THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[anonamau5]

Day 7, I've made it this far before. It still sucks. I'm going to the gym later, then run, then I'll be in my own thoughts....again. I can't believe someone I was with for such a short time (compared to some on here) has such a lasting impact on my day to day life. I feel like ****. I hate this. I know a lot of you have mentioned how surprised you are by being tossed to the curb and how it hurts. I'm there with you. It is awful.

 

I'm setting mini goals. One day at a time. If I don't make it thirty days, I will start over until I do.

 

I wish I could sleep for a month.

[ConfusingEx]

@skheehee thank you for the support, and yes it is totally unfair of them to send mixed signals or just use our feelings to their advantage. i can see now by her actions her words and promises of "i want to remain friends" its just trying to ease her guilt of dumping me, not only that but it is also to justify her actions before that, she had setup another guy before i left i didn't know exactly what was going on but i had my suspicions. i can forgive her for that and all of it. we went through a very hard time and had to make a life changing decision when she fell pregnant based on a lot of circumstances. so in a way we still haven't grieved together or apart. and i want to believe that is the reason for all of this situation. as I've been told a lot of her family know this isn't her and that something has snapped in her head and she isn't dealing with what we went through in the right way and she just can't see it. the guy she is with now used her emotional state to his advantage and manipulated her into a "grass is greener" attitude, giving her exactly what she wanted to hear in her moment of weakness and sadness instead of being a nice guy he just used that to get what he wanted, which she cannot see him for who he is, her family have met him and all say the same thing, he's using her and manipulates her at every chance he gets, she defends him cause she doesn't want to believe it so everyone else is the bad guy in her eyes which just pushes her closer to him as he was "the one" she turned to instead of talking to me when our situation came up. a perfect gentleman would of told her to talk to her partner not keep talking to him and throwing his feelings onto her. she had a choice but he didn't give her much being she was so torn and hurt he was just the person she turned to as she saw me as the enemy and hated me for what happened when it was a mutual decision not mine.

 

@blondie176 thank you also yes she is taking advantage of me and it only took me till yesterday after 2 months for me to see it. i didn't want to see it i wanted to believe that she could not do this and that she is not this type of person. but her not telling her current BF that we still talk.. its unfair to me. I'm just hear when she wants me to talk to her and he's not around..

 

i woke up my first thought was message and say good morning i stopped myself and came here to read and talk.

 

I'm all for time and I'm already in pain but i will keep this NC up unless its a life threatening emergency and i have to break NC..

 

about the sleeping in her bed situation. i should of explained that little more. i was originally on a blowup mattress on her floor, as it was FREEZING that night, and she has back problems with the cold, she said "its cold tonight my back is killing me"

knowing what kind of pain she goes through and went through in the 8 years I've known here, i made a joke "its cause I'm not there to keep ur back warm" and i laughed afterwards. she said to me "yeah thats true" and i again i made a joke "i can always keep you warm i don't mind i won't think anything of it i know how ur back is when its cold you can barely walk the next day" and after that i laughed again but what surprised me the most was she said "you can if u want to I'm really cold" i was like "are u serious cause i was just kidding" she said "i don't mind" i was like umm.. ok then and jumped into bed and hugged her with my hands well away from what i would normally have them.

 

so thats how the sleeping in her bed happened. it then also happened the next day, and the day after. the 3rd night i stayed. i had to go the the toilet but when i came back i kicked something and woke her up, she jumped and asked "whats wrong is everything ok" I'm like yeah sorry i just kicked something.. she's like "ok" as i hoped into bed she whispered to me "I MISS YOU" i said "sorry what was that" she said "I MISS YOU, goto sleep" and yeah.. i was hoping it was about me as she hasn't been with her current BF for that long, and she squeezed me tighter as she would normally when i got closer to her..

 

now i know myself that if I'm around someone or sleeping in bed with someone that i know who it is, even if I'm dead asleep i still have a subconscious knowledge of who it is. so i assume it was about me. i did ask her about it and she tried to deny it..

so i dunno.

 

yup I've read a lot of the NC forum and I'm definitely ready to stop being her doormat as much as it hurts and going to hurt, i think its what she and i really need atm and maybe she may see how she has treated me.

