THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[WhatSetsUs]

Not feeling too great today. It sucks how up and down things can be. I had a pretty good weekend. Went out drinking thursday, friday, and saturday, and yesterday just relaxed. It was definitely much needed. But today for some reason I feel down. Maybe its the rainy weather or something, but damn Im not feeling good. I miss her a lot right now and have been thinking about her all morning. Still no contact from her and I have yet to be able to bring myself to talk to her. I wonder how some of you on here have progressed so quickly or have gotten to that point where you just dont care about the ex anymore. I would like to stop caring completely but I just havent been able to do that.

[NsKrewtable]

Ex sent a lil' message saying "will you please call me when you get the chance, I really need to talk to you."......and as I'm writing this I just got a text from her saying the same thing. Wth? I want to ignore it, but with as vague as that message is, my thoughts are running wild with possibilities. Some of which are along the lines of her telling me she's seeing someone else or trying to drag me into friendsville...again. I don't know what to do now. I mean if she really needed to talk why didn't she just call me? More than likely I would have ignored it, but this is tortuous. Any suggestions as to what I should do about this or why someone would leave out pertinent information like that? Is it a trick to get me all frazzled like this, just so I'd call and make her feel better for what ever reason?

[bitebenot]

I guess she got in touch with him on fb (or he did). She was dumped..so i would think that she was hurt. Maybe she never got over him. Thats not something that she wanted to talk about with you, she kepted to herself.

 

They reconnected and bam ! .. you're out ! Now the question is, will she ever come back to me ? Who can really answer a question like that ?

It will be her decision. The best for now its to stay away from her and see what happens in the next few months. The worse thing you could do is to wait for her.

 

Take the time to heal...when you think you're ready, move on.

Spend time with family, friends and other girls even if its only friendship.

 

Its abominable to wait for someone who might never come back !

Shes happy at this time, so dont torture yourself, its not worth it. Make every effort to forget her. Expectations are only good to destroy you for months to come. Only you can make yourself chirpy.

If she comes back, good ! If she doesnt, big deal !

Soon enough it will be time to go fishing for females, just be ready for it.

 

Let go of questions that cant be answered, its time consuming and you get nothing out of it.

Im almost a the 6 months of NC...i know better !

[Loxxt]

A few days before the ex contacted the friend and went on about how he screwed up he texted me asking if we could talk. Like you said, she left out basically everything. I do believe she's trying to bait you in, tying to get you to make the firs move when it should be all her's. It is difficult but I do believe the dumper needs to lay it out there if they want to fix what they threw away. If you cave she may do that but I have a feeling that she just wants you wrapped around her little finger. She wants you at her beck and call and as much as you'd want to be there you really have to protect yourself and see this is most likely just a failed attempt to reassure herself that you are and will be there if and when she needs you.

[bitebenot]

I agree. She really needs to talk to you...lol

Ignore her..its all about her, not you !

If she needs someone she should talk to her novelty.

She needs to know that you're no longer there for her, thats it !

[NsKrewtable]

Thanks guys, I really needed that reassurance. I'm just gonna let it be as is and see what comes of it.

[TSandullo]

Day 25 - And the work rolls in...

 

Feeling pretty normal. I think the effects of the BU have almost left me entirely.

My emotional state compared to that during and after Xmas last year is very different.

I am much better now.

 

I had a lot of work to do today. Lots. 3 reports due in in two days time.

Completed only one.

 

I had to email her today regarding the payment of one individual for our club event taking place later this week. My emails was extremely brief, only two lines regarding the individual and payment.

 

She responded a few minutes later. Apparently we will have to cancel the event and refund people due to lack of numbers. She also mentioned about her financial issues and her stressing out with everything. I won't respond as I'll speak to her in person about the event, not her personal issues.

 

I admit, when she does mention her financial difficulties to me, it does hurt...but I can not offer myself one bit (to her especially) unless it is everything. Cold I know.

 

I was listening to some music on youtube. One song came up, and I had a sudden lovely memory of her daughter sitting on my back trying to hum the song. I really miss that kid.

 

Back to me...it was a good productive day today. My friends helped me with some work I needed to do. Really looking forward to getting them all done.

 

Still in uni, till late today. In a while, I'm gonna go hang out with friends from a sports club I belong to. Really looking forward to that.

 

Hope you all are well here.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Thanks guys, I really needed that reassurance. I'm just gonna let it be as is and see what comes of it.

 

Aye bro, that is the best thing to do for now.

I can't imagine what the incredible urgency for her contacting you is other than that she can release a sigh of relief that you are there for her at her whim.

You hold the reigns now bruva.

