THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[brownage]

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago at the end of December. We were together for 2.5 years and less than 2 weeks after our break up, she started dating this new guy who was a close friend of hers.

 

From mid-february I decided to go NC, but it didn't work out too well because I basically just disappeared, so it was more of an LC thing. There would have been times when I wouldn't talk to her for days, at most - a week. But once in a while she would have texted me and I reluctantly texted back = \

 

As of yesterday, I contacted her, and I followed Zorba's advice and told her that we shouldn't talk for a while. She told me she'll miss me (she has said she misses me several times while I was LC). We said our goodbyes and I believe it ended on a good note. Then later last-night I started to feel iffy on if I did the right thing. If I were to contact her again I'd look like a fool after telling her goodbye.

 

I still love her very much. I just hope things turn out better, I'm deciding on getting a Gym membership after exams (April 23rd) and getting more fit. We had a very loving relationship, just in the last couple of months, University got in the way (we are both eighteen). There was no abuse, or anything abusing. She told me she just fell out of love.

 

I really hope things work out for the better.

[Rotxsen]

That last what do you mean if works out for the better you mean of you and your ex coming back or you doing your own thing and move on and hopefully find another person along the way?

[Loxxt]

It's been awhile. Keeping busy, doing me. It's been a week since my email to him and since he left. I can breathe so much easier now. I don't know if it's mostly because I'm actually letting go now or because of how him wanting to fix things so badly stokes my ego and broken heart but I do feel a lot better. Of course he's on my mind every day but now it's different. I'm not sad at how selfish he was and how bad he hurt me but I'm sad at how broken we are. I do without a doubt know he needs this time away as much as I do. He needs to be happy with himself and mature. I need to move past this. This next year will be interesting.

 

Went out last night for my bday. Was fun, but working a 12 hr shift off of 3 hours of sleep isn't. >.

[brownage]

That last what do you mean if works out for the better you mean of you and your ex coming back or you doing your own thing and move on and hopefully find another person along the way?

 

To be honest, I wish she would come back. But not now, I still need more time to heal and set myself straight. And maybe along the way I could meet someone else, but only time will tell. I still love her dearly and maybe a few months down the road she can see the new me. But by that time I should have a clear mind on how I really want things to go from there.

 

P.S.

 

And Happy Belated Birthday Loxxt! I have been keeping up with many of your posts and you seem like a very intelligent, and smart, and beautiful woman. Sorry, I'm not trying to be creepy.

[Rotxsen]

Time will tell buddy but please don't do anything focusing on her or because at the end it only be you foreshadowing your own self.

[brownage]

Gotcha. I understand. Must focus on myself, and myself only.

[Rotxsen]

Day ?? Lost count

 

Today I could have made a year and four months it's funny the previous months were hard but today I feel happy just listening to music enjoying myself a few days ago I had a realization and I noticed that I have moved on with my life I don't feel sad I don't feel the constant thinking or nothing I'm just enjoying myself today could have been something different but for now It's just a normal day to me but in the back of my mind still there but I won't let nothing get me down it's insignificant now but I know I'm sure I don't know why but I have this feeling that today she's thinking about me she knows what day is this but the question is how is she seeing this day but I know today she's thinking about me I'm sure of it

[TSandullo]

Day 39 - Heavy eyes...

 

So sleepy today.

 

Been really busy with project work that I submitted last friday. The stress of it all has finally caught up. Went gym today after two week and ouch...! I need to get back into that routine.

 

Have to begin revising for exams now.

 

Over the weekends I was thinking about her a bit. And the feelings of affection and missing her are still there. The immobilising, mind clouding, boner killing pain has gone.

 

I will be meeting her this wed and a few others to complete a group report we are all working on together. And then I think that will be our final interaction work wise...I hope.

 

Yeah, I still love her. I don't know anything about her personal affairs: no clue if she and the other guy she met and 'together', i haven't ask and haven't checked her fb. I won't.

