PKNY

just gotta make it through this damn week

stop * * * * ing walking by my table in the library and acknowledging my friend but not me. I've got to finish my thesis and know all I can think about is you.

I made it through today. I hate the fact that I have to pass by your house every time I drive down my street. I hate the fact that I could see you walking around campus any day and I hate the fact that we have so many mutual friends. I wish I could just walk over to your house and curl up in bed next to you like I used too. I miss all those tiny things we shared together. I hate still finding traces of you everywhere I look. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over you while I'm still here and even after I move on ever * * * * ing part of NYC reminds me of you, every train line reminds me of somewhere we lived together or a moment we shared. It seems crazy that such a huge place is tied so intimately to one person. When we were together that was something beyond wonderful, but now I'm not sure how I'll be able to get past it.

Every day is a struggle. How could you come back to me only to break my heart again so quickly and act like I should have been expecting it? I don't know what it is that makes me so desperate to get you back in my life when it's obvious you don't care about me as much as you tell me you do.

I'm so tempted to call you again for the second day in a row. I'm promising myself I'll put it off for a least a few days and see how I feel then but it's so hard not to.

I made it through today, hopefully I can make i through the week

It's so hard not to get in touch. The little tidbits I hear about you make it so much harder for me to get over you. I wish I didn't have to see you pop up on my friends facebook feeds or worry about running into you everyday. I don't know how to get through this. I thought after 6 weeks I was supposed to be a little further along than this.

If I can make it through the next 2 months we'll both be back in NYC where the chances of me running into you will be 1 in 8 million

Seeing you this weekend made me wish I could just call you now, I can't help feeling like if I could just show you the work I've doing we could work things out. I want so badly to call you right now and ask you out for a drink but I know I'll just end up hurting myself

Other than a terse response to an email she sent me, this is something like day 40 of NC. Still sucks, yesterday I had an incredible urge to contact her all day. I know I'm going to run into her tonight, and I'll try to act somewhat aloof, I hope it doesn't ruin the progress I've made this far.

I don't deserve to be strung along, and if I could make it through the past month I can make it through this weekend.