 

TS

[Loxxt]

Still workin on week one. I don't think I'll hear from him for some time tho lol... If at all

 

Got a lot to keep me busy in the next month! Ex is leaving this week sometime so hurray for that, he'll be gone for a very long time and give me space to really breathe. I feel suffocated even though I haven't seen him in about two months. Going snowboarding for the last time this weekend with some buddies. Birthday's in two weeks! Right after that, heading down to Florida with the family for over a week. That'll kill a month nicely. I have no doubt in my mind that he would want to say goodbye and wish me a happy birthday but I hope he backs off a little. His attention right now is very much unwanted. Now it's my turn to play the dumper and see if he respects NC.

[jj21]

3 months and 1 day today:

 

I do feel a lot better and sort of feel back to normal more or less. I still feel like there's something missing, suppose that's only natural though. She's made absolutely no effort to contact me and I thought she might have made some sort of contact. Before I blocked her on msn and we used to speak every 2 weeks.

 

I know this is the NC challenege and people will tell me to keep her blocked. Recently I have felt like hearing from her I really don't think it will hurt anymore. What does everyone think?

[Rotxsen]

So like everything it's been good on my way got a few job interview's and I have nothing to complain redid my whole bed room some new furniture in the house worked as family which was weird but everything it's been good that picture on my mind keeps deteriorating all the little aspects I used to love about her are disappearing I can still see she's trying to give me a non direct contact by commenting on my friends where I first commented like my friend said now she's regretting it she knows who you are and were you stand you are stronger then before and she seems overwhelmed of how you grown she thought she was the greatest thing on your life but you have proven her wrong you have proven anyone you graduated, you training on ninjutsu/taijutusu/jujitsu you have proven anyone that you can become better don't be poisoned by her feelings and if she does come back try to talk to you defend yourself with what now you have you don't need her..

[Big Bear]

Thanks for your advice BiteBeNot! =D It's hard to tell whether she reunited with him or not, from what I seen in her profile in facebook, I don't think good chance they are back together. But who knows! I tried not to think about it, I know I will hurt more if they are back together. It's hard not go in to facebook now a day, i still have to keep in touch my other friends to have normal life and see what they've been up 2..

 

I will be gone for a trip to a few national parks from wednesday to sunday. Going to enjoy a bit, need to get away from work, and the city! It will be fun with group of friends!

 

So how is it like to be almost 6 months of NC? Is there any hope for you to get back? I wonder what percentage if there's ever a survey that a couple broke up and get back together?

[LLammas]

Week Two

 

He called last night, and I answered. I violated the NC by picking up, but I honestly didn't know it was him (I had taken his number out of my phone).

 

We talked...for about five hours. We talked about how hard the last two weeks have been and how much we miss each other. There were tears, but it ended on a good note.

 

I had asked him previously and explained again that I didn't want the two of us in touch unless he was really ready for commitment (which is why we broke up to begin with), so I was surprised when he called again the next day. I tried explaining again that I couldn't keep in touch with him right now, and that's when he blurted out:

 

"I can't let that be our last conversation for who knows how long. I miss you. Miss talking to you. I want to know how I can fix this. I want an us again."

 

So...I failed the NC challenge (shame on me), but I'm unbelievably happy right now. The short time we were on NC apparently drove both of us crazy. There you have it. NC isn't a tool to get your ex back, but sometimes, it really does make them realize how much they miss you.

[Big Bear]

I would be unbelievably happy right now if i were you. I have so much to tell her, so much to explain to her, and so much to share with her. I really miss those time when I can just called her and express my feeling.

 

I guess if the dumpee a female, she probably will not doing the calling first. But if a dumpee a male, dominant male usually take a move first, like how guys trying to meet up with girls.

 

When time goes on, I understand more of what NC challenge means. I copied this quote from one of the previous and previous respond from someone in this forum.

 

"NC for the other person demonstrates to them that you respect their decision to break up with you. It also gives them time get over the anger and resentment that may happened during a rocky break up. When you give them the time and space they need you will leave a better impression on them. If you fight to hold on to them you just end up pushing them away - they will pull away with every attempt to contact them as they are in a highly sensitive defense mode against you - you become a threat to them emotionally. The more you fight the more they defend and it only reinforces their decision to leave you.

 

So you leave them completely alone. If they contact you because they miss you then you simply tell them that you are respecting their decision to break up and that you need time and space yourself to think about it. Do NOT make yourself available to them because if they know they can still have you as a friend it will make it MUCH EASIER for them to move on to someone else.

 

After some time has past, like 6-8 weeks, the dumper's true feelings about you will surface. They have had a lot of time to miss you and feel that a major part of their life has disappeared.

 

Make sure you use this NC to improve yourself to become happy and strong again. Then you have the best chance at reconciling or moving on."

