hers Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Maybe you're a better friend than I am, Renny. Hahah Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I do want a serious relationship, but definitely NOT with the swinger guy. His sexual lifestyle is really NOT my cup of tea. But dating/relationship prospects have been very scarce, as of late. And the guy I really do like, only seems to like me as a friend. Renny, I say this with all kindness... You get attached to people you are around. That isn't a bad thing. I just worry for you. Having sex without being emotionally attached is difficult. For some people it's simple. Reading the posts here, it seems so entirely simple. Just make sure you know what you are getting into. And be prepared. If you do this and start feeling uncomfortable, then stop immediately. Link to comment
george237 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Renny, I say this with all kindness... You get attached to people you are around. That isn't a bad thing. I just worry for you. Having sex without being emotionally attached is difficult. For some people it's simple. Reading the posts here, it seems so entirely simple. Just make sure you know what you are getting into. And be prepared. If you do this and start feeling uncomfortable, then stop immediately. Yeah seriously, I never had a fwb turn into a relationship. I had women ask me like my previous post which leads me to cut all contact with them. Link to comment
hers Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Renny, I say this with all kindness... You get attached to people you are around. That isn't a bad thing. I just worry for you. Having sex without being emotionally attached is difficult. For some people it's simple. Reading the posts here, it seems so entirely simple. Just make sure you know what you are getting into. And be prepared. If you do this and start feeling uncomfortable, then stop immediately. I agree. Some of us make it sound so simple, but its definitely not for everyone. It takes a lot out of you if you expect too much or think too much or yearn hard for that closeness. You have to build your wall to make sure no one can knock it down. If you can't build it fast enough or strong enough, it'll crumble before you. Its all about self-protection. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 No, I think guys sometimes want the best of both worlds, without the commitment when they say they want a friendship and the sex part as well. ITG, I'm a bit leery. I'm still very much on the fencepost about having a FWB with the swinger guy. I worry too much about getting diseases, even with a condom, and his lifestyle is too much for me to handle. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 I'm not good about self-protection I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. Link to comment
george237 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 No, I think guys sometimes want the best of both worlds, without the commitment when they say they want a friendship and the sex part as well. ITG, I'm a bit leery. I'm still very much on the fencepost about having a FWB with the swinger guy. I worry too much about getting diseases, even with a condom, and his lifestyle is too much for me to handle. Thats the beauty of these things you don't have to handle anything. You don't have to deal with their drama, problems, or anything. You just call when you want some. Link to comment
hers Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 No, I think guys sometimes want the best of both worlds, without the commitment when they say they want a friendship and the sex part as well. ITG, I'm a bit leery. I'm still very much on the fencepost about having a FWB with the swinger guy. I worry too much about getting diseases, even with a condom, and his lifestyle is too much for me to handle. Ren even I wouldn't have a fwb w/ a swinger. Too risky. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 ^^ Out of curiosity.... if he's a swinger, that means he's in a relationship or married, right? I have a friend that texts me all the time... He's married. It's been made clear that he and his wife have a very open marriage. Easy decision for me, Renny... I don't share. Period. This particular guy you are mentioning - not only is it a question of can you handle friends with benefits but it's also can you handle knowing that he's sleeping with you and other people as well? Link to comment
george237 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I'm not good about self-protection I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. Then this isn't for you, you will shurley get hurt. Link to comment
george237 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 ^^ Out of curiosity.... if he's a swinger, that means he's in a relationship or married, right? I have a friend that texts me all the time... He's married. It's been made clear that he and his wife have a very open marriage. Easy decision for me, Renny... I don't share. Period. This particular guy you are mentioning - not only is it a question of can you handle friends with benefits but it's also can you handle knowing that he's sleeping with you and other people as well? I would assume that everyone that has a FWB knows that the other person is or is willing to sleep with other people. I am not saying people that are in a relationship but if you meet someone at a bar one night or you just start dating someone. Link to comment
hers Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Usually swinging means marriage or relationship as far as I know. That's why I wouldn't do it. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I would assume that everyone that has a FWB knows that the other person is or is willing to sleep with other people. I am not saying people that are in a relationship but if you meet someone at a bar one night or you just start dating someone. I am sure that may be a possibility. But, I think a healthy way to do FWB would be with boundries and guidelines which for me would include, "if you want to with me, you will not with any other." And, "if you do with any other, that is fine, but I want to be informed." And ties would ultimately be cut. Link to comment
