THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[thewendy]

tomorrow will be day 1 for me. baby steps, but wish me luck guys. i was supposed to meet him tomorrow to "talk" (but what to talk about i wasnt sure) but i cancelled it, because i know i will just beg him to take me back. one month would be good. i told him i will contact him if i was ready to meet up and talk, but until then, im seriously planning no contact.

[Helpmetoheal]

@ Simplyme01, Janieac and Moonchill : do you have room for one more??? The last few days have been extremely rough for me. I have had contact, it was unavoidable. This is day 2 of NC now. I backslid terribly yesterday, doing all the wrong things. Somebody stop me! If there was a rock big enough for me crawl under and hide away from the world I would be there. This is the only place I feel any sort of friendship or compassion. I stayed in bed for an extra two hours this morning in order to reduce the amount of time I would need to be awake. How sick is that? How sick am I? Its getting harder to see the good things I do have in my life. I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, clothes to wear, 2 children who love and depend on me, yet I feel like the lonliest most broken person in the world with no way out. If this doesn't get better soon I might have to start posting in another thread. His words keep replaying in my head "You're a strong woman, you'll be fine". He only says this to me to minimize his own guilt. You have nothing left for me and its obvious. You don't care what happens to me anymore, you just want it all to go away! You might get your wish.

[Moonchill]

Simplyme01, it's good that you recognize it's just a phase. Because it is. It's a process with ups and downs. The more time passes the more stable it will get. Atleast that's what I hope for you

 

It's clouded out here, not only the sky but also in my head..

Somehow I have this feeling that he isn't single anymore. That he found someone new. It's strange how I think I just know. But I do.

 

It's hard to absolutely know nothing at all anymore about him. About his life. I'm such a curious person. Maybe I should just use that curiosity towards people that really matter like my friends and family but still......... *sigh* I'm getting frustrated at how much time it takes.

[deff808]

My text texted three times last two days. I'm on day 7 NC or maybe 8

I ignored them all

[anthony4]

Good for you deff! day 35 here, and I start a new job tomorrow. A perfect added distraction.

[nutcase720532]

Day 1: he broke up with me last week but ive contacted him 6 times out of those 7days... i want to see him, talk to him and hopfully make things better again but I know I need to give him time forgive me and time for himself but its so hard... Today I start day one, even tho I contacted him when I woke up =( He said he didnt want to talk because he was hung over and not in the mood and he would contact me later?? If he contacts me... Which Im sure he wont.. Ill have to ignore it, ill try as hard as I can.

[simplyme01]

Of course there's room for you! The more the merrier. We need each other right now. I have seriously learned that NC is with out a doubt the best & most likely the only way to heal. In the beginning, I'd go a few or several days with NC & then I'd break down. That set me back & hurt all over again. As much as I have my bad day...this weekend, I know I'm getting over him. "IF" they miss us, they WILL contact us. If they do, the best thing will be to ignore it. I have this feeling that my ex will eventually contact me to see how I'm doing, maybe not. If he does I have to be strong enough to ignore it. I don't think staying in contact helps you or him. They need time to think & maybe miss us. We need time to heal & take care of us. I'm hoping by the time he decides to say "hey" I'll be over him. Hang in there, be strong, it'll get better.

[Janeiac]

Today I had a terrible time. I had some car trouble which at first seemd serius (turns out it wasn't) and I looked like I might be stuck. I was wishing I had a boyfriend to help me and at the same time knew that my most recent Ex is totally useless. He would have been no help at all, except maybe to pick me up.

Helpmetoheal, there's room for you of course! And everyone else, that's what this thread is for.

Simplyme, check you clandar! Is it that time of the month? I know it seems too obvious but I've often found that to be the source of me feeling blue, and blamed it on something else.

There are ups and downs, but the downs get less and less low. We can do this.

X hasn't been back in touch since he started ignoring my texts again. Jerk! I don't need him!

[Moonchill]

Helpmetoheal, welcome back. Are you feeling a bit better right now?

 

Anthony4, congrats with your new job!

 

I don't feel like I'm progressing.

