sandrawg Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Just curious-there are a lot of "how to get your ex back" guidebooks being peddled online. One in particular by this guy, Matt Huston, caught my attention. Has anyone ever read any of these? Were they helpful, or just full of common sense kind of things, like "don't beg and plead" etc.? Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Yes, I completely scraped the bottom of the barrel of Ebooks when I was going through my break up.. I now HATE them, I see them as people making money out of peoples pain. Stay clear.. GMB X Link to comment
sandrawg Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 That's kinda what I suspected. There is no one sure-fire way that works for everyone. I have found in my experience, though, that the common things they say NOT to do...like begging, pleading, contacting your ex incessantly, DO indeed drive them away. Feigning indifference, moving forward and living your life to the nth degree....these are all the things that DO work. Everyone I've had a serious rel'ship with has eventually wanted to get back together with me due to me putting this into practice, whether or not I was the dumper or the dumpee. The tricky thing is if you want that person back, how to initiate contact after a period of NC, if you were the one who was dumped. That's where a lot of hand-wringing is done on this forum. Yes, I completely scraped the bottom of the barrel of Ebooks when I was going through my break up.. I now HATE them, I see them as people making money out of peoples pain. Stay clear.. GMB X Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I mean I have one, I can send you it to your email addrss if you want...? GMB X Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 That's kinda what I suspected. There is no one sure-fire way that works for everyone. I have found in my experience, though, that the common things they say NOT to do...like begging, pleading, contacting your ex incessantly, DO indeed drive them away. Feigning indifference, moving forward and living your life to the nth degree....these are all the things that DO work. Everyone I've had a serious rel'ship with has eventually wanted to get back together with me due to me putting this into practice, whether or not I was the dumper or the dumpee. The tricky thing is if you want that person back, how to initiate contact after a period of NC, if you were the one who was dumped. That's where a lot of hand-wringing is done on this forum. I wouldnt initiate contact after a period of NC, unless your content with being friendzoned or FWB, neither interest me! x Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Just curious-there are a lot of "how to get your ex back" guidebooks being peddled online. One in particular by this guy, Matt Huston, caught my attention. Has anyone ever read any of these? Were they helpful, or just full of common sense kind of things, like "don't beg and plead" etc.? Well, some years back I was searching for ebooks, and I came to ENA. IMO ENA is a bit better. B/c you can be interactive and get support. I subscribed to e books which where free (the first chapters). I can't remember by who it was written but it basically gave the same old "chapter 1: go No Contact for 30 days", "Chapter 2: arrange a date and be fun, look good and don't bring up the break up. Play it cool." I hate them a bit too now. Luckily I never spent any $ on them but I was so hopefull I'd get my ex back, back then. Now I feel if your ex is the one for you, they wouldn't have dumped you right? They obviously don't feel mutual or what they used to. And also, what to do if someone else is in the picture? IMO this happens alot and it makes it near impossible to get your ex back thru these tactics. I remember someone once saying "SUPERDAVES" posts are like a whole ebook if you put all his threads together. The best advice I ever received was to just go No contact. Nah, it didn't make my ex come back, but it helped me see the light again and I could wake up in the morning not feeling worthless and as if I'd had the life sucked out of me. No contact made me get used to not calling my ex all the time, and break the routine I had with him. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 The tricky thing is if you want that person back, how to initiate contact after a period of NC, if you were the one who was dumped. That's where a lot of hand-wringing is done on this forum. I think, in this case, you would have to suck it in and take a chance and maybe MAKE contact with the ex and see how it would be received. Maybe the ex was afraid to contact you after some NC time has passed because maybe he/she thinks you hate them and never want to hear from them again. If you want to see if anything is even remotely possible, one has to take a chance. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I'm always skeptical about these books because honestly a relationship is about two people and a break up is about one of them not wanting to be in the relationship anymore- and you can't force that, no matter what any book tells you. Link to comment
greywolf Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I've read two of them. They both said to do NC. Link to comment
lady00 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Read a few. They all were some variation of the following: Do NC for a month, exercise and improve yourself, then go out with them a few times and try to be attractive and hopefully they will come back. Link to comment
dstein Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 I have one too if anyone wants me to email it...send me a PM. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Read a few. They all were some variation of the following: Do NC for a month, exercise and improve yourself, then go out with them a few times and try to be attractive and hopefully they will come back. I've never read one, but people have posted enough on them on ENA that I feel as if I have. My understanding is that they do all give the same advice, advice that doesn't account for the complexities of human nature. Yeah, exercising and "working on yourself" CAN make someone pause and think "Wow! She looks GOOD!" but that alone, especially after such a short time of no contact, is NOT going to lead to reconciliation in most cases -- at least not a lasting one. As other posters have pointed out, people have specific reasons for leaving a relationship, and, in most cases, these reasons are NOT negotiable. Certainly, things may change down the road, but...trying to "win" someone back seems an exercise in futility, at the very least. I have to admit, I am often perplexed when I read posts from people who claim that they've been "working on" themselves since their break-ups and that they've "changed drastically" in only a month or two and that they want to show their exes how drastically they've changed in only a few weeks. Yes, habits can be changed, behaviors can be changed (i.e. working out vs. being a couch potato), but if the thinking, beliefs, attitudes, etc. underlying these habits and behaviors haven't changed, then the behaviors will most likely come back, or similar behaviors may crop up. Significant change in a person does NOT occur over a period of a few weeks or months. Real, lasting change takes a lot more time, in most cases. These e-books, from what I understand, focus a lot on getting the ex to be attracted again, and there's an assumption that winning back the attraction means the relationship will be restored. Perhaps, in some cases, that's a STEP toward getting the relationship back on track, but attraction is not love, and attraction alone doesn't solve all of the problems in a troubled relationship or insure any sort of commitment whatsoever. Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted February 9, 2009 Share Posted February 9, 2009 Read a few. They all were some variation of the following: Do NC for a month, exercise and improve yourself, then go out with them a few times and try to be attractive and hopefully they will come back. lol "hopefully", Idk why but that made me laugh lol. Its kind of true though haha. Yeah, I won't lie, I read one 5 months ago, its helpful I guess at the time because it gives you a sense of hope. These "experts" use their degrees in psychology to stimulate your nerves/brain to buy into what their saying. So when they talk about their psychology degree to legitimize their insight, their really telling you like it is: we're telling you ridiculously simple concepts, inserting them into an incredibly positive and confident context, and almost lulling you into a phase of calm hope and healing. I don't want anyone to think I'm taking a shot at e-books. It helped me at the time a lot, and made me feel a lot better for the next month and a half. And at the end of that time, I was okay enough with myself to keep trucking on despite the bumps I experienced,and I have to say the e-book helped me see the light. But honestly, for those people out there reading this and somewhat uncertain of whether to buy them or not, you don't need them. All they do is say the same things you will read on this forum in an extremely confident manner, because they realize, the more enthusiastic, confident, and not worried they are and appear to be in their book, it will wear off on you, and make you forget about a lot of the pain you're putting yourself through. Somewhat of a sneaky tactic, but works nonetheless for both sides. If you're having recurring confidence issues though stemming from the breakup, and the 50 or so $ won't hurt you, then go for it. Link to comment
Edwin Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I have one too if anyone wants me to email it...send me a PM. Would you mind sending it to me? Im kind of new to all this... Link to comment
Girl wants EX Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I have read it. I think what important I got from it that was, it helps me to calm down and stops me to take crazy action after the break-up. I take this kind of book as a warning in making silly mistakes. Here I am, meeting ex tomorrow night exactly 1 month after break-up. Thank god I didn't scare him more... Link to comment
Buttterfly Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Why dont u get ur life back by making every effort To move on..? Is your ex really that worth it, more than your freedom and happiness?Maybe he is... But just a thought - sorry to be such a mood spoiler Link to comment
Girl wants EX Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 It really depends. If ex is the major reason why we broke up, I won't try hard to get him back; but I have realized I was the problem, so I have changed in my thinking and hopefully I can try again with the same guy and see if I can handle a relationship differently. This time, I would focus more on my happiness and my need in a relationship if I can restart with my ex. There were much passion between me and him, and I believe we were so attracted to each other for a reason, well just like we broke up for a reason too. My ex has many good qualities, I really adore them. Life changes, people change too. We never know. I don't think "Give up" and "Move on" are always the right way. Link to comment
Girl wants EX Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Why dont u get ur life back by making every effort To move on..? Is your ex really that worth it, more than your freedom and happiness?Maybe he is... But just a thought - sorry to be such a mood spoiler You are correct. Of course everyone is responsible for making himself/herself happy, otherwise no one really cares... but, we are in "Getting Back Together", for sure most people here want to get ex back. Link to comment
stickman Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Books? I have read a ton of them. And I will say that each break up is as different as the people that are in them. Books are not guides. Gleen what you can from them. But, there is no magic pill or arrow. I know because I have had my share of break ups. (YES, I am in my forties!) I learned a lot about relationships, my ex's and MYSELF. I will say that no contact was the best thing I ever did learn...along with some short cards every few weeks. By not calling I never forced an unpleasant conversation. The cards were carefully timed, worded and well written with no pressure. In time she responded 4 months later by text message, then calls, then a vist! We could have very well gotten back together. BUT, the time apart help me to think and evaluate what was best for me and how she fit in. In the end, I let her go...with love. Remember: God brings people in and out of our life for a reason...Sometimes we immediately meet the person we are to be with forever. Sometimes they are a stepping stone to the next person. Link to comment
stickman Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 AND... The best thing you can ever do is take care of and know yourself. Nobody will ever love you....till you first love who you are. Look around...There are some rich, successful and happy people out that are very unattractive to look at. But, they know who they are, they know their limitations, and they know what and where they want to be. First learn and worry about you...NOT them. Link to comment
sad_panda Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I also bought one within the first week of the break-up. It cost me around almost $40. Wasted money I would say hahaha! Link to comment
redreine Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I would love it if anyone would email me these e-books. I no longer want them to get my ex back, I think they would be good research for my advice columns. If you would, message me on here and I'll tell you which email to send it to. Thanks! Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 "These e-books, from what I understand, focus a lot on getting the ex to be attracted again, and there's an assumption that winning back the attraction means the relationship will be restored." Ya if that were true my ex and I would be together again. I saw him a couple days ago to get my hair cut and the attraction was definetelly still there, the chemistry, the connection, the smiles and joy, and we flirted and it doesn't mean we are fetting back together! BrownEyesgirl36 I really liked your post. About those e-books I haven't read them, but just looking at the web sites they look soooo cheesy, the pictures, the statements, and the page goes on and on forever to suck you into buying the darn thing at the bottom of it. but I mean, I'm picky, I am also not attracted to books like "he's not that into you" or that other one with the ice cream container on the cover... they seem rather shallow to me. to each his own. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 People, don't email e-books around if you paid for them... you might be violating copyright laws. Remember too that most people writing e-books on their own websites don't have good enough material to get themselves published with a real publishing house... so you might be better shopping at bookstores for self-help information and certainly don't pay $40 for an e-book online as you'll be wasting your money. Better to spend the money on a few sessions with a counselor if you want help with the breakup! Link to comment
sad_panda Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I bought two paperbacks from a bookstore, and they helped me a LOT: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken I Used to Miss Him... But My Aim Is Improving Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.