THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[danielle1973]

close to three months after the breakup, with very minimal contact during that time - I'm feeling much better. I've moved back home, living with mom for the time being. I still miss him and still wouldn't mind another chance, but I'm feeling happy and cheerful much more often and even starting to think about dating once I get back on my feet.

 

and yesterday, I realized just how much I still miss him, and that I'm nowhere near ready to date again =(

[HeavyD]

Just as I suspected...

 

Broke again today. Was on Day 5.

 

I'll make a new thread on this one, it was pretty weird/confusing??

[Beachandsurf]

today is day five. was a long night, cried all night and still crying but have not emailed or tried to call. thought I was healing, does not seem so.. but at least I maintained ;-)

[Superman87]

Day 2

 

I am still feeling quite numb and empty I think. I dreamed about her all night which wasnt great when I woke up. I am still finding it hard to accept that after so long together, she wanted it to end so soon. I am getting my head around the no contact thing though and understand that I am doing this for my self only. I am taking up boxing and tonight is my first night, so I am looking forward to that. It is also my birthday tomorrow, so I am expecting to receive a text message where I will duly ignore it and delete.

 

PS - for those interested, I have gone No Contact immediately after the break-up. I know a lot of people go through the begging for another chance stage etc but I havent, so this challenge may be interesting to see how different methods work.

 

Ben.

[Nappyloxs]

New day 1. Again. Feeling much better about this attempt because its been over two months and she has not said a single word to me. I think I am finally getting it. Plus, I feel more ready to move forward. I don't want to say I hate her, but screw her. She wants to throw away two plus years over nothing and if there was something cannot even tell me what it was. We are both adults and should be able to discuss problems. After two years together, she doesn't even have the courtesy to tell me why. No point in trying to find answers or reconcile. I am putting this one behind me.

[ApplCW]

Day 11

 

Nothing too exciting going on. I still miss her. Oh well. Time to look forward to my two week mark.

[JustOneSecond]

Day 8

 

Seems like months since we last spoke. Still very moody swingy. The tears still come but there's less of them. I would be so happy right now if he'd just stuck with me. So glad I joined the gym, the endorphins are helping me get through this! Really want to check his facebook page, just out of curiosity, but I keep reminding myself there's not going to be anything there I want to see. Unless he's confessing to the world how much he wants me back. Unlikely. If he wants to do that he can call me.

[feelingitnow]

End of Day 6. I almost texted today but restrained myself. He's on vacation from work now for another week so who knows what he's up to. I've been just trying to stay busy. Grrgh. Hate waiting. Til December. 39 days til we agreed to speak again. Trying to be strong, I was just so used to texting every day, talking on the phone a few times a week, etc, even after our official breakup, during which we basically continued our relationship anyway. If this doesn't lead to reconciliation I am going to be really pissed, because I'm doing all this waiting for him.

[feelingitnow]

New day 1. Again. Feeling much better about this attempt because its been over two months and she has not said a single word to me. I think I am finally getting it. Plus, I feel more ready to move forward. I don't want to say I hate her, but screw her. She wants to throw away two plus years over nothing and if there was something cannot even tell me what it was. We are both adults and should be able to discuss problems. After two years together, she doesn't even have the courtesy to tell me why. No point in trying to find answers or reconcile. I am putting this one behind me.

 

Two months and no replies? She's not worth it. PLEASE stop torturing yourself. The problem here is, you don't seem to have closure because of the way things ended. You need to find a way to get closure so that you can move on. You have made numerous attempts to reach out to her which she has ignored; I think it is fair to say you need to find closure within yourself at this point that she is gone. You're probably in a better place than me, I am in total limbo until December to find out what happens next -- find a way to get closure for yourself. Take all her stuff, bury it in the backyard, burn it, throw it into a river, lock it away in a box, do whatever you need to do to get over her. I would say that after 2 months and your constant attempts to reach out all being ignored -- is a telltale sign. You need to find a way to let go so that you can move on and not be stuck on her. Maybe I should start doing the same thing and tell him to screw off in December -- I thought about it, but he doesn't respond well to negative outbursts so I am trying to be on my BEST behavior.