george237 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I am sure that may be a possibility. But, I think a healthy way to do FWB would be with boundries and guidelines which for me would include, "if you want to with me, you will not with any other." And, "if you do with any other, that is fine, but I want to be informed." And ties would ultimately be cut. See that is being exclusive which is too much like a relationship. The only thing that crosses my mind is std's but I always wear a raincoat with them. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 See that is being exclusive which is too much like a relationship. The only thing that crosses my mind is std's but I always wear a raincoat with them. In my opinion, FWB should be exclusive. Otherwise it's just random hook up's weather with friends or the person ya met at the bar night before. The info on this site alone is enough to freak me out about the STD's that are catchable even if using condom. Link to comment
hers Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 See that is being exclusive which is too much like a relationship. The only thing that crosses my mind is std's but I always wear a raincoat with them. I agree. As long as there is honesty, then it's ok. I just assume swingers have no boundaries w/ partners & don't always play it safe. May not always be the case but I dunno, its just my line of thinking! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I agree. As long as there is honesty, then it's ok. I just assume swingers have no boundaries w/ partners & don't always play it safe. May not always be the case but I dunno, its just my line of thinking! How are swingers any different than a person that has sex with multiple partners? (whether it be random hook ups or FWB arrangements.) I would say that swingers have more boundries, guidelines, expectations than the other. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 ^^ Out of curiosity.... if he's a swinger, that means he's in a relationship or married, right? I have a friend that texts me all the time... He's married. It's been made clear that he and his wife have a very open marriage. Easy decision for me, Renny... I don't share. Period. This particular guy you are mentioning - not only is it a question of can you handle friends with benefits but it's also can you handle knowing that he's sleeping with you and other people as well? He's divorced and he isn't in a relationship right now. He is looking to date and have a relationship with a woman who can share in his swinger lifestyle and for him to take to parties of that nature. He was very open and upfront about it. He also is big into condoms. I just worry becuase even with condoms, a lot of things can still come through, in terms of diseases. Link to comment
hers Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 How are swingers any different than a person that has sex with multiple partners? (whether it be random hook ups or FWB arrangements.) I would say that swingers have more boundries, guidelines, expectations than the other. I dunno. I haven't worked out my thinking yet, haha Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 That's why i go for people who I know I don't want any sort of relationship with. I've had a few FWB and have never gotten attached, and they never did to me. The one I'm currently hooking up with is just someone I would never ever want to be with, even for a minute, and he feels the same way about me. If you lower your standards (meaning don't look to them with the same standards you look for in a potential relationship partner), then you won't get burned. That's how I see it anyway. this makes sense and me personally can keep to it but the girl is the one that usually wants something more even when we discussed it being casual in the first place. Sometimes its just out of our control. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 He's divorced and he isn't in a relationship right now. He is looking to date and have a relationship with a woman who can share in his swinger lifestyle and for him to take to parties of that nature. He was very open and upfront about it. He also is big into condoms. I just worry becuase even with condoms, a lot of things can still come through, in terms of diseases. So by partaking in his agreement of just being the sex toy on his arm for these party, would you ultimately be agreeing to join in on the activities at the swinger parties? Link to comment
hers Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 this makes sense and me personally can keep to it but the girl is the one that usually wants something more even when we discussed it being casual in the first place. Sometimes its just out of our control. Yep. Sometimes things happen even though you don't want them to. But it's not that they have "feelings" for you, its that they've confused sex w/ like/love/whatever. Some people don't know to differentiate. That's why FWB isn't for everyone. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I dunno. I haven't worked out my thinking yet, haha Reading your posts here, I understood that you only have one at a time. The one above says something like "the one that I'm...." Would you be comfortable knowing that the fwb person is sleeping with others? Link to comment
hers Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Reading your posts here, I understood that you only have one at a time. The one above says something like "the one that I'm...." Would you be comfortable knowing that the fwb person is sleeping with others? Right now I have just one. He's currently looking for someone to date just as I am. I don't know if he's slept w/ anyone else & I don't ask. We talk about our search though, so its pretty clear that I'm the only one doing him now. Last night we were emailing & I told him about dude who canceled on me & told him how it was just for sex...he was cool about it, didn't care. I imagine I'd be the same w/ him. As far as the difference goes between that & swinging, I guess my line of thinking should change if that's how it is w/ my current fwb. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 So by partaking in his agreement of just being the sex toy on his arm for these party' date=' would you ultimately be agreeing to join in on the activities at the swinger parties?[/quote'] He doesn't just want a sex toy. He wants someone to share in those "activities" with him. Which is why I am most reluctant to get involved. He wants to introduce me to his friends, but i backed off on that. I probably can deal with FWB, but "swinging" where one shares partners with others, is something very hard for me to swallow. I do wonder if I could just have an FWB with him and NOT get invovled in his lifestyle, but then I worry about diseases too, even with condoms. Link to comment
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