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dazedconfused1607308164

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  • Birthday 11/23/1989

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  1. Thank you so much everyone for your replies! I spent today looking up different therapists and the benefits of seeing one. I definitely think it would help and I should at least try it. I agree having a stranger’s perspective on things would help a lot. I also realize it’s nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of thanks to all of you. That’s probably just my anxiety speaking. Anything to stop my mind from racing with thoughts about my ex and my self esteem and confidence is worth a shot. I will post an update after my first appointment to let you all know how it goes!
  2. I was talking with my mom today about how hard I’m taking this breakup and she mentioned if she thought it would help if I had someone to talk to/saw a therapist. We’ve been broken up roughly 7 weeks and I’ve been in NC for 5+ weeks. Is it too soon to give in to therapy? And for those of you that decided on therapy for this reason or another, what are your thoughts on it? Did it help you? I just feel like I need something or someone to help me get through this difficult time. I don’t want to feel embarrassed because my reason for going is because of a breakup. Is it common to do that? I also don’t want to always burst into tears when I talk to the therapist about what’s going on. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!
  3. I guess it really hasn’t been long enough. You’re right about being kind to myself because I’ve actually been the opposite. I’ve been hard on myself telling myself I need to snap out of it and go out and do things when all I want to do is sit in my room alone and cry everyday. It doesn’t help having my mom and my friends in my ear saying to forget him and keep myself busy. It’s easier said than done. I don’t know how long to allow myself to grieve before I start to feel better. Some days are better than others and I hope it’s only up from here. Thank you so much for your reply.
  4. I absolutely love this response. Everything you said makes so much sense. I can’t tell you how good this made me feel. I even teared up a bit. You’re so right on everything. I just need to stop being so hard on myself because I know it’s ok to grieve sometimes and to have bad days. Sometimes I struggle wondering if I’ll ever get through it and truly get over him. I even wonder if I’ll ever find anyone else. I would like to but I wouldn’t even know where to start or where to go. I just want to be happy again and to be my usual cheerful self again but it seems like the feeling will never come. Thank you so much for you reply.
  5. @No1 I absolutely love this response. Everything you said makes so much sense. I can’t tell you how good this made me feel. I even teared up a bit. You’re so right on everything. I just need to stop being so hard on myself because I know it’s ok to grieve sometimes and to have bad days. Sometimes I struggle wondering if I’ll ever get through it and truly get over him. I even wonder if I’ll ever find anyone else. I would like to but I wouldn’t even know where to start or where to go. I just want to be happy again and to be my usual cheerful self again but it seems like the feeling will never come. Thank you so much for you reply.
  6. My ex and I broke up almost 6 weeks ago and I’ve been NC for 4 weeks. I would love to get back together with him but I am also doing this to heal. My question is, does it get easier? When does it get easier then? I thought I was doing better. I felt better and a little stronger and I’m so proud of myself for not contacting him in any way. I’ve been going out with friends once or twice a week and have felt better. Then last night and today I just completely broke down and cried. I feel so worthless and alone again. I’m so depressed. I feel like the deeper feelings of sadness came back after I thought I was getting better and now I feel like I’m back to square one. I’ve had this same experience many years ago and don’t remember how long it took me to finally heal, get over it, and move on. This relationship, the love was so different and I just miss him so much. I think about him all day, everyday and I can’t stop. I don’t know what to do at this point to make myself feel better. I’m struggling once again. Any help or advice you can offer me would help me so much.
  7. Thanks everyone. You’re all so right about everything. I know I deserve better and I know I’m worth more. I’ve struggled with low self esteem and self confidence my entire life so it’s a struggle for me to put these things in my head that I can do so much better. It’s hard. I also suffer from anxiety and depression so with all this going on, it has just made everything so much worse. I’m trying to take it day by day but I’m really struggling.
  8. I posted my story in the “Healing After A Breakup or Divorce” forum if you care to read my backstory. Basically my ex and I broke up a month ago because he has feelings for someone else and said he couldn’t keep ignoring those feelings. We were together for 8 months and had broke up for a week a few months ago for the same reason but got back together. Today a friend of mine that we worked with texted me asking me and my best friend if we wanted to go see a movie with him and another friend of ours. It being Christmas, I said we were busy and asked what they were doing Thursday. He said they were going to a club if I wanted to join but that my ex and the girl he likes were also going. I asked what was going on with them and he said “I don’t know. I heard he likes her but I heard she’s not looking for a relationship”. My ex is not one who likes to go out and has only a few friends. He only went out when we was with me and we’d hangout with my friends, including her, so it’s obvious they’ve been talking at least as friends either at work or outside of work and she invited him. Before me, he had told me he liked this other girl and tried hanging out with her and talking to her in hopes that she would like him back and that he was like a lost puppy. She never did. I’m wondering if this is also going to be the case now? What do you think? I told my friend I would be uncomfortable going out with them and i declined. He said he understand but said I should “find the best looking guy I could find who likes me and show up there with him in front of my ex”. I don’t feel I should do that either. I do hope to get him back one day because I do love the guy. I’m on my third try of NC with this one being 15 days. I know this all sounds stupid. I just wanted some insight. Thanks Edit: By the way, I’m his longest relationship which I explain in the other thread I posted. The only one to ever love him, only one he’s loved etc. if that helps.
