SapphireNoir10 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 So, how long did it take you guys to realise with your partner or an ex partner that you wanted to be with them forever, marriage, or living together, for good. Was your 'forever' vibe right? are you still with them? Any stories on when you first realised 'Hey I want this to be it, for good' Is it a scary feeling? Link to comment
sophie274 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 I got that vibe with my boyfriend - felt absolutely sure. A few months later I wasn't so sure after all. (I also don't want to get married any time soon, so I'm sure that's a factor in the waffling.)I think it's easy to think "you know" (IMO, that's just infatuation talking if it's still in the early stages), but a lot of people know in several relationships. My mother told me that it wasn't about "knowing" - since you often get that feeling - but also about making somewhat of a rational decision based on whether or not you think that this relationship can last, in terms of common values, goals, compatible communication and problem-solving styles. Of course hopefully you're also madly in love, but it's not just about the butterflies. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Sophie, are you sure we don't have the same mother? lol. Great post. The downside of the forever feeling is that feelings ebb and flow so I agree that you need a solid foundation of actions that solidify the commitment -large and small - that show you and your partner that you are committed through thick and thin. Link to comment
Syntax1985 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 ive never had a relationship over 2 years, but i agree with sophie, in my experience its part of the honeymooning period. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Well, when I started my relationship, there was never a honeymoon phase. It was almost as if it was two adults making a mature decision in having a relationship together. As time went by, we realized how much we have in common, and how spot on we were in terms of our goals, morals, and long term plans..and eventually it went from "If we get married..." to "When we get married..." And that was pretty solidified I'd say around two years in, and has only intensified and been confirmed as time went on. We've now been together 4.5 years, and our 'dreams' are starting to take shape in terms of home owning and marriage in the very near future. Link to comment
Jelina Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 For me it was less than a month with my current boyfriend. I knew I wanted to be with him forever even before we started going out, he was exactly what I wanted in a husband and he felt the same way too. We started going out and I still wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, now we've been together for a little over 4 yrs and we still feel the same way. Link to comment
Night Pumpkin Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 I know I am going to get flak for saying this, but they very first evening I met my girlfriend, I knew she was the one I am going to marry... Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 I knew about after 2 months. He has everything that I want as a husband and a caretaker. He'd make an excellent father, but then I dont want kids. He's just perfect for what I want in a husband, but I also dont want to get married for another 5 yrs. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 I've never had a relationship last more then a year. The most was 8 months. Now I've been dating/in a relationship with my bf for a year almost. I think the moment I wanted it to be "forever" was when he started talking about it. I always bought into the whole "guys are commitment phobes" stereotype. So I always was A BIT aloof I guess, and he brought it up himself. When he spoke of the stuff, I realised I wanted it too but never dared to say it. When he does stuff to show me he cares, and makes an effort for us to communicate I feel it more. I really want it to work. That shows me I want this to truly last. I'm still a bit scared to say "forever". Why? Only b/c I am afraid to lose him. Life can be "funny" that way. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 It was when he said he could seriously see himself with me as the only girl in his life until the end that really caught me off guard! and so sweet=) Link to comment
babii doll Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 id say 4 months into it, which was shortly after we said the L word to eachother, i dont know- when i think of the future i cant see it without him now, i see marriage and kids with him, traveling together, growing old together. but im also trying to be realistic, not everything lasts forever, so i wont be naieve enough to predict that we will, anything can happen. Link to comment
laisla Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 i had the lovey dovey feelings early on while we started dating. but i knew in my heart that i was infatuated and wasn't totally sure if i was serious about it. after overcoming some obstacles, i know that i will be with him always. i voted for 6 months to a year. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 25, 2008 Author Share Posted October 25, 2008 With my ex I never really thought it until about six months in, he proposed eight months in. Now ithink it was infatuation. I dont want to marry my current bf yet but he has like...the qualities of a good person to be with long term. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 25, 2008 Author Share Posted October 25, 2008 id say 4 months into it, which was shortly after we said the L word to eachother, i dont know- when i think of the future i cant see it without him now, i see marriage and kids with him, traveling together, growing old together. but im also trying to be realistic, not everything lasts forever, so i wont be naieve enough to predict that we will, anything can happen. Thats true. Acceptance that even if you want it to be forever it might not is a good thing. Link to comment
