THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 26. feeling okay today but i think the only reason is because that guy who was interested in me is showing me a lot of attention all of a sudden. I know its a bad way to handle it, but im desperate to do anything to relieve some of the pain, and it's working. we have plans to get dinner together on tuesday. we'lll see if he cancels again this time... im not holding my breath, but im kinda willing to do anything at this point to get my mind off of my ex.

[lonesomeloser]

Day 2

 

Went 14 days, she commented on my FB page and I replied, nothing heavy, just playful and friendly. Now I wish I hadn't. I was doing real good, but now I'm thinking about her a lot. This sucks.

[stargirl1980]

Day 1

 

It's not so hard. I just have to get myself out of this funk I'm stuck in.

[Melting]

Day 7

 

My longest yet, Im proud of myself

 

Still waking up thinking of u, wish that would go away

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 7

 

My longest yet, Im proud of myself

 

Still waking up thinking of u, wish that would go away

 

good job! keep going!

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 27... can't believe I will have completed this challenge in 3 days.. honestly, it's gone by pretty fast and I can't believe it's been almost a month of NC.. though that probably means it hasn't seemed all that long to him either.

 

had ANOTHER dream about breaking NC with my ex. it's crazy. i seem to have these almost everynight. I don't remember the specifics, but in my dream I found out that he was living with one of his friends in another town.. and that made me feel good.

 

the reality is, i dont know where he is living right now, but i have reason to believe that he's living with his ex ex (before me) or her best friend (the girl he left me for). im pretty sure it's the latter, but i do not have 100% concrete evidence, its just what ive heard.

 

it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to think about it and even sicker that he might be moving accross the country with them...

 

but i know theres nothing i can do about it. ive been trying not to think about it and im gonna try to push the thoughts aside after i post this... but i just wanted to get my thoughts out on it here first.

 

in other news, plans for the "date" are still on for tuesday and im sooooooo nervous. at least it keeps my mind focused on something else and im happy for that.

[bish0p2004]

Day 13

 

Mornings still suck, afternoons are much better, nights are okay.

[lonesomeloser]

Day 3 after 14

 

I just want to tell her that I'm still her friend. Why can't we be friends? I miss my friend.

[BobbyC]

I failed at day 22.....

 

I texted her asking "Did you ever REALLY love me?"

She texted back "yes"

 

I asked "Can you ever LOVE me again?"

No response yet....

 

Please.... I LOVE this woman.

[HeavyD]

WOW haven't been on here in a long time. Thought I would pop in with a little update.

 

Day 8 here. Not having any problem not talking to her, but we've contacted a few times recently. She still is the one initiating everything, which I find very interesting to say the least. More on that in a minute.

 

I do miss her still SO much, but I think I've fully recovered from the heartbreak, so keep hope everyone. It IS possible to move forward positively and continue to live. I've since stopped therapy and counseling (finished, not quit). In the gym 4 times a week and have gained back all 20+ lbs I lost in the first month of the break(up). I feel the best I have in years - mentally, physically, and emotionally. I've been pounding away my schoolwork and exams, getting awesome grades, and ending the semester strong. All with the dependency of NO ONE but myself

 

Now on her part... Well I got a little curious and looked at her facebook the other day. What a sad shock. I was browsing through some of our old pictures, and noticed that she has lost a LOT of weight. And for a girl who has been struggling with an ED for years, that's not good. The pictures of us she still has up, she looks very healthy, and most importantly - happy. These new ones she has added her cheeks and eye sockets have sunken, and her bones and brow line much more prominent. And coming from someone who just lost a ton of weight, it takes a great deal of lost mass before it starts affecting your face like that. I don't know what her new relationship is like, and honestly, I don't really care.

 

She still contacts me, now WANTING to meet up to give my stuff back. Something that would have been absolutely unheard of a few months ago.

 

I still think about her a lot, and miss her even more. But I've decided once I get my stuff from her, I'm going to cut it off. No more contact. I will neither respond nor initiate. I gave her a respectable, honest apology for what I KNOW i had done wrong, yet the past is the past and I can't do anything to change it. Her bitterness is her own poison now, and until she can apologizes for her part, or at least some of the things she has said (which of course will never happen), there is no reason to continue any sort of communication.

 

So in a nutshell, my entire breakup over the past few months has been like this:

- "We need to go on a break"... excellent terms

- "You were a waste of my time, I can't believe I stayed around as long as I did, you're a boy not a man, yada, yada, yada..."

- "you have some of my stuff, when can we meet?"

- I drop off her stuff, avoiding confrontation

- "I have your stuff, when can we meet"

 

All of this was done with me in near complete NC. No initiation by me.

 

Sorry for the long post, stay strong people - you will all get through this and be a better person because of it.

[stargirl1980]

Day 2

 

not so bad, not so bad.

[lonesomeloser]

Day 4 after 14

 

I'm making that distinction because I did go 14 days completely NC aside from FB poking (which doesn't count in my opinion) and her 'liking' some of my posts on FB (I never responded to this). We are Long Distance, so FB is one of the few methods of communication. No phone calls, no texts, no emails.

 

14 days in she makes a post on something that I became a fan of saying "love this". So, I replied back in a very friendly manner. So, it was small, and subtle, but still contact. And I felt good about it.

 

I still kinda feel good about it, but now I want more. I really want to initiate some kind of contact since she initiated the last. But I'm going to stick to the NC challenge. It has helped my heart palpitations, helped me heal, and may have started some kind of communication... I'm really NOT looking to get back together with her; I just want her friendship back.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 28... I've had an uneasy feeling all morning... which turned to nauseous when i logged onto my forum and saw that my ex had logged in and also posted. he posted a joke and it made me want to throw up.

