THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Lightning87]

Day 2 - You said you would read the letter I gave you yesterday, I didn't expect a reply but didn't hear from you and I'm glad as otherwise I may have broken NC. Getting there but in a bad mood today.

[Rose Melody]

Day 15... Losing hope you'll want anything to do with me... Feeling you've forgotten & written me off me as a possible partner...

I'm doing some crazy things in my life right now but, as I see, you'd care no more for it...

Happy trip tomorrow! I know you'll have fun this weekend!

[HALE85]

DAY 23 - started to accept she aint coming back, just been cracking on with other things keeping my mind busy.

[quirky]

Day 44

 

very sad today. I want to go by his house or work just to see him. I won't..it would be pathetic. I will try and go out and do things.

[potty46]

I have lost count... but FINALLY I SEE. I am doing this for me, not for you. I have all the hope, but the pain is fading, and unlike I thought, that doesn't mean the memories fade. Infact, I can now look back to this time last year. At first, I was saddened, but now I remember that last year was an amazing year for me. I was confident and care-free. And I had a social life, was never home. These were the things that let me put myself out there, to become involved with someone, to start a relationship, to experience love... and I have. And it's an amazing feeling knowing we fell inlove and it was great.

[chrisbuilder]

Well darn, there you have it: broke NC. But with good reason!

 

Let me explain: I just conducted a little experiment with a friend with skype, and lo and behold! If you block someone, you will appear as a question mark for the person you blocked. Little did I know. Well, I'd been blocking my ex off and on because at times it was hard for me to see her online, and I'd decide I didn't want to see her, and I would block her for a day. So all the time, she was perfectly aware that I had blocked her! * * * * ...that was not the signal I wanted to send. So I felt I needed to clear that up, and sent her a message telling her not to take offence, but that it sometimes had been hard for me to see her online, and I didn't know she would be able to see when I blocked her..

 

so far for skype, what a useless program! why can't you block someone without them noticing it?

 

Well, we already broke up, so if I look even less cool now, I guess it's just the way things have been going for me all along...

[markie6]

Sorry to say Chris, but I am pretty certain there is no fool proof way to tell if you have been blocked on skype. Unless recent changes have altered it. I rarely use it , but I am always invisible when I am online , the photos are always there and a few have blocked me in the past.

[chrisbuilder]

Well, I wasn't sure so I conducted an experiment with a friend, and right enough as soon as she blocked me, I saw her go offline and her icon would turn to a grey questionmark, making it pretty obvious. So I can only assume the same happened when I blocked my ex. So... anyway, it happened, and if she noticed, it's just too bad. Can't be helped now anyway

[lovebre]

Day 16

Today wasn't cool. It had nothing to do with my ex though. I almost had an altercation with my neighbors in my dorm hall. Sucks how it seems everything has been going wrong for me, but he's out living his life and is as happy as ever. I spoke with my mom and we decided that it is best that I move back home for college. So after this semester, I will probably never see him again. Which I think is best for me in the long run....

[Love1336]

Day 8.

I cry only a little bit. ONLY a little bit.

that feeling to want to contact you... is fading, which is good. The cons of our relationship is enforcing that. I am no longer in that 'faze' where everything was just GREAT! And this break up was RANDOM.

Each day, it gets clear, and I am understanding why things didn't work out. It comforts me a lot, but oh course my emotions ROLL in, and i want to contact you, and tell you how much I miss you....

 

Do you miss me? I bet not.

Do you ever think of me like I do for you? I bet not.

 

I kiss my ex yesterday... It was so nice to feel his lips. It's been over 1 year. I felt guilt, but at the same time... I felt hope.

 

Baby, I am a mess without you. I wish... you would make contact. I miss you.

[HoliPoli]

day 18 nc. not so much as a peek. what stops the tears from missing my best friend is when i tell myself that at least i'm not being verbally abused anymore- he cant hurt me if i stay away.

 

everyone does it for their own reason.

 

one day we will all smile again.

[einsteins_girl]

After a bad nightmare a couple of hours ago (unrelated to the ex), I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I've been surfing the web. After 71 days of NC, I don't know what possessed me, but I briefly reactivated my FB account and looked at my ex's profile. (He couldn't unfriend or block me after the breakup because my account has been deactivated for over a year.)

