TryingVeryHard

Loxxt, he is STILL with her? It seems like if he EVER wanted a chance with you again then priority #1 should be leaving her... It is nice to see a little inside the mind of a dumper with a rebound, though there is probably a big difference between our situations because my ex is a female and there was no cheating...

When you hide some one from your news feed all it does is hide their status updates from appearing on your news feed... Their page still looks the same to you, so it's up to you to have the strength to resist looking... I was doing great at this, I hadn't looked at her page or even seen her user picture in weeks, however, last night I was searching for a friend who has the same first name as my ex, so naturally my ex showed up in the search results... So I saw her new user picture... After talking to a friend, I decided it would be best for me to just delete her completely... I figured she wouldn't even notice, but less than an hour later, she sent me two messages about it-- the first time she's contacted me in a month. It wasn't positive contact whatsoever, but the fact that she sent the messages so soon after I did it makes me wonder how often she was checking my page... I hate all of this and I can't believe that this is how our relationship has turned out. It makes me incredibly sad/angry... But I guess I did all that I could.

I know... And the whole time I've been doing it I've been telling myself that it was for me and I've really been doing all of the right things... While at the same time remembering all of the other things I've read about how sometimes it does make them realize what they've lost, etc. I really was starting to feel much better and even thinking of her less... But it's like I relapsed or something... Then to add to that... I went ahead and blocked her on FB (I only had her hidden before)... But I blocked her because I didn't want to risk seeing even her user picture... I didn't do it to evoke a response from her... I was actually hoping she wouldn't even notice... But then less then an hour later I get a message from her "really? You defriended me?" ...and then 2 minutes after that she sent another: "I guess I understand... I'm sorry.. I was just a little surprised." so now I feel like I made contact without making contact... Which was not my intention at all... Now she probably knows that whAt she does still has an effect on me... I had done such a good job of disappearing and making no contact and now I feel like I broke it even without making contact... Ughh

Day 57.... Accidently saw that she changed her fb profile picture to her and her "rebound." Maybe he's not just a rebound after all. I thought the NC had been making me so strong. I thought "oh, he's just a reboud, they never work out." I read countless posts on here about how NC makes them miss you, and eventually they will have to deal with these feelings, and all of that * * * * ... She texted almost a month ago "hey I just wanted to say hello and I hope you're doing ok. And I hope we can be friends one day soon." I thought this was maybe a sign that she was missing me/thinking about me... But her new relationship is only getting stronger. What would make her think she has the right to say that to me after hurting me so badly? Especially while she's getting more serious with this guy? I know I'm not supposed to assume things, but I couldn't help it as I was getting stronger I assumed that something good was about to come my way... People always say on here that right as you're about to forget about them, they come back... I was so close, I was feeling so good. But then I saw her new picture... I never thought I'd be the guy to get upset about facebook drama. How could she not care about us after 4 years? How could she tell me all of those things at breakup ("I don't think this is the end of us forever, I'm still thinking about it, you've told me everything I've ever dreamed of a man telling me")? I'm ranting, but I need somewhere to rant. I thought I was doing so well, getting so strong. I thought absence made the heart grow fonder. I thought the less we miss them, the more they miss us. I thought I could deal with these things. I'm hating myself for losing her. I feel so weak. I feel worthless. Who would want someone that feels this low right now?

day 46 i had previously hid her from my news feed on facebook (didn't wanna block her completely & i have the strength to resist checking her page), but for some reason she popped back up on my news feed today... so i saw a couple status updates... they weren't really of any significance, but i still feel like it just hurt me to see. one said she was thinking about throwing a dance party and the other was about some kind of beer that she likes... maybe it hurts just cause she's clearly still having a ball and i'm still hurting so bad.. still thinking about her constantly. it's like i can't even stand to know that she still even exists... not that i wish she was dead or anything... i just can't stand to know absolutely anything about her life now... i keep hoping that she'll start to feel the pain of the loss and start to regret what she did, and i keep reading all of these posts and articles about how the dumper eventually starts to realize the reality of what they did after a few months... but she seems to not be going through this... how can you go from being best friends with some one for 4 years, intimate for 4 years, to not even thinking twice about trying to fix things with them? i'm guessing she's still dating her rebound, so maybe that might have something to do with it... i don't know... never in a million years would i guess that this is how our relationship would've turned out.

