almost 17 and treated like im 5

[Dragunov-21]

Not a lot I can say here that isn't inflammatory and hasn't already been said, but I'd just repeat - from the way you've been acting *here*, it'd seem that you aren't half as mature as you'd like to think, and nowhere near mature enough to even think about getting married.

 

I'd seriously think sbout whether you want to make such a lifechanging decision at a time when you're still sneaking around from your mum...

 

I doubt that any of us can say anything to change your mind about any of this, but I also doubt we'll stop trying.

 

It's all up to you now, do what you will.

[redhearts]

Its ok I can handle hearing it because its true.

And i dont want to just spend my bday with him cause i spend every wakeing moment with him.. but i just told my mom thats fine ill find something else to do..

 

she suggested go bowling or something..

she didnt give me a curfew but probably will the night of

 

If your "sick" of your fiance now, uhm you will be living with him eventually. Thats not a good sign. You need to work on that. I still feel the one of the reasons you want to be married is to get away from your mother. But anyways she wants you to have a safe birthday. Why not agree to the bowling and relax, enjoy your birthday. Wait is this on a school night?!

[babygirl1991]

Cosmic bowling cause ive never done it.. and it starts late at night (9pm) and goes really late.. but i guess take it if she'll give it.. .

 

yeah thinking about it being with my man who i know wont try and get me to drink ect other than my other friends who constantly want me to get drunk and smoke (yuck)

[babygirl1991]

no were going out on fri. and otherwise where i live we dont have school this wed. because of teacher inservice

[hers]

Cosmic bowling cause ive never done it.. and it starts late at night (9pm) and goes really late.. but i guess take it if she'll give it.. .

 

yeah thinking about it being with my man who i know wont try and get me to drink ect other than my other friends who constantly want me to get drunk and smoke (yuck)

 

Just tell them no if you don't want to. Be firm about it. Leave it at that. If they're your real friends, they won't try to pressure you.

[babygirl1991]

yeah. thats what my mom tells me..

i used to go out and drink 24/7 but havent in FOREVER!

[Rose21]

Well if you constantly blow up in her face and are argumentive, I can see why she would be extra protective.

 

When your going through the ages of 14-17, you go through what is called "Storm years" Meaning your body is processing so fast, that that's where you hear about the disobedient teenager, them running up the stairs saying "You'll never understand me!" Or turn up the music real loud, those are all rebelious acts because your body is going through a "storm" Once you reach 18, most peoples hormones chill out. Although it may take longer for others. also, during these years teens are more likely prone to have promiscious sex, drink, and use drugs. Expec once that develop sooner.

 

I went through the storm years, but my mother is pretty lenient.

 

When I was 15 she wanted to meet all my friends. I never touched a drug, or been drunk, never smoked, and I wasn't sexualy active until I was 18 and in a relationship. I never gave my mom a reason NOT to trust me. Except for when I would shoplift when I was 15, but once my 16th b-day hit I changed my ways. I was a probelm child, but never did anything truly harmful.

 

When I was 17-18 I would go to a rave and be out to 4 am and she wouldn't care, because she knew I was safe and wasn't tempted by the drugs. Even when I was dating my druggee ex, she knew he was bad and she didnt want me to see him, but she knew if she had told me I couldn't I would of just done it anyways, and she wanted me to learn myself. And I did.

 

Now, I have full trust. I can basicaly do whatever I please. I don't have to ask to go to a friends house, I just tell her. I don't go to raves or clubs anymore, or any mildly wild parties, because that's not me anymore. I have a good set of friends now and a great boyfriend. And she lets him stay the night all the time, same with me at his house. She's let us do that after we had been going out just a month. She loves him.

 

When you show your parents trust, and don't act like a brat, you get more.

 

You have to remember, your JUST going to be 17. My mom got a little more protective then usual the 1st few months of when I turned 18 because she knew I was legaly and adult, then she totaly backed off. She knows anything a mother would worry about their kids getting into, isn't something I would ever want to assiciate myself with or be remotely interested in.

[hers]

When I was 16, I was 100% honest with my mom. She knew I drank, she knew I smoked pot, she knew I was having sex, she knew where I always was. She was ok with all of that b/c I was honest. If I was at a party and had too much to drink, I'd call her and tell her I couldn't come home.

