THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[vpdude]

DAY 1

Ok today i have initiated first day of no contact with my ex, i feel bad i deleted her of my facebook , i did this the first time we broke up she was pissed but it turned into my favour, we were together for 4 months only of and on i totally fell for her and been broken up for the last 2 months , she is out dating and met someone i dont want to deal with it all we pretty much spoke every day till the last few days i decided to atleast try and get over her i must distance myself and feel i have atleast some control of the situation. I also argue with her alot more then we were together as hard as this is for me i feel im doing the right thing not just for me but for her getting back together or not i rather base a mutual friendship with her instead of me wanting her as the object of my desire ,and hopefully we could work on something .. So here i go Day 1 this isnt going to be easy .

[vpdude]

We also have broken up once before and gotten back together

[TSandullo]

Day 22 (Yesterday) - Burst water mains and hugs...

 

Had to meet up with ex and the rest of my group for the group report we were writing up.

I came out of the gym, took a shower and was dressed in a suit (for an evening event) and headed to the comp lab to meet with her and the others.

 

I entered the lab, getting compliments from other friends.

She watches me, I ask her to move and I sit in her chair (I'm the group chairperson)

We discuss the work. I am focused on it. We all spoke our parts about the project.

 

After a while, I see the position of her feet. We were all sat close together and my legs were somewhat spread under the table, with her feet between them as she was sat in front of me...I guess some past habits of close comfort are hard to kill...

 

She leaves the room and returns panting about some burst water main...

I am pissed as we have to move. We leave the building and jump from one place to another and go around campus to get work done.

 

As we walk, she tries walking with me though i attempt to walk ahead. She asks me how I am...I change the subject as a lorry comes bounding towards us.

 

We finally settle in a room. I notice she is standing ridiculously close.

We sit down...security tells us to leave campus...an exodus of 5000 students...

No water supply.

The rest of the group and others ask if we can work on it next week, I reluctantly agree.

All cheery and happy, she throws her arm around me from behind.

I grab it and throw it off.

Her hand rests on my shoulder and saying bye, they leave.

 

I honestly do not know what she is playing at. For a girl who is generally not touchy feely, her actions were odd, particularly with an ex.

 

I guess she just wanna touch ma sexay boday again

 

Rest of the day was great, had an award given to me at the end of the day.

 

Got home late, slept later....feeling good.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Day 23 - A good saturday...

 

Good memories of my past flow into me. Amazing feelings.

 

Had a great martial arts session this morning.

Met a friend for lunch.

Off to meet other friends...after having lunch again with parents.

Feeling good I am.

 

TS

[NsKrewtable]

Slightly hungover.....

[jinxremoving]

I don't even know how long I've been in no contact. Perhaps a few weeks. I'm in a slightly different situation, as I know the next time I'll be seeing her. We have tickets to see a comedian in a couple of weeks time (bought way before we split up) and I want to see him (and she, last time we spoke, still really wanted us to go together). I'm starting to think it might not be a good idea as, despite us splitting up a couple of months back, I'm feeling so much better but still want her back. Starting to think us going together might stir * * * * up emotionally for me though. Or, I guess I could look at it as the opportunity for me to showcase how super awesome I am... especially as I know I'm emotionally stable enough to present myself in a positive light. I dunno... decisions, decisions.

[guiltyflood]

Day 5

 

I'm missing her already. I knew I was still riding the emotional rollercoaster, but I guess some days are more down than others. I think I'm so close to... "being there", and other days where I feel like I'm miles away.

 

I've dreamed about her 3 of the past 4 nights, including 1 dream where we had sex. Before going back to NC, she sent me a last message (string of 4 messages we sent back and forth, which was a response to a message I sent 1.5 hours earlier. She was friendly, laughing at my commentary, and somewhat trying to open up the lines of communication [i think...], but since I committed myself to NC, I shut it down. I still have the option of responding to her, but I'd rather not). I sometimes wonder how much she thinks about me, but I quickly remind myself that that's not in my control.

 

Had a drink with the ex ex 2 nights ago, and tanned at the beach yesterday. So I'm still going out.

 

I still wonder, though, what she really wants with me, because it would easily dictate my course of action. Problem is, I know I'm not ready to ask, yet, and that is why I'm in NC.

[True_Love]

Day 5 - Today I have sat around the house most of the day checking my emails like some sort of psycho waiting for him to email me so I can say ha ha - I'm not responding to myself. Of course no emails, so what a waste of a day. I got a phone call to go out with a friend I turned it down so I can sit and be miserable.

