THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Piaresssss]

So i actually met her today. We are not getting back together. We are just going to be friends but we both said never say never. Im actually okay about it. Not sad or angry, just nice to know what is going on with my life.

[SweetGirl28]

So i actually met her today. We are not getting back together. We are just going to be friends but we both said never say never.

 

The friend zone.....are you okay with this?

I had to turn down my exes friendship(more like FWB). Back to NC.

Please protect your heart. You know what's best for you, but do you think enough time has passed?

I worry for you(ahh such a mom, lol, but most likely younger than you, but hey...whatever) :)

[Piaresssss]

The friend zone.....are you okay with this?

I had to turn down my exes friendship(more like FWB). Back to NC.

Please protect your heart. You know what's best for you, but do you think enough time has passed?

I worry for you(ahh such a mom, lol, but most likely younger than you, but hey...whatever) :)

 

I told her we cant be friends and she started to cry so i dont know.

 

This is a road i have not traveled before but we have both been very honest an open about it with each other

[SweetGirl28]

I told her we cant be friends and she started to cry so i dont know.

 

This is a road i have not traveled before but we have both been very honest an open about it with each other

 

Aww, you have a good heart. Most men run when a female cries.

Whatever you decide, I hope it all works out in a way that is acceptable for you.

[Jan2728]

Sweetgirl28 yeah you're such a mom. But it's nice, we all need to be and accept who we are. I don't want to be fearful. I felt fear, "manipulation" as in using no contact to get an ex back (and I've worked on myself in these 30 days) had backfired. Then I realized I have no control over the situation. Going towards my ex wouldn't have worked either. (Admittedly I was fearful to do so and logically it hadn't worked for his ex , she called /contacted before ,during and after our relationship. So why would it work for me?) If they want to come back, they will. That's the bottom line.

[SweetGirl28]

Sweetgirl28 yeah you're such a mom. But it's nice, we all need to be and accept who we are. I don't want to be fearful. I felt fear, "manipulation" as in using no contact to get an ex back (and I've worked on myself in these 30 days) had backfired. Then I realized I have no control over the situation. Going towards my ex wouldn't have worked either. (Admittedly I was fearful to do so and logically it hadn't worked for his ex , she called /contacted before ,during and after our relationship. So why would it work for me?) If they want to come back, they will. That's the bottom line.

 

That's just it---- if they want to, they will. Forget these strategies and wasting money on coaches and

psychics and casting love spells(sadly I know women who've tried, that's real desperation to trick your

mind into believing it will work).

 

I don't even like NC, but it does help for the dumpee to heal because being in contact gives false hope

and prolongs pain. When the dumper finally gets curious about it, and they reach out, they either secure you by throwing

breadcrumbs to have you as backup, or try to work it out. It would be great to hear more success stories,

wouldn't it? The friend zone sucks when you're the one dumped.

 

You didn't fail, at least you worked on yourself, so consider that a gain.

[Jan2728]

That's just it---- if they want to, they will. Forget these strategies and wasting money on coaches and

psychics and casting love spells(sadly I know women who've tried, that's real desperation to trick your

mind into believing it will work).

 

I don't even like NC, but it does help for the dumpee to heal because being in contact gives false hope

and prolongs pain. When the dumper finally gets curious about it, and they reach out, they either secure you by throwing

breadcrumbs to have you as backup, or try to work it out. It would be great to hear more success stories,

wouldn't it? The friend zone sucks when you're the one dumped.

 

You didn't fail, at least you worked on yourself, so consider that a gain.

 

Thank you ❤

[sputnik123]

I told her we cant be friends and she started to cry so i dont know.

 

This is a road i have not traveled before but we have both been very honest an open about it with each other

 

Hey Piaresssss,

 

I hope you are OK today buddy. Been thinking about you.

 

It must be difficult.. I am still not at the stage to even be in the same room as my ex.

 

I hope you find the closure you need to. Soon enough you will be happy again.

 

Sending happy thoughts :)

[Piaresssss]

Hey Piaresssss,

 

I hope you are OK today buddy. Been thinking about you.

 

It must be difficult.. I am still not at the stage to even be in the same room as my ex.

 

I hope you find the closure you need to. Soon enough you will be happy again.

 

Sending happy thoughts :)

 

Very difficult, i cried most of the day to be honest. Im seeing her friday and we are just going to talk it all out.

[sputnik123]

Let it out buddy, it's better that way.

 

Please keep posting your thoughts here as it helps.

 

Keep moving forward.. thinking of you for Friday.

 

Stay strong!

[icantsay]

I am bringing this thread back because I need it, once again, to save me from my own madness. I almost had a slight panic attack a minute ago because I thought that the thread had been deleted (it's crazy how something so simple like a forum thread can have an impact). I suppose people do not use it as much anymore. Well, I am back, so I'll use it.

 

Day 1.

It hasn't been this rough in a while. But it has been rougher before - and I need to remember that. I am a stronger person than I was years ago. But I also feel that I have become a twisted person...

The last thing that he told me that he was that he is depressed. That is the second breakup I have had where a person tells me that they are depressed because of me and need help. I am starting to believe that I am a horrible person and that I make people unhappy and sick. I think that I know it is not true, but somewhere inside myself, I don't know. Because it could be true. I am flawed and I don't apologize enough to others for hurting them.

 

So going forward, I want to make people happy. I want to pay better attention to how I am towards others. So here's to day 1 of moving on and repairing myself.

[icantsay]

Day 2: It's been pretty up and down today. I feel better at the moment, but this morning I broke down. The guilt of failing at relationships is haunting me. It hasn't before. I am not sad because I've lost him, but because I never wanted to hurt him like that.

