THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[find sanity]

On Friday after 40 days of no contact, I broke contact by texting to see if he and his family were ok with the latest natural disaster threat were we live. I feel foolish and regret it. His response was not kind. So i just said checking on family, if bothers him won't do it again. I knew better, I did. But my concern for him and his family took precedence. Won't do it again for sure. I realize too that he is still angry. He doesn't have a reason or right to have been mad in the first place and to realize he still is angry just pisses me off. I was told that it is the behavior of an alcoholic how they tend to hold on to something be it real or not but in their minds it is, and just stay angry about it. Lesson learned and not to be repeated. Today is first day back on NC. Here we go although it is easier. I think easier cause I am mad but if thats what it takes so be it. As a side note, in my text to him I sent him my new phone # incase he or his family needed help. Big regret. As stated before, I changed # cause it was too painful to sit and wait for a call or text that I knew would never come. In this case I hope his anger is long cause I now know he wont call or text. Here's to day 2 of NC

[BackToYou]

Day 16, 20 days since break up

 

I feel better now. Maybe I am starting to accept that it´s over for now at least. She may come back or not but there is nothing I can do about it now. I have not heard even a beep from her since she broke up with me and that makes me feel a bit low.

[Moonchill]

I don't think I will ever have contact with that guy again.

Atleast I won't initiate it. He can forget about it.

The fact he did not reply at all to my apology bothered me more than I thought it would so...

 

Lesson learned.

[Helpmetoheal]

Day 9- Yesterday really bothered me. I hate living so close to him. I notice if there are footprints in the snow leading up to his door, if he has picked up his mail or if the lights are on. I can't seem to stop myself. Makes me wonder where he is and what he's doing (and with whom). I am glad I get to go away for a few days tomorrow, being 2 hours away from here will definitely help the insanity. I know I have to see you tonite as you are going to take care of my dog, you love him more than you ever loved me. Oh well.

[Moonchill]

Not to overkill this topic but I just need to get this off my chest.. The following thing makes me feel like crap again. This really is a step back for me

 

Today a friend of mine had a conversation with me about his relationship. He was in the exact situation my ex must have been in. He said to me :

 

"I have doubts about my new relationship. I feel like she is my soon-to-be ex. We are just too different on some points..

I'm really doubting about this. I don't want to go out again and meet all this new girls and date, I just want to be in a relationship. But neither do I want to be in a relationship with a girl that's not good enough for me. She's not the 100% fit if you know what I mean. Maybe I should try to be just friends. I guess she was just a rebound"

 

It's ridiculous! Maybe I'm being oversensative at this point but when I heard him saying all that stuff I thought about my ex and how he must have thought the EXACT same thing about me. I just wasn't good enough for him. I was too different from him.

Somehow this makes me feel insecure all over again. It brought me back to our situation because it reminds me só much about it.

A girlfriend of mine has had a long relationship in which he cheated on her and she's moving on already.. Sighing to me "ah come on, just let it go already. If I can do it so can you" I know she's right. I don't want to keep obsessing about it. I thought I moved forward but now.. I don't know.. I feel really bad about it.

[ClarenceRutherford]

But your guy friend is right, Moonchill.

If someone's not happy with a relationship, and doesn't see the partner as a real partner, like something is missing, there's nothing wrong with that.

Not every one is gonna appeal to everyone.

 

Once dated a woman maybe a month after a big devastating breakup. She was more a rebound woman. We got along fine but eventually, I realized she wasn't the one for me.

 

It hurt to break it up (and believe me, after been dumped by the other woman, the 30 y.o. virgin I posted on in another thread, didn't want anyone else to feel that pain) but sometimes it's necessary to move on. Sad bec. the woman I broke up with actually helped me in some ways get over the other devastation.

 

Thankfully, I didn't get too physical with either woman (just light kissing and hand holding) so had less attachment in that area.

 

Remember, it only takes one person to veto a relationship/marriage.

If you're not meeting their needs, there's nothing you can do to persuade them to stay or change enough to satisfy them.

[Moonchill]

I absolutely agree with what you are saying FloridaMan. And please don't get me wrong. I am glad he was honest about it and didn't lead me on for months to go. I don't think someone is wrong by thinking that, c'est la vie.

Nonetheless it hurts to be reminded he probably thought I was not good enough.

 

I know when it comes down to it, and I'm over him, I will be happy for him if he finds someone he is really in love with and a real good match for him. But right now I'm just upset I was not that girl for him. It will pass

[doyathink]

Day 7 ( not counting the text I sent you) Oh, and I know you know who I am here....dont stalk my posts....you wont like everything you hear!

[spanks]

Arrived in Florida today. Cried on the descent into Tampa. The last time I was here was with him and his family. I should be with them now. Really affected by the memories. How can he not be? He was so excited for this trip... He has to know he would be having more fun with me than with his guy friend. He has to think of how amazing our last trip to Florida was and what it should be now. But I can't assume anything anymore. Not after everything he has said and done. Still very confused and thinking I may never believe his feelings changed. There are signs both ways. Guess I just have to take it one day at a time. Breakup: 25 days. NC: 4 days.

[Azerak]

Day 1. -- Accepting a challenge to change my life... Though I've been thinking about doing something similar to this but more abruptly... She hasn't contacted me, but weekdays I am vulnerable to her to talk to me, in person. I could stood up today for the 2nd time to talk, and a day before I started this... she hasn't responded to anything or has been online for me to contact, deleted her from everything... I feel like I should do what I need to do, and wait for her to come back, when she feels like I've changed and she is in a better position... she has shunned me though with her harsh words like "We will never be together again". So I feel like the train has hit me hard... 3 months we've been apart... I want to confront her though, to tell her how I felt for why she stood me up on our talk, to ask her why she has wrecked my life like this...