[BackToYou]

Okey, one week from break up, NC day 4. She has not tried to contact me and we have not even talked after break up. Surprisingly I feel the lowest today since break up but I have learned that contacting her is only going to push her away. She had a boyfriend who cared about her when none else did, supported her and wanted a future with her.

 

I really wish the best for her but that´s all I can do for her. Definitely staying in NC, forever if necessary. Going to friends-level with your first love is just not working, unfortunately.

[Janeiac]

moonchill, you're doing fine. It's normal to feel sad, we're still trying to let go of our attachment and that doesn't happen overnight. Take it one step at a time, and take care of yourself. You can do this.

[simplyme01]

I feel so weak today...PEP TALK NEEDED PLEASE

[Helpmetoheal]

Thank you Moonchill - I don't know how I am feeling, is there a numb stage? Thats the best way I can describe it. Just spent the last day and a half holed up in my house. I am hoping this is some kind of progress or just doing what I need to do. This is the only place I feel like I want to be right now.

Helpmetoheal, welcome back. Are you feeling a bit better right now?

 

Anthony4, congrats with your new job!

 

I don't feel like I'm progressing.

[Helpmetoheal]

I am struggling with the letting go too. I think I have turned a corner so to speak. Please let this get better!

moonchill, you're doing fine. It's normal to feel sad, we're still trying to let go of our attachment and that doesn't happen overnight. Take it one step at a time, and take care of yourself. You can do this.

[thewendy]

day 2 of NC ongoing.. so far so good. went jogging with my best friend, had so many great laughs afterwards. now back to reading this forum, and so far doing good. i just hope i will be more productive at work. last week i barely progressed with my reports. haha.

[simplyme01]

Thank you Moonchill - I don't know how I am feeling, is there a numb stage? Thats the best way I can describe it. Just spent the last day and a half holed up in my house. I am hoping this is some kind of progress or just doing what I need to do. This is the only place I feel like I want to be right now.

 

I literally spent 2 weeks & weekends all curled uo on my couch with my laptop and tissues. I felt extreme anxiety when I thought about leaving my comfort zone. From my experience, you have to let yourself feel the hurt, really feel it. I cried a lot & I yelled, in my house all by myself...I punched a pillow if I felt like it. Then take baby steps toward going out. It's almost 2 months for me & I can't go see a band yet. I have not listend to any music in the past 2 months. That will be a sure sign for me that I've healed when I can finally listen to music. But to your feelings...it is so normal to feel safe & comfortable in your own place. You will soon find a balance between that & getting out. I'm still working on that.

[simplyme01]

I literally spent 2 weeks & weekends all curled uo on my couch with my laptop and tissues. I felt extreme anxiety when I thought about leaving my comfort zone. From my experience, you have to let yourself feel the hurt, really feel it. I cried a lot & I yelled, in my house all by myself...I punched a pillow if I felt like it. Then take baby steps toward going out. It's almost 2 months for me & I can't go see a band yet. I have not listend to any music in the past 2 months. That will be a sure sign for me that I've healed when I can finally listen to music. But to your feelings...it is so normal to feel safe & comfortable in your own place. You will soon find a balance between that & getting out. I'm still working on that.

 

THIS WAS MEANT FOR Helpmetoheal...sorry

[Psychgirl24]

It's been about a month since the breakup and 5 days N/C. I really wanted to contact him yesterday and had a lot of anxiety about not letting myself do it. But I sat with those feelings and they eventually passed. I'm proud of myself for doing whats best for me.

[sentencedtoagony]

day 2, after a 6 day run that i ruined. i miss her and want to puke. no more contact. i made myself clear in the last communication.

[Janeiac]

simplyme, this guy is making you sad. You don't wnat or need that in your life. It's normal to feel a sense of loss, but it's about your hopes and the attachment you formed, not him. It's all about you. Take care of YOU. YOU CAN DO IT!

 

helmetoheal, if you don't feel like going out for a little while, then don't. It's fine. Do whatever feels right for yourself, but don't let it become a permanat lifestyle and don't brood about "what if." Practice putting the ex out of your mind. Read a book, watch a movie. Surf the net. BUT DO NOT BROOD. You can do it too!

