THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[sarge1991]

Day 12

 

Almost half way there! School has been keeping me busy so that's a good thing, There is this phrase in the bible that i heard that goes:

 

"give them love if they don't accept, the love will go back to you"

 

I've been thinking about that alot lately, i was so upset thinking that she broke my heart and that i've lost my hope for love but thinking of this just makes me feel better. Maybe even a little hopeful. One of her reasons for breaking up was because we started too young, i think of this as a good thing who knows what lies ahead!

[HeavyD]

Here's something I look at when I'm feeling down. Whether you're religious or not, this is a great reference of what true love really is...

 

 

Love is patient,

True love is unconditional, that is, it does not depend on the attributes or lack thereof of the person loved, therefore, it is willing to give as much time necessary, and as much space as necessary for that person to grow.

 

love is kind and is not jealous;

Love seeks to give others something of benefit for their welfare, and consequently, rejoices when they do benefit.

 

love does not brag and is not arrogant,

To lift one's self up in reference to others leaves no room for unconditional, graceful love.

 

does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,

Love never seeks it's own gratificaiton but rather the interests of others.

 

is not provoked,

Selfishness seeks to manipulate others by stimulating certain selfish emotions. Love will not do this to others, nor will it let it happen to itself.

 

does not take into account a wrong suffered,

Forgivenss. Let it go. Bitterness is the acid. You are the container. Get rid of it or it will kill you.

 

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

Love does not somehow gloss over things that are going to be hurtful. True love originates from the truth.

 

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

If love really is unconditional, it will hold any weight, face any doubt, persist through hopelessness, and last any trial

 

Love never fails...

If it did, would it be love?

[OrganicBalloon]

Day 4

 

Is it just me or does the days seem longer when you go on the NC challenge.

[Mustachio]

Day 4

 

Is it just me or does the days seem longer when you go on the NC challenge.

 

It only seems longer because you are now consciously thinking all the time about not contacting, which in turn makes you want to contact them. Occupy yourself, the days will pass quicker, and soon you will get more used to the idea of not speaking to them or having them as a daily part of your life. It comes and goes, ups and downs, but it does get better... then it gets worse, but it does continue to get better. Just finishing day 16 of NC now, and even though I dont always feel like im making progress and getting better I guarantee if you asked the people around me they would say I am doing SO much better.

[star111]

Day 1 (backward 5)

 

I felt good not responding to him wanting me. Then did 3 days later. Sooooo stupid. Bantered back and forth about seeing eachother. But both fight it. Then felt it deep in my gut and couldnt pick up his call. Haven't heard from him since. He knows seeing eachother is wrong. We are both being ridiculous. But he is stronger at letting go/avoiding me. My mind gets fixated on it- and nothing in the world seems to matter. He doesn't care about me at all anymore. Why am I putting myself through this torture. I deserve the world, and to be with someone who will stop at nothing to be with me. Not trying to coerce someone why they should see me. This is insane. I'm so much better than this, now I'm embarrased I let him see me so weak. grrr.....I have to make it to the point of NC where I feel great.

[stargirl1980]

Day 12

 

I had something really big to take my mind off him today.

[HeavyD]

I guarantee if you asked the people around me they would say I am doing SO much better.

 

This is what I realized. I may not feel totally better mentally, but my life is getting back together. I lost 20+/- lbs, and have slowly been gaining it back. 6 down, 14 to go lol. My therapist also recommended we schedule our final session. She says that she has seen immense improvements from when I first started.

 

So things DO improve with time. Whether or not it feels like it, people around will notice. It feels good knowing that I can live without being dependent on someone... but at the same time there are times when I miss her more than anything in the world. It all comes down to how you handle those situations.

 

Rule number one - When you're feeling helpless, don't be alone! Find a friend, call someone, get out of your house and go window shopping. Anything other than sitting around thinking and reminiscing. Your mind will eat itself.

 

Also, try not to over-hype the "no contact" thing... I used to keep a calendar and check off every day like clockwork. I swear there were 50 hours in a day. I have since stopped keeping track intentionally, and things seem to go by much quicker. I did check today, and I'm on day 9. Feels like yesterday I last talked to her. 21 more to go...

 

 

My mind gets fixated on it- and nothing in the world seems to matter. He doesn't care about me at all anymore. Why am I putting myself through this torture.

 

Star, I feel your pain. It's so hard to ignore someone that you once loved and now have lost. But know this - he DOES still care about you. He's blatantly proving it to you. You're right you don't deserve to be played with and manipulated. But when someone has genuinely stopped caring/loving you - They're done. They won't call, they won't respond, they won't do anything. You're not worth their time anymore. So the fact that he is responding and actually talking tells you right there that he does still have an ounce of care for you. But don't let him take advantage of your weaknesses. If you show him that YOU can live without him - he will be feeling similar to you right now. Might not show it, but it's there.

[Anonymous3]

Day 10...the day I get back in the US is the 30 day mark.

[Mustachio]

Day 10...the day I get back in the US is the 30 day mark.

 

Enjoy your trip! I think being away will certainly do a lot of good for you.

 

And hopefully if you still need, find a way to get online and check into the forums, and try not to isolate yourself over there either. Have fun!

[Talus]

DAY 70ish

 

I feel great. I have no idea how many days it's been tbh but it's been bit over 2 months.

 

 

Every day you don't hear from them, contact them, see them etc. is a step forward. And even if you don't notice it, subconsciously, it's another day where you realise you're still breathing and getting by without them.

 

 

You may feel crap and like you are not coping. But you are. Even if you lay in bed crying all day, you're still alive. Your body still functions. Your heart still beats. Life still goes on.

