Keeping it to yourself

[Lionel Hutz]

I wish more guys were like you. Of course, in an idealized world, I'd love for all men in a relationship to not even FIND another girl attractive lol, but the truth is that we're surrounded by attractive people, we encounter them everyday, it's unrealistic to say that you'll never find anybody but your S/O attractive. As long as you practice restraint, respect your S/O and treat them in a way you'd like to be treated, then it's all ok . To add: I thought that your phrase "being put in that position" meant merely being put in a situation where you'll encounter somebody else you find attractive, not actually in the position of cheating.

 

 

Then all the good girls would be taken. HAHA. Im no saint in other respects, but Mom got cheated on alot as a kid and that sucked!

[yeawutever]

I was between voting ''Tell my S/O'' and Keep it to myself, it would cause more harm. I vote for the latter, b/c long distance relationships aren't the same as actually having the person in your place. Telling them over the phone from a long distance is too much to bear and besides let's say if it's something small such as a drunken kiss, why bother spreading out the beans??

Now if I was with that person in my place then yes I would tell him.

[lila...]

Then all the good girls would be taken. HAHA. Im no saint in other respects, but Mom got cheated on alot as a kid and that sucked!

 

 

It's funny, they say that the sons of a dad who cheated are actually more likely to follow that same behavior. I guess for some kids it has the opposite effect on them (which makes sense because seeing a parent suffer will make you not want to be that way), and that's good.

[Scorpion Fury]

I just want to believe that people are good and honest and moral and unselfish and the sad truth is...a lot of people aren't.

[Lionel Hutz]

I've never cheated and I never will. I have found other women attractive and interesting while in a relationship but that didn't mean I wanted to cheat or totally forgot about my SO. There is a difference between appreciating the beauty and wanting to hit it. While with my SOs I appreciated but I've always found my SO to be much more attractive, no matter how "banging" any other woman that I would encounter out there was.

 

To me, you love someone for who they are on the inside. Beauty comes and goes but the inner person always stays, and to me that just makes the physical even more beautiful. Hope that makes sense.

 

back to work for me...

 

My twin, where have you been!?

[yeawutever]

99% of people are out there like that, immoral, selfish, deceiving, etc.

 

You mean to tell that only 1 percent are the honest ones with education and values. Ummm, I would say 50/50.

[Scorpion Fury]

99% of people are out there like that, immoral, selfish, deceiving, etc.

 

I think 99% is a bit steep.... but sadly, I think I know more immoral people than moral people...so maybe 60/40? Guess we'll never know for a fact....

[lila...]

You mean to tell that only 1 percent are the honest ones with education and values. Ummm, I would say 50/50.

 

Wow, you're an optimist! I'd say around 70/30 lol.

[yeawutever]

Yes I'm very naivee in that way, I always want to believe that either good outweights the bad or is at least equal.

[penelope13]

Yeah but I think its about responsibilty.

 

I totally agree with that statement.

 

Maybe it's a bit off topic: but I don't believe that telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth may always be the right thing to do.

 

Consider this scenario:

A couple is trying to conceive a child. It is a happy couple with a healthy, loving relationship. The husband has some old fashioned/conventional ideas about the definition about what constitutes a man and what constitutes a woman (please let's not get into a discussion what this might be either way) and she is totally happy and fine with this. After a year of trying, they still don't get pregnant, so the wife consults a specialist. After a few tests the doctor's diagnose her with a rare genetic mutation: although she feels, acts, functions, and looks totally like any other woman, the individual in question is in chromosomal terms a Y-chromosome carrier, i.e. should be a man, but due to a mutation in a specific gene, has developed as a woman (for those interested it's called androgen insensitivity syndrome). This is the cause why she cannot and never will be able to conceive a natural child.

 

What would you have the doctor say to her:

a) sorry, you are infertile, you are not producing any oocytes, we don't know the cause, but you have other options such as adoption or an egg donor etc

 

b) tell her that she suffers from androgen insensitivity syndrome, that chromosomally she is a 'man', that they cannot do anything about it and risk that her husband might not be able to accept this due to his belief system (hey I am not saying that this is right or wrong; just trying to start up a conversation)

[itsallgrand]

I just want to believe that people are good and honest and moral and unselfish and the sad truth is...a lot of people aren't.

 

You know, I'm really starting to believe it isn't a case of this..

 

so much as there are a lot of 'broken' people out there, in a lot of different ways...

 

and it only makes sense that we are going to see a lot of the rawest ugliest of that brokeness at the most intimate relationship level.

[lila...]

Yes I'm very naivee in that way, I always want to believe that either good outweights the bad or is at least equal.

