THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Anonymous3]

Yeah...blows when everything was seemingly going so well. I spoke to her mother as well at one point, who always seemed to love me, and she really had nothing but criticism.

 

Apparently I didn't show enough affection for her daughter in front of her....here I was the whole time thinking I was being polite and respectful by keeping some distance between us. There was lots of other stuff in that conversation that confused the * * * * out of me...I guess I tried way too hard to do everything right.

 

I don't know...I prefer Cohen here.

 

"love is not a victory march, it's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah."

[Jinky]

Day 1. Completed. No hassle. She didnt answer my text yesterday.... Keeping sane.

[star111]

Day 0

 

I found this message board after feeling crappy for emailing him. usually I get no response. Today I got a response, pretty much saying he's fine and happy and doesn't miss the tension and fighting, and he's not what I need to feel better, etc., etc. I tried to not respond. But felt the need to comment on things he said. I wish I never emailed in the first place. He doesn't want it, I know it can't really be. I responded. So here I go again.....30 days.

[coolchick64]

Day 1

 

The email exchange we had yesterday was productive and healing. I don't regret it. But now I have to go hardcore NC. I made it clear I don't want contact unless he has an interest in reconciling and is no longer dating anyone. Under those conditions, I know I won't hear from him again. This should put an end to the random emails, which is good and necessary, but also scary. We broke up two months ago and I avoided some of the pain by clinging to the hope that he'd change his mind. This time, I just have to totally accept that it's over. I'm stronger now but it's not going to be easy.

 

I've had moments today when I felt euphoric and free. Other moments when that sick feeling came back to the pit of my stomach. I think the next couple of weeks will be a trial by fire. I just have to keep my eye on November, and hope that by then, I'm solid again.

[miket]

Day 2,

 

Despite most of the day being a boring one for me, I didnt think about her so much. Things are starting to get easier and i'm seeing more clearly...

 

Then...

 

She emails me to say she misses my family, my dog and the things we do. She made some small talk but also said I hope you can see why we cant be together.

 

2 Hours later, she texs me saying 'I emailed you x'. Im going to email her back later today, as I do want her back and we have only ben split for 6 days so its still early.

 

I guess this will be my last post in this thread, lol!

[lotus26]

Almost day 14!

I cant believe i have managed to have 2 weeks NC.

I really miss him and its still really really hard.

Does it get easier?

Was asking him not to contact me the right thing?

surly LC doesnt work

So many questions but i have to be strong and not break NC.

[kisskissNC]

Day 1,

 

My general situation, with limited details:

We dated for 1 year and 4 months. My girlfriend and I have been broken up since the end of August. I broke up with her because she had been pulling away from me for over a month. We spent almost every day together since the start of the relationship and we both felt smothered. She told me she got sick of me and all of the moodswings. After a few days I tried to get her back but she wouldn't allow it.

 

She was living with me until exactly one week ago when she moved an hour away to live with her dad. During her time living with me when we were not together she saw me cry and beg her to stay with me. It was my gut reaction to prove to her that we should be together and that I am actively trying to improve myself. During this stage she would continually say I still care about you, with a look of sadness. We skipped being friends, she wants to be friends now. I helped her pack up her stuff and gave her one last hug goodbye.

 

I went with low contact txting since the day after she moved away. Kept it light, friendly and tried my best to steer clear of negative emotions and any talk about the relationship

 

Unfortunately, this weekend I found a letter while I was cleaning which was her asking me to do something, and that she loves me and will always love me.

I got weak and I asked if she wanted to hang out alone without friends, just the two of us and have some fun next weekend. She said "no, sorry I don't think you view me as a friend, and a friend is what I need right now. " After this the emotions flooded in. I sent a text apologizing for holding on to the relationship for so long and told her I respect her decision to be apart. At the end I said, the best way for me to show you that I love you is to respect your decision and be apart from you. Enjoy your new life, from kisskissNC.