 

i do deserve more then what i have been getting.

 

thankyou all for the support and i wish everyone good luck cause we all need it.

[AH1990]

Day 617 NC - Being single feels really good! I never realized how much money I can save when I'm not spending it on her cheating ***

[Pleasedonot5]

Day 4

 

Today was a bit of scrambled emotions for me. It's like, I realized that we probably won't ever get back together. I also realized that such is her problem, because I've made my intentions for her clear. Maybe I could've made my strong feelings for her clearer? I don't know. I kept myself busy today, hung out with buddies, and got myself back in the game. My body looks good and my flirting wasn't too shabby either. I just wish I knew how to make my ex more comfortable with the idea of a recon. It's weird how it seems like she feels rejected even though she's rejected me... Maybe I should tell her my feelings for her? Or should I let us fade away to nothing? I don't know. All I know is that she's missing out on someone who really loves and cares about her more than anything, and who wants to cherish her forever. Who knows, maybe I am too? No idea what's going on in her head right now.

 

Anyways, my morning started off okay. I dreamed about her but had a second dream before I woke up that was unrelated to the situation. Still kinda sucked though. I kept myself busy but ultimately she's on the back of my mind. Before I go to bed in a little bit she's all I'm thinkin' about too. Gahh why can't I just be older and have her as a dedicated companion? Things would be perfect if she wasn't afraid of a college break-up. A random thought but I hope sometime soon her friends say that we were cute/perfect together. We really were and really still should be...

 

Let's see what tomorrow brings to the plate.

[skheehee]

Sending a big cyber hug your way skheehee xxx

 

Thank you, friend.

 

By the way, she went on an island getaway with the new guy last week. Wow. After a month together. It feels like she totally forgot the 3 years I spent with her. Seriously, why am I so sad and hurting over someone who is having the "time of her life" with someone she barely knows? It hurts even more when I know that I was just an "option" when she put me on a string for those few weeks.

[ConfusingEx]

So its been about 17 hours, and my ex has messaged me after i started NC wasnt anything about us, i has ask her a while ago to send me a draft of her drawing she is doing. I dont know whether to reply or just let it go. I dont want to break NC but i also dont want to be rude. what do i do i Want To talk and chat but i dont want to give her the satisfaction of getting the better of my weakness for her.

[Streetbob]

It's not NC if you are in contact!

 

Have you told her that you are implementing NC and that she should respect your wishes. If you did then you don't reply.

 

If you didn't you should tell her and tell her not to contact you unless she has something constructive to say pertaining to reconciliation.

 

SB

[ConfusingEx]

no i didnt tell her, i dont want her to know, im just going to ignore it. She will get the idea and realise that i dont want any contact with her. if she comes looking and has realised that im not replying then she'll think about what shes doing. I hope.

[Streetbob]

no i didnt tell her, i dont want her to know, im just going to ignore it. She will get the idea and realise that i dont want any contact with her. if she comes looking and has realised that im not replying then she'll think about what shes doing. I hope.

 

Some people advocate that approach, but personally, I like the idea of having a one time chance to say everything - including goodbye. Doing this acts as an anchor point and a reference (for her) in the future. It also clarifies the situation so that there are no "I thought this" and "I thought that" in the future.

 

It also gives YOU the last word and the moral high ground.

 

Not sending the letter has an air of spite about it.....but then, that is just my opinion.

 

I believe in trying to retain one's integrity and honour, even if you don't really feel like it.

 

Good luck

 

SB

[Blondie176]

Day 12 - Take 3

 

Uhhh its day 12 again and this is when i cracked the first time, the second time was day 13. Helpp!

 

I have that same feeling i had last time i broke NC, i feel like i need to speak to him, like if i dont i will regret it or something. Thing is, both times i spoke to him before didnt change anything. He is still with her.

 

I have to get through today and tomorrow, i wonder what day 14 feels like LOL I need to know!

 

I also hate the idea of going back to day 1, its so depressing to start over, plus i am determined to see this 30 days through, christ if i cant go 30 days then how can i go the rest of my life?

 

Today i miss him too much.

