to my ex, however, and that does also prove that I'm far from being "over it". I would love to tell her that I feel like we both have been cheated by some bad luck and circumstances. There are lots of things that I'd like to say, but she did tell me "I would appreciate it if you leave me alone so that I can get over this disappointing situation and move on"...and, as such, I need to respect that. I do know that once she has told me something like that, if I make any attempts at all at this point to make contact, it will only upset her even more - not only because she specifically asked me to leave her alone, but also because she is not in the mindset at the time being to be reasoned with and it will only push her further away.

 

I don't know what the future holds for the two of us. I do know that when I wake up in the morning is actually when the painful feelings of loss strike, but then they tend to subside as the day goes on, only to be revived again in the evening and before I go to bed. Is she thinking about me? Is she genuinely committed to "moving on" with her own life - one that does not include me in the picture?

 

Only time will tell, so therefore - I'm taking the challenge.

[Chris Knows]

Stay strong guys. You can do this.

[dazedconfused1607308164]

Day 11

 

Still hanging in there.. It's getting a little easier, though I still think of him all the time.

[Animelover6764]

day 8

 

 

 

crap

[sigmond freud]

woot woot day 30 for me...do i still think of her numerous times a day...yes..do i still love her....yes....am I gunna be okay without her...reluctantly ...yes!

[coolchick64]

I so totally suck at NC, I'm not sure why I'm even pretending to try it. Give me strength!

[Animelover6764]

I so totally suck at NC, I'm not sure why I'm even pretending to try it. Give me strength!

 

Que pasa?

 

[coolchick64]

I'm great at ignoring him until he contacts me. I've never been able to cut him off. Well, I did it once but then we reconciled. pfft.

[Animelover6764]

I'm great at ignoring him until he contacts me. I've never been able to cut him off. Well, I did it once but then we reconciled. pfft.

 

 

Don't worry stay strong buddy

[hellodoe]

DAY 6

 

spent the day in the sun, went into work and just got off, it was a good day. thought about the ex a good deal, didn't get upset though. but i'm happy. my boss started referring to me as her daughter all night and it made my WEEK, i adore her! so it was wonderful to have my platonic love reciprocated haha..

 

stay strong guys, you'll learn more about yourself everyday..

[Big Bear]

Hey there, I know you can do this! As for myself, it took me more then 1 month and finally can do this NC thing! I wish I have bought and read like the book you mention long time ago when I just broke up. It was tough and I have no idea how to control myself but getting back to her. And just recently month ago started this challenge and purchased "Getting back together" book. The book really help me a lot just like you mentioned.

 

Now I just past my 30 days like on Wednesday ago, I can feel I am so much stronger! Don't worry about there will be time that you will feel very lonely and sad, that is very natural! I had those moment especially when I looked at some pictures taken together, and during the weekend or quiet moment, you will think about her.

 

I am not sure about your story here that who is the dumper or the dumpee. I read that the dumper true feeling will surface after a month of NC from the dumpee, like you said; only time will tell!

 

Now it's time time to work on yourself, accomplish that you always wanted! Good luck buddy!

[tintin_K]

well obviously you care, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it here.

 

Kudos to you though, enduring his constant presence in these early NC stages.

 

It takes considerable effort and emotional fortitude to get on normally when your ex is in your face constantly. Trust me, I know...

 

It is great that you are getting on with your life though without him and that he hasn't debilitated you.

 

You have a long way to go still but you have made a great start.

 

TS

Thanks a lot!

 

Day 4 : I actually feel good - whats wrong with me??

 

Ran into him twice today. In the morning he was with his friend - who actually left him and came over to talk to me.He stared incredulously at us. His expression??? priceless!!

Later in the afternoon while I was talking to a friend, he walked by and said hi. Since we stopped talking when we saw him, he commented, 'was it a secret you were sharing?'. I just said 'yes' and walked away.

Another co worker flirted outrageously with me today and even suggested we go out for ice cream. Too bad I am not very interested in him. But feels good to be persued.

[nowaja]

Hey guys,

As of today I'm 31. He is 28

I've been reading your posts and they really help me to keep up my NC that started with a break up of me and him a week ago. I stumbled on this page yesterday and have been reading since. We met up in Summer 2006 when I was visiting my family in NJ. At that time I was living in Orlando. We kept in touch and in August he invited me to meet him up in Miami. Since that time we feel for each other and became official in February next year. I decided to move to NJ after I finished my graduate program, which was in August 2007. Since that time until last week we had been a very happy couple. The only issue I had was the fact that he was not keen on moving in together, and he refused that first time in 2008 so I gave him more time to think. Then, in Spring 2009, I asked him again, but he said he was not ready and liked they way we were (we would see each other 3-4 times a week, and spend whole weekends together) After his second no I felt a bit uneasy, but continued with our relationship, which besides that fact was perfect, and I don't exaggerate. This March I found out I got pregnant, which was a shock for me because I have been on the pill for the past 6 months. I wasn't excited about it when I told him the news. He was shocked. He couldn't wrpa hi head around it. I told him crying I would not have an abortion and he said he respected my decision. We went on for another 2 weeks like nothing happened. I was not expecting him to get married or anything because of the baby coming, but I wanted him to be there for me and help me raise it. After 2 weeks of ignoring the subject, I brought it up again and asked him what his plans were toward our baby and then I've heard things I wish I hadn't. He told me that he had been extremely happy with his life, but he felt he didn't have a chance to truly live his life: meet other people, try different relationship, etc. He also mentioned that he started evaluating our relationship in January and even though he was extremely happy with him he was thinking about letting me go and not keeping me in a limbo because I deserve better than this. I was crashed. I didn't know what to do. A week later I felt pain and had to go to the hospital. I lost the baby. He was with me all this time showing support and love. After this horrible situation, we continued for another 2 weeks. I was trying to pretend nothing happened, and he was till the same loving guy. We were even planning to go to Dominican Republic for a few days in May, but then I realized I couldn't go on like that anymore. Every time he kissed me I would think about his words I had hear d few weeks back. For that reason, on Saturday, April 17 I asked him to meet me up and told him I could not be with him anymore. We both cried but separated on good terms. I asked him not to contact me at all because I needed to move on. He agreed although he said it would be hard for me. He also said he wished he would have met me 5-7 years from now when he is ready for marriage. He said he would always love me no matter what.