[boomroasted]

Day 1- Technically it should be like day 10, but due to several occasions(including her reaching out) and a dignity killing last night 4am "I am so afraid text of losing you blah blah blah", resulting in an OJ Simpson Heisman stiff arm, it's clear more than ever that I have to pick up what sacrificied pride I have left, and start this * * * * * of a challenge. Once I get over the initial hump, I'll be good I hope and its 100% is the only path to take. It's time to stop trying to figure why things are they way the are and just move the hell on. Day 1 fellas.

[deff808]

I was on day 8 NC

 

Had to break NC today, text via. I had to owe her money, deposited it in her bank account, short text. That was it... Glad i got that over with!

[Moonchill]

After seeing an episode of Greys Anatomy I had an eye opener.

That it's time to let go of the hope of ever getting back together again.

To be honest to myself and to others, I still haven't. A little part of me wants to hold on to this hope very badly.

But it's unhealthy , it's unnecessary, it's very unlikely, it's not going to happen. It's just not.

 

So I will send this last words into the internet and who knows into your head

 

Het spijt me lieverd, maar ik kan dit niet langer. Ik kan het niet aan jou onder ogen te komen om tegen je te zeggen dat het me spijt hoe alles is verlopen tussen ons. Ik moet je loslaten, ik moet verder gaan met mijn leven. Ik haat je niet, ik hou niet van je, als het erop neer komt gun ik je iemand waarvan je vindt dat ze écht bij je past. Waarbij je je écht goed voelt. Ik mis je gigantisch veel. Ik hoop dat je me niet vergeet en toen ik zei dat ik jou graag wou vergeten meende ik dat niet. Ik heb er geen spijt van dat ik ooit iets met jou ben begonnen. We hebben toch fijne tijden meegemaakt. Je hebt me laten kennis maken met jouw bruisende fijne comfortabele leven. Ik voelde me er zo in thuis. Maar het is tijd om te accepteren dat ik niet meer welkom ben in jouw leven. Het is tijd om er voor te zorgen dat ik me zelf weer thuis voel in mijn eigen wereld. Ik lifte mee op jouw succes en dat is niet gezond. Vaarwel hiempje van me *Hiem* ^^

 

Ps. I don't think "Getting Back Together" is the right section for this thread. I think this thread belongs to " Healing after a Break-up" because that's why the most people on here practice No Contact right?

[nutcase720532]

Sooo this WOULD be Day2..... BUT just contacted him..... He doesnt get off work for another hour soo during the mean time... Ganna get my homework done before I spend the rest of my day thinking why he didnt text me back OR what just happened....

[nutcase720532]

WOW Okay soooooo I ended NC Today by texting him if he wanted to go to lunch as you can read in my post above ^^^^^

And well.. Good and bad.

Soo I texted him and at first he was alittle hesitant to say yes but I guess after I talked to him a bit he finally said yes and I picked him up and we went to a restaurant and just talked. I DID NOT!!! Bring up our relationship, the closest I asked was if he was okay and he said he was alright other then that we talked about our jobs and friends and family and just laughed about things that has happened the last couple of days. Then we left and once we got in the car he asked me "Sooo what do you want from me?" and I told him that how I felt, that I couldnt be his friend because I wanted to be more then friends and that I will always keep trying to get him back into my life because I love him, I know I hurt him ALOT because what I did and he needs time to forgive me and himself before we can get back together. He told me I need to give him TIME! That he needs time for himself so he can just THINK about what he wants to do. Its little hard to give him time because I love him so much and want him back in my life but I know its whats best.

If your doing NC!!! PLEASE KEEP IT UP!!!! He told me that if I keep contacting him all im doing is pushing him away even more, I dont want to push him away I want him back in my life and I realize that with NC, I can give him time to realize what he wants and what I want.

Please, for everyone doing NC Keep it up!! It will not only help them realize what they want but yourself. I am very glad I broke NC because It made me realize even more that I SHOULD LEAVE HIM ALONE!! The more I contact him the more I push him away from me. If I ever want to get back with him, I need to give him space.

Im starting NC Again Today.

NC Day 1:

Today was a good day, I feel ALOT BETTER! After what just happened. I know he will contact me thursday (day 4) to see how im doing since im going to get surgery, i will reply with something small but other then that ill just let him be for now and give him time. =) Im almost over the hill but I still have a long way to go.