THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[beanpot]

Back to day 1... I posted a thread.. He contacted me and want things to work. I am conflicted suddenly...

 

If your immediate reaction isn't one of being excited and willing to return to the relationship... then don't do it. Think about it. Give yourself time to reflect.

[beanpot]

Day 15: My brain is just a chaotic mess of what-ifs.

[icantsay]

beanpot

 

Of course I am excited and want to return!! More than anything... But I also want to protect myself. I am worried that it might happen again. But I think I need to try make it work and take that chance.

[beanpot]

beanpot

 

Of course I am excited and want to return!! More than anything... But I also want to protect myself. I am worried that it might happen again. But I think I need to try make it work and take that chance.

 

I have been where you are. I brought back a lot of fear back into the relationship. Fear and hurt. If you do want to try again, give it everything you have. This way, if things end again and it fails, you know that you gave it your all.

 

That's what I regret the most. When I got another chance, I didn't give my best. I gave me fear, my hurt, my worry, my anxiety. And now that it didn't work out again... I feel so guilty about it. I feel like I am such a failure for ruining the second chance.

 

Give it your everything. Be the best you can be. If it works then wonderful. If it doesn't work at least you won't regret not giving every fiber of your being and trying your best.

[icantsay]

beanpot

 

Thank you so much for your words. I decided to give it everything today.. I reached out, asked if we could meet tomorrow... Told him I loved him and I was sorry too!

He messaged me back later that he didn't have time for tomorrow and it would have to wait a few days.. I got scared and said that if he didn't want to fix it, then maybe we shouldn't.. I don't know what I had expected, perhaps that we would run into each others arms or something?

 

He then wrote that he didn't mean a thing of what he had said earlier about getting together. That he didn't like my "attitude" and he didn't want to get back together. That I should forget all about it.... And I am back to being heartbroken now. I never meant to have an attitude.. I am so lost.

[icantsay]

So back to Day 1. I'm doing the challenge again. But this time, to try to move on and make myself stronger and happy again. Not to get him back.

[saluk]

"if he didn't want to fix it, then maybe we shouldn't"

 

You may have said this out of your pain and fear, but it's really true. He's the one who decided whatever you two were dealing with wasn't worth fighting for. Wasn't worth working through together. Wasn't worth fixing. If he doesn't have any interest in fixing what was broken, then you definitely shouldn't take him back. And it sounds like he really isn't. I think he hasn't been invested in the relationship in a long time. Not saying you're behavior wasn't annoying, but I think his pulling back is what triggered your insecurity. And the pulling back was going to make the ending come no matter what you did.

 

For him to reach out and then say "eh, nevermind" - he's not stable. You don't want him back, even though you might think you do. This may have been good in a way, to get you to really try to break away and heal rather than still hoping to fix things.

[brokensobad]

I'm 16 days NC. It's been over a month since the BU. Sometimes I feel the limbo but I'm feeling better each day. I don't have the urge to contact her anymore like the first 3 weeks since after she dumped me. I beg and plead just for her to come back but she was hard. The more I push myself to her the more she feels trapped. So I went NC but she knew where to contact me. I told her never ever contact me unless you want to recon. She will have enough time to think about the relationship but I'm not going to sit and wait for her.

 

 

 

I don't know if she's coming back. I never heard any words from her since the last time we text.

 

 

PS. 2 years relationship got engaged.

[Hopingwishing]

Hi saluk, I'm sorry to see you're going through a hard time. Your advice on a thread I posted a while back has helped me get back on my feet and I sure hope you're getting the strength you need while here. I am 5 days NC and feeling better everyday NC really helps put everything in perspective. We can do this. We're all here for you.

[rlhuk]

Day 15

 

Miss him lots. Not a heart wrenching, vomit inducing longing though. I'd just love to be able to call him to just do something, go for a walk, watch a film, anything. He really is the best person I've ever met and the best friend I've ever had.

 

Ok, now I'm tearful

[alldaisies]

:sad: I stop counting the days of NC. I had the last goodbye.

[coldmoon]

Day 24

 

Finally working many hours again. Ex hasn't contact me and i still feel bleh.

[beanpot]

beanpot

 

Thank you so much for your words. I decided to give it everything today.. I reached out, asked if we could meet tomorrow... Told him I loved him and I was sorry too!