  9. I’m really really struggling right now and need someone to vent to and get advice from. I hate myself and my life right now and am having a very hard time dealing with this breakup. Any help is so so much appreciated. Me and my ex broke up nearly two weeks ago. I’m 29 and he’s 23. We dated for 8 months. Those 8 months were great for the most part. We hardly ever argued and when we did, it was little things that we got over, never had any fights. I was his first real relationship and we loved each other. He always told me he thought he loved a girl he dated for 6 months in high school, I believe, but he was wrong. He genuinely loved me and I was the first to ever love him. It was special to both of us. I told him right off the bat when we started dating that I was looking for the one and wanted to settle down and he reassured me saying he was looking for the same despite him being a little younger. We started dating in April of this year. We met at work, both working as servers. Both still there. He told me loved me in July. In August is when he told me he thought he might have feelings for someone else.. We worked through it and he said he was distancing himself from her and he turned those feelings off. Fast forward to September, he broke up with me because of these feelings and he decided maybe he wasn’t ready to settle down, he was confused, needed time, etc. I didn’t talk to him for a week and then I reached out to see how he was doing. We ended up talking and he told me how much he missed me and I was the only person he could think about during that time. We got back together. Fast forward to October, the same thing happened but the same night he took the breakup back. Then to now, he broke up with me about two weeks ago for the same things saying, he still has feelings for someone else, same girl, which just so happens to be someone I thought was my friend that we also work with, that he’s not ready to settle down and he also doesn’t know how to deal with the temptation from other girls messaging him on Facebook and stuff because he’s never had that before. Backstory on that: in high school he was a bigger guy, nerdy, quiet, was bullied some and never got the girls. Now he’s skinnier and as handsome as ever in my eyes. Still nerdy and quiet but I love that about him. Of course I poured my heart out to him trying to make him realize what we have and not to leave something great to see what might could be and that the grass isn’t greener, that with these other girls, it’s just attention he’s receiving and he’s taking that and running with it. Yesterday I saw him at work during crossover (luckily we don’t work the same shifts anymore but I do have to see him every Sunday during crossover and also her because she hosts Sunday nights). He didn’t look at me or acknowledge me. He was finishing up to leave and I went and sat outside by myself to get some air and try to keep myself from bawling. He walked past me without saying a word and then he paused at the door to go out to the parking lot and turned around and looked at me and still stood there. I got up and hugged him and shed some tears telling him I miss him. He just says again the same things: he’s sorry, he’s sorry it has to end like this, I’ll be ok etc. and then said he had to go because he was meeting his dad for lunch and he told me I could text him if I want to. So of course I did and I poured my heart out once again. He just keeps saying “I don’t know how we could fix this or if I want to, I can’t be with you when I have feelings for someone else, it’s not fair to you, I can’t keep going back and forth, you’ll be ok, you’ll find someone just like me and more, I’m not on the same page as you, I can’t keep ignoring these feelings, I know it’s hard but you have to move on, I’m truly sorry” etc. He also said despite what I think, he’s not enjoying this and it’s not easy for him either but he has to do what’s best for him and what he feels in his heart is right. This is absolutely killing me to the point where I don’t want to live anymore. I dated a guy who treated me so bad for 4 1/2 years and loved him but the love with this guy (Nick) is so different because I was so happy and so was he. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It was so genuine and pure. I love his mom and she loves me and always told me about how happy I made her son, how she had never seen him smile the way he did, and she really wanted it to work with us. I stayed single for like 6 years or so waiting for the right guy and thought I found him only to be let down again. I’m so broken. I can barely go to work and I cry when I’m there. I can’t take care of myself. I can’t eat or sleep. I’ve lost roughly 6 or 7 pounds. I barely shower. My body is so weak and feels like it’s shutting down. It’s a struggle getting out of bed. I go to bed every night hoping I don’t wake up the next day. It’s a horrible feeling. All I want is for him to realize what we had and to miss me and think about me and want to come back. I miss him and love him so much. I’m dying inside and don’t know what else to do. I’m so sorry this is so long. I just need help right now. Thank you for reading.
  10. Day 16 My ex contacted me today after 16 days. I did reply.. But I never mentioned the relationship, missing him, how I feel, getting back together, or what I've been up to. I kinda let him do the talking because I was curious as to what he had to say. Now I am so confused and I'm not sure what to think.. He said he misses me and wants me to come and see him. I said there's no point and he said "You'll see. Just trust me". I have no idea what that means and I'm not sure what to do now. It still hurts talking to him and I don't what he wants if anything. I hate this..
  11. Day 15 Today has been good so far but I can't help but to still think about him and wonder when I'll hear from him. I keep thinking about every possibility that could be going on with him right now and it makes me feel worse. I can't get him out of my head..
  12. Day 14 Felt the same today as I have the last few days. I'm always thinking about him and wondering if he's found someone else. I thought by now I may have heard from him because I always have before, but I haven't heard a word from him. It's hard to think I may never hear from him or see him again. I'm hurt. I can't get my mind off him. No matter what I do to try and keep busy or think about other things my mind keeps going back to the thoughts of him. Some good, some bad. It's so frustrating not knowing what he's thinking, who he's with, if he's thinking about me, etc. I'll keep going though.
  13. Day 13 Though I am so proud of myself for making it this far, all these thoughts keep running through my mind. What's going on? Why is he doing this? Does he have someone else? Does he not miss me and want to talk to me? etc.. I can't get him out of my head and it's driving me crazy. It hurts. I guess this NC thing is starting to get to me..
  14. Day 12 This sucks.. I miss him but I'm gonna keep going.
  15. Day 11 Still hanging in there.. It's getting a little easier, though I still think of him all the time.
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