 

I got the following message: "Sorry for the way this ended. But time really is best. I want to be friends but is still soon for me. just Sorry is the best I have for you right now." I don't think I made it clear enough that my intention is not to be friends. However, I didn't reply and this is the last message that has caused me to go into No Contact to heal and to hopefully reconcile if the time is ever right. I hope I did not push her too far away already. I can't dwell on that though all I can do is better myself and things will work themselves out, with or without her.

[coolchick64]

Day 0 (again)

 

So much for hardcore NC. He wrote to me this afternoon and I responded. It was about the relationship, not more friends stuff, but still. I have no backbone. And of course, I've spent the past 6 hours trying to figure out what he meant, decipher every word choice. Blah!! I don't have the time or energy for this anymore. It's way out of hand. I make no promises about tomorrow because I don't want to be a hypocrit. All I can say is I shall do my best. Okay, I can promise one thing---I won't initiate contact. Beyond that, please God, help me!!!

[sarge1991]

Day 1

So i broke up with my gf last week and went NC till friday, caved in talked to her accomplished nothing and felt worst than before ](*,). Reading posts here help alot, and im just going to focus on myself and my studies. I miss her more then anything, but i have a feeling things will turn out the way they're meant to be.

[stargirl1980]

Day 1

 

Alot of people say I shouldn't want him back. I like to think that he does truly like me, but just gets turned off when I get insecure and clingy.

 

Last time, when we broke it off for a few months- when we finally saw each other again, he told me that I needed to love myself, before anyone else could love me. (He also told me he'd thought of me the past months, but he thought I needed more time to get my head together.)

 

And I think I still need more time.

 

But I'm afraid maybe I've ruined it for good. That he thinks I'm too unstable to have a real relationship with.

 

I'm hoping he'll think of me though, and want to give it one last shot. Maybe we just need alot of space right now.

 

I still feel confused that he never told me anything, Just stopped calling. That hurts alot. And I don't know if he did that as a way of breaking up, or what.

 

Basically, I just want to know if I have any hope of seeing him again.

[careber]

NC 1

 

He broke up with me 2 months ago. I know I need to do this NC but it's still very hard

[HeavyD]

Day 2 again. Feels like every 3-4 days now it gets cut off, by her, and it's always nasty. But I guess reassuring. I'm getting to her one way or another, by doing absolutely nothing. She texts me random things like "stop talking to so and so, she doesn't want to talk to you"... I sit here and think ok, well she can tell me that herself. Why are you initiating contact?

 

I know she is at a very stressful point in her life right now, I just wish I could be there to support her. Instead she is taking out the stress on me in forms of anger and resentment. I guess it takes any responsibility off her for the time being, I used to do this all the time...

 

Seeing the counsellor again tomorrow. She's always a breath of fresh air. My, what a crazy week it has been...

[star111]

Can't get through Day 1.

I think this is making me worse....I emailed him a bunch just because he responded once or twice. I won't pick up the phone to talk. I already know what he thinks/feels. He even pushed to the point of sayin things didn't work because of me, and I still feel because I know it should have been different. Which isn't the case- I know this, in seeking outside opinions and even professional advice. So that drives me more mad. One of those manipulative people who makes you feel they are all right and it's you that's wrong. I don't know what I'm doing even thinking about him anymore. Wasting energy , and being let down. Maybe it's true I'm used to the pain, so am feeding into it. I want to let myself just be. and be happy.

[lotus26]

Day 14! 2 weeks, its killing me

Has he moved on and forgotton about me?

I would love to contact him, but i know it would break my heart when/if he replied. whats the point!

bring on week 3!

[Anonymous3]

Day 10, been feeling indifferent and not coming here as much....

