THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Beachandsurf]

Day 6. This is were I usually break NC. I still love her very much and miss her. Still refuse to break NC. The missing her is starting to fade simply because I have become accustom to this new life. Doesn't mean I don't want her here, I am just finally getting use to her not being here.

 

Still love her though just as much as ever. I keep thinking that she may realize that she loves me. But its not going to happen. We have seen each other driving and even this past weekend while out. She just doesn't miss me and never will.

 

You are right we are in this together ...nice to have the support , it helps ;-)

I know what you mean by becoming accustomed to this new life.. it seems like it is getting back to normal for me.. I was just thinking again though to call him, have been fighting it all morning.. and you are right again, it just is not worth it.. besides, I have been remembering even more crap.. so, I am still asking, why do I feel like breaking NC anyway ??

 

We all need to stay strong ;-)

[Beachandsurf]

Reaching out and calling or an email just is not worth it IMO. It makes you feel good for the moment but what if they don't answer? Don't return the email? Just a relapse.

 

I am on Day 23!!!! Going great thus far.

 

you are right, he has not answered the phone for two months why would he now?? he knows the number, if he wanted to talk to me and knows I have tried to talk to him, then he would call. And he never returned one single email. so yea, wasted effort .. I think it is just the habit perhaps ??

 

And Chris!! day 23!! you go!! ;-) glad you are making it..

[Chris Knows]

you are right, he has not answered the phone for two months why would he now?? he knows the number, if he wanted to talk to me and knows I have tried to talk to him, then he would call. And he never returned one single email. so yea, wasted effort .. I think it is just the habit perhaps ??

 

And Chris!! day 23!! you go!! glad you are making it..

 

It is normal. We all go through it.

 

We are all convinced that if we can just have that one phone call or that one email the light will flicker in their brains and they will want to come crawling back home.

 

We know it won't work, but we become so custom to them being their everyday that we just want that little minute or two of our lives to be back to normal.

 

Not worth it.

 

It sucks. Its brutal. But we will all survive

 

Yup, Day 23! Never thought I would make it this far to be honest. She lives a mile down the road so it makes it tough to not want to ride by the house and stop by and say whats up. I guess in my situation it's a little easier for me to cope with it because my circle of friends has a few that are mutual friends between the two of us. From everything they have said she is missing me and wants to talk eventually. I have to keep telling myself, make HER come to ME. Not me going back to her.

 

It does get easier and you realize there are other people out there for you. I cannot lie when I say I would take her back. But you just have to keep on moving forward in life. If they don't want to be with you then it is their loss.

[feelingitnow]

Day 2

 

Tempted to try calling from a different number just to see if he picks up, but I know he would be mad I broke our agreement not to talk til December (again). I just feel like I'm in limbo, don't feel like meeting new people, just feel stuck. If I knew it was over for good, it'd make it easier. Now there is just uncertainty. I also made the mistake of re-reading our old emails to each other last night which didn't help things either. I wish we could get back to feeling that way about each other, when it was casual and calm. I am also trying to fight off feelings of resentment and anger right now at the same time as well. It's tough. Not a good way to be starting off the day, but I will try and be strong and avoid making the phone call I've been wanting to make. I guess I'm just expecting he'll disappoint me again in December -- there were a lot of disappointments, times when he would cancel things last minute, etc, so I ended up sort of getting used to it which made me feel like I wasn't important or a priority. On the one hand, I have hope because he says asking for the space is him trying to be positive, on the other hand I just want closure so I don't have to deal with the possibility of disappointment once again.

 

 

[Chris Knows]

Day 129!!!

 

Slept with someone this weekend. hmmm not sure how I feel noww....

 

Did you feel guilty afterwards? I had the same feelings afterward when I was with a lady friend the other night.

 

It was almost like "Man, what will she think if she finds out".