 

 

Sometime I re-read this again to remind myself.. there's this another person who was really strong and moved on.. here my favorite quote from him..

 

"no one goes on without reflecting or thinking about them at least alittle, even the really strong ones, this would be unrealistic. We are all the same here, some stronger and some weaker in certain areas. I have crossed the river, taking my time but perservering, lost my footing from time to time but was overcome with determination. I have seen people who have been completely swept by the current while others blow right by me as if it was a race. Now that I have crossed I have proved my strength to myself, become a diffrent person, but cant help but glance at the other side, missing the familiar parts of my life I left behind. I hope well meet again, but if not I will not bring myself to crawling down a hole to die."

 

and my favorite quote.. "It's good to be loved, and failed. Then never be loved."

 

we all learn from this.. =)

[TSandullo]

Day 26 - Don't ask her...

 

Once again, it is a busy day at uni today.

 

I’ve completed most of the work that is due in tomorrow. Just a little more left.

Gloomy day, weather wise.

 

I sit on my computer right now, it is quite packed in our lab, so many of our colleagues are here…and my dear ex sits a little behind me to my right.

 

Earlier today, after lecture, I had a meeting with my supervisor. We both have the same supervisor.

 

I come out of the meeting, and another student comes in. I stand outside, alone with my ex. We chat briefly about the event going on this Friday, about a potential cancellation etc and about how it has affected her finances. At some point she winces in pain. I ask her what the matter is. She says never mind…and then goes on to tell me how she hurt her leg this morning. Under different circumstances I would have warmly and affectionately embraced her wish kisses, cuddles and an offer to carry her.

 

But, with difficultly and self restraint, I simply wished her a speedy recovery. The urge to be overly considerate and ‘nice’ was overwhelming. This urge was further fuelled by a pained look on her face. I honestly do not know what is going on in her life now and I am bursting to ask what the matter is, but I don’t.

 

The weeks of NC have taught me such as well as my past experiences with her.

As always, as of recent times, whenever we converse, her eyes redden… but still I ask nothing. She seems like she is in a lot of pain, emotionally and physically today and with immense self restraint I avoid asking her. I guess I still do have feelings for her if this is the case.

 

However, I keep reminding myself that this is the woman who ended things with me months ago.

 

So we sort out the event issue. Our friend comes out of the supervisor’s office, I leaves as she goes into the office.

 

After another lecture, I see her again outside hugging a friend. I thank that friend for some help she gave me in some work and I wish my ex her leg gets better. I thought she was going home. So me and a friend are sat in a lab here doing work. And then a lot of our friends come in to do work. So does she. I greet her in a friendly way again…accidently using her nickname her family uses…Fu

 

And now, she is sat behind me…such close proximity.

How do I feel today? Not bad in fact. Missing her still and hoping she is well.

She just stood up and waved to me right now. She is going home I guess to pick up her kid. I wish her a good evening.

 

Kinda odd typing this in realtime.

 

The NC has helped a lot and I am so glad that I have fought back the urge of interrogating her regarding her wellbeing. Approaching our breakup, this was one thing I did excessively.

 

I’m off to complete another report now. Can’t wait till all these are over.

And I can’t wait till I am done with my exams, thus ending my regular interaction with her. I love her, yes I do. But I don’t really want to see the woman I love daily without being with her. Better off we are out of each other’s life for good.

 

Take care everyone and all the best.

 

TS

 

p.s Still need to get that tight red t-shirt.

[TSandullo]

and Loxxt, if that is a pic of you, you're a babe. I love brunettes so woohoo!

Hope you are well.

goin florida eh? I envy you. Swap with you so you can experience the lovely british weather here!

[Rotxsen]

Agreed with TS why would he do such a thing for a girl as beautiful as you are ah... the human mind never cease to amaze me to leave something so precious that you might never get a chance to have something like that in their lives again but what can I say ?

 

Two of the richest thing in the world are Oxygen and Stupidity which knows no boundaries.

[Animelover6764]

Agreed with TS why would he do such a thing for a girl as beautiful as you are ah... the human mind never cease to amaze me to leave something so precious that you might never get a chance to have something like that in their lives again but what can I say ?

 

Two of the richest thing in the world are Oxygen and Stupidity which knows no boundaries.

 

Very true actually

[Loxxt]

Haha you guys made my day. And yes, that is me.

 

Home sick today, barely got any sleep last night, my throat's swollen. Somehow caught a cold and it all went to hell in a matter of hours! Sheesh. Other than that, I'm peachy! I need to make sure I get my passport sent in and a rush put on it. I have less than two weeks to get it! Oh and TS, one of my best friends is moving to England this fall and I plan to visit so I probably will experience your lovely weather, hehe.