Lately I also haven't really had a good friend to talk to, so I feel extra sensitive and paranoid about not being good enough. It seems that people around me don't like me or find me annoying - I think that's a normal feeling to have with social anxiety, but I'm just not used to it being so bad lately. I hope that tomorrow will be better. Maybe I'll spend tomorrow alone and go do something fun for myself in the city.

[Foxymya5]

Day 7 if no contact. I really pray that this works. He has two phones and the “work” phone is still active but his main line services have been interrupted. I don’t know if he’s purposely not paying the bill so he doesn’t have to talk to me or what. But we had limited contact after our break up 2 1/2 weeks ago. And last Thursday, I decided not to reply to his text because I don’t want the “breadcrumbs” I want our relationship back!!

[icantsay]

Day 3: I feel ok. Just very lonely. I don't want him back, I'm sure. But that doesn't mean it's not tempting to contact him.

Anyway, I spent the day in the city alone, which was alright - a bit stressful, but I needed the space. And now I'm going to try be productive and also a bit more social with people tonight. It's time to stop feeling bad about myself and hiding from the world.

Also, I realized yesterday night that I can't put all that guilt on myself only. He was guilty too and we were both equally responsible for the outcome.

[icantsay]

Day 5: I’m ok. But I miss having a good friend. It’s extra hard without anyone.

[icantsay]

Day 6: Ughhhhhh. It's better today. But not great. I feel stupid writing in here, but it helps somehow

[SmartiePants]

I tried no contact a couple of times and broke it twice. The longest I was able to handle was just 7 days.This time I am determined to go at least 30 days but aiming at more. I need time to heal, although I admit I want him back. I love him deeply but I don't think our reconciliation is possible. It hurts but I'll be fine. Today is day 4

[SmartiePants]

Icantsay, looks like we are in the same boat at the beginning of this journey although my situation is different from yours. Lets keep our progress here. Are you trying to heal, get him back or both?

[jimdandy]

Day 20: Two thirds through the 30 day challenge and this is getting worse, if anything. I haven't contacted or looked her up at all. I think the great weather is making it worse, we'd be out walking together these evenings if we were still a couple. Hooked up with a girl again on Saturday night, nice for a while but not in the long run, she only reminded me of what I've lost. I drink at the weekends to forget she's gone but then the hangover kills me and it's back to work and the miserable cycle continues. This ain't working.

[SmartiePants]

Day 5 for me and I feel pretty pretty down. I've been reading this thread for the last few days especially paying attention to the males' posts about how they feel after the break up during NC period. Some posts touched me very deeply as I was realizing that men suffer just as much as women if not more. I cried along reading how some men cry and dream about their ex to come back etc. As much as I want my current ex bf to go through the same pain as I am in now I don't think he is. However, this thread made me realize that my ex husband most likely went through this suffering when I dumped him for another man. While it was not really "true" dumping as at that time we were already separated and not living together but I know he suffered. I know he was jealous, I know he could hardly contain his tears while speaking to me I am sure he went through all this pain described in this thread. They say everything you do will come back to you and it's true. I am now in the same boat experiencing the pain which is unbearable. And my ex bf does not even care I am sure. I am trying to pull through this and I am failing miserably. I don't have an urge to contact him anymore as I broke no contact twice before since May 22. So now I am sticking to NC as I realized that contacting him wont change anything. But the pain is unbearable

[SmartiePants]

By the end of the day 5 I felt much better trying to convince myself that my ex bf was not worth my suffering. I am going to say this mantra every day to myself " If he really loves me he will make an effort to contact me to work things out" . In our case no one dumped anyone for another mate I just backed out because I felt he lost interest and our relationship has come to the end. I did not get definite "yes" or "no" from him. But my heart tells me its "no" from his end. We'll see what NC will bring

[jimdandy]

Day 21 - 3 weeks since the breakup. Better today, Mondays are always worse due to the hangover. World Cup is on so that'll keep me occupied. Gonna be boring once it finishes up. I feel sadness during and after the weekends but as the week progresses I get angry that she had the temerity to leave me and is probably riding all around her. **** her.

[jimdandy]

Day 31 - yesterday was a month since I last heard from her. It's definitely getting better though I do find myself at a loose end during the weekend. I have no idea what she's up to at all. Hopefully I never bump into her because if I did, especially if she was with a new man, I think it would set me back a fair bit.

[Chai]

And so No Contact has begun (again). I am probably not going to count the days. And I don't think that I can EVER go back. I know that some people talk about six months or a year and you can wave and smile, but as something more like an addiction, I am not sure that will ever be possible.

 

The turning point in all my addictions to this point has been when I have realised, acknowledged and accepted that going back - just one bite, will get me back on that loop, and back in the grips of addiction. It is an important point because it can help to steer my course away from that toxic loop.

 

It is only day one or day two, all I want to do is to let him back in. I want to reach out to him. And I know that I will be getting incredibly irritable for the next few weeks and I know that it is going to be tough, but at least it is finite. At least when I get through this and out the other side, I don't have to go through it again.

 

Here's to the risk of being happy.

[vfdcsa]

I caved in and checked my ex's social media after 10 days of NC and saw a few posts of her hanging out with two guys. I have good reason to suspect that she's at least romantically interested in one of them (he's decent looking and was seated next to her at the restaurant they went to instead of across from her with the other guy). I don't necessarily feel betrayed since it's been 2 and a half months since the breakup and I'm choosing to give her the benefit of the doubt regarding her motivations for breaking up with me, but it really drives home that this chapter in my life is over. There's no way I can beg, plead or make myself super available to her anymore now that I know there's probably someone else in the picture. I'm really gonna miss her--I relied on her so much emotionally, and she honestly gave me the best months of my adult life.