 

But hey, forget it. Glad you had fun for a night

[feelingitnow]

Day 6. This is were I usually break NC. I still love her very much and miss her. Still refuse to break NC. The missing her is starting to fade simply because I have become accustom to this new life. Doesn't mean I don't want her here, I am just finally getting use to her not being here.

 

Still love her though just as much as ever. I keep thinking that she may realize that she loves me. But its not going to happen. We have seen each other driving and even this past weekend while out. She just doesn't miss me and never will.

 

Yeah her behavior this weekend was a telltale sign she is avoiding you. As much as it hurts, in your situation, you need to grieve and accept that it is over for good. It seems that you are finding closure in your heart which is good, so try and stay in that place and don't waver -- I think seeing how she reacted to you this weekend, when you know she saw you and went the other way represents some of the closure that you've been seeking actually -- you saw her in the flesh, in person, and it wasn't just silence from a phone call or email -- you just saw that she completely and utterly ignored you. What a slap in the face. You have all the answers you need now that you never got from the emails and calls and your repeated attempts to reach out to her. And for her not even to have the courtesy to give you that previously shows the kind of person she is, knowing the pain that you have been going through. She could at least have explained to you what happened and why she couldn't be with you or responded, instead of letting you suffer and leaving you hanging for all these weeks.

 

Like I said, look at this weekend as closure -- it's the answer you've been needing...

[feelingitnow]

You are right we are in this together ...nice to have the support , it helps ;-)

I know what you mean by becoming accustomed to this new life.. it seems like it is getting back to normal for me.. I was just thinking again though to call him, have been fighting it all morning.. and you are right again, it just is not worth it.. besides, I have been remembering even more crap.. so, I am still asking, why do I feel like breaking NC anyway ??

 

We all need to stay strong ;-)

 

I've been fighting the urge to call too, but he'll be pissed because we agreed not to speak until December. Me breaking that promise makes him feel disrespected (as I guess it should) so I am trying not to do it and cause any more damage than harm. One of the reasons we broke up is because he felt that I crossed boundaries and did not respect him (when at the same time he said he liked me being aggressive which was a turn on for him -- passive aggressive on his side, right?) -- so I am trying to do as he asks, even if it is not my style. I'm a face-to-face person that just likes to talk it out and get over it, not one to just be apart and think on my own. Our differences makes it hard, but I know I will see him in a few more weeks anyway, just scared he will disappoint me once again. Sucks when the ball is in the other person's court, wish I could get it back into mine...I had it before, then I lost it...

[feelingitnow]

Did you feel guilty afterwards? I had the same feelings afterward when I was with a lady friend the other night.

 

It was almost like "Man, what will she think if she finds out".

 

But hey, forget it. Glad you had fun for a night

 

I've been with other people since he and I broke up and told him, and he said it didn't matter because we were broken up anyway. But I still felt guilty and was just thinking about him the whole time anyway, was just looking for a momentary distraction. I don't think I'm ready to go on dates or hook with anyone else at this point, am just stuck in kind of a limbo for now...and as for you, so what if she finds out. You're broken up, so either one of you can do whatever the heck you want. There are no obligations. She chose not to be together, so if you need a distraction and can handle it, then go for it, even though you may feel guilty afterward...

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks. I guess I do take it as some closure. She either just totally hates me or is still mad at me, either way it doesn't matter.

 

I hate to compare it to others situation, but when my best friend broke up with his girlfriend, a similar situation happened. He bumped into her at the club. They spent the rest of the night talking about everything. I remember it, because it was actually a funny night. My ex. wouldn't look at me and left.

[Beachandsurf]

It seems these things get so complicated don't they? ;-) why is it always so hard? Keep your chin up, and don't contact him, as you say, you crossed those boundaries before and this is where it has gotten you. It is hard but we are here for you and it is only a few more weeks. SO deep breath ;-) and keep typing.

That's what I do.. I sit and have my crying bouts and then get on here and type in a few threads. I like this one and the one that allows you to type there what you would be typing to your ex ;-) now that's a BIG help Keeps me from calling or emailing..

