THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[caligirl98]

You guys are so optimistic... I want this day to come for me... When? I am so tired of waiting for it... I am happy for you though, it shows that we can do it. I just want days that I don't feel like crying and that the world is not over without him...

 

I feel the same way. I try to optimistic. I try to be mad at my ex to get over them. I try to keep busy. Then all of a sudden something stupid comes to my head and I realize I'm still in love with them and it hurts.

I want to fall out of love so badly.

[tujna]

How long since you broke up? I am getting pretty desperate myself.

[cl76]

How long since you broke up? I am getting pretty desperate myself.

 

Broke up 4 weeks ago. NC for 3 weeks, broke that today. Don't care really.

[tujna]

Broke up 4 weeks ago. NC for 3 weeks, broke that today. Don't care really.

 

Wow, you are so lucky to be out of it so fast!! I honestly envy you... mayby by day 30 I will be there as well? I hope so.

[cl76]

Wow, you are so lucky to be out of it so fast!! I honestly envy you... mayby by day 30 I will be there as well? I hope so.

 

The reason I hardly care anymore is because my focus is no longer on my ex. It's about me using the NC period to turn myself into a legend! To get to the point where success in my life is more important than my ex. I know her well, she will think I am in despair, she has no respect for me because I completely fell to pieces before her when it happened. Nobody should ever have the power to make you feel so bad.

 

Screw that I say, I am a man on mission. No retreat, no surrender, she will not stop me from becoming a great person again. She will not stop me from finding love again. To conquer myself is success in its sweetest form.

 

I've come a long way in 4 weeks. At first I was devestated much like you. But I made plan, did a lot of research, picked up the pieces and moved on. Yeh it's insanely hard when you love someone, to let them go, your strategy to get them back is counter intuitive and hurts you like hell.

 

The NC I broke was more of an annoyance to me than a relief to hear from her again. It's like I feel "why don't you just leave me alone now you cruel b!tch you've done enough damage already". This sounds angry I know but I am more frustrated than angry. I refuse to let her have her cake and eat it too. I will refuse to be her friend. I will refuse to let her mitigate her feelings of guilt. Therefore NC has started again for me.

 

You see what I'm getting at? Be strong. Accept they are dead to you. Only then are you ready to face them again one day. By then you probably dont even care about them anymore. Ironically, this is what they want too.

[tujna]

Wow, all you did sound so brave and strong. I don't know if I have as much power. How do you turn the page like that? How long did it take you to make the switch from her to you? I agree that success is the best revenge for everything they have done to us!!

[4dogs]

Im gonna give it another go...

 

I miss my ex dearly and am still madly in love with her and everything about her. She left our 3 and a half year relationship three weeks ago but we just stopped talking last sunday...she contacted me today and wanted to be friends, but i told her i will not talk to her until this other guy she likes is out of the picture. She contacted me even though I told her not to last week but I thought maybe her feelings had changed. I was wrong

 

she LOVED me, but LIKES him. will NC giver her the time to realize what she lost even if i specifically said not to speak to me? I am not ONLY doing this to get her back...this is for me to heal but giving her space to figure this out is also a motivation for me.

[cl76]

Wow, all you did sound so brave and strong. I don't know if I have as much power. How do you turn the page like that? How long did it take you to make the switch from her to you? I agree that success is the best revenge for everything they have done to us!!

 

How? With a plan. Without the plan you are lost. Without a plan you cannot see the forest through the trees.

 

I was total train wreck for the first week after the break up. Breaking out in tears uncontrollably. Reminded of her in everything I saw or heard. Could not think straight. Had this phantom pain in my chest. I'm sure you know what that feels like.

 

In the second week I found my plan. Then I had hope. I had my compass to guide me through the maze of the broken hearted. It was still hard but now I was experiencing "ups" and "downs", not just "downs" ALL the time.

 

By the third week I was getting good results from my plan. The confidence and self esteem was coming back. The rational thoughts were again mine.

 

Now the fourth week, I've had huge progress, the process of healing is like a snow ball effect. I am almost there. Found that road out of Dumpsville. Now I look forward to the future, the next few weeks are going to be fantastic! My plans are coming along nicely.

