nutcase720532

Today is Day2 NC... It was my first day back to work since I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I LITERALLY trying to reach all my managers to tell them im not coming in, I didnt feel like it... My mom talked me out of it and I went which im kinda glad because I was somewhat distracted and I get money too =P I feel like im going bipolar or something! Lol... My emotions keep swinging back and forth!! At times I hate him then at time I miss him so much! Like I cant keep my emotions in control! I just have to keep telling myself to wait! I keep telling myself: I cant make him take me back, He has to make that decision, contacting him wont change anything but only make things worse...

Day One =(....... Sooo Today was going to be day 7 of nc.. but I caved in... Yesterday I went out to party with my friend and he went out to party with a guy I know wants him, this guy has been mine and his friend for a long time just waiting for us to break up... Hes done this before which pisses me off!! But anyway, I went back home with my friend and the next morning I asked her if he posted anything on his face book cuz I wanted to know what they where up to... And he posted "Had a really good time last night, the best part was being with you" then he posted.... "Im going crazy thinking about you" and hes telling his friends how he likes this guy... I know who hes talking about, I fcking hate this guy! He has done this so many times before, ruined peoples relationships and it pisses me off! Soo I texted him if he wanted to have lunch and he never replyed.. But you know what... This is it! I know there is no more chance for me and him. Its time for me to move on, im done trying to get back with him. I know I fcked up and I would love to fix things again but whatever... Its over. NC forever... If he wants to contact me go ahead, I deleted his number so I dont want anything to do with him.

Today was suppose to be our day, right now you would probably be getting ready at home freshing up so we could dance the night away today..... Im still going out to the rave today, I wish you could have just called me and we could have worked things out so today we could be going together. things still havent worked out. Do I still even have a chance? Do you still think of me? Do you ever think we could be together as one again? I miss you so much, I hate the fact that I have to drive pass ur place every day! I miss you and everyday I move on, I dont want to move on.... but I guess its whats best.

Day 6: He still hasnt contacted me, I thought about him lil, But overall today was an okay day. Did my homework which I should really start doing, I have been procrastinating alot.... Today im going out to a rave with a friend? I was going to go with my bf but since the break up I dont have anyone to go with.. Sooo either I go with my friend or alone... Either way im still going and going to have fun! I need distractions.

Day 5: It went really good today, I hung out with this guy who I kinda like. I like him he likes me but im not looking for a relationship, im just having fun living my life. In the morning I went shopping with my sisters and bought myself some things, I took my dog out to get his haircut n showerd and some new toys. Then my friend came over and we hung out the whole day. I didnt really think of my ex at all today, all these distractions kept me busy. I know ill be okay.

Why didnt you text me today?!? You knew I was going in for surgery and nothing... Do you not care alittle to even ask how it went?? How I was feeling?? Im putting myself out their for you, Im here for you, Ill always be here for you!! I want you back soo much but I know your not ready.. You want to move on and so do I =( I love you.

I used to always look at his facebook =( Even tho he deleted me, his pics where public so i checked them alot... I still have pics of us up on mine, and do I plan on deleteing them? No... My hope is dying every day but even if it dies I still have memories of the good days, I dont regret my past. Well, for those who didnt read my other post and is reading this one, I got all my wisdom teeth pulled today and I had HIGH hops for him texting me to feel better or what not.. but he didnt.. I keep telling myself he probably just doesnt remember I got them pulled but..... what if he knows and hes just doesnt want to talk to me. It hurts but what can I do... NC is the way to go, I should not get my hopes up any more, it just makes me feel worse, I should just live my life and if something happends it happends.

(YESTERDAY) Day3: It went good, I worked, I thought lil about it but it doesnt bother me any more how it used to. I felt really good that day, I went out with someone I meet online and we just hung out and hes a cool guy I like him, as a friend. Other then that I went back home nervous because the next day I was getting all my wisdom teeth pulled out. Day 4: I woke up and went to the oral surgeon and got my wisdom teeth pulled! OUCH! I havent been thinking about him all today, ive been on heavy dose pain killers and in bed, only time ive thought about it was right now actually since im typing things. I hope that he would text me today and ask how im doing, he knows I had them pulled out today so im hopping he would care alittle and see how I am. Ill just tell him im okay n thats it. I just want to know that he cares lil. Other then that im doing really good, I do have to do ALOT of homework. =(

My phone goes off alot, and every time it goes off I think its a text from him.... but its not, their always emails from things im subscribed to..

Day 2: Well today went really good actually, I went to school, I was happy I smiled and laughed at things, I did think about him and sometimes thought he was hooking up with other people and flirting with other people but It only hurt alittle. Before I would start to cry and go for hours just being lazy but now I think about it and its like Ehh I will heal and I will get better. Ive havent cried today, I probably will later on? But a good cry tho, Crying is good, let my emotions out. A Good Cry A Day Keeps The Contact Away =)

WOW Okay soooooo I ended NC Today by texting him if he wanted to go to lunch as you can read in my post above ^^^^^ And well.. Good and bad. Soo I texted him and at first he was alittle hesitant to say yes but I guess after I talked to him a bit he finally said yes and I picked him up and we went to a restaurant and just talked. I DID NOT!!! Bring up our relationship, the closest I asked was if he was okay and he said he was alright other then that we talked about our jobs and friends and family and just laughed about things that has happened the last couple of days. Then we left and once we got in the car he asked me "Sooo what do you want from me?" and I told him that how I felt, that I couldnt be his friend because I wanted to be more then friends and that I will always keep trying to get him back into my life because I love him, I know I hurt him ALOT because what I did and he needs time to forgive me and himself before we can get back together. He told me I need to give him TIME! That he needs time for himself so he can just THINK about what he wants to do. Its little hard to give him time because I love him so much and want him back in my life but I know its whats best. If your doing NC!!! PLEASE KEEP IT UP!!!! He told me that if I keep contacting him all im doing is pushing him away even more, I dont want to push him away I want him back in my life and I realize that with NC, I can give him time to realize what he wants and what I want. Please, for everyone doing NC Keep it up!! It will not only help them realize what they want but yourself. I am very glad I broke NC because It made me realize even more that I SHOULD LEAVE HIM ALONE!! The more I contact him the more I push him away from me. If I ever want to get back with him, I need to give him space. Im starting NC Again Today. NC Day 1: Today was a good day, I feel ALOT BETTER! After what just happened. I know he will contact me thursday (day 4) to see how im doing since im going to get surgery, i will reply with something small but other then that ill just let him be for now and give him time. =) Im almost over the hill but I still have a long way to go.

Sooo this WOULD be Day2..... BUT just contacted him..... He doesnt get off work for another hour soo during the mean time... Ganna get my homework done before I spend the rest of my day thinking why he didnt text me back OR what just happened....

I miss you alot. I wish you could give me a chance to fix things, I know it would take more then just my effort to fix things but urs as well and at this time ur not ready to put in effort with me.. I love you and hope to hear for you soon.

Day 1: he broke up with me last week but ive contacted him 6 times out of those 7days... i want to see him, talk to him and hopfully make things better again but I know I need to give him time forgive me and time for himself but its so hard... Today I start day one, even tho I contacted him when I woke up =( He said he didnt want to talk because he was hung over and not in the mood and he would contact me later?? If he contacts me... Which Im sure he wont.. Ill have to ignore it, ill try as hard as I can.