 

I used to be the exact same way, but you get your eyes opened up eventually. Don't want to sound pessimist, but that's just the way it is.

[yeawutever]

I guess I sound more like what Anne Frank would write in her diary everyday (when there was the halocaust). She stated there ''there still people good at hearts''.

[jengh]

I would never cheat...BUT... if it was a one-time slip up and you feel remorseful and KNOW it would cause more harm than good... I think I would say keep it to yourself.

[yeawutever]

I would never cheat...BUT... if it was a one-time slip up and you feel remorseful and KNOW it would cause more harm than good... I think I would say keep it to yourself.

 

True, only if you're completely sure they would never find out and if it isn't anything serious that can spread std's to your partner.

[waveseer]

I wouldn't cheat but if the relationship were "open" I would let him know what happenned. I want to be loved for who I am, not who I can pretend to be. Anyone who couldn't understand that there are severe deficiencies in ldr's that can drive one to do things they'd prefer not to do is not understanding enough for me.

[CAgirl]

I would never cheat...BUT... if it was a one-time slip up and you feel remorseful and KNOW it would cause more harm than good... I think I would say keep it to yourself.

 

I would say that this statement describes me.

[mrmaximum]

I wouldnt even if I knew 200% I wouldnt get caught. The guilt would eat me up inside, but Im sure there are tons of people that could do this without feeling a thing.

 

This is me aswell. So in essense, I HAVEN'T gotten away with it. Since I really don't want to face her, this really assists me in keeping chaste.

 

i think Jefferson said true character is what you do when no one is watching

 

Precisely. The thing that bothers me with threads about keeping it to yourself is that you rarely hear what the BS would prefer. Would they want to know or not? How can one actually say that they care about their S/O now that you are working doubly against not just the wishes of the relationship, but now their personal preferences?

[mrmaximum]

It's funny, they say that the sons of a dad who cheated are actually more likely to follow that same behavior. I guess for some kids it has the opposite effect on them (which makes sense because seeing a parent suffer will make you not want to be that way), and that's good.

 

And that can indeed last a lifetime.

[innocentbabe]

I don't think neither me nor fiance would ever be in that position as we know what cheating can do whether it be in LDS or not.

[Lionel Hutz]

This is me aswell. So in essense, I HAVEN'T gotten away with it. Since I really don't want to face her, this really assists me in keeping chaste.

 

 

 

Precisely. The thing that bothers me with threads about keeping it to yourself is that you rarely hear what the BS would prefer. Would they want to know or not? How can one actually say that they care about their S/O now that you are working doubly against not just the wishes of the relationship, but now their personal preferences?

 

My answer to what is italicized is, yes, I would want to know if my girlfriend cheated on me. I may forgive her, maybe not, and its up to me to make an informed decision about the relationship and what I expect; this should be based on honesty. In a relationship my biggest expectations are exclusivity and honesty, which are the fundamentals to a healthy relationship. As I stated above, I have been attracted to other people. Is it fair that I pass up cute girls for someone whos not granting me the same respect? I don't think so.

[penelope13]

The thing that bothers me with threads about keeping it to yourself is that you rarely hear what the BS would prefer. Would they want to know or not?

 

If he really did it just for the sex, and he did it behind my back, I wouldn't want to know. I would be more upset about him not having mentioned to me beforehand that he was sexually interested in someone else. - That would be the betrayal for me. - Of course if there was an emotional cheating going on, I would want to know, because somehow there was an emotional need that I didn't know about and I would like to know if there is something we could do anything about

[mrmaximum]

If he really did it just for the sex, and he did it behind my back, I wouldn't want to know. I would be more upset about him not having mentioned to me beforehand that he was sexually interested in someone else. - That would be the betrayal for me. - Of course if there was an emotional cheating going on, I would want to know, because somehow there was an emotional need that I didn't know about and I would like to know if there is something we could do anything about

 

And there are others who echo your statement as well as those who agree with Lionel. This follows your rules and the rules of the relationship and there is nothing wrong with that. Here is where I have a problem; we know (or we should know) our partners enough to realize what the stakes are when it comes to things like this, their rules if you will. Some discuss it beforehand, some can infer from the amount of time they spend together. I think it ridiculous to cheat and then not tell as if one is doing someone a favour if one knows that their SO WOULD want to be told.

 

If you don't want to know, they are abiding by the rules mutually set out by not tellng you, if they do, you are making things worse by not telling them.

[penelope13]

i hope for a relationship where both my partner and me can be open about our desires for other people if they ever occur, so that we both can decide together what to do about it

[seish]

queens of the stone age - the lost art of keeping a secret