 

It has been a great journey. NC did help get me back. I am happier than I was weeks back.

 

TC everyone. And cling onto hope.....hope that you will be happy again, with ex or otherwise.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Day ?? Lost count

 

Today I could have made a year and four months it's funny the previous months were hard but today I feel happy just listening to music enjoying myself a few days ago I had a realization and I noticed that I have moved on with my life I don't feel sad I don't feel the constant thinking or nothing I'm just enjoying myself today could have been something different but for now It's just a normal day to me but in the back of my mind still there but I won't let nothing get me down it's insignificant now but I know I'm sure I don't know why but I have this feeling that today she's thinking about me she knows what day is this but the question is how is she seeing this day but I know today she's thinking about me I'm sure of it

 

Hey man rotxen, my ninja bro.

 

Glad to hear you are doing well. Also glad to see that someone has taken the reins of helping others on this thread.

 

Hope you are doing well. And, I have to say, your profile pics are looking better and better.

 

TC mate

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Happy birthday gal!!!

 

Hope you had a blast with lots of lovely prezzies and cheap booze!

Also hope snowboarding was good and that you broke a leg.

 

I am happy to see we are all once again having fun bar our exs.

 

One thing that stuck with me:

 

"Of course he's on my mind every day but now it's different. I'm not sad at how selfish he was and how bad he hurt me but I'm sad at how broken we are. I do without a doubt know he needs this time away as much as I do."

 

In some ways I relate this to me and my beloved ex.

 

That aside, many happy returns once more and I wish you all the best as you get that much closer to menopause!!!

 

TC

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Bite you old dog!!! I had to backtrack through the last few pages to find a post of yours.

Hope you are good mon frere from another era

And those last few lines in your post...mighty sweet from you mate

Glad you gor the peace you sort. I still encounter brief tornadoes deep inside but I too know those will pass.

 

TC my friend.

Hope to read your posts here again soon.

TS

[TSandullo]

Gotcha. I understand. Must focus on myself, and myself only.

 

And that is as simple as NC can get.

you focus on yourself = you improve

you focus on ex = you remain stagnant like a fetid swamp

 

focusing on yourself is all you can do. Nothing else. Why? Cos yourself is the only thing you have control over.

 

And, I must still say so, getting an ex back is simply a possible byproduct of you looking after yourself...

 

...or hell, you may even be the one who no longer wants the ex back!

 

TC friend.

 

Wishing you the courage and endurance to go through this period as we all have gone/ are going through.

 

TS

[brownage]

On my second day of NC, she texted me at 3am and she said she "really really needs my help". I was panicking and kept wondering what it was. If it was something serious she would have told me what the thing she needed "help" with was right away. I spoke to a close friend of mine and he told me not to break my NC over this.

 

I didn't. I never texted back. Thankfully. But 10 minutes later she called me!! I reluctantly picked up but I'm positive the second I picked up she hung up so she doesn't know I picked up. So I don't think I broke my NC? I don't know! She texted back 20 minutes after the phone call and said "Im sorry. I shouldnt have asked. Ignore then! Dont reply."

 

After telling her that I'm going NC she just had to text and call on the second day of it. Does she not have any respect for what I'm trying to do? I emphasized that we both need to move on. If she really needed help, she could have asked her new boyfriend. I can't be there for her anymore or else I'll just be back on the back burner.

[brownage]

And that is as simple as NC can get.

you focus on yourself = you improve

you focus on ex = you remain stagnant like a fetid swamp

 

focusing on yourself is all you can do. Nothing else. Why? Cos yourself is the only thing you have control over.

 

And, I must still say so, getting an ex back is simply a possible byproduct of you looking after yourself...

 

...or hell, you may even be the one who no longer wants the ex back!

 

TC friend.

 

Wishing you the courage and endurance to go through this period as we all have gone/ are going through.

 

TS

 

Thanks a lot for the hope and encouragement TS! I really appreciate it, and ill use it as motivation.