Day 39... I just left my counseling session where I cried for an hour about her... Got in my car to go home, pulled up to the redlight right before the ramp to hop on the expressway... And who's car is stopped at the light right in front of mine? Hers. Why does this have to happen? Of course she got on the expressway in front of me, so I had to drive behind her for about 15 minutes until she got off at an exit before mine.. I didn't want to pass her because I didn't want to see who her passenger was... Couldve been the rebound... Figured it would be better for me not to know... Now I can't stop wondering if she saw me, or if she thinks I was stalking her, or a million other things that really don't matter... This sucks.

So I'm on day 38... And I can't get the text message that she sent me a week ago out of my head... Before, she had told me that she was still "thinking about it"... But that text message said "I know you probably don't want to hear from me but I wanted to say hi and I'm hope you're doing ok. And I hope we can be friends one day soon." I can't stop wondering if this means she's no longer "thinking about it" now, since she's talking about being "friends one day soon"... Another thing about it was that it was sent at 1 AM on a saturday night.. She never lets a weekend pass without going out and drinking and partying... So was it a drunk "I'm missing you" type text? A month and a half ago she was telling me we needed time apart and that she needed space, but that she still felt the same way about me that she always had.. And now she hopes we can be friends one day soon.. I don't understand this stuff... I can't stop wondering about all these things all day long... But btw I never responded..

Like I'm saying... I know where you guys are coming from... And I have no intentions with just being friends with her... I just feel like I should say SOMETHING... because she has contacted me a few times without me saying anything at all... But this is the first one that actually implies that she might be starting to miss me... I'm just saying maybe I'll say something like, "nice to hear from you, We'll talk someday.." I really doubt that she would want to get back together without some kind of discourse, anyway. You don't spend a few months apart and then want to start to get back together without seeing if the person you left is still some one you love... Just sayin..

I know what you guys are saying... And I agree... I won't really try to be her friend or anything, but I don't want her to think I hate her... And I know it's definitely too soon for reconciliation... But, from all of the things I've read here, I seems like at some point you have to shift from complete NC to a little LC... I'm saying, I won't contact her further after emailing her, I'll go right back to NC... but if she thinks I hate her, she definitely won't be looking to get back together.

I've been in NC with my ex for 31 days now... When we last spoke, she said she was still "thinking about it" (getting back together), but she's also dating some one else, whom she has admitted to me is a "distraction." When we split she said she was so confused about everything and just thought we needed time apart and to date other people... She said didn't know what to do but her head was telling her she was doing the right thing and blah blah blah... So, instead of continuing to look weak and ask for her to come back, I went NC.. Then, Saturday night, after 30 days of NC she texted me this: Hi. Im sure you dont want to hear from me, but i just wanted to say hello and i hope you're doing ok. And i hope we can be friends one day soon So, i'm kinda thinking that now since she's talking about being friends, then she's no longer "thinking about it," which is kinda scaring me a little bit... I never responded, But, I feel like I should send her a light email saying something like: missed your text, good to hear from you... I'm sure we'll talk sometime soon. (or something along those lines) has anyone else gotten any texts like this while trying to do NC? could taking this to LC be the next step toward reconciliation? Ughhh where is Zorba?!

this sounds really great... And sometimes I feel like I'm going through the same kind of things, as I am on day 25 of NC, myself. I feel like I'm thinking rationally about the situation... Sometimes I definitely feel better than others... But I would just be careful that you aren't fooling yourself.. I find it somewhat easy to convince myself that I'm doing better when I'm feelin good.. But, I haven't seen her in over a month, and I have never seen her holding another man's hand... So I have to remind myself that even though I might be realizing what it means to let go, I'm still not anywhere near where I need to be, because I know that seeing her with some one else in real life would still devastate me... Even though she has told me it's nothing serious... But that was over a month ago.. Could be more serious by now.. I'm rambling now, but I think I got my point accross..