[Jinky]

I wanna start N/C....But I know this sounds silly, what is the goal? I need to focus on a reason why. I want my husband back, so is N/C gonna improve my chances of that, or remove me from his memory. And also, if the purpose is to make them miss you and contact you, then if they do contact in the 30 days thats a good thing init? why ignore that contact, when its what you want? after 30 days, can contact me accepted?? I just need more advice on it...Sorry....PS...Do I start tomoorw as I already texted him today?? lol

 

NC is in place for you to fill you're time with constructive things and better yourself. Its about you- you becoming stronger and you moving on. Sometimes NC makes the other half miss you. I feel its the most productive way if you are looking for them to miss you. But, you never no. Maybe LC might be the best starting point for you. Dont text him- he should text you. and yes Start tomorrow.

[Jinky]

Day 3. Indiffirent... its sorta fine now... Dunno, haha. x

[jaylh25]

7 weeks today. For some reason slipped back into thinking of our 6 years together and everything thats happened since she walked out of our house for another guy 11 months ago.

 

I know NC is the way to go to heal and move on but on days like today I think i preferred our contact. ](*,) I miss her and our life we once had. So many questions still remain. Kind of hard to believe someone who has been a part of my life for 9 years and who I thought I would marry this year and start a family is gone for good and its likely I will never see her again. (I've moved country in the last few months). Not a good day. At all.

[Theblueman123]

Day 15

 

Halfway there, despite a weird sense of loss (or maybe bereavement), I'm doing really great! Funny how at first I blamed myself for her cheating and leaving on me, and after I thought about everything, I know she was quite a horrible gf. Oh well, I won't stoop down to her level and mock her like she mocked me after we broke up, I forgive her and I forgive myself for the relationship. The only way left to go is forward.

 

I think a quote comes to mind here: "If they're dumb enough to leave you, be smart enough to let them go."

[sarge1991]

Day 2

 

School is the only thing keeping my mind off her, Nights are the worst right before i sleep my mind drifts to thinking of her and what she might be thinking or doing at the time. This weekend i'm going back home and if i meet up with my friends there's a good chance she might be there. I might have to skip seeing them.

[coolchick64]

Day 1

 

Okay, it's strict NC time. I'm trying not to even think or talk about him now. Certainly not contacting him. I want this nightmare to be over . . .

[kisskissNC]

Day 2

 

Was busy from 8am to 5pm today. She didn't creep into my mind as much as she used to. I came to a few realizations last night about our break up. My actions weren't congruent with wanting to be with her. It's no wonder she pulled away I don't think I would have put up with it either. The thought that I can't change the past and can only be in the present helps immensely with the negative feelings. It's fine to reflect and work on ones self. Playing the "what if" game set me back so much it's unbelievable.

 

It helps not to contact your ex because then you are not spending your day critiquing ever word that they say to you. Over-analyzing a situation takes an enormous toll on your body. I would like to think I am becoming indifferent about whether we get back together or not. That is the mindset that got me the girl in the first place, haha interesting!

 

Yeah for NC!

[lotus26]

Day 15!

 

I woke up this morning and i realised a hour later that he was not the first thing i had thought about this morning and i had not even checked my phone.

Maybe i am on my way to feeling better?

We have been broken up about 7 weeks now, i look back seven weeks ago when i couldnt stop crying i couldnt eat and i didnt leave the house for 10 days, we were in LC until 15 days ago until i decided enough is enough i need to heal!

Its funny when you start of NC you start off thinking you're going to do this so they miss you and want you and will contact you but as the days and weeks go on you realise you actually are doing it for yourself to heal not so they miss you or want you back. Even though its only been 15 days for me i have started to see the relationship was not as "peachy" as i once thought.

 

Anyone who is unsure about NC or is finding it hard to stick to it PLEASE give it a really good go, its actually true, it makes you feel so much better. Why would you want to keep in contact with someone who doesnt want you in there lifes. Look after youreself first.

[star111]

End of day 1....

I hope. Tired of thinking about him. But spoke my words, no reason to say anything else. I just want to get on with my life... Keeping busy/having plans helps take my mind off things.

[Jinky]

Day 4. My hardest day so far- thought about her when i got up. Possibly because we were both sitting on MSN last night not talking. Think am gunna quit MSN. Dunno. away on holiday for the weeked.....

 

I promise not to contact her.