[Rotxsen]

Hey man rotxen, my ninja bro.

 

Glad to hear you are doing well. Also glad to see that someone has taken the reins of helping others on this thread.

 

Hope you are doing well. And, I have to say, your profile pics are looking better and better.

 

TC mate

 

TS

 

Thanks TS, you, Loxxt and I are going through the same phase but we are getting better and of course I gotta help we stuck in this we getting out together =]

 

On my second day of NC, she texted me at 3am and she said she "really really needs my help". I was panicking and kept wondering what it was. If it was something serious she would have told me what the thing she needed "help" with was right away. I spoke to a close friend of mine and he told me not to break my NC over this.

 

I didn't. I never texted back. Thankfully. But 10 minutes later she called me!! I reluctantly picked up but I'm positive the second I picked up she hung up so she doesn't know I picked up. So I don't think I broke my NC? I don't know! She texted back 20 minutes after the phone call and said "Im sorry. I shouldnt have asked. Ignore then! Dont reply."

 

After telling her that I'm going NC she just had to text and call on the second day of it. Does she not have any respect for what I'm trying to do? I emphasized that we both need to move on. If she really needed help, she could have asked her new boyfriend. I can't be there for her anymore or else I'll just be back on the back burner.

 

Oh, lord the mind games don't let this affect you if she really wants you that badly a phone call or text is insignificant the only way you could really or is it worth it to break NC if she randomly shows up at a place she knows were you gonna be at and that's up to you if you want to talk to her and what not cause frankly if my ex would do that to me I be like I'm quite busy let's reschedule this for another time as cold as that sound I don't want my moving on phase to go back to square one by a insignificant call or her feeling needy my world does not revolve around her, revolves around me myself and I that's it if I want you to be part of it if not then sorry and good bye something I learned is to choose between those who hurt me and true friends I lost a bunch but at the end the ones worth keeping have been there with me.

[brownage]

Fml. I go online on my messenger, and she messages me. After I made it clear we shouldn't talk for a while. She asks me for help on how to remove a virus from her computer. I feel so goddamn stupid now. I told her to ask her boyfriend, not me. There goes 2 days of NC.

[Animelover6764]

Day 13

 

restart Day 1

 

After school i saw my ex outside i tried to avoid but she said hi and i'm very polite and i said hi back and i ended up walking her home but nothing really happen she mention her bf but i didn't show any emotions towards it and we hugged and i kissed her forehead (a habit i did when we were together) and she her bf is coming over in the middle of the walk and mention it twice which i find weird

 

that's all

 

i didn't even go to a topic that mention her bf at all and she just happen to say it in the small talk

 

but i'm not gonna read to much into it

 

anyway i had a good day though

[Loxxt]

Day 13

 

restart Day 1

 

After school i saw my ex outside i tried to avoid but she said hi and i'm very polite and i said hi back and i ended up walking her home but nothing really happen she mention her bf but i didn't show any emotions towards it and we hugged and i kissed her forehead (a habit i did when we were together) and she her bf is coming over in the middle of the walk and mention it twice which i find weird

 

that's all

 

i didn't even go to a topic that mention her bf at all and she just happen to say it in the small talk

 

but i'm not gonna read to much into it

 

anyway i had a good day though

 

Keep it up. Even through LC/breaks in NC like this you can maintain your progress. This NC time is as much for you as it is for them but only the smart ones realize this. Keeping your composure is half the battle. I'm guessing you've learned what not to do anymore. If I were in a situation where I saw my ex a lot i wouldn't take being cordial as a need to go back to day one but in your case the kiss and walking her home was too much.

 

You seemed to have handled it well. Anyone with a half a brain can tell you that she was trying to get a reaction from you by mentioning the bf.

1. She brought it up out of no where

2. She mentioned him twice

 

If I were her I'd only mention him if I were meeting up with him at any minute or if you brought it up. Even then I'd be hesitant. The fact that she brought it up mid convo shows it was on purpose. Why? Who knows. That's her problem, not yours. Again, congrats for holding your composure so well. Just do me a favour and no more kissing the ex.

