THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[coldmoon]

Day 12, this day took forever! I need more things to do to distract myself.

[saluk]

YOU SUCK! I HADN'T SHED A TEAR ALL DAY! I cried all day yesterday. I really wish my ex would come and just really look me in the eye and say things like this. I hope you do get her back. Just be patient. Let her know without over doing it that you love and support her. It's hard I know keep your head up. I should probably take my own advice too. It just really kills me. Are y'all friends at least? I tried to be but now he doesn't want nothing to do with me. So I am gonna just force myself to get to know people (as friends).

 

Yeah dating during these troubling times is certainly problematic, but you never know what might happen in the future if you make some good friendships. They can open doors in surprising ways, and help you keep your mind off of your troubles for a time.

 

Day 20, aka what a difference a day makes aka Sisyphus pushes the boulder up today and can't wait for tomorrow!

 

I went to see an event we have in town, which was pretty cool. I didn't actually have tickets, but there is a lot going on because of it. I ended up at a meetup and kind of hit it off with some people - including some of the female persuasion. It was really fun and I think I have a crush (just a babby one)! I know probably nothing is going to happen with this, but crushes are something I have only gotten a few times since the split 4 years ago. None of the girls I've dated from OLD have made me feel this way. Maybe my feelings are recovering since the ex is definitely taken.* It's been a week since I found out, so of course it's been hard, but in the long run it will be for the best.

 

And yeah, tomorrow I am almost positive that boulder will come back down and flatten me. One, I seem to crash after good days anyway, and two, I see them again! Time to gird up my loins.

[beanpot]

Great Sisyphus reference. Seriously. Spot on. Haha.

 

Glad you got a possible small crush! Go get em

[saluk]

Great Sisyphus reference. Seriously. Spot on. Haha.

 

Glad you got a possible small crush! Go get em

 

Heh thanks. Yeah I get tired of the rollercoaster one. Because rollercoasters are fun, whether you are going up or down.

[hopelessincan]

Day 2 again. Why are our conversations always so emotionally charged? Its nice to hear your true feelings come out though.

I know we cant get back and fix us without friendship, but its a catch 22. I will not contact you again. I have to move on, as it seems you are forcing yourself to.

How can you say our story isn't over, but it is for now? If that's what you truly believe, then lets fix it now, not later.

[beanpot]

Day 4: Always wake up with sorrow. Always. I went to a lounge last night with coworkers. I hated every second of it. I am not a lounge kind of person. I don't drink alcohol aside from sips of wine rarely, and I don't like shouting to communicate with people right next to me. And pretty much everything else about it actually. I think the last time I went was probably 4 years ago. I don't think I'll go back again ever. All I could think about was how I wanted to be at a tea bar drinking different kinds of teas with you. Taking a night stroll with the dogs. Watching a movie on the couch. Holding you while you are in your aqua colored penguin sweatshirt... oy... my heart... please stop... it hurts so much...

 

I'm planning a family vacation with my parents and my sister. I wish you could be there too. Once in a lifetime experiences... Things that I wish I could share with you. It drives me crazy because I don't even want to go on this vacation because I know I'll be thinking about you the entire time. About how even more amazing this vacation could have been if you were there.

 

Going to go for a run and clear my mind. It's been the one thing that keeps me sane I think. That and... finding this forum. Although I've been spending so much time on this forum I haven't been able to do much else haha... balance... balance... balance...

 

To Saluk: The boulder is being pushed up slightly more than it falls back down every day. I think... I hope... I hope... staying positive. Stay strong my friend I only want to see that NC Day count continue to grow.

[annamonrrial12]

Ugh..... I just want to scream why did he have to come by. I was ok. I was in a ok spot with myself. I was getting to where I can friends over and not check my phone every two seconds. Then what he said didn't make sense. Why would God put him in life? How am I suppose to deal with this and work on me? I want him to be part of my life but I have no idea where I stand with him. Now back at square one

[beanpot]

Ugh..... I just want to scream why did he have to come by. I was ok. I was in a ok spot with myself. I was getting to where I can friends over and not check my phone every two seconds. Then what he said didn't make sense. Why would God put him in life? How am I suppose to deal with this and work on me? I want him to be part of my life but I have no idea where I stand with him. Now back at square one

 

That... sucks... he came by? What the hell? Is he playing games with you? It sounds really unfair if he doesn't want to be WITH YOU, but keeps coming back TO YOU... just for... affirmation that you still want him? That's emotionally distressing...

[Jusstme1977]

Good job guys

[coldmoon]

day 13, spended time with family today but still think about my ex constantly. I also spoke with a friend today online and her ex contacted her, they became friends again and will see if it becomes more. I hope my ex will contact me someday too. Meanwhile, i made a list of stuff to do for tomorrow to distract myself.

[saluk]

Day 21, aka boulder meet face.

 

Seeing them again was an interesting experience. In a way it was easier than last week, because last week I had just found out and it was so shocking. This week I was prepared. And yet, in some ways that shock can protect you from your emotions. None of that this week. After normal service where I ran the media expertly while not glancing over every 5 minutes to see how they looked, I went to the after service which is a second group that meets in our church. We were singing a song that has the lyrics "when I don't understand, I will choose you God" and it really hit me. I had to leave and go bawl in the bathroom for 10 minutes. Because I don't understand. I don't understand why she left me, when we were seeming to work so well. I don't understand why she is wanting to be friends some days, and others she is irritated that I exist. I don't understand why I still care one way or another.