[Beachandsurf]

Thanks. I guess I do take it as some closure. She either just totally hates me or is still mad at me, either way it doesn't matter.

 

I hate to compare it to others situation, but when my best friend broke up with his girlfriend, a similar situation happened. He bumped into her at the club. They spent the rest of the night talking about everything. I remember it, because it was actually a funny night. My ex. wouldn't look at me and left.

 

 

He did the same thing to me eight years ago when we broke up the first time. I tried then NC first and then making up or trying to be friendly and he just ignored me, He would see me at his buddy's apartment and make a n exit as soon as I got there. It was evil, and it hurt. And now the same thing. Yet he is friends with the ex before me from way back. Even went to her house one night drunk to tell the man she is engaged to, to be nice to her because my ex felt the guy was not treating her right . Go figure.

[Nappyloxs]

Here is one thing I am thinking about seeing the way she reacted. It probably is complete wrong but I just want to get it out.

 

I think she still hates me and is mad at me. I know I was wrong during the argument and that she finds me as the "bad guy." I keep thinking that there is a thin line between love and hate. I think that she is using the hate/mad as an excuse to move on. But its a lie and that she realize that she still loves me. It may just be a dream of mine. But I think you can only hate someone so much if you love them.

 

I hated her the first two weeks we broke up, and then I realized I hated her because I love her. Only she could get me so mad and hateful.

[Beachandsurf]

Here is one thing I am thinking about seeing the way she reacted. It probably is complete wrong but I just want to get it out.

 

I think she still hates me and is mad at me. I know I was wrong during the argument and that she finds me as the "bad guy." I keep thinking that there is a thin line between love and hate. I think that she is using the hate/mad as an excuse to move on. But its a lie and that she realize that she still loves me. It may just be a dream of mine. But I think you can only hate someone so much if you love them.

 

Could be. After we got back together he confessed the times he saw me were hard and he really wanted to talk to me but he was afraid I hated him.

I hated him for the first week and a half, and then I broke down.

[feelingitnow]

I think I'm going to go out to buy an Entenman's cake to distract myself

[Beachandsurf]

I think I'm going to go out to buy an Entenman's cake to distract myself

 

hhmmm I am thinking a birthday cake the past two days lol

 

Oh, and btw, I am on day 9 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-) And I swear if I don't stop the crying jags I will scream!! That s when it is the hardest.. yea a cake sounds REALLY good!! ;-)

[lonesomeloser]

Not sure if I qualify for this thread. But I'm going to put it out there.

 

I posted previously in the Cyber Relationships thread, but it is really an LDR.

Anyway, the girl and I are soulmates. We both know that. We both confess our deep love for each other. But we cannot be together at this time. We are 1,000 miles apart and due to personal, professional, and financial obligations, we simply cannot be together physically. We vow to remain best of friends, maintain our love, will always be there for each other, we acknowledge our soulmate status, blah blah blah... (I know I'm delusional here; I get it)

 

Now, that said, we have mutually agreed to see other people. I have NO hard feelings about that; but she feels a little guilty and that is part of the reason why our communication has dwindled recently. I explained that soulmates are very rare and our connection is spiritual and that it is stronger than any other relationship that may develop and that she shouldn't feel guilty. All I want is for her to be happy.

 

I truly don't mind if she is with other men. I don't. But oddly, what does sting is seeing her comments on facebook. Nothing bad, and I'm probably petty and insecure, but she used to click the "like" button on all my posts, but never does anymore. She is constantly "liking" all of our mutual friends' posts.

 

Crazy huh? That would bother me more than knowing she is out banging other guys?

We had been still "poke"ing each other if that means anything - she poked me last (today actually). Man, Facebook is evil!!

 

Anyway, I can't stop thinking about her, and I know I need to try to move on with my life. I am slowly weening myself off facebook and I'm going to try NC so I can get myself straight.