 

Please try to find some closure and accept that this is over with her. Do what you have to do to let go -- she didn't give you clear reasons or communicate like you said, I believe that's why it's been so hard for you to let go, because of the lack of closure. If she is withholding that from you, then you need to find a way to do it on your own. Otherwise she continues to win and maintain her control over you...because she's still stuck inside of you...

[fentiger]

DAY1 (number 2) spoke to him last night. Ive been a mess today, done nothing but sleep and cry basically. I love and miss him so much and want him to come to his senses! grrr!

[feelingitnow]

DAY1 (number 2) spoke to him last night. Ive been a mess today, done nothing but sleep and cry basically. I love and miss him so much and want him to come to his senses! grrr!

 

A common theme seems to be that people feel horrible after breaking NC even though it sees to be the right thing to do at the time -- if you need answers or have a legitimate reason for contact, that's alright. But think before you act -- if it's just rehashing old stuff then let more time pass. That's a lesson I am trying to remember every day. I don't know the details of your situation, why you broke up, whether the NC is mutual, etc, but think about all of that before you choose to break NC again. Has he shown any hope or interest in reconciling, or has he made it clear that it's over? If it's the latter, you need to work on getting closure and moving on. If it's the former, that's kind of a tougher place to be because it leaves you in limbo land -- but that makes NC more important than ever so that he can miss you and you can both get perspective on the relationship.

 

I guess NC can serve different purposes -- on the one hand, it can be about having closure for the old relationship whether or not reconciliation is possible; on the other hand, it can serve as a tool to move forward after a relationship ends with the acceptance that it is over for good; and thirdly, I guess it can serve as a tool for couples to get perspective and make sure they change, understand what happened, and ensure that the same mistakes won't be made for any new potential relationship between you.

 

Try to figure out which of these categories you fit into...and then you can proceed...

[Nappyloxs]

Day 1 was great. No desire to call her. Like I said earlier, I am in the "screw her" stage and it feels great. Even if she were to come back, there would have to be some serious conversation and probably counseling. The great thing I feel is that even if she came back today, I may not take her back.

[Superman87]

Should no contact extend to the ex's family? For example if it was your birthday and they text you to say all the best etc.

 

Curious.

[Chris Knows]

Wow, I cannot believe I missed this thread completely.

 

I am currently on Day 20 and am starting to feel a lot better about the situation at hand

[Nappyloxs]

Thanks. I actually made a post yesterday. I got advice from a friend who said that what I really need to do is just find that place in my heart were she will stay. I have kind of found my own closure. Now I am in a "screw her" stage. And I am the type of person, once I cut someone off I cut them off complete, except for exes. But I think this one will be different, because I think she is childish and immature in the way she broke up.

 

As for you, you are not in limbo until December. I was actually think about your situation last night. I don't think you will find any answer in December. The answer will just come unexpectedly. See, when my ex and I broke up. It was mutual. I was so pissed at her for about two weeks. Then one day it just hit me. I love her, I forgive her, I want her back. It wasn't like during those two I sat in depressed. No, I was out trying to have fun, trying to meet another woman. Then one day it just hit.

 

He will not realize in December whether he wants to be with you or not. He may realize tomorrow or he may realize it in December, 2010. There is no day and time when you realize it. And say for instance, that you two have a date set. Dec. 15th. If he realizes it before then, why wait until that date. He knows you love him. Why are you waiting for him to find out if he loves you.

 

I thought about my 1st relationship last night. She came back a year later wanting to get back together and I still loved her, but I was dating someone wonderful at the same time. I really did not know who to choose. So I dated both. Girl 1 said she would wait for me. After a while, I had to let her go, because I knew she deserved better than me. She was so sweet that I hated what I was doing to her. She did not need to wait for me. I could have said okay and keep making her wait, but she deserved better. Never wait for someone. After I told "broke up" with her, she meet her future husband a few months later. Personally, I really don't like the guy. But he is perfect for her. He is the man of her dreams more than I ever would have been. And I am happy for her. Don't wait, because you may be passing on the man of your dreams.