 

Perhaps in 6-8 weeks of NC I will contact her again. But I don't know if I will want to. I am getting out there and meeting other women. Perhaps I will have moved on by then and wont try to reconcile.

 

She used to say that I would never change and she couldnt go on in the state that I was. It's too bad that because of this break up, that I will become an awesome new person, and that the next girl I meet will benefit from all the efforts I've made. And in the end, my ex WOULD NOT have changed while I have. It takes two to end the relationship, it's not all my/our fault they leave us.

 

I WILL be a different person in the end. A better version of myself. Anyone who knows me will see this instantly. And when/if the day comes that I face my ex again she will simply be in shock and awe. Then and there will be the best chance I have to reconcile, if I want to.....

[tujna]

That is very brave and mature from you. It is very hard, sometimes unbearable but you are doing the right thing. She needs to figure it out on her own and you need to decide whether she is what you want. Good luck and welcome.

[cl76]

When a girl leaves you for another guy it is usually due to neglect on your part, and a loss of attraction. She may say she loves and cares about you - which she does, but she is not attracted to you romantically.

 

Now you're gonna have to take a stand and let her know politely that you're going into NC and that you need the time/space and so does she so she can figure out what she wants.

 

If you stay in contact she will not feel so bad about breaking up with you and it will make it easier for her to move on with the new guy. You must prevent this with NC, ONLY then can she miss you. Only then will she start comparing you to the new guy. You have a lot of history with her so you have the advantage. Never be her friend, its the worst case scenario. She will think she hasnt really lost you. It makes it easier for her to live with her guilt/decision to leave you. You must become dead to her.

 

During the NC, go improve yourself - work on your attraction. Once her infatuation with the new guy ends her feelings for you will surface. If you all of a sudden pop up out of the blue 4-8 weeks later looking and feeling fantastic, then you're in the best postition to win her back.

[Shelley.]

Some advice needed. Im in a group of friends which includes my ex. I have not spoken to him for two weeks until tonight. Where he has invited me out tomorrow night for a meal for his birthday with everyone.

Should i break no contact and go, just keep contact limited or not go at all?

Its hard because i want to be able to be with my friends again and i dont want to make them feel like they should have to choose between us.

Do you think in this situation its best to try and just be friends with him or should i continue with no contact?

[tiggboriqua]

hi Shelly

 

 

You should not go period he has to miss you a perfect oportunity for just that , forget about others and what they think you have to think about you .

 

 

 

NC is the best for you dont compromise your sanity for Him he is not part of your life anymore so this is about you keep strong and dont go that is the best I can tell you .

 

 

Take care of you

 

 

 

 

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Challenge

 

 

Day 7

 

Today it was better than yesterday that is for sure , but the calls and even do I did not answer affected me , so today I was a little conflicted but I know what I'm suppose to do and what is best for me NC NC NC.

[Ironchefa]

The longest day ever.

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 15

 

Truly halfway through the challenge, and I think I'm doing great!

 

I've got no desire to contact him really. His sister gave birth two days ago and I congratulated her and didn't even feel like I wanted to contact him about that either.

 

Hmm.. I guess I miss the intimacy and the hugs and the little things but... I can get those from any man I want now.

[cl76]

You're doing well SorpioGal83. Keep it up. Stay strong.

[4dogs]

that is some of the most insightful and best information i have heard from anyone so far. seriously, thank you.

[cl76]

that is some of the most insightful and best information i have heard from anyone so far. seriously, thank you.

 

Also one of the best things you can do during NC is to go on some casual dates and exercise heaps. This will bring back your confidence and self esteem.

 

If your ex breaks NC just be polite/friendly, never beg/plead or bring up the relationship. Keep the contact brief and positive. Make yourself unavailable to her in a nice way.

[4dogs]

well i DID end up talking to her today but she kept bringing up being angry about me making these changes about myself AFTER the relationship ended. She contacted me, I did not call her. At the end of the convo she told me she still likes this guy and that is where I told her once again Please do not contact me for a while.