 

xxx

[ConfusingEx]

Its now the end of day 1. my ex messaged me today. I havent replied to her message. I feel bad for not replying but i also dont feel that bad as she has put me through alot of crap lately. If she thinks im ignoring her good. she will not have my company or my help when she thinks she needs it. I cried earlier cause i love her so much and just want to hear her voice, or just see how she is. As she hasnt asked me how i am or look like she cares about my life i feel that she really doesnt care. And all along ive been used. I tried to sleep most the day just to try get through it.. Im 27 and crying over her i feel weak. But its hard to just hold it all in anymore. I have noone i can really talk to near me and for the people i would normally talk to i get the impression that they just dont want to hear my problems anymore as they have they're own lives and problems.

[Blondie176]

You do have someone, you have me, you have all the other posters here. x

 

Day 1-7 the first time round almost killed me, i couldnt breath, eat, sleep or be bothered with anyone or anything. I was obsessed with him, i couldnt think of anything else. It really is hell on earth BUT it really does start to ease off. You have to go with what you feel in that moment. If you want to cry, then cry! Shout, then shout! Punch a pillow, then punch it! Let those feelings come, crying is the bodies way of releasing negative emotion and it does do wonders for your well being, it may not feel like it right now, but it does.

 

Is it weak to have feelings and emotions??? I dont think so, its human. Dont be so hard on yourself, you are broken now but time will move you on. Hang on in there xxx

[skheehee]

Hey man. We're all in this together, alright? If you need a shoulder to 'lean on', we're here for you buddy. I feel exactly the same way that you do right now. Used, betrayed, humiliated, unloved, unappreciated. Well buddy. This might be exactly what she wants. She wants you to feel the pain of not having her around. She might be doing this out of spite, or she might not. My ex is doing just the same. She dropped breadcrumbs like "I miss you"s and crap like "you can hug me tonight but you can't hug me forever" and still had the cheek to tell me that she got together with someone else who, according to her, is a total doormat and, I quote, "followed me in the nightclub like a dog". Wow. Brings a whole new perspective eh. She said I didn't fight for her when the fact is, I was just another option. How humiliating is that! To be treated like a grocery item that she could just discard if she didn't like me!

 

I'm saying to hell with this "game" that they're playing. By making you feel like crap, it shows that our ex's still have some form of control over our lives. Don't give that to them man. We are better than this. There's a Phoenix in all of us, and it's up to us whether we want to remain in the dust, or rise above the ashes and shine even brighter than before.

[skheehee]

Day 8

 

I feel a little better compared to yesterday, but everytime I take the tunnel heading towards the train station, the hairs on the back of my neck stand, as I might just bump into her. Her workplace is just accross mine. I don't know what course of action to take if I do. Should I be "friendly" but not act like I'm her "friend"? Or should I just acknowledge her presence with a simple nod? Or worse still, should I just be cold and give her the cold stare, or ignore her, since she shattered my heart into pieces...

[Pleasedonot5]

She said I didn't fight for her when the fact is, I was just another option. How humiliating is that! To be treated like a grocery item that she could just discard if she didn't like me!

 

I have a feeling my ex might pull that card out, albeit subconsciously. Thank you for letting me know how to respond. But, like you said, it's hard to fight for someone who only looks at you as an option in their little game.

 

Beautiful post man.

[ConfusingEx]

i thank you and everyone for the kind words and support, this is exactly what i need when i sit there all day and go crazy thinking about my ex, its not healthy but i can't stop.

 

i understand everything you feel blondie, its killing me inside, my heart pounds all day long, i don't eat much just because i can't be bothered, i sleep 2 hours a night even when i take some sleeping tablets its the same 2 hours and I'm awake, it has been since our breakup, the only time I've slept normally is when I've been sleeping at my ex's.

 

i find i cannot listen to the music i like as its the one thing that reminds me the most, music calms me, and i cannot stand to listen to any of it..

 

i have been crying most the day my chest hurts from the pounding of not talking to her, worrying if she will forget me if i don't talk to her, if she will think I'm don't care. i know these are all things need to deal with and its not about her its all about me now.