Then I heard a song I loved when I was a kid on the radio and I remembered a time when I was so confident, happy and used to dance around my house singing away and enjoyed simple things in life and realised that this is the person I miss. What the F happened to me!! I think while I was with my ex I lost myself and maybe that is why he left. Time to re-discover myself. I booked a flight also today to visit my parents in 10 days for 5 days, I really need some people that care around me right now to keep my sanity.

[PKNY]

Other than a terse response to an email she sent me, this is something like day 40 of NC. Still sucks, yesterday I had an incredible urge to contact her all day. I know I'm going to run into her tonight, and I'll try to act somewhat aloof, I hope it doesn't ruin the progress I've made this far.

[Loxxt]

So yah figured I'd post my thoughts here because they're pretty mangled. Day 3. I'm kinda feeling down like I did when I broke NC before although this time I know I have control of the situation I feel like I don't. Last night a friend of mine thought it'd be funny to tell me that the ex is leaving in a week to go accross the country for his basic training. I asked him to not tell me anything about the ex anymore.

 

I swear my brain's broken. When he reached out to friends and myself it made me happy but mostly angry. I HATE how he acts like he did nothing wrong to me. The part that's messed up is that if we ever did get back together I can't see it lasting long. I feel like I'd dump him after awhile. I know they're still together so it confuses me how he can be with her and go behind her back to reach out to me and ask people for advice on how to get back with me. The mutual friend he asked for advice from last week mentioned something about the ex asking all kinds of people for advice. When I said all I knew of was two people he was talking to he said, "oh", like he said too much and stopped talking. It was weird... like I shouldn't know how many people my ex is asking for advice.

 

I think why I'm super down and upset today is because he's made it abundantly clear that he wants to come back yet he's doing f*ck all to get there. Although I know I'm not waiting for that, it makes me feel like that backup plan again. I hate that feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. But then I re-read our emails and it makes me feel better. Sometimes I focus on how it looks to him rather than how it is to me. That's when the hurting starts, when I start to imagine how he's trying to keep me on the back-burner, but like I said, after re-reading what I wrote it makes that feeling go away. How could he still think that after reading what I wrote? If the situation was reversed and he sent me that email I'd be crushed and it'd be like a slap in the face and show how upset and hurt he was. It'd definitely wake me up to the reality of the situation, that's for sure. I hate having a wild imagination. Then again, should I be happy he's following through with the army and actually focussing on himself? Do I really care? Am I just missing his attention? Even though I'm pretty sure that we couldn't be together again why do I want him to try? Sometimes I think I just want the opportunity to turn him down... which I sort of did in that email. I think part of the reason I'm down today is cuz I messed around with one of my friend's classmates last night. It had that rebound feeling to me and so I stopped things. To me, sexual chemistry is SO important. He was not a very good kisser and not taking control enough for me. I think I'm just kinda sad because I'm having that "will anyone compare to the ex" feeling again. The best thing in our relationship was the sex. It'll be hard to replace but not impossible. I think that's what I need to realize. When that guy didn't size up it made me sad but I have to remember not to settle, not to think my ex was the best there was and ever will be because that's just stupid to think that.

 

I went out with that friend last night. We went out for dinner then out to his college bar with some of his buddies from class. Apparently he mentioned it to everyone that I just got out of something long term. Two of his female classmates (one's 28 and the other's 31) openly talked to me about it. They were very unbiased, experienced and frank which I loved. Well I related to the 28 year old a lot. Similar in a lot of ways... funny because both her and my ex broke up with us saying we intimidated them. We talked a lot but it was mostly about relationships in general but a little bit about my situation in particular. I only started talking to the 31 year old later that night. She was very open and had a lot of experience and advice. Well she flat out says that based off of his email he definitely loves me and that I'd take him back but that after awhile I'd probably break it off - which is exactly how I see it happening if it did come to that. She told me that when a guy reaches out that much it's because they love you. They won't just reach out like girls will and kind of mess with you. Girls are emotional and not clear cut, whereas guys are simple. She said she could show that email to any one of her older brothers (who she says are man's men) and they'd all say the same 100% guaranteed. She also said that unless he changes and grows up that she doesn't see him being able to love me the way that I need... which is so true, and I've said it so many times. He needs to change. I told her about how this other girl is constantly posting things on fb about them and I said how I don't get why because when we were together we didn't post pictures everyday. Maybe of trips or something but what she's doing seemed too "showy". She 100% agreed with me saying that when you're with someone sure you might take pictures but you mostly just enjoy the time you spend together. You're not worried about documenting it and displaying it. That's just too much. This woman's an english major and compared him to a line from Hamlet,"The lady doth protest too much", implying that if she needs to post so much stuff constantly it makes you wonder why. I suppose his gf has a right to protest, too bad she doesn't see he's not nearly committed to her as she is to him.