[cl76]

If the ex brings up the relationship you really just have to agree and see it from their side. Definitely do not fight more, just let them vent and accept what they say. This will disarm them and give them less reason to be angry. You can't change her mind about liking the new guy - you don't actually want to, you want to respect her decision at the moment. The more harder you fight to keep her the more she will resist and try to get away.

 

Do the NC. Show her she can't have her cake and eat it too (have u around while she dates a new guy). You can still be polite but firm regarding your (and her) need for NC.

[Cat76]

Day 5 for me and I think it's going to be as hard as yesterday. Woke up at 5am after having another dream about the ex.

 

I'm still a bit sad

[ScorpiGal83]

Day 5 for me and I think it's going to be as hard as yesterday. Woke up at 5am after having another dream about the ex.

 

I'm still a bit sad

 

I think everyone heals at a different rate, i thought I would take longer to feel how I feel now, so just take it as it comes but don't do anything to slow ur own progress down. Have an active social life, go out lots with friends even if you're feeling tired after work, try things you've never tried before (or at least talk about doing them with a friend for now - me, I wanna take riding lessons, maybe even golf?), and work on urself.. I've been going to the gym lots and it does wonders for your self-esteem and all round 'wellness'.. hate the word but it does describe how I feel after exercising, heh...

 

Be strong hun you'll get through.. the night is darkest just before the dawn.

[Cat76]

I think everyone heals at a different rate, i thought I would take longer to feel how I feel now, so just take it as it comes but don't do anything to slow ur own progress down. Have an active social life, go out lots with friends even if you're feeling tired after work, try things you've never tried before (or at least talk about doing them with a friend for now - me, I wanna take riding lessons, maybe even golf?), and work on urself.. I've been going to the gym lots and it does wonders for your self-esteem and all round 'wellness'.. hate the word but it does describe how I feel after exercising, heh...

 

Be strong hun you'll get through.. the night is darkest just before the dawn.

 

Thanks SG. I'm starting to get on my own nerves for not been able to pull myself out of this hole.

 

It's hard for me to get out with my friends, they all live in different cities. I am going to see an old friend from college (an hour away) tomorrow. I'm not working atm, but I do have a job interview in a couple of weeks.

 

I'm feel like I want to send the ex a message, but I don't think I will. Besides I have no idea what I would write

[ScorpiGal83]

Thanks SG. I'm starting to get on my own nerves for not been able to pull myself out of this hole.

 

It's hard for me to get out with my friends, they all live in different cities. I am going to see an old friend from college (an hour away) tomorrow. I'm not working atm, but I do have a job interview in a couple of weeks.

 

I'm feel like I want to send the ex a message, but I don't think I will. Besides I have no idea what I would write

 

Aww I felt this crazy urge to call my ex a week ago when I was driving home from work and that convinced me to just delete his number from my phone. Even though I know it by heart, it helps that I can't just press a button and dial his number, it will take a few and by the time I've typed out the first few digits I'm likely to come to my senses and not go through with it.

 

Luckily I never got to that point. Entertained thoughts of it for a few days but now I don't feel like calling him anymore. I wouldn't know what to say, either.

 

It will pass, don't worry. Just keep with NC, you'll feel better about resisting the urge in a few days, you'll see

[ToodlePip]

Hey scorpigal, did you try those excercises, any joy?

[pace of ace]

Day 10

 

Missed my post yesterday due to being too busy with University work. But felt ok. Other than my football (soccer) team losing badly the night before which really bummed out my day. :splat:

 

Ok today, feel hmmmm ok, feel pretty frickin' stupid for going through this 14 months after we broke up but whatever. I guess i've been my own worst enemy by reaching out over the last year but even more so by sleeping with her 3 months ago, for all those who get the chance to do that, don't do it. If you're like me it'll put you back on square one again!!! Mix that in with a few confusing "i still love you" "i don't know what i want" lines from the ex and you can see why i'm still here after all this time!!

 

But anyway, more about me.... feel good i'm finally doing something for me i suppose. I still think about her an awful lot but it helps to know it'll bother her once she notices i'm never calling her anymore.

 

Just need to keep the focus on me i guess. Good friend of mine called me today to tell me him and his girlfriend are breaking-up. Apparently he doesn't give her any attention and they are always argueing....my ex doesn't know how good she had it!