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Ever feel like just finding a FWB???

renaissancewoman101

By renaissancewoman101
in Dating Advice

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renaissancewoman101 Grand Master

renaissancewoman101

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I have done the FWB thing and the problem was that the guy wanted more and I didn't so it ended. My belief is that this always happens...one person always wants more and either they don't express it and end up hurt or they do express it and end up hurt.

 

But then, sex has never been a hugely important thing to me and I guess I don't really have that craving to be near someone. I am seeing someone right now, but when I was single I wasn't really in need of anything. So, I guess if you are then I can see why an FWB might be appealing. But I've sworn off them, personally...too much drama.

 

Lady00, I wish I could be like you. Most times that I've done a FWB, I ended up getting attached to the person and it would end weirdly. You are a strong person.

 

I do like sex and I sometimes crave it, but I've learned from past experience, sometimes sleeping with someone for the hell of it, can be very empty and lonely, but then I strongly crave being with someone to fulfill the idea of being "wanted", esp during the holiday season.

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renaissancewoman101 Grand Master

renaissancewoman101

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I've tried the mechanics on its merits before, and it all sounded good before the fact. After (and even during) the fact, it rapidly lost its appeal and I felt the whole thing to be hollow.

 

As much as I'd like to think that I've become more "versatile" in my "use" of sex as I've gotten older, if anything, it just seems more pointless for the sake of itself than ever, when I really stop to think about going through the motions. Getting off with another human being that I'm not going to have a fuller experience with feels more pointless than ever. Whatever benefits I'd get from it would pale compared to the feeling of lack that it would bring up.

 

TOV, that is very true, sex without love can be very hollow and empty-feeling and can make you feel ashamed afterwards. But that also, is one's emotions talking. I just wish I could just have sex and enjoy the sex and not care afterwards. Just like scratching an "itch".

 

For all the social stuff I do, I still haven't found someone to date and who would want to date me. Sometimes I feel this is a good enough substitute. I dunno.

 

My biggest problem with this guy is his "lifestyle". I find it odd and makes me worried to have sex with him, if I were to go that route. But that is one of the only things available to me now.

 

Ugh!

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yellow_sweater Contributor

yellow_sweater

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I've never been able to pull off the "sex without emotions". Maybe now that I'm a bit older and more mature, I might be able to. I dunno.

 

Actually, I think it's less likely that you'd be able to pull it off now that you're a little more mature. I think that, as we mature, we come to understand and appreciate all aspects of a relationship--sex, companionship, connection, emotional support, etc. If you are looking for more than FWB, it's very difficult to have only one aspect (sex) without also being reminded of the other aspects.

 

Of course, if you're only looking for sex, then that's something different entirely. But I also think that only looking for sex becomes somewhat less common with maturity/ age.

 

YS

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hers Experienced

hers

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one or the other almost always starts to develop feelings. thats just how they work. FWB that understand that and just the sexual satisfaction of it are far and few in between.

 

That's why i go for people who I know I don't want any sort of relationship with. I've had a few FWB and have never gotten attached, and they never did to me. The one I'm currently hooking up with is just someone I would never ever want to be with, even for a minute, and he feels the same way about me. If you lower your standards (meaning don't look to them with the same standards you look for in a potential relationship partner), then you won't get burned. That's how I see it anyway.

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hers Experienced

hers

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funny when i say I want that you criticized me.

 

You are a totally different person than I am. You are vague and don't even say what you're looking for--you say "safe adult fun". You see women as objects, someone you can't be bothered to get to know at all, and I don't see anyone as objects. That's the difference.

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hers Experienced

hers

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I need a new one. Mine last night started talking about going out to bars together and what not. She fell and I am not catching this one.

 

This is the mistake people make when in a fwb situation-- you can be "friends" but only in the aspect of chatting after getting it on. The second you start hanging out outside of the bedroom, you run the risk of emotions coming into play. You may as well be dating.

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jengh Experienced

jengh

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This is the mistake people make when in a fwb situation-- you can be "friends" but only in the aspect of chatting after getting it on. The second you start hanging out outside of the bedroom, you run the risk of emotions coming into play. You may as well be dating.

 

ehhh, I sometimes go to bars with FWBs.... I've never fallen for one.

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renaissancewoman101 Grand Master

renaissancewoman101

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To have a set FWB. . . .. . One must be very strong, emotionally strong / stable, and with no wants of a serious relationship.

 

You want a serious relationship don't you Ren?

 

I do want a serious relationship, but definitely NOT with the swinger guy. His sexual lifestyle is really NOT my cup of tea.

 

But dating/relationship prospects have been very scarce, as of late.

 

And the guy I really do like, only seems to like me as a friend.

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george237 Enthusiast

george237

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This is the mistake people make when in a fwb situation-- you can be "friends" but only in the aspect of chatting after getting it on. The second you start hanging out outside of the bedroom, you run the risk of emotions coming into play. You may as well be dating.

 

Exactly. I told her that's not what we have and she got pretty upset, whatever. You shouldn't get upset if you go into something knowing there is going to be no emoitions.

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renaissancewoman101 Grand Master

renaissancewoman101

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This is the mistake people make when in a fwb situation-- you can be "friends" but only in the aspect of chatting after getting it on. The second you start hanging out outside of the bedroom, you run the risk of emotions coming into play. You may as well be dating.

 

Then why do some guys want the "sex" part AND the friendship part as well. I've run into guys where they like the sex, but also like hanging out as friends in a limited sense.

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