 

My mom had told me a few weeks ago that he still had all of the pictures of me up. (He never unfriended my friends or family.) Well, in looking today, the pictures of me are gone now, aside from two pictures that I'm in while we were on vacation, but I'm not the focus, so that's probably why he kept them. It looks like he's mostly been hanging out with friends, working, and biking. I deactivated my account again.

 

I don't know how I feel. My heart is racing, but I think that's probably more because I am angry at myself for even looking. I feel shaky. I feel a little bit sad but not too bad right now. But what I do feel, reading all of his posts, seeing him subtly flirting with some of his female friends, and knowing that he took the pictures of me down... is that he's not coming back, and I probably never will hear from him again.

 

So that's... that.

 

Okay, now I'm on the verge of tears, having written that.

 

I guess this means I broke NC after 71 days, since I know most people count Facebook as contact. I'm upset with myself for doing that... but, at the end of the day, does it really matter? It doesn't change anything. We're still over. I'm still alone.

 

It's probably time I stop counting anyway.

[Lightning87]

Day 3 - really struggling today, miss you so much and can't stop thinking about you

[markie6]

@Einsteins , don't beat yourself up about it now, sooner or later you would have had to find out / or know something. It's a small setback , nothing more.

 

If you want to block anybody, you can always block them with their email address.

 

The very last thing my ex typed to me was please take down any photos you have of me . Her photos of me were up for 5 weeks, then vanished. She started posting the photos I had taken of her and that was that. I will never look or go back to Facebook again.

 

Every day is a test , sometimes we are a little weaker, that is because we are not robots , chin up and try and smile

[paradiselost]

How do you this when you work occassionally with your ex???

 

Its been a year and a half since the break up and throug work we are in touch every few weeks and sometimes I also feel my ex used it as a tool to get in touch.

 

What do you do if it appears your ex wont be coming back??

 

He can hardly miss me!

[lonelyheart2]

DAY 4 - Just about to book tickets for a little holiday in Lisbon after exams so excited, screw the ex I GOT LIFEEEEEEEEEEEE - nina simone...amazing song

[chrisbuilder]

This would have been day 28, but I broke NC last night over a stupid reason. Sent her a message on skype. In any case, she didn't bother to reply. By now, I'm just thinking that no matter how well intentioned I always was and am, somehow it always got perceived differently, and after thinking long and hard, I think it's about 70% my fault and 30% of it is her not being interested enough in me to be willing to understand me better, willing to see things from my perspective and help me in the sense of how I could improve our relationship by modifying my behaviour. But then I couldn't expect to be educated, and she was right to expect me to 'know' how this stuff works, without her having to tell me...that's a real attraction killer. In her place, I probably would have broken up as well. Then again, had she really loved me or had she been genuinely interested in me, she could and would have met me half way, and not just bailed out as soon as I didn't live up to her expectations. I did my very best, but just couldn't help screwing up no matter how much I just wanted to get it right - I just didn't know what I was doing wrong, not until it was too late to turn things around. I said: "I know what I've done wrong, and meet the new me", to which she replied: "it's not that easy!". After reading a lot and thinking over my actions, I can see exactly where and how and when I should have done, said, or rather not said things differently. I guess I wasn't prepared yet to meet the love of my life. I just pray it's not something I will have to regret the rest of my life...it definitely seems so at this moment. In any case I've lost my faith...went to church so often when we were together, first to thank Him for giving me such happiness, later when things got rough I asked him for guidance. And for what? In the end I just got burned all the same. I'm done with that.

 

In any case, she's completely ignoring me now, and I have this gut feeling that she's already hooked up with someone else (we broke up in January). It's my experience (girls pitch in!) that when a girl is ready to break the ties, she usually already has the new guy on stand-by. happened to me multiple times, no reason to believe this time is different. So, I'm cutting my losses. After last night's message I honestly don't believe there's a chance in hell that we're going to get back together - there have been too many * * * * -ups, misunderstandings, confusion, and ugly things said. So I'm not even going to bother counting the NC days anymore, that's it. She's just going to be part of the league of exes I've got stashed in my memory, nothing more, nothing less. Just another one for the records. Depressing, but there you have it.

 

Moving on. No other choice left.