 

i have a "date" tomorrow and im nervous. i thought about canceling, but i think ill go through with it... what else is there to do really? Tomorrow will be 8 weeks since the break up, and my ex doesn't seem to give a crap about me. he hasn't returned my stuff like he said, and he's posting on my message board like he said he wouldnt. at first i thought that it may be because he's missing me, but i really dont think that anymore. he's moving on.

[Melting]

Day 8

 

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

Im feeling good!

 

I have taken this on as a challenge, a goal and its working gr8!

 

My good days are outweighing the bad...

 

All it took is the realization it was over and... Wham, start of a new life

[jim355]

Day 8

 

Cant say I am feeling that well, but better than day 1 for sure. I hope it gets better from here. I still miss her greatly in the morning and wonder what happened to the girl I once loved. :sad:

[tina-rocks]

Oooo it's been so long.. Only contact in-between was about my two cats..

[lonesomeloser]

Day 5 after 14

 

Up and down. Was kinda hating her last night, thinking she used me, played me, ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, picked it up, spit on it, then handed it back. But I looked into her eyes, the world disappeared (she said that too), she said she loved me so much... how could someone do that?

 

Want to send a Xmas card. Wrote some stuff in one, then tore it up and threw it away. Still want to send one. My only xmas wish is to have her friendship back.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

day 29.... my "date" for tonight seems to have flaked on me again. He already cancelled once because he had too much work to do, then he ignored me on one of the weekends we were supposed to meet up. we finally made solid plans for dinner tonight a few days ago. he called me and left a message and said "can't wait to see you on tuesday" twice in the message...

 

we were texting back and forth last night and ask him if he's excited for tomorrow. he ignores me and writes back in the morning and says he might not be able to see me tonight because he might have to go to a business dinner... and he will let me know either way by noon. well, its a little past noon and i still havnt heard from him..

 

im annoyed cause it was just supposed to be a fun get together "date"... aka not really a date.. just hanging out... but now it's turned into this huge mess... anyways, i wont go into further details, theres a 5 page post about it in the Dating section...

 

the good part? i havn't thought about my ex all morning.

[Mustachio]

Day 10 of round 3.

 

I had to look at a calendar to find out just how long its been since I last spoke to her... not really counting the days anymore.

 

The thoughts of getting back together with her are fading, but the pain and the missing her is still there. But anything more than that is just a fantasy. Time to take stock of my life and look forward, and not idealize falsehoods from the past.

 

I made it through this past sunday, which would have been our 7th anniversary and you know what, the buildup to the day was worse than the actual day itself.

 

Dont know if I plan to wish her a merry christmas or not, but you know what, it doesnt even matter. She chose to remove herself from my life and now I am choosing to move my life forward. She will have to put in the work to get herself back into mine... only time will tell if or when she decides to do that, and I will be the one to determine if she can ever earn a place back in my life in some way.

 

Until then, forward I go.

[labqueen]

Day 30....I'm not sure how I feel. Throughout this time it became increasingly easier to not contact him. I've ignored his 3 attempts to contact me. Since this 30 day period is up, I've decided to implement phase 2 of my NC. I will no longer ignore his contact attempts but I will not initiate contact until day 60. Hopefully by that time he will be having thoughts of reconciliation or I will no longer want to reconcile.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Day 30....I'm not sure how I feel. Throughout this time it became increasingly easier to not contact him. I've ignored his 3 attempts to contact me. Since this 30 day period is up, I've decided to implement phase 2 of my NC. I will no longer ignore his contact attempts but I will not initiate contact until day 60. Hopefully by that time he will be having thoughts of reconciliation or I will no longer want to reconcile.

 

im confused..do you want to get back together with him? phase 2 sounds interesting... did you read that somewhere on here or come up with that idea by yourself?

 

congrats on making 30 days!

[labqueen]

Lol! My post is convoluted and confused you because I'm still confused myself. Ultimately, I do want him back....actually I came up with phase 2 because as my 30 days was coming to an end, I knew that I was still unable to effectively communicate with him without breaking down or pushing him further away. I feel I've made some progress where I can communicate with him when he initiates contact and since he has been trying to contact me, I think it's pointless of me to continue to ignore him, since I do want him back. If I want him back, I have to start somewhere.

 

In 30 more days I hope I'm in a place where I can initiate contact with him and not be adversely affected when the contact doesn't lead to where I want it to go. I want to be able to accept his rejection without starting from square one of my healing. Who knows? In another 30 days, I might not want him back.

 

Hope that make sense!.....Thanks and congrats to you also! I see you're right there with me....What are you hoping to accomplish with your NC?

[HeavyD]

Hahahaha ohhhhhh the irony.

 

Seems like the less I think about her, the less she does. Here I post again for the first time in about a month, and 2 days later she texts me on day 10 LOL.

 

We're supposed to meet up tomorrow. Can't wait to get this over with...

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Hope that make sense!.....Thanks and congrats to you also! I see you're right there with me....What are you hoping to accomplish with your NC?

 

lol, i gotcha now... im planning on doing full nc until he contacts me to reconcile or i get over him and want a friendship with him... or i just dont want anything to do with him. we'll see what happens. honestly today was the first day in a while that i felt like i could either take him or leave him and so i trudge forward!

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 49

 

This was when I broke NC when my ex broke up with me for the first time nearly 3 years ago. This time I'm nowhere near where I was last time. There's no way I could break NC anytime soon...It would set me back a LOT if things didn't go well...and by well I mean him asking me back. I imagine I won't be ready at 60 days either like I thought I might be...day 49 was also when my ex started trying to get back together with me last time and had been missing me for a while already...I wonder if the same thing is happening this time too...I can hope, right?