[Animelover6764]

lol yea

she mentioned him coming over later to her house and stuff and i kept cool

[stillhopeful1]

5 days of NC. I was doing so much better prior to her 1am text on easter morning. Prior to that I had been 10 days NC and since then I feel like I am back at square 1. I find myself reading into things like why did she text me happy easter at 1am? Odd time to do that I think. I know she wasn't out, it was her weekend with her son. Well, that one text wishing me a happy easter and hoping I was doing well lead me into this funk where I made the mistake of breaking NC whether she juist happy easter or was fishing for something else and yes I regret it! So, back at square 1 and day 5.

[tg31]

Day 1

I totally need to do this because I've been just hitting my head into a brickwall. Right now I feel depressed, lonely, sad, regret, etc. almost like have every day for the past few months. I'm gonna actually try to improve myself over the next 30 days and I hope when it's done I have a different outlook. I can't believe I have to prove this to myself....pathetic almost!!

[brownage]

Fml. I go online on my messenger, and she messages me. After I made it clear we shouldn't talk for a while. She asks me for help on how to remove a virus from her computer. I feel so goddamn stupid now. I told her to ask her boyfriend, not me. There goes 2 days of NC.

 

After I told her to ask her boyfriend, I texted her about half hour later and I said: "I don't know if you understood or not, I really did mean it when I said we shouldn't talk for a while." and she replied with: "I know. im sorry. I won't talk to you anymore."

 

After she said that I felt terrible, did I scare her off? I replied with "It's okay. = ) I'm sorry too. I didn't try to sound mean. Good luck with everything. = )"

 

And she replied with: "Mmm. no more talking. gl with everything. bye."

 

Did I scare her off blowing any chances at future reconciliation? I'm scared that I did. I think I just took out any opportunities for her to contact me in the future. I don't know

[Animelover6764]

After I told her to ask her boyfriend, I texted her about half hour later and I said: "I don't know if you understood or not, I really did mean it when I said we shouldn't talk for a while." and she replied with: "I know. im sorry. I won't talk to you anymore."

 

After she said that I felt terrible, did I scare her off? I replied with "It's okay. = ) I'm sorry too. I didn't try to sound mean. Good luck with everything. = )"

 

And she replied with: "Mmm. no more talking. gl with everything. bye."

 

Did I scare her off blowing any chances at future reconciliation? I'm scared that I did. I think I just took out any opportunities for her to contact me in the future. I don't know

 

Sounds like you just gave her the upper hand there

[Rotxsen]

lol yea

she mentioned him coming over later to her house and stuff and i kept cool

 

Good good she brought him up because she wanted to see how you gonna react towards the subject but you kept your cool you stood high and proud the guy might come over mate but you know who's gonna be on her mind yes that's right you.. why? because you have taken a step further beyond her and she realized that now you are looking forward to something else then just her you are on your own world now mate good luck.

 

After I told her to ask her boyfriend, I texted her about half hour later and I said: "I don't know if you understood or not, I really did mean it when I said we shouldn't talk for a while." and she replied with: "I know. im sorry. I won't talk to you anymore."

 

After she said that I felt terrible, did I scare her off? I replied with "It's okay. = ) I'm sorry too. I didn't try to sound mean. Good luck with everything. = )"

 

And she replied with: "Mmm. no more talking. gl with everything. bye."

 

Did I scare her off blowing any chances at future reconciliation? I'm scared that I did. I think I just took out any opportunities for her to contact me in the future. I don't know

 

Brown it won't affect any type of future reconciliation if she truly loves you she will drop her rebound and come back and try to talk things over like two mature people.

[brownage]

Sounds like you just gave her the upper hand there

 

Uh oh. How would I go about getting it back? Should I just stick with NC or attempt to get the upper hand again?

 

And thank you Rotxgen, I will keep looking forward!