[HeavyD]

^ The truth. Being independent is invaluable. Being dependent - is fatal.

[sarge1991]

Day 13

 

Im going home this weekend, don't plan on seeing her or even trying to just so happen to be in the same place she is haha. Looking forward to a good weekend though!

[kisskissNC]

Day 4,

 

Wow, So I posted that I was on Day 1 for the second time and have been busy up until this point. The point of No Contact is to heal ourselves and I feel like there's almost no point in stating that I am in No Contact anymore because I could care less whether she wants to talk to me or not. I'm taking the relationship we had as a learning experience and moving forward with my life. When I go out people still ask how my girlfriend is doing and whatever else they want to know and I can tell them confidently that she moved away and that we are no longer together. After the conversation it doesn't sadden me like it used to that we are apart.

 

I used to search the internet and these forums for any way that I could get my ex girlfriend back. I now have no desire to do that and if we eventually become friends or not is okay with me. Although I am technically only 4 Days into No Contact I would say I am still a couple of weeks in because the contact was so brief and meaningless.

 

Time does heal wounds! No contact is the best way to heal.

[coolchick64]

Day 4

 

Doing okay today. I can't believe it's only been 4 days though. It feels like an eternity . . .

[OrganicBalloon]

Day 5

 

Take a break and enjoy a long island.

 

I just need to find something to do in my life.

[HeavyD]

Yeaa wish I could have a few drinks... AD meds prevent that now, but I know it's making me a stronger person by resisting the temptation to just try and forget everything.

 

Day 10 1/3 of the way there...

[Mustachio]

Day 17

 

Honestly cant believe its been that long. It feels like no time at all has passed but it also feels like its been an incredibly long time.

 

Still having feelings along the lines of wondering how it is I am supposed to spend the rest of my life without my ex as a part of it.

 

Kind of sad, sad because I miss her, but sad because I am starting to move on. I want to move on, but at the same time I dont want to let her and my relationship go, even though it needs to. Its just kind of sad to see that the more I move on, the less she is going to be a part of it, and I wish it wasnt that way. I do miss her, and I do miss what we had, but I am starting to see it more as an addiction and trying to deal with it.

 

Life is actually good, but I cant help but thinking what could have been with her if we had worked on it (even though chances are it never would have worked and she never did anything to deserve it) but I just wish that chance would have been given to me as well as giving her the chance.

[brimitsy]

Day 13

 

Im going home this weekend, don't plan on seeing her or even trying to just so happen to be in the same place she is haha. Looking forward to a good weekend though!

 

star** !

[Singler]

I am on day 14 or 15, lost count....

[star111]

Day 0

 

I swear- no matter what I go through, and know is wrong.....I cannot ignore him like he does me. He calls- I jump at it. When did I become this attached person- that takes crumbs. I'm fixated on something that doesn't even belong in my life anymore. I'm upset at myself for not being stronger. I have an angel/devil sitting on my shoulder...lol. and I always choose the damn devil.

[Theblueman123]

Day 0

 

I swear- no matter what I go through, and know is wrong.....I cannot ignore him like he does me. He calls- I jump at it. When did I become this attached person- that takes crumbs. I'm fixated on something that doesn't even belong in my life anymore. I'm upset at myself for not being stronger. I have an angel/devil sitting on my shoulder...lol. and I always choose the damn devil.

 

Ignoring should only be used as a last resort. You want to heal from the break-up, it's too early for reconciliation. Ask him to not contact you again, and when you're ready you can contact him if you so choose.

 

Don't just cut him off randomly, this will only lead to confusion and more misery. If you really want to do NC, ask him to leave you be. If he then contacts you after that, you should ignore him until you have healed.

 

A goal without a plan is just a wish.

[stargirl1980]

Day 13

 

I barely thought about him today. Honestly, my mind was on another man. But I'd rather not think about him too hard either. I want to get to the place where I'm happy just being single.

[chazxoxo]

day 4

ex texts me somehow knows ive been in hospital not sure how? unless its a good guess as ive been in and out a few times recently and he's pretty good at calling my bluff but whatever, he wants to know if im ok. not sure if its genuine concern (though i highly doubt it!) or if he's just trying to get a response, last time i tried NC he text me after 8 days just to wind me up and didnt bother with me again once id replied.

 

i think he's just checking to see if im still waiting around (he has played me around for the last 5 months and then going back to his g/f) makes me so mad i have been a complete doormat and 4 days ago when i started NC i specifically told him not to contact me unless he wants to talk about getting back together as i need to move on.

 

its soooo hard not to text back as i want him back so bad, jut decided to turn my phone off.

 

still cant help wondering if i dont reply if he will bother to contact me again at some point

[OrganicBalloon]

Ignoring should only be used as a last resort. You want to heal from the break-up, it's too early for reconciliation. Ask him to not contact you again, and when you're ready you can contact him if you so choose.

 

Don't just cut him off randomly, this will only lead to confusion and more misery. If you really want to do NC, ask him to leave you be. If he then contacts you after that, you should ignore him until you have healed.

 

A goal without a plan is just a wish.

 

Day 6

 

Well when I started the NC I guess I did randomly cut off my ex randomly. Should I tell her whats going if she tries to contact me again since she did call me a few times already when I was on NC and I ignored it.

[coolchick64]

Day 5

 

All's quiet on the ex front. I'm feeling sad and antsy, but basically okay. No desire to make contact and mostly relieved not to hear from him. I sincerely hope that by the time 30 days have gone by, this will all be so irrelevant that I won't even remember to post it. Please, God, please, isn't three months enough???