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Chai

Bronze Member
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Everything posted by Chai

  1. Denial. I want to reach out to you so bad. I would do anything to just feel something of the connection. To reach out to you.
  2. Probably because I am feeling ill, and not in the best of moods today, I feel like I really want to reach out to you. There is nothing like the acknowledgment that comes from a faux relationship on the internet that can make everything FEEL better. I know it isn't real, but it still has the desired effect. My heart is in shreds, and it has only been a week NC from you. It is not a good day.
  3. And so No Contact has begun (again). I am probably not going to count the days. And I don't think that I can EVER go back. I know that some people talk about six months or a year and you can wave and smile, but as something more like an addiction, I am not sure that will ever be possible. The turning point in all my addictions to this point has been when I have realised, acknowledged and accepted that going back - just one bite, will get me back on that loop, and back in the grips of addiction. It is an important point because it can help to steer my course away from that toxic loop. It is only day one or day two, all I want to do is to let him back in. I want to reach out to him. And I know that I will be getting incredibly irritable for the next few weeks and I know that it is going to be tough, but at least it is finite. At least when I get through this and out the other side, I don't have to go through it again. Here's to the risk of being happy.
  4. I am really struggling. I was no contact since June 11th and due to a change in medication and a bottle of red wine and a very inspiring evening out with friends, I opened up my blog for an evening and then closed it the next day (this is a cyber relationship). I have been spiraling ever since. It is like a relapse from an addiction, I feel like I am holding back an avalanche of emotions with my bare hands. I know this is going nowhere and I know that one day I am going to beat this, but I am finding it difficult to stay no contact at this point in the toxic relationship cycle. It feels like cigarettes. I feel like I need to build up to the breaking point again. It is so hard to be strong!
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