[ClarenceRutherford]

I absolutely agree with what you are saying FloridaMan. And please don't get me wrong. I am glad he was honest about it and didn't lead me on for months to go. I don't think someone is wrong by thinking that, c'est la vie.

Nonetheless it hurts to be reminded he probably thought I was not good enough.

 

I know when it comes down to it, and I'm over him, I will be happy for him if he finds someone he is really in love with and a real good match for him. But right now I'm just upset I was not that girl for him. It will pass

Understand completely. You're just venting.

Totally cool with that. I do that too in some of these threads.

 

Like I'm one to talk. Did you see where a month or so ago I posted how I started pining over this NEAR-fiance I had in 1988!!!

 

 

She dumped me (she didn't break my heart - I let that happen- see the diff.?) after 6 mos. and her talking about "let's save the heavy petting until the wedding night." And it nearly killed me.

So I def. know how you feel and want you to know you have my support and sympathy.

[LapointeP]

Finished writing a paper today! I feel really accomplished because focusing on school has been so tough since the breakup but i am gonna be alright!

[jooj]

Day 6 NC, 10 days since break up

 

you're such a coward, I cant believe you were even in the military!!!

[Moonchill]

Thank you for your understanding, FloridaMan.

You can count on my sympathy if you feel the need to vent

[azulcosa]

Day 1 - We talked last night just to smooth things over with our mutual friends. I think I'm ready to focus on me now. I thought about you at work today for quite a bit. But it's time to let you go and let you focus on your life. I know you have some challenges ahead and I can't be around bothering you. Today, I'm going to hit the gym hard. Looking forward to the amazing workout.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Thank you for your understanding, FloridaMan.

You can count on my sympathy if you feel the need to vent

Like you with your EX, I too thought I was the right one for her.

Still, differences or disagreements came up that are all too easy to overlook years later and I mostly recall the good things.

Those differences showed we really weren't right for each other, no matter how I felt at the time about "Let's Hang On (To What We Got) -- a great song from 1965 BTW, and of course didn't want the relationship to end.

 

Thanks for the sympathy support, Moonchill. It does mean a lot.

[Anamarie]

Tomorrow is day one. I've tried this so many times before, and I don't want to fail this time. I text messaged him like a psycho, and he ignored me. He was my first boyfriend at 14, and he was a piece of work then, too. I thought since we're in our 30's now maybe he changed. Nope.

 

I feel so stupid, because I was stronger at 15 than I am now! I remember thinking that I will never let him hurt me again no matter how much I love him. I really need to do this.

[azulcosa]

Past Day 1

 

Wow, it's been 24 hours since I last talked to you. I am feeling really lonely right now. The silence of my place is extremely depressing. I'm also very tired. I want to sleep, but I don't want to go into my bed alone. I know you told me yesterday that you've been really depressed about this whole situation. I guess I don't understand why you don't want us to be together again since we were so happy together. I'm giving you what you need - time apart. I hope you're doing ok.

[ballllaaaa]

Day 1

 

Here goes nothing...I need to do this for me and not her. I need to do this for me...

[jooj]

NC day 7, 11 days since break up

I am working so hard to improve myself so that after 3 years when I readd you again on facebook you will regret your actions that broke my heart but this time you wont have another chance with me because you already blew your chance.

[Pisces Girl]

Day 12: Didn't really do much on Sunday except pack for school since I went home for the weekend. I think my one ex still likes me. We can't watch a movie without him cuddling with me. It doesn't bother me, but more for his sake I wish he'd stop, I don't want him getting attached and then upset. And this other guy keeps texting me constantly and it's annoying. I really need to put my foot down.

 

Day 13: In my one class, a mutual friend of the ex was on facebook looking at photos. Ah, facebook, it's so evil. My friend started to look at pictures from an album that my ex was in. It was a new album from this weekend, and since I'm not checking his facebook, I haven't looked at those pictures. I was worried when she was looking through them that I would see him and end up getting upset. So I had to force myself to look away. It's pretty bad when I'm practically seeing pictures of my ex during class, I can't get away from him!

[r0ckox]

Day 4.

 

You didn't respond to my first email. I started to think that you were thinking I was nuts for coming out of left field with it, so I wrote another one elaborating. You didn't respond to that one, either.

The next morning I felt extremely bad for what I had done, and for the way I had done the same thing over the last year and a half.

I really did feel bad...

I even went nuts on myself for it... I beat the hell out of myself over it. (not physically, obviously)

The following morning I wake up, and as my morning is moving on, I get a text message.

 

"Harassment much?"

 

That's all you have to say?

 

You never gave a sh*t at all, did you? All that time coming back, pretending to care... all for what?

 

I did the right thing. I'm moving on.

It's you who's missed out. You just never understood anything.

 

Go play games somewhere else. Go pretend to care somewhere else.

[BackToYou]

Day 18

 

I thought I was making a progress but I was wrong. I saw her today from a distance and somehow it hurt so much. I think this time NC might be permanent. She hurt me so much and scars run deep. I just want to forget everything and move on with my life.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Day 18

 

I thought I was making a progress but I was wrong. I saw her today from a distance and somehow it hurt so much. I think this time NC might be permanent. She hurt me so much and scars run deep. I just want to forget everything and move on with my life.

BackToYou,

You do know it wasn't her who hurt you. You let her hurt you. You didn't have to fall so deeply for her, and lose some of your independence, right?

 

See the diff.?

[BackToYou]

FloridaMan

 

I know I made a mistake when I took her back last time. At least I should have waited much much longer. It hurts because she was my first real love and trusted her, even after we got back together last time. I understand what you mean and I hope I will learn a lot from this relationship and break up.