THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[HeavyD]

^ Agreed. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Facebook is poison to dumpees. I made the mistake of keeping us friends on the site and watching her every single action. Who she friended, who she deleted, what pictures were taken down, how long had it'd been since she'd updated it.

 

It took about a month until I realized "W T F AM I DOING!?". I'm sure if I had blocked her right off the bat, that entire month would have been saved and a lot of hardship spared.

 

Art is also a huge release for me. Whether it's designing tattoos, pen and ink, metalworking, I love it all. Find something that you are (used to be) passionate about, and exploit it. Be productive.

 

 

 

OT question, have any of you guys been getting sick lately? Not like breakup induced, but seems like EVERYONE on the East Coast here is catching some kind of illness like the plague? I've felt like death for about the past 4 days...

[Beachandsurf]

three days, hard .....I wanted to drive past his house and knock on his door.. hoping he would welcome me with open arms.. then the logical part kicks in.. he would never answer the door.. as he would know it was me from seeing the car pull in the driveway and ignore me.. so with that I blew off the thought and just went to Walmart...lonely yes, but better than the rejection all over again had I tried to go to his place..

[star111]

I made it through about 2 weeks. Probably because I met someone else who fed the excitement I used to find through my ex. Now I'm done with that fling...and sent my ex an email. Must be boredom, lonliness, attention. I don't even feel anything at all. I really don't even think I care about the person he is anymore....I'm just addicted to some fix. oiy.

[ApplCW]

Day 9

 

Stuck doing a bunch of paperwork late at night. These are the times when I miss her. Keep me company in the middle of the night. Aye. Almost approaching double digits. I'm excited for that. 30 days isn't even that long, they just seem to last forever with this challenge. I honestly wish I had started this sooner.

[Jorganti]

NC day 3...

 

I'm missing her like crazy...but the fact she has a rebound hurts me enough to numb the good feelings about her.

 

I feel right now I can be strong but I don't know what tomorrow will bring. We DO work together, and things will get akward considering we havn't talked since I found out she had a new guy (who she barely knows)

 

Whatever...her loss, if she can fall out of love that easily, her ''LOVE'' is probably not worth fighting for...

 

that was my mind speaking...my heart will tell ya im hurting bad without her

[crymeout]

DAY 1

 

I am going to do this for myself, i cling on to the hope that he will be in touch as he has done this before, but i MUST NOT answer and i MUST try and move on as hard as it is. He told me he cares about me but doesnt feel the same about me anymore, there cant be no way back from that can there?

he said he hasnt thought about me in the past 2 weeks and he hasnt missed me and the only time ive enterd his mind is when i text him and remind him??? how cud he after 2 and half years.....

he is on my mind every second and i really do NEED to do this NC thing to help myself get over him, to move on, as much as i dont want to and i want him back, i have to try take some kind of control of the situation....i HATE feeling this weak, I am hoping in time i will heal, i CANNOT tho imagian myself with any other guy

[JustOneSecond]

Day 6

 

Going through constant ups and downs. Mainly downs. But I think I've accepted that it's over now, even though I can't stop hoping things will change. He wants someone new now. I hate that he's moving on and I'm stuck in this depression.

[Nappyloxs]

Day 6

 

Going through constant ups and downs. Mainly downs. But I think I've accepted that it's over now, even though I can't stop hoping things will change. He wants someone new now. I hate that he's moving on and I'm stuck in this depression.

 

once you accept it, it will get easier. The hope doesn't go away though. Shoot, I still hope to win the lottery every wednesday and saturday, but I accepted that I won't win.

 

Starting NC again. I don't know why I keep breaking it when I know she won't respond. I guess its just comforting to me to tell her I love her. Pathetic.

 

Today I feel like I will do better. Step by step, day by day. If I break NC, I break NC. Hopefully each new attempt will be longer than the last.

[jcapulet2007]

13 days NC. Well since I bumped into him. 36 days since I actually spent time with him.

 

Seriously having to sit on my hands tonight, to stop me emailing him and pulling him up on the disrespectful way he just disappeared from my life :sad:

[feelingitnow]

once you accept it, it will get easier. The hope doesn't go away though. Shoot, I still hope to win the lottery every wednesday and saturday, but I accepted that I won't win.

 

Starting NC again. I don't know why I keep breaking it when I know she won't respond. I guess its just comforting to me to tell her I love her. Pathetic.

 

Today I feel like I will do better. Step by step, day by day. If I break NC, I break NC. Hopefully each new attempt will be longer than the last.

 

Try to stay busy and make a list of all the things you have to do...I have like a hundred things I hope to accomplish before that stupid December deadline ends when I can talk to him again...that last text made it clear, when I asked him for something positive, that I just wanted to give up and move on-- and he's like "this is me being positive, is asking for this time and you can't even respect that and if you can't then maybe it is time to give up..."