 

With them it's like watching and waiting for the final blow in a fight. When it gets close I'm happy and when the fighter gets back up for another round I feel distraught. I feel like I need to hang around long enough for it too fall apart to be able to move on completely. Ugh, what's wrong with me?

 

I know I shouldn't expect anything. I am by no means holding out waiting for him, I've gone out with a few guys since. I just think it's still too soon to start something, especially since no one has really caught my eye. It makes me sad... but then again I should stop tempting fate and stop worrying. It's only been three months, I need to focus more on myself and my needs then living in a daydream where my worst nightmares haunt my thoughts. I hate not knowing how much I mean to him and what he's feeling. I know saying he's happy without me and fine with things the way they are is an extremely impossibility. Why do I need confirmation that he's miserable for myself to be happy? Why am I so petty?

 

I need to let things just play out. Things always work out in the end.

[Big Bear]

Day 6

 

6 days since last time I drunken txted her, 49 days last time since we talked, and 55 days last time we met. It's been quite long, I wonder what chance we can get back together or at least a conversation?

[bitebenot]

Day 6

 

6 days since last time I drunken txted her, 49 days last time since we talked, and 55 days last time we met. It's been quite long, I wonder what chance we can get back together or at least a conversation?

 

Im afraid that only God can answer that question.

[bitebenot]

LOXXT

The last email you sent him was to close the final chapter. You also told him to not answer back. 3 months aint much really. I think the hardest part for us its to face the rejection and the reality that sets in shortly after.

Its an open wound that wont close till time takes care of it.

Almost 6 months for me and nevertheless i feel that way sometimes.

But you know what, i truly believe we can do better and rejection was limited to that one person ! We keep ignoring the other ones who are willing to be with us. Its like 50/1 . How bad can that be ?

 

I agree that once you get him back you would dump him shortly afterwards.

Is it worth it LOXXT really ? You deserve so much more. Concentrate on another man...the one of your dreams.

 

He wasnt for you...i know you well now..a man like me is searching for a pearl like you(but older lol).

Just move on and forget that bad segment, and the rejection of a pure jerk.

He will regret it, i give you my word on that one.

[Loxxt]

Thanks bite. You always manage to say something that brings me out of my funk. I know for a fact that he did cheat on me right before he left me. He lied to my face saying he'd never cheat right after he cheated. Don't ask how I know, I wish I never knew but now that I do I have found out I have even less respect for him.

 

I haven't had a day this low in a long time but I find it easier to numb myself. I do admit I find some comfort in knowing he wants me in his life and now he has no option but to accept that this is something he cannot have. Now that I'm finding myself again, not as emotional as even an hour ago I see him again differently. Like you said my feelings for him have changed over and over again. I feel pity for him. As it's said on this forum many times I only remember the good. Sex aside, the good, the moments he made me truly feel valued and loved were few and very far between. I try to remember this. Damn nostalgia keeps kicking in, but memories are only memories. What he did was horribly selfish and ill planned and now he's reaping what he sew. I'm not one to forget but depending on the circumstance I can forgive. This, however, I can do neither. He knows what I'm like and if he thought I was too good for him before and I intimidated him before, well I can only imagine how those feelings have amplified now. He won't dare approach me, he's far too cowardly. If he did one day try I hope he comes prepared because oh boy if looks could kill he'd be dead the second he looked into my eyes.

 

And so the calm's come after my stormy emotional day. It seems every time I hit the bottom I come back twice as aware. I've lost count how many times it's happened but today I feel is a major turning point.

[vpdude]

Day 1 in half ;P

 

im already losing the point of the no contact thing i been so tempted to txt her just for a generic hello as we do, i deleted her of my facebook but feeling guilty doing so i deactivated my account (extreme a little). I have another account i deactivated she is on my friends there and i even been checking up on that then quickly deactivating it again.

 

Besides that im bored as hell nothing to do on a Sunday want to go out i dont want to bump into her. Im thinking of ringing some friends up for a chat.

[Rotxsen]

Loxxt you have found closure now you should only focus on you no matter what other say if and like your friend thinking it was funny to talk about your ex you should stay away from people like that one thing I learned from moving on and healing it's that I learned to choose between who I want in my life and not and those who harmed me are here no longer god It will take you months of months from now since well it's pretty much back to square one but with love to yourself and faith you will keep going forward all of us hearing such healing state we will make it happen we are stronger then them since we fought until the very **** end for them !

 

We might have felt as we lost but in reality it was a blessing more experience for the next greater person to come never lose hope on falling in love again but if that happens make sure it stays healthy and controlled never let that person be on your altar

 

We will make this together as collages, as friends .... brothers in arms to move on with this broken heart..