Soooooo...it's been a week. I deleted him from my FB. I never called, texted; neither did he.

Have I made the right decision? I don't want to keep hoping that one day he will wake up because I don't want to waste time and energy. IT's extremely hard, but I know I can make it. Please, tell me I did the right thing....

[Poetry Guy]

Thanks Big Bear! To answer your question: I am the dumper, not the dumpee. My "story" is posted in my thread with the title "Hopeless romantic trying to get back together with his ex"...or something along those lines. lol I just woke up and had a tough time sleeping last night, so my bad in advance on that one.

 

Ok, so I'm in Day #2 of NC. Last night (and part of the reason I had trouble sleeping) was because I started to have a few feelings of that "loneliness" that we are all accustomed to in the early stages of a breakup, but it quickly turned into anger. She knew damn well what she was doing and it was like she was purposely trying to piss me off enough to get me to break up with her. She said that she was waiting to hear from ME about whether or not I could "deal with her when she was sick" (again, full story in my thread) but meanwhile it was my F'ken birthday when she would choose to bring this up after having gone two days where neither one of us talked. I got some bullsh*t "Happy Birthday" text message in the morning of my birthday after not having heard from her in two days - devoid of emotion, no exclamation marks, nor any of the other things that typically accompanied her text messages. Then I call her later on in the day after avoiding the text all day and the first words out of her mouth are: "So, have you decided whether or not you still want to be with me?" Are you kidding? On MY birthday - a birthday, no less, where you had initially made plans to take me out and then all I get from you at all that day is a "Happy Birthday" text message and you expect ME to answer your freakin question about whether or not *I've* made a decision on whether or not I still want to be with you?!?

 

Ooo...this got me going good. I was actually going to type up about the sadness/loss feeling that I woke up with this morning, but now this actually feels even better to run with the anger part for a moment.

 

So, yeah, sorry babe but in MY EYES I DID get the impression that YOU wanted to break up. Then you try to make me out to be the bad guy because I sent you a drunk text message that night "breaking up with you". Well hell, all you did was say "Happy Birthday" in a text and you did so while completely sober so you know what? F-YOU and your stupid mindgames trying to flip this around on me and make me out to be the bad guy.

 

Ugh!! I just want to smash something right now.

 

[walks away from the computer for a minute, needs to cool down]

 

Ok. Calming down...not completely cool, calm and collected yet but I'm also done typing out how angry I am/was. Damn that felt good though, and that's the beauty of this thread in my eyes. A part of me woke up this morning wanting to break NC just to give her a piece of my mind, but that would have been completely counterproductive and then I WOULD be the bad guy in this situation. During the breakup and during the NC initiation process, I did not say one single rude, mean, or argumentative thing to her - I let her be the ugly and nasty one. So, when it comes down to it - yeah, I was a jerk for breaking up with you in a drunk text message on my birthday...but you were just as bad for only wishing me an emotionless happy birthday in a text message and then asking me if I had made a decision about our relationship when we talked later on without even bothering to wish me a happy birthday, get me a card, offer to follow through on the plans that you had initially made to take me out...and you were the nasty one. Not me.

 

I can live with that for now.

 

Thanks to this thread and to the good members of this forum. The goal of this thread is to post in it every day, and I have found it to be quite therapeutic actually. Being angry is part of the process, but it also means I still care so I've still got my work cut out for me. I'm going to clean my whole house today from top to bottom.

[tintin_K]

Have I made the right decision? I don't want to keep hoping that one day he will wake up because I don't want to waste time and energy. IT's extremely hard, but I know I can make it. Please, tell me I did the right thing....

 

Yes, you did the right thing - no doubt about that. I also commend the fact that you are so very strong even after what you went through. You deserve a lot more than what you got.

I wish I had your courage to make a clean break. I am on day 5 of NC - this after we have been broken up for 4 months now. I finally feel strong enough to go the NC route.

Stay strong. We will make it. Good luck!

[dazedconfused1607308164]

Day 12

 

This sucks.. I miss him but I'm gonna keep going.

[Live-N-Learn]

Day 12 and starting to accept it's over and that I am better off without her since she lied to me about the other guy to this day.

[nowaja]

Thank you so much tintin for your words of support...I know it's going to be hard, but I also know I can make it!!!!!!! We all can!!