 

He's such a control freak, because then I was like -- "oh so you are being positive, you won't give up yet and I won't either..." and he's just like "I'm not responding til December anymore..." He has disappointed me many times in the past so while I am curious to know what he has to say if we meet -- if he seeing someone else, etc then I am DONE. I did all I could after we broke up -- got gifts, tried to please him sexually -- so I accept that I have gone above and beyond. I have let the guilt and regrets go about the past and am focusing on myself now -- just focus on yourself and the time will fly!

 

Make a list of goals you want to accomplish...when and if NC ends for you, you have to prove, show, and BE a different person than you were when you two broke up. It's the ONLY way...acting the way you did will not fix anything and will do more harm than good. I am starting to enjoy having the space I have now and am trying to use that time productively...so I still have not lost hope because we do have a connection, but I realize that I have done all I can do. He is very high maintenance so if someone else wants to try dating him then god bless them. I accept that possibility now and am reminding myself every day of all the stuff I have to work on.

 

Try to do the same -- DO NOT BREAK NC again, it is hurting more than helping...let your ex miss you...let them see what they are missing...do not be the person that they left behind, show them that the old relationship is dead and you accept that. You can't pick up where you left off and need to be wiser people when you meet again. And if you succeed, if you change, and she doesn't well then it may be your turn to walk away...

 

STAY STRONG...DAY 4 HERE...

[feelingitnow]

DAY 4 here, focusing on myself and goals for the weeks ahead. I guess it may be harder for me because we are not definitively broken up for good...and we set a date to talk again in December. I guess that may make it harder for me to be completely over it, especially since he mentioned he had gone on a few dates with someone imediately prior to asking for the space. Obviously a rebound. When we argued on the phone he went out and bought cigarettes LOL so I know he is as deeply involved in this as I am and not detached. I just am taking his words as face value, that he really is evaluating if he can move on and reconcile and start something new at this time and not using me as a back up because of this new person -- which most would be suspicious of. Like I have said, he is very high maintenance and doubt anyone could be so patient for so long...I accepted all of it, perhaps too much. But all well, just staying busy and feeling better and have accepted I cannot contact him til December. November is here already...time is flying...I am prepared for disappointment, expecting the worst, hoping for the best. I will not be friends with him if he is not interested in reconciling/dating again, and I will not be friends if he is seeing someone else and just wants to stay in touch ans see where things end up. This time away has given me an opportunity to assess what my dealbreakers and my own boundaries are, now that he has set these boundaries for me, as tempting as it is for me to just tell him I have given up and want nothing else to do with him. I feel kind of strung along, but again, I did some messed up stuff to him and never gave him time to miss me so...we'll see what happens. Day 5 starts tomorrow!! Lots to do!! Set goals, stay busy everyone...find yourselves again...

[fentiger]

Day 8. He contacted me on day 6 by facebook a 'hey, how are you message' with one measly 'x'. I replied to him today with a breezy, i'm cool message. Now I'm upset and angry with him all over again, he hasnt replied yet and Ive decided I really need answers from him about the breakup but dunno how I can get them. I love and hate him sooo much, all at the same time, its impossible.

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks I always appreciate your advice.

 

I know breaking NC was dumb on my part. I really don't know why I broke it. I sent an emailing just saying how I love her still and that I don't blame no one but her and I for our breakup. Stupid, I know.

 

But currently, I feel much better. Yeah, I broke NC, Yeah, I have made every mistake in the book. I figure it like this. I rather do what I did and that is look like a fool in love than what she did which is not communicate with me at all. I rather love and show it than love and not show it. I did that for two years and it is why I am here today.

 

I am not saying that I am going to continue to keep contacting her and making stupid decision. I think I am finally done with make attempts to reconcile. I can't exactly explain it, but I feel as if I really don't need to contact her anymore because I know its over for good now. Like I told her, nothing I do matters, whether its call her, text her, email her, send her flowers, or even NC. None of it matters because its just over.

 

NC is just me moving on with my life and not talking to her anymore. I have done that with so many people in my life that it really shouldn't be a challenge. I want to say that I have entered the hate stage, but I don't really hate people. I am in, I just don't give a D@*N stage.

 

As for your ex.'s comment, screw him. People say NC can be used for them to miss you. Seriously, how long should it take for someone to realize that they love you and miss you? It took me two weeks and that was only because I was so pissed at her. Any other time, it would take a day. In December, you ex is either going to say he wants more time, so he can keep you hang around waiting for him (controlling you) or he is only going to say he wants to be with you because he and the rebound chick broke up for the holidays because he doesn't want to get her anything. Seriously, if you and I know we love are ex, why should we respect their "space". There are plenty of times while in relationships they never respected our "space." And if they cannot see that they have someone who loves them very much and at this moment we are opening our hearts to them, it is an opportunity to make the relationship strong or break it, why do we want to be with them.

 

I am sorry for ranting, but your ex's comment sounds like something my ex would say. There is no deadline for love. And if they truly loved us, they would know it by now. All they are doing is searching to see if the grass is greener on the other side, and when they find out it isn't we will be long gone.

[MNmike]

Went and broke a month of NC. I texed just because I wanted to chat and see how she is. To call me or text me.

 

She texd back immidiately, Sure. In a bit. Just going to class.