 

Mostly, I don't understand, why HIM. I obviously don't know him very well, and I'm clearly biased, but he seems so wrong for her. The other guy she was chasing at least made some sense. The new guy is so... straight. I don't think he's a good match. I'm worried that she's making a big mistake. Although I still love her, it's actually been some time since I had a real desire to get back together. The jealousy is going to be there a little, sure. But I want to see her happy. I would be getting ahead of myself... but she doesn't do anything halfway. The only outcome here is they end up married, or they will break each others hearts. I don't know if I can bear the latter, and that's where I would put my money. Maybe they will beat the odds.

 

Still learning how to not need to understand. I think that's the main lesson in this whole affair that I am supposed to learn. Sometimes, understanding a situation, if you can, can help you find some peace with it. But the pursuit of answers that you will never find is surely a fools errand.

[beanpot]

That's rough. Not understanding... is heart-breaking in it of itself. Though an ex doesn't need to provide a reason... it's always helpful to have one... just so you aren't left wondering... agonizingly wondering. Oy. Sorry to hear you are in such close proximity to her. At least my ex is a 40 minute drive away and our paths would never cross unless it was intentional...

[annamonrrial12]

That... sucks... he came by? What the hell? Is he playing games with you? It sounds really unfair if he doesn't want to be WITH YOU, but keeps coming back TO YOU... just for... affirmation that you still want him? That's emotionally distressing...

Yeah and now he is all into God which is good. But wants me to tell him that I have slept with another man while we were together. I can't and will not admit to something I didnt do!!! Its absurd if you ask me. And he came to tell me to move to my moms house. He quit his job. And thinks I can't handle the house or he is upset that he sees people tag or tagged here at my house on fb. and rather me be where none of that is tolerated. The nerve

[alldaisies]

This is my third day, I was needing this. Love could be addictive, but cannot become an addiction. I have concluded that the man I deeply love is playing with me. He loves to manipulate my emotions, feels that he is in control, do what he please when he please. He enjoys knowing how much I miss him and how deeply are my feelings. He is charming and he knows what to say and how to say it. But it is not fair that he just answer my emails or decide to chat with me, when he wants. It is abusive and distressing that when I have decided to cut all kind of communications with him, he reappears in my life again, sugarcoating the moment, giving me new hope. He does not love me, but he does not let me go either. I assumed this challenge because I refuse to be used again.

 

Thanks for this thread, It will help me to keep going..

[coldmoon]

Ugh, waking up always give me this strange negative feeling, specially after dreaming about my ex

[saluk]

Yep, every time you push it back, it usually goes higher. Unless something triggers you and you go back down - but sometimes going back down actually means you have crested one mountain and are starting on a new one.

 

Take heart about your vacation - even though you will probably think about her a lot, just the movement can be therapeutic. And when you later look back later at all of the things you managed to do without her (this vacation, along with other fun things in the future), it can be illuminating.

[TMifune]

Ugh, waking up always give me this strange negative feeling, specially after dreaming about my ex

 

Yep, I know what you mean. The dreams themselves aren't so bad. For me it's that the adrenaline starts flowing while I'm asleep, so I wake up pumped full and then spend the rest of the day in an adrenaline crash.

[saluk]

Crossing paths, week after week. It's been hard. But I don't want her to beat me. I want to keep the friends, the home away from home, that this place is for me, and lose the pain that goes along with it. I feel like I've been close to having this dream several times. I've managed to keep my best friend through the whole thing, and every time I have been wrecked I have seen myself returns stronger than I was before. I've had plenty of success within the church, serving in ways that I hadn't even been able to before. It's outside, in the dating world that I have had a difficult time, and felt like she is still an anchor around my neck. And yet, before our relationship, I was not even IN the dating world.

 

Day 22. Despite what looks like a couple of huge setbacks recently, things are always getting better. Returning focus on how to build rather than on what was lost.

[coldmoon]

Day 14, 2 weeks

I hope that my hope fades away soon.

[beanpot]

Good on you

[beanpot]

Focusing on what was lost is absolutely the most destructive thing... I continue to do it despite this knowledge. Less and less. Less and less.

[beanpot]

Day 5: Work is a great distraction. But as soon as it ends... as soon as I start to head home... it just floods back. It's like the second I have nothing on my mind, it all comes crashing back. Sometimes I just let myself weep and cry. Sometimes I just let myself let it all out. It's better now... I used to cry for hours. Now I cry for minutes. It even helps... to heighten the sorrow and listen to songs that remind me of you. Just to reach the peak of that emotional wave quicker maybe. I don't know. Every song reminds me of you to the point that I can't listen to music anymore. I listen to NPR, and podcasts, but no more music.

[rlhuk]

Day 5:

 

Thinking about him a lot. Got the post bank-holiday blues and I had a really good weekend so the crash was inevitable. Still hoping he'll turn up at my house. Still know that he won't. Meh. 85 days no contact, I was doing so well. Now it feels like I haven't made any progress at all

[alldaisies]

Day 4

 

I am truly trying to control myself, I have the desire to write another email to him, in capital letters, requesting closure. He has chosen to remain silent, no a single word after my letter telling him about my feelings. It feels terrible wrong. But I will keep going, if he decides to contact me again, I will no answer him back. I deserve better, he does not know how to love, he knows how to be manipulative. But love is a word that look small in his lips.

[rlhuk]

Day 5 is still sh*t.

 

Going to the gym to try and get some endorphins going.

 

Blah