 

to let my feelings and emotions out is a very odd thing for me, as for 8 years i have only ever thought about her feelings and done things based on her emotions and feelings, it is actually one of the issues she had bought up about our relationship which she said she didn't like as it gave her no choice to react to something that would happen, that i "calculated" my decisions based on whether i thought she would be upset or angry at something. i never saw it as controlling her emotions i see it as caring for her and not wanting her to feel the pain so i would tell her or not tell her things that would cause her any pain.. i see now that i was wrong and should of just told her a lot of what i held back thinking about her emotions. a lot of it was just stuff about my past that i chose not to tell her as my past just hurts to mention mostly my past relationships which were just things i did not want to mention to her as some of the information she would hear would of been close to home for her.

 

skheehee ty so much. yes everything you mentioned is exactly how i feel. i really do not know how she sees me, she would talk to me like nothing has happened, while sitting there talking to her current toy. looking the way she does, doing the things she does, and wearing the things she knows hits my buttons. the one thing that gets me is she says she wants to be friends, then asks me "does this colour lipstick suit me" id be like yes/no etc.. and then she would go on to ask "what colour do u like on me" as if she's wearing for me, or to make me think of her in the way i would. when she has a new BF and asking what I like just really bugs me.

 

i hear you when the breadcrumbs are dropped, it gets you totally off guard when you have prepared yourself for one thing, and outcomes the total opposite throwing you into a downward spiral.

and for not fighting for them, what do they want us to do. we declare our intentions, feelings they know what it is we want. and still have the nerve to say we didn't fight for them, to feel like the other option is humiliating and yes it needs to stop.. we let them walk all over us for nothing more then to be used because THEY feel like talking to us. to hell with that..

 

we shall rise above the ashes, and show our ex's that we have a new life, we are happy(in time), and that they have missed out of this journey we are taking, if they want back in our lives, it will be THEM who have to prove themselves worthy not us, we beg, we cry, we grovel for a chance with them again, let them see how we feel now and that its our choice in how it works out.

 

i feel a lot better as all day i have been going nuts and working myself up. it is hard. and it hurts but we can do it together

 

i feel more comfortable knowing that there are people who share my problems and can talk about it to help each other through it..

 

 

skheehee i would personally see what they did, i would try to pretend i didn't see them as much as u may want to talk to them don't give them the satisfaction that you were the one that buckled, if they stop you then say hello I'm in a rush can't talk right now, if they wanted to talk to you other then an accidental bumping into each other, then they will try that is when its your decision to talk or not to talk and it would be on your terms, they want to mess with our heads but we can chose to not let them, if they truly want to reconcile with us then they will make the effort anyway possible and they would have to prove to us that they have either changed or realised the mistake that had made treating us like an object.

[NjoyStick]

Day 23, worked from 7 am to 5:30, thought aout her through the day ,made me feel abit messed up but somehow when i think of being eith someone one day that makes me more happiër then i even was gives me a boost, my ex never really fit in with me me and my family, sure i miss her and still love her but i know she is not the right person, i just got used to her and loving her the way she was, if she has GIGS or is ine a rebound, i have no idea, i do know she had contact with this guy months before she suddenly broke things off and jumped into his arms like those 4 years with me never happened, she acts really happy and in love now even though she is only been with him for 2 months and doesn't even know him that well, i guess 2 of the same personality's (arrogant, stubborn, selfish and naiev) connect in a certain way for them...

[Blondie176]

You will get there, its such a cliche but time really does heal. The early days are hell, no doubt about that but time moves us all on, whether we go willing or not. GO with what you feel with no resistance and that ride will be somewhat more comfy..struggle and fight against it and the ride is tougher.. but either way the ride will carry you.

 

Try to think of it as being in the sea, the waves and current sweep you off your feet, sure you can struggle, you wont beat the sea though, best to let the waves carry you.

 

 

Something i read when i first went into heart break avenue was '' The only way out is through!'' Its true, you have to go through all the crap to come out the other side. Know that thousands and thousands of people are having their world turned upside down as we speak. Not all of them post here, obviously lol..but many do and have done. Read the thread from the beginning and see peoples journeys for yourself. It helps.

 

Most of all though, keep talking ( posting) get those thoughts and feelings out, whether that be through friends or a diary or here. Dont bottle them up.

 

Slowly, day by day it does get easier, i am in no way healed or over him but if i compare myself to my day 1.2.3.4.5.6.7 ( 1st attempt) i have improved heaps. You will too.