jengh Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 with my ex, it was 6 months to a year. Not really sure. I fell in love with him very quickly and we had a wonderful relationship but I was young and kept growing and evolving and eventually, it just wasn't "forever" anymore. No hard feelings. It was a great 4.5 years. Current boyfriend... honestly, I have no idea. We need to get on the same page. It took over 6mos just to say I love you. We're moving at a much slower pace, which is perfectly fine with me. No rush. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 Well like I said, I could see myself getting married to my boyfriend. But we are 19, not far from 20, and I don't want to get married until I'm 25. Getting married any sooner would really scare me. Both of us want to be out of college and have a career started or in mind before. Link to comment
melrich Posted October 25, 2008 Share Posted October 25, 2008 The "forever feeling" is an interesting question. It would be interesting to ask another, "How many of you have had teh forever feeling and it later turned out not to be forever?" I think people that make it for the term of their natural lives are in the main people who make a commitment beyond just feeling in love. My feeling is as soon as you start convincing yourself it is forever you are fighting an uphill battle. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Share Posted October 26, 2008 with my ex, it was 6 months to a year. Not really sure. I fell in love with him very quickly and we had a wonderful relationship but I was young and kept growing and evolving and eventually, it just wasn't "forever" anymore. No hard feelings. It was a great 4.5 years. Current boyfriend... honestly, I have no idea. We need to get on the same page. It took over 6mos just to say I love you. We're moving at a much slower pace, which is perfectly fine with me. No rush. Teh no rush thing is good, feelings develop, Im taking it slow with my new bf too i prefer it! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Share Posted October 26, 2008 The "forever feeling" is an interesting question. It would be interesting to ask another, "How many of you have had teh forever feeling and it later turned out not to be forever?" I think people that make it for the term of their natural lives are in the main people who make a commitment beyond just feeling in love. My feeling is as soon as you start convincing yourself it is forever you are fighting an uphill battle. Are you saying its better to just be in love and not look that far forward and just feel the love rather than convince yourself it has to be forever. The forever feeling is interesting. I had it with my ex, or I thought I did, I now think it was more infatuation. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted October 26, 2008 Share Posted October 26, 2008 Are you saying its better to just be in love and not look that far forward and just feel the love rather than convince yourself it has to be forever. The forever feeling is interesting. I had it with my ex, or I thought I did, I now think it was more infatuation. I think being worried about forever can interfere with whats going on RIGHT now. And sometimes thats the problem. People want THE FUTURE so bad that it actually causes problems in THE PRESENT. I had that occur. My boyfriend gets so worried about "How do you know if its going to work.." and we struggled and it caused strain in the relationship because he was too afraid to act NOW because of something that may or may not occur in 10 or 20 years. He wanted us to work SO BAD...he was making sure he did everything in his power to make sure it didn't happen...and this involved putting off his career [as we're going to have endure somewhat of an LDR for a time period] he was worried about how shift work would interfere, etc etc. He was so worried about crap that wasn't going to happen for years that he stopped doing anything. And that caused a big problem. It wasn't until he stopped with those thoughts and adopted my "What's meant to be will happen.." attitude. I can't let thoughts and worries about FOREVER stop me from living my life. I'm LIVING my life like I am going to spend it with him, and living being the word here. Moving forward, growing and acheiving things as a person and growing together as a couple. Thoughts and empty promises and big ideas and WANTING the forever causes the problems. Just get out there, enjoy each day in the relationship and if forever is supposed to and meant to happen..it will. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 26, 2008 Author Share Posted October 26, 2008 Yeah I agree Asti, i think I messed up my past relationship by concentrating too much on the what if's and worriyng and not worrying about the present and just enjoying it. A good point. Link to comment
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