[Let him go]

Day 379, 11 hours, 17 minutes and 44 seconds of NC. Is this how you are going to spend your lives?

[chrisbuilder]

Day 379, 11 hours, 17 minutes and 44 seconds of NC. Is this how you are going to spend your lives?

 

No, of course not! But surprise, it actually does give some comfort to read stories of people who are going through the same four letter word as you are, and through their experiences gain insight into your own situation! It helps, I'd even call it therapeutic, and it sure helped me put things into perspective. So, no it's not going to take 379 days, it may take longer for some than for others, but it's going to take as long as it takes, and during that time people have in this forum a quiet place where they can give voice to their feelings, frustrations, anger and anything else that comes up and always find a listening ear. For as long as they need it!

 

What are you getting out of it?

[rhythm09]

Day 16 of NC.

 

Still struggling, still feeling alone. I remembered how I was the first week since the break-up: I was a complete mess. But looking at myself now, I've completely changed. I no longer have dreams about him coming back, though I still have those lingering hopes he will. However, I... find it intriguing that I sort of don't remember his face when I really try to. It's a bit baffling to me... Maybe it's a good sign.

 

I know he's still going out with my friend. I'm sure the sudden rebound was so he doesn't feel alone and want to "forget" me. Still, six years together was a long time and after two weeks not speaking to each other, I thought he'd check up on me, considering I'm attending college up-state.

 

Oh well, I've been discovering a lot about myself lately that I never thought I'd see years ago. I'm feeling better, but still find myself crying over the sudden realization that it's over. When I do cry, I tell myself to stop because I can't heal if I can't get over something. My friends have been very helpful and got me interested in several things, which gets me really excited to try.

 

Little by little getting more optimistic everyday.

[markie6]

Let the tears out Rhythm perfect healthy and normal, and definitely better than bottling them up.

 

Coming up on 5 weeks total NC , social media blackout...

[einsteins_girl]

@Einsteins , don't beat yourself up about it now, sooner or later you would have had to find out / or know something. It's a small setback , nothing more.

 

If you want to block anybody, you can always block them with their email address.

 

The very last thing my ex typed to me was please take down any photos you have of me . Her photos of me were up for 5 weeks, then vanished. She started posting the photos I had taken of her and that was that. I will never look or go back to Facebook again.

 

Every day is a test , sometimes we are a little weaker, that is because we are not robots , chin up and try and smile

 

Thanks for your kind words, markie! You're right. It is just a small setback. Plus, I think it actually pushed me into the anger phase, which I imagine I'd have to enter eventually. Leave it to Facebook to make me angry.

 

I think what hurt me the most was when I saw that he's spent more quality time with one of his female friends in the two months we've been broken up than he spent with me in probably the entire last year.

 

It wasn't that he couldn't make the effort, like I thought. It's that he just didn't make the effort for me.

 

I should have left him a long time before I did, and that's a fact.

[Love1336]

Day 9.

 

I cried like a baby today during ride home.... * * * was what that about? This morning you didn't cross my mind. I guess suppressing you isn't working out.

I hate that i miss you... I hate thinking i am going to see your truck... I hate it.

[jeepman41]

Don't beat yourself up about this, it happens. We are only human and sometimes the curiosity of not knowing is overwhelming. You were probably looking for answers but now you know where you stand. If you want to heal then it's back to NC to get yourself back. You've already shown that you have the strength to do it after over 2 months of NC.

[einsteins_girl]

Don't beat yourself up about this, it happens. We are only human and sometimes the curiosity of not knowing is overwhelming. You were probably looking for answers but now you know where you stand. If you want to heal then it's back to NC to get yourself back. You've already shown that you have the strength to do it after over 2 months of NC.

 

Thanks, jeepman! Despite the setback, I'm still proud I've not broken verbal or written contact. In the past, I was always the "fixer," trying to resolve things after a fight, apologizing, etc. Not this time. I've been silent since the day I ended things. So I do still have that. As for FB, I see now that there isn't much it can give me except grief. I deactivated my account right after I looked at his profile, and I plan to keep it deactivated forever. I just wish I could work up the courage to delete my FB profile altogether, once and for all, and irrevocably. But I'm not there quite yet. In any case, you're right... I just keep on keeping on, one day at a time.