He messaged me back later that he didn't have time for tomorrow and it would have to wait a few days.. I got scared and said that if he didn't want to fix it, then maybe we shouldn't.. I don't know what I had expected, perhaps that we would run into each others arms or something?

 

He then wrote that he didn't mean a thing of what he had said earlier about getting together. That he didn't like my "attitude" and he didn't want to get back together. That I should forget all about it.... And I am back to being heartbroken now. I never meant to have an attitude.. I am so lost.

 

That's a really unstable dude right there. You got your answer without having to invest any more time. Consider it a blessing! Now to truly move on. He is NOTHING. You are everything. Keep your head up.

[beanpot]

Day 16: It's getting closer to my birthday. I just want it to pass. I don't want to celebrate.

[alldaisies]

Day 16: It's getting closer to my birthday. I just want it to pass. I don't want to celebrate.

 

I understand how you are feeling, we all are dealing with this pain that refuse to go, but think in the many reasons why you should celebrate it. You still have many years ahead to find love if she does not come back to you in the way you deserve it. Ah, and the Birthday cake is one of the best thing about the day. Cheer up! Go out with your friends or family. Do the things you enjoy doing, keep yourself busy.

[Mashup]

Day: Whatever,

 

Breakup happened a few days back so the wounds are a little fresh. I still have no desire to get back with her or contact her, but I'm feeling low. I'm also being a bit obsessive with the breakup thoughts and hope they subside cause I'm really tired of them. I'm like enough!!

[Astrogirl]

This is exactly what I'm going through now and what I've recently posted about. I'm on day 22 of no contact - but so is he. I've got very strong people around me who support me when I feel like breaking. However, I'm still hurting. Perhaps hurting a little more than when I first started no contact.

[icantsay]

Day 2

 

Feel sick to my stomach. I hate breakups. Hate it hate it

[coldmoon]

Day 25

 

I need more things to do to fill my time beside work. I still think about my ex all the time and it's really tiring me.

[Mashup]

Day: Something,

 

Going through roller coaster of emotions. Absolutely no consistency to my thought process. Complete mess right now.

 

I also read up on the No Contact rule and understood that I'm doing a lot of things wrong. The correct purpose to do No Contact is cleanse yourself of any past hurt, get the "space" needed to get over the hurt and finally get on with our lives. What I'd been doing is subconsciously forcing myself to act in a certain way so as to elicit a reaction from my ex. I've now started working on myself for myself.

 

Praying for a better days ahead!!!

[Astrogirl]

Day 24 of no contact. Still hurting like crazy. Does it get better?

[alldaisies]

7 days of absolutely NC after many intends of NC before..even thought a little part of me is still hooked on the past, I am feeling better. I am writing, reading and breathing. The torture is almost over. I am focusing just on the bright side, I have too.

 

Why to cry or suffer for a person that do not deserve my love? He is enjoying life, well, I have to do the same and do not allow him to play with my real feelings again.

[rlhuk]

Day 18:

 

Saw a picture of him on FB on Saturday, through a mutual friend. It actually made me smile. And not sad.

 

But then I watched a film yesterday called "Sweet November". Obviously ended up crying my eyes out and thinking about him because it is a love story.

 

Today, I've thought about him of course. Still miss him. Don't think I ever won't miss him.

[Guymandude97]

It's been about 12 days. I miss her like CRAZY. I know she's seeing someone else because she told me she was..... that's what initiated my need for no contact. I think about her every day and it's killing me. I keep wondering who she's seeing and how soon it was after we broke up.... even though I'm the one who left. I want to hold her and make everything alright and tell her I love her and say I'm sorry and that I never meant for anything to happen like it did..... our relationship was long distance for quite some time so I'm used to having intense feelings about her when we're not together. I'm SO close to messaging her to let her know I'm ok and to find out if she's ok. I know sticking this out may mean losing her ...... but a part of me knows this is the right way. Damn it's hard. I hope we can be in each others lives.

[alldaisies]

I am not Ok, no, I am not feeling right today, I have my days. When the yelling around me suffocate my soul, I run again to the inert space, I make silence, I look to the screen, I call him with my mind, one word, I just need one word to calm this pain. He is there, in diferente time and space, distance, unreachable. He is there totally invisible, but forever present. I know that I cannot calm my thirst of a sweet voice with him. Then, I have to continue counting and surviving, as I have done before, for many many years. I have to be thankful for the brief moments of happiness, the lies, for the short love novel I recreated. He is gone.