 

xxx

[anonamau5]

Day 8. I hit the gym hard. My legs are like noodles. About to get to work on a project to help ease my mind, away from my legs, and from her. I haven't made it this far before, and it feels good. So, fingers crossed.

 

I hope everyone here has a fantastic day. It's raining and overcast, which I actually love, so I don't feel bad about not being outdoors.

 

Here is a cyber high five, handshake, and back pat to everyone that needs it.

[Pleasedonot5]

Day 1 redux

 

I sent a letter to my ex today explaining to her how I felt about things, because I felt that I was still a little unclear. I kept it mostly light, but it explained how I felt about her while still keeping my dignity and I kept things open for the future. Even if she completely blows me off... Hey at least I'll know and I'll understand that her feelings weren't as strong as she made it seem. But, you never know. Now, I'll know it's not any other issue but her not wanting to be with me. Whatever. I don't want someone that doesn't love me for me. I love her for her, but I'm not going to keep pursuing her if she's that shallow not to want to make anything work.

 

If she responds, I won't count that against me if I have a small conversation with her. I also won't be posting here for a few days. Gonna run in great lakes relay with my team for a few days. We'll call it a working vacation

[g3m1nn1]

Day 12

 

Here comes another day. I feel like everything is moving at slower pace these days.

Yes, distractions help to occupy the mind, either with work or various activities but still that is just a portion. I read somewhere on this board that dumper and dumpee's time moves differently.

what i think is long time ( 14 days ) lets say, it sure feels short period to her, you know what i mean.

 

I am trying to accept this whole situation, i know that is something i have to do. One moment I am ok with it, the next I am angry and disappointed. I came to realize after a conversation with my friend that I was somehow responsible for her to leave, probably because i was too needy at moments and when looking back most of her actions make sense that way. i know that seems like i am apologizing her actions, but i guess i am just trying to understand them in a way.

 

I still feel numb and missing the hell out of her and like Blondie176 said, there are waves. Either emotions or just moments when i still see her, like her coming up the stairs and standing in my hallway and i can relive the feelings how happy i was to see her and all that stuff.

 

oh boy.

[skheehee]

What do I do if I were to bump into her and her new beau? I know it's gonna hurt like hell.

[g3m1nn1]

skheehee, i guess you are gonna have to put on a different face, if you know what i mean, not show too much emotions and just play it cool. i know, hard pill to swallow and i can imagine how bad it must feel.

[ConfusingEx]

Time heals i know everyone keeps saying that from the day o our breakup i can see how different i have become it does look like it has been getting easier. i wish the time would move faster lol..

 

im going day by day and when i think im just getting calmed down BAM something will remind me if her. its really weird i was thinking of going for a walk to clear me head. Usualy i go about 9pm for me as its usualy pretty quiet outside. But today i decided to go at 5pm i dont know why i just did, then i get a message from my ex saying "i gotta get out of the house im going crazy being stuck here working all day" i didnt reply i thought wow that was timing as i was out the door. So then while i was walking sent me another message "Wow first full day off in ages and I realize how pointless and boring my life is I just caught myself actually looking for a place that would be strong enough to hold me I I decided to hang myself for something to do" now i know she has these issues and says the same things for 8years ive always been there to talk to her be with her and sort it out. Now that she has a new guy he should be the person she tells this stuff too its not my place anymore, her bf is long distance in another state and is apparently visiting in a few weeks not that i care atm. i dont know why she tells me this when she is so into this guy, last i heard it was shaky and they argue and that but for him to come down obviously its not how i saw it when i was there. with her message like that i do worry but i also know she is doing it for attention and im not giving it, i havent talked to her or replied to anything she doesnt normally message unless it is about a bill or something. im keeping up my NC, any ideas on why she is looking to me when i dont reply to anything of hers.

[ConfusingEx]

Skheehee. As g3m1nn1 said put on a different face, it does hurt and will hurt like hell, but don't show that you feel that way. its hard to say but all we really want is for our ex's to be happy it hurts when its with someone else and we know they would be happy with us but if they don't see that then we just have to be the better person and time run its course and we one day may have the same situation you may meet someone and she may see that and not know what to do. if any of that made sense