[TSandullo]

I second everything rotxsen and bite have said.

 

Wishing you all the best sis.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Day 24 - Sunday Best

 

Feeling good. Chilling at home.

 

Thinking of ex.

 

Thinking of another woman too...

 

TS

[True_Love]

Day 6 - Is it only Day 6!! One hour feels like 1 day. I get an email from my ex and he says I don't understand why you are blocking me out, I thought you would always be my best friend. My instant reaction was to reply and say you are best friend, I love you. Then I stopped waited 2 hours and I'm now thinking * * * * him, you left me all alone in another country and din't think my feelings. If you really want me, take a plane, turn up on my door like some movie that never happens in real life and tell me that!! I should reply and deal with a few Band issues, we play band together, but I told myself wait until next Tuesday and then reply, very short and also let him know that I need my space. Let him have a few restless nights for once, hell I have had far too many!!

[Loxxt]

I can't say thanks enough for all your kind words! I'm hoping you guys will all get through this with your heads held high.

 

Y'know I hate being such a pessimist sometimes. I know my ex got that email and I hope it stung in all the right places. I've spoken to many curious friends (both men and women of varying ages) about it and they all say that he'll read it without a doubt more than once and it will hurt. I don't know why but I'm a skeptic and don't believe this is so. Oh well, not my problem. Even if he only read the first two lines and deleted it I bet those words stung. Hehe. I think this bothers me because I hate assuming. I need to know. I need to hear it being said. I have too much doubt. I'm confident but doubtful... does that even make sense?

[Rotxsen]

Yeah it does Loxxt but try to stay positive dear, and damn ... how many days I been NC I forgot ? It's that a bad thing ? well anyways she still on my mind but I notice something the same picture of her it's been on my mind but I notice as days pass the details on that picture are erasing it's weird like .. all the details on her eyes her hair her face are just deleting like deteriorating like a old paint I can barely think of how she looks like I don't know how she sounds like anymore but I feel so good I'm going only forward peeps !

[NsKrewtable]

I'm sure he read it at least once, and likely more than that. I like others here read it and felt a sting. So if it was specifically about HIM, coming from some one he "cares" about, I could only imagine it was absolutley devistating. If that letter doesn't affect him in any sort of way, then he's got more problems than originally mentioned.

[Big Bear]

Day 7

 

This weekend really past by fast! Well, I found out that my ex went to her ex-bf (before me) brother's wedding on saturday night. I don't know anyone that I know went to the wedding.. so I don't even know if they might be reunited back together. I believed they broke up around August 2008, and I heard from her told me before that they only been together for few months.. I don't know how much she knows her brother and how he invited her to the wedding.. Just clueless here.. While when we're together, she never talks about him, I only brought up the conversation about him because that's how I found him out in facebook. Noticeably, she must be over about him when we were together. But what do you guys think? What chances are she must be interest in him? I think he dumped her in the past..

[True_Love]

Day 7

 

Well it is 11.30am where I live I am drinking beer! Yes what a sad life I live Why is it when I feel troubled I reach for beer and cigarettes initially. I smoke to much, I didn't smoke before the break up, now I smoke up to 30 a day!! This has to stop.

Well I got an email from my ex yesterday, and I managed not to reply, although tomorrow I think I should, I must clear up a few band related things and also I want to let him know I what space. I can't imagine the pain of not knowing why suddenly I went from emailing him everyday and suggesting we give it a try to nothing. Yes I should think of me and not him, but I love him so dearly I just can't do that to him. He is so confussed in life, I know him so well, I know him better than he knows himself. He's email was sayign he doesn't understand and then remembering old holidays we had together.

 

I suspect at the momemet he has a female "friend" giving him advice, bad advice at that, she doesn't know me or him and he is just listening to this advice while I was on the other side begging him and he is in the middle. Now suddenly I'm gone and he is left with female "friend" and lets hope he realises that the other woman is just not worth 6 years gone with me. It feels like I am playing a game, I hate it, I just want to ring him and say lets stop this silliness and work on things.

 

I went out with a guy friend last night, nothing to it, just a few beers and to be honest I was just bored. I live in another country from where I am from and not an hour goes by that I don't wish I could just go home!!

[Elpis]

This is my first post, but it's officially Day 2 of NC.

 

We broke up on Saturday night. Yesterday was a huge low point for me. Started feeling better towards the evening, planning how I could get him back.

 

Today I couldn't manage to drag myself out of bed this morning, ended up staying there for 14 hours. It's now 4:30pm and I'm coping... I miss him a lot.