 

Well, she didn't call back. I text to see when she was done with class a few hour later.

 

Her: Sorry, I'm swamped with homework at the moment. No worries!

 

Me: Ok, maybe some other time.

 

No response.

 

I should have known better.

[stargirl1980]

Day 31. I still feel like it doesn't count, maybe, cuz of the txting accident. So maybe I should consider it Day 3?

[Trader1499]

Well I'm going to do NC the best that I can, but there are a few things I have to be in contact with my ex wife about as we still have a final hearing to finalize the divorce. The date is not determined yet as they are backed up. So anyhow...

 

Day 1

 

I didn't contact her at all. I did go to face book during the day, and I realized I have to cool it on that. I deleted all the things in reference to my feelings for her and stuff I posted and made it just a normal profile page. She made it safely back home to colorado 2000 miles away!

 

Tonight I went to a divorce support group. Everyone was very kind and supportive and alot of good ears for listening. I did things I'm not use to doing like taking responsibility and being independent by going and getting my title and tags etc for the car I purchased from my wife before she left Sunday.

 

Overall I think it's a good day, but I just wish there was more time in it as I have so much I want to do!

[Mustachio]

Well I am not really counting the days anymore, but I know when I last talked to her.

 

Day 35 here I think.

 

Still thinking about her every day, but I dont think I want her anymore. I have gotten past that, but I do miss what we had and there is a part of me that wants that back. Dont quite know how I would react if (when) she calls.

 

This time in NC has really allowed me to focus on myself and make some big changes for myself. I dont have the strong urges to call her anymore, but recently I have found myself wondering how she is and wanting to call, but never strong enough to actually do it, or even seriously consider it. No plans to break NC on my end. My only plans are for myself and my own life completely separate of her, she no longer influences my decision making process whatsoever.

[Beachandsurf]

day 4.... doing well with NC... but feeling low this morning thinking of him.. still finding it hard to deal with the fact that he can just shut me out of his life as if I never existed ... it is very painful.. thinking of all his promises and all his plans for us.. how I was his soulmate he said and no woman has ever meant more to him.. ;-(

[CrapAtNC]

Just over three weeks now, and doing great. This is the first time I've really wanted not to call her more than wanting to.

 

Sometimes chat with her friend, and she tells me she doesn't like the new guy and more and it's now over. Her friend asked - almost in desperation, it seemed - if we would my ex and I would get back together. This was pretty novel, as, in the past, when I was doing all the chasing, she just kept advising me to move on.

 

Anyway, no contact with the ex until she contacts me first, in which case I'll be friendly and fun but nonchalant. That's my goal.

 

Good luck, all.

[Superman87]

What a great idea, I was going to start keeping this down in a diary but this will be much better for me as hopefully at low times I can read the encouragement and advice.

 

Ok, so here go's...

 

Day 1 - Last night I was told that she loves me, but not in that special way anymore and doesnt see a future for us. She wants us to continue as friends and does not want me out of her life. I said this would not be possible. No contact started today and it couldnt have got off to a worse start, I received a text message this morning from the ex asking how I was. I deleted it straight away.

 

I am thinking about her so much, although I have yet to break down in floods of tears. I cant believe after over 5 years it has ended so suddenly without her wanting to fix the problems.

 

I am determined to do this.

[ApplCW]

Day 10

 

Almost broke NC yesterday afternoon. Work threw me a curveball and I needed to rant. I had to stop myself from calling her. I have deleted her number but I know it by memory. I sometimes wonder how she's doing with school and stuff since she was all stressed out over school. LOL at least I know she has no time for a proper social life. Then again part of me wishes she would find someone new, just for the purpose of showing her what she gave up.

[Superman87]

Quick question - is there a best time to break no contact? I really want to do this firstly for myself, but deep down also to maybe hope she realises what she is close to losing.

 

Is it a case of continuing and if, and that is a big IF you receive a text asking to discuss things you then decide whether to make contact?

[Theblueman123]

Quick question - is there a best time to break no contact? I really want to do this firstly for myself, but deep down also to maybe hope she realises what she is close to losing.

 

Is it a case of continuing and if, and that is a big IF you receive a text asking to discuss things you then decide whether to make contact?

 

You can only do it when you're comfortable with her rejecting you, or if she has moved on and is happy with someone else doing with them what they did with you. When you don't care anymore, then you can break NC.

[Nappyloxs]

New commit to NC. I am tired of ex. and thinking about her. And attempting contact. If she can't realize that she is giving up something special for nothing than it wasn't meant to be.

[Trader1499]

Day 2..or should I be starting over. My ex wife messaged me to let me know she made it safely back to colorado in her 3 day journey. All I said was thanks for letting me know and i'm glad she was ok.

 

She then text back and says she forgot her tv remote.

 

I said I'll send it to her and that I already sent her other box that couldn't fit in the car.

 

She said thanks and I said to take care..

 

Does that count as breaking NC? She messaged me to let me know she arrived safely from going from florida to colorado on her own. and I kept it brief with no feelings or anything personal.