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Keeping it to yourself


Lionel Hutz
How to leave an abusive relationshi...
How to leave an abusive relationship and why it's so hard

Do you tell  

54 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you tell

    • I'd tell my S/O
    • I'd keep it to myself, but feel really guilty
    • I'd keep it to myself, it would only cause more harm
    • I'd never be in this position


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So after reading some posts and also an article a while back, I wonder, if you can get away with it, do you? I am in an LDR, and have given advice to those in these relationships. They've told me it helped, but then they cheated still. It makes me wonder because the advice I give is what i'd want my g/f to do in a females position. As well as being the advocate for a guy whos probably faithful. But now I worry, since it sounds like some, if they could, would keep it a secret. I guess it brings up mixed emotions. I want to know from you guys and gals now.

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I would not, because when I am in love, I really don't want anyone else. And if I'm not into him to the point where I'm looking at other guys....I'm sure I'd break up with him because I wouldn't be into him. Cheating would make me feel like the skankiest and loneliest person in the world. And even if he didn't find out....I'd know...and the guilt would kill me. And Karma would get me somehow.

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Not that many people out there have a consciousness unfortunately.

 

LOL sounds bad I know, but I have asked this question sooo many times (at work, friends etc) and gotta more responses from people that they WOULD do it if they were never to get caught then not.

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Woops. I clicked on "I'd never be in this position" thinking it said "I've never been in this position." Of course right now I say I would never be in that position, but I'll never say never. If it ever did happen to me, I would tell my S/O. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. I do have a conscious and it'd eat me up inside if I didn't tell my S/O.

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i'd say i'd never be in this situation - but then I have never been in a relationship yet that lasted a decade or longer. so i'm trying to be cautious about predicting my own behavior, since it is so difficult to foresee everything.

 

since human life is getting longer and longer it seems very unrealistic to assume that one will have a relationship that might last 40 (arbitrary choice of number) years or longer, where you are never tempted to be with someone else. especially considering how mobile we are ourdays, meaning we are meeting a lot of new and interesting people on a daily basis, so the temptation will always be there.

 

I don't think I will ever cheat on a partner, since in an ideal partner I would like someone who I could tell that I might have sexual desires for someone else without him freaking out about it, and which also doesn't mean that I would like to act upon my desires.

 

But for the sake of the thread, in case it ever came to it that I would sleep with someone who is not my partner without the knowledge of him, and if it was truly only due to sexual desire, I would probably opt not to tell him and choose to cope with the guilt myself.

 

However, if there was any type of emotional cheating I would tell my partner, since this would be a sign that there was a serious issue with our relationship, which could only be mended by complete honesty.

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The point is, you may involuntarily be put in that situation some day. You can't avoid being around the opposite sex! So, say you cave....do you tell or not?

 

Exactly. Whether we want it or not, we're always going to be put in some kind of situation where you'll be with someone you find attractive. It must be specially hard in a LDR because you'll be so tempted.

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I honestly do not ever see myself being in this position. So because of that, can't really give an insightful answer to the mind of someone who would or has cheated...

 

I'd like to think I would tell because I strongly believe in a person's right to have all the information so that they can make up their own mind.

That part in particular is almost sacred to me: not using someone's ignorance to something against them. Whether you go out of your way to use deceit and trickery or simply keep your mouth shut, it's all the same thing.

 

But that is the exact thing that bugs me the most about cheating: you have to violate that to cheat in the first place.

 

So in general, I truly believe that if a person is capable or has cheated - they will be holding back information even if they do tell so-called 'all'.

It may be a confession but it ain't the truth.

 

To think you have any right at all to make a call to withhold it or not - I don't think that is right, and that is the problem right there.

 

You are with someone, they either get the whole you as ugly as you might be at the time, or you tell them you can't hack it or want to leave.

 

Those people that believe they can save or keep a relationship by withholding, it's a fake they get to end up with anyways.

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Exactly. Whether we want it or not, we're always going to be put in some kind of situation where you'll be with someone you find attractive. It must be specially hard in a LDR because you'll be so tempted.

 

Yeah but I think its about responsibilty. I know a girl, a hot 18 year old girl right now. Shes totally my type physically, and very wise beyond 18. I am attracted to her. She has come to my house a few times. I keep it innocent, and keep my cool. Would I be caught alone with her? No. Could we go all the way? I bet. Do I? No. And she knows Ive a g/f and she respects that, and admires our relationship. Its about responsibilty and maturity. If we did sleep together or even kiss, Id tell my g/f. Its fair and its healthy, mentaly and physically. And, as displayed above, I can practice restraint, and understand the real investment Ive made with the girl I love, not someone I want to just shag and send home. So my response to my own poll would be that Id never be in the position.

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I wish more guys were like you. Of course, in an idealized world, I'd love for all men in a relationship to not even FIND another girl attractive lol, but the truth is that we're surrounded by attractive people, we encounter them everyday, it's unrealistic to say that you'll never find anybody but your S/O attractive. As long as you practice restraint, respect your S/O and treat them in a way you'd like to be treated, then it's all ok . To add: I thought that your phrase "being put in that position" meant merely being put in a situation where you'll encounter somebody else you find attractive, not actually in the position of cheating.

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