 

So, my last contact was an email I sent last night (8:00pm) inviting her here for her birthday in 2 weeks. I know she won't respond and she won't come, but I had to put the offer out there.

 

Consider this day 1.

[crymeout]

END OF DAY 3.....

 

want to conact him so bad, am worried about him, i truelly dnt believe he wanted to split, hes ill, i hate how i was with him when he left i said some horrible things... i wish i could take them back, i wish i could tell him i am here and that i care and that ill always listen.....

 

gawd ive been a fool.................

 

how can i carry on this NC, i know i need to heal and this is the only way, he left me ....but i just dnt think he is thinking rationally right now.....i knwo he will regret it later...

[jess2009]

First anniversary today.............NC 1 Year......

 

Can't believe i have done it, he was very sarcastic when i told him i want to go NC, he said that i was over-reacting and he wanted to stay friends, but i am so proud of myself that i have finally realised my true emotional potential and will power....

 

On the road to recovery........

[ApplCW]

Day 15

 

Wow almost half way done. Perhaps I might do this a bit longer than 30 days. I feel good but still not ready for any type of contact.

[TheLionKing]

Did you feel guilty afterwards? I had the same feelings afterward when I was with a lady friend the other night.

 

It was almost like "Man, what will she think if she finds out".

 

But hey, forget it. Glad you had fun for a night

Hey Chris, no I didn't feel guilty at all. Ex has been with someone for 5 months now. It probably has helped me to move on a little more though. I suppose I just thought, hey - I really don't want to be doing this, would much rather just be settled now.

But as I am not with her anymore it was much better fun than tidying my sock drawer this weekend!

[Broken2009]

Day 2 . I have a feeling this will last longer than my previous 1 week NC periods.

I had no reason to not contact her before bc she wasnt shutting me down.

I feel as though recently I have been shut down and she has shut me out as hard as that is to realize right now as she called me Halloween but wasnt ready for a phone call soo tried to recover from the bad convo desperately of course and now NC for 2 days.

 

my short story is : She doesnt know what I expect from her or want

[carebear697]

not posted for a while... i went 6weeks no contact then i met someone else. I know now that it wasnt ment to be. I have recently seen my ex again- when he came round to drop off the last of my things (I thought he'd done this already). I think now he knows ive moved on and he wants me back (due mainly to the late night drunken calls- to think i used to do this) but i reckon we can both be strong and kno when to end it.

Everyone here I know you have the power within yourself to move on no matter how hard it may feel now. Believe me, ive been in that dark hole wanting a cuddle from him to tell me it;ll all b ok but hey theres more to life and i dnt need that cuddle from him anymore. Not because Ive met someone far superior than he could have ever been but because I kno myself now and I kno I dnt need to rely on anyone else to make myself happy.

I will see my ex tomorrow at a gig. I bought tickets for us both to attend before we broke up (now 6months ago). I reckon it'll be awkward at first but I will be strong in letting him kno that it was his choice to end it, my heart was broken and I have managed to heal myself.

I adore my new man, he treats me so much better and I have a giggle. I sometimes feel that it may all turn sour at any moment but thats the risk we take in love.

 

Peace all xx

[kt_belle]

Day 1 of NC and surprisingly good. I'm just so exhausted by this whole thing that i dont actually want to talk to him. I just don't have the energy to deal with his issues. It hurts but i'm just too tired to be upset.

[lonesomeloser]

We had been still "poke"ing each other if that means anything - she poked me last (today actually). Man, Facebook is evil!!

 

I "poked" her back tonight. Does that break NC? - probably.... starting over...

[Nappyloxs]

Day 6. It was kind of a bad day. I thought of her more than I want to after two months. Just kept thinking of her coming back, her still being so mad at me. Trying again to see things from her point of view.

 

Hopefully, it may have put some things in prospective and tomorrow I won't think of her as much.

 

Luckily, there was no desire to contact her.