[Nappyloxs]

Day 2.

 

I am learning to accept she is gone forever and that I will love her forever. It isn't that bad. I just write down my feelings in a journal. Starting the healing process.

 

No desire to contact her. Just a desire to love her, but its okay. I am accepting that I can't stop loving and can't give her my love.

 

I am starting to find peace with the situation.

[ApplCW]

Day 12

 

I'm finding myself not thinking about her as much. As if I forget she exists for certain moments in time. I will always love her, but she doesn't consume my thoughts 24/7.

[feelingitnow]

Day 7 is over. I was tempted to text "I miss you" but called a friend who told me absolutely no way should I do that. Being sick and in bed most of the day didn't help things too much, either. 38 days left now til I can talk to him...

 

Then, who knows. I know I shouldn't be counting but it helps me to see a light at the end of the tunnel, wherever it may lead. I have been also talking to someone else as a diversion that I'll hang out with this weekend. Went on a date 2 days ago (that did not go very well) so at least trying to meet people and stuff. Everyone keeps telling me, December will be here in no time at all...

 

I know for a fact he will be willing to be with me again, it's just a matter of when he will be able to get past the boundaries that I crossed during the summertime. I have to let go of my inner guilty, as much as he has to let go of his anger about what happened. It was three months ago, and in December it'll be four. Hope I feel better tomorrow so can get out of the house, so achy today...

[feelingitnow]

Thanks for providing the feedback; I'm really glad you're taking steps to move on with your life at this point and not look back -- if recurring thoughts come to you to contact her again, just try and focus on how you can obtain some closure for yourself. You make a good point -- that the time doesn't mean anything, he knows I want him, and he is using this time to decide not if he cares about me, but if he is ready to start something again with me because we had some serious drama that went on in the summertime. We talked about all those issues, and he's using the time and space away now (and I am too) to reflect on everything and decide if we can give it a second try, or I should say, try something to start a new relationship...

 

The most important thing is for me to respect his need for space right now; I am scared of what December will bring, but getting there forst is most important...Thanks again for the feedback and stay strong...my Day 8 starts tomorrow...

[Beachandsurf]

day 6, doing ok with not emailing or calling, although there has been a strong desire to do so. but I post what I want to write on another thread and that is helping a great deal.. can't help but wonder what he is doing and thinking though..

[mi-amor]

31 days here. got the urge to call last night but didn't.

 

i mean......what would i have said? i know it's over so what would have been the point.

 

and if he had been upbeat and doing ok i'm sure i would have felt worse than i did before i called.

[supercalifragilistic]

Day 10

Not doing good at all, but I don't feel like contacting him. I want him back but I don't want to talk to him or see him unless it's because he is interested in reconciliation. I don't know if I will ever be able to see him again without setting me back terribly. This really sucks.

 

I can't understand how he can just go from loving me more than anything to being ok with the possibility of never seeing me again. It makes no sense at all. Also, I can't believe it's only 10 days of NC, it feel like it's been months since I last saw him. I hope this gets easier soon.

[jenny2001]

Day 15. Its been 2.5 months since I've seen him. I'm coming to the realization that its not him I miss so much...I miss being happy. Am I ever going to be happy wanting someone who doesn't want me?

[bravebird]

1 week NC. 1 month since we saw each other. 4 months post breakup. NC, LC, and everything in between except reconciliation, which I've finally come to accept won't happen. I'm just tired of this emotional numbness...I'm not happy, still feel empty, but not sad enough to linger in bed all day or drink myself silly. Just weary of being weary and unwanted.

[quirky]

1 week NC. 1 month since we saw each other. 4 months post breakup. NC, LC, and everything in between except reconciliation, which I've finally come to accept won't happen. I'm just tired of this emotional numbness...I'm not happy, still feel empty, but not sad enough to linger in bed all day or drink myself silly. Just weary of being weary and unwanted.

 

just how I feel