 

The ex is leaving at the end of the week to start his training that'll last over 1.5 years. I'm kinda happy he'll be gone. This will truly test his mettle and ironically enough I think will make him fuss and worry about me/us more and really face this situation as seriously as I have. Too bad though, because I think he'll realize what an @ss he's been. lol. So really I think this time is for him to get over me more than me to get over him. It's weird how our situation's reversed all of the sudden.

 

Anywho, stuffy head hurts. Going back to bed. Have a good day everyone!

[NsKrewtable]

Damn loxxt, owww owww. lol

[TryingVeryHard]

day 46

 

i had previously hid her from my news feed on facebook (didn't wanna block her completely & i have the strength to resist checking her page), but for some reason she popped back up on my news feed today... so i saw a couple status updates...

 

they weren't really of any significance, but i still feel like it just hurt me to see. one said she was thinking about throwing a dance party and the other was about some kind of beer that she likes... maybe it hurts just cause she's clearly still having a ball and i'm still hurting so bad.. still thinking about her constantly.

 

it's like i can't even stand to know that she still even exists... not that i wish she was dead or anything... i just can't stand to know absolutely anything about her life now... i keep hoping that she'll start to feel the pain of the loss and start to regret what she did, and i keep reading all of these posts and articles about how the dumper eventually starts to realize the reality of what they did after a few months... but she seems to not be going through this...

 

how can you go from being best friends with some one for 4 years, intimate for 4 years, to not even thinking twice about trying to fix things with them?

 

i'm guessing she's still dating her rebound, so maybe that might have something to do with it... i don't know... never in a million years would i guess that this is how our relationship would've turned out.

[WhatSetsUs]

how can you go from being best friends with some one for 4 years, intimate for 4 years, to not even thinking twice about trying to fix things with them?

 

I'm on day 46 too man, kinda weird huh? lol.

 

I ask myself this question sometimes too. I too see my ex often through facebook and each time I end up getting upset. When I see her statuses on facebook, it always seems like she's just fine, enjoying life without me. And it hurts. How could someone who made all these extravagant plans for our future just drop out of my life so easily? Its kind of hard for me to understand at times. And whats worse is that I am the one who still wants her back more than anything, and it doesnt seem at all like she feels the same.

[Big Bear]

I'm on day 46 too man, kinda weird huh? lol.

 

I ask myself this question sometimes too. I too see my ex often through facebook and each time I end up getting upset. When I see her statuses on facebook, it always seems like she's just fine, enjoying life without me. And it hurts. How could someone who made all these extravagant plans for our future just drop out of my life so easily? Its kind of hard for me to understand at times. And whats worse is that I am the one who still wants her back more than anything, and it doesnt seem at all like she feels the same.

 

I totally know how you feel, it's really not fair sometime. Some of us are more vulnerable then another, some are more sensitive, some are just stone face. We worked so hard to build the relationship so well, and just a little minor few mistakes set us apart.. Love is too complicated..

 

I am like you sometime, checking facebook status is too unavoidable. Sometime I would woke up in the middle of the night and just to check her profile with my phone and see if she got taken from someone else...

[bitebenot]

Hey guys, time to dump face book ! Who in his right mind wishes to agonize even more ! Sorry but i just dont get it ! For me it was imperative to stay away from her and accepted that the less i knew the better. Six months in a few days and still feel the same. Never want to see her again no matter what.

 

My pride is bigger than the moon and i wont consent myself to be hurt over and over again. Waiting for results is ludicrous. Dumping them from our lives is the only way to go if you ask me.

 

Trust me, they do know that your are visualising fb once in a while and will use it to hit you where it counts ! If its the way to go have a picture of yourself kissing another girl and post it lol ! FB is a weapon at times, use it at its own value. Jealousy is a strong emotion to develop insecurity. Interesting huh ?

 

Time to remove fb,msn,yahoo...or substract them from it totally.

Its fitter to let them go and move on. Why stay in a rut over a person who dumped you ? Being dumped means no longer needed or wanted. Are they having a bad day because you are no longer there ? Absolutely not ! Contrary they're having a ball with the new one or with friends.

Hope can drive people insane. NC is first for healing, not getting the ex back.

 

Most would agree that taking the ex back is a bad idea. Now this comment is for myself " i dont want a left over " ! And i mean it.

Foook the ex, im having a great time !

 

*** LOXXT I knew you were a bomb shell ! Just confirms again that your ex is a dumb a$$ . How could he dump a women with such a look and intelligent over that. Sorry but im baffled.

[Rotxsen]

Interesting ... you have made me think about it I mean she's deleted off my FB and stuff but I still feel her dwelling and trying non direct contact off mutual friends every time we talk but after all these months she hasn't put a pic of both of them why is that ? I don't know and truly don't care But maybe just maybe I should hmm...