 

Honesty works with parents. At least it did with my mom.

[babygirl1991]

My mom would ask if i was gnna drink (when i used to) and id tell her idk if i do ill call.

my mom knew i tried pot.. she knows me and my man have sex she understands she cant do anything about that.. she LOVES my bf but she just doesnt trust me i guess...

 

ive NEVER had any legal charges of anysort. unlike my bf whose had a possesion

[babygirl1991]

like she knows i wont do drug cause i see where i get people IN A HOLE! dead

[Rose21]

I'm always honest with my mom.

 

But I have morals for MYSELF. She knows I have never been drunk, I have never touched a drug, have never smoked a cigerette. I smoke hookah on occasion, but its like once every 4 months AT MOST. She's fine with that, it's not addictive and has very little tobacco.

 

Also, she knows my major is Criminal Justice, and I've trained with various police forces, SWAT training, I've had a teacher that was a Hitman for the CIA, was in the DEA and FBI and a Sgt and Vietnam. Why would I stray and do something illegal that would harm my carrer?

 

I always tell her things though. I told her when I lost my virginity to my ex, and I wanted to be on b-control after that. I tell her details about my sex life, and ask for advice. She's always been completely open to me.

 

I may of been naieve and hung out with the wrong crowd in the past but not once did I ever WANT to try anything illegal. Not just for my mom, or my morals and my carrer but also for myself. I have an addictive personality, I dont want to get addicted to drugs, and I have a VERY low tolerance. Just nyquil acts like speed with me. I like to be in a clear frame of mind and like to be in total control of all my decisons and situations I'm in. And thats why even though I am totaly straight edge, I avoid any parties that are above just a few friends drinking a few beers. Because thats not me.

[redhearts]

There you solved your own problem. YOUR FRIENDS are BAD influences. Your mom knows that. =]

[Rose21]

My boyfriend is the same as me aswell. If not alot more innocent. Because he hadnt even been to a club until I took him, he's never done hookah, and he had never even gone past kissing a girl before me. I love that!

 

I'm very into the law and the path of justice. I'm like the law book. When ever my friends have questions, they ALWAYS come to me.

[babygirl1991]

lol i knew they were i just hoped my mom would trust me enought to be able to say no

[Rose21]

"Friends are bad influences" Yes!

 

This was the same way with me. Although I am a VERY strong individual and didn't feel preassured to try any substance or drink. But I hung out with the raver crowd, 98% of them were on drugs, and they were all very lazy and bad people.

 

Once I met my boyfriend though, all of that changed and I kept my good friends, and made new ones that had the same principals and morals. I have found that without even asking, I have met alot of new christian friends. I'm attracted to them.

[babygirl1991]

lol yeah.

any my bf and friends know how i feel about drug since my dads death and thy still insist on me doin it.. so i kinda just blow em off.

 

My bf and i are TOTALLY 100% against drugs

[Rose21]

Yeah alot of my friends ask things like, "If such and such happens is it illegal?" Because I'm majoring in Criminal Justice and they know I have all the facts, and they'd rather just ask me then go to the police.

[lucia]

It matter because it shows that i have NO trust...after 11 months of being good.. not drinking smoking ect. all for what? NO TRUST.

 

and the fact that i get married this summer and move out and she still wants to talk to my friends parent? So basically all the work ive done trying to earn some trust was just all blown up in my face

 

Well about smoking and drinking, you do it for yourself, smoking is horrible and drinking at 17 can get you in trouble. Don't rush so much into being an adult. I'm only 23 but I remember being a teenager amazing and now it's so much different when I'm on my own paying my bills, working and studying. So many problems and you can't blame them on anyone but yourself, that's a lot of pressure. Don't blame your mom for caring about you, you're gonna miss her a lot when you move out.

[allforone]

THIS woman has been married 4 times and 1 was old enough to be my older brother..

 

i just cant stand her anymore

 

Your mother's past mistakes have no bearing on whether or not she is entitled to enforces discipline on her own child. She is doing what she has to do to be sure there are no additional problems in your life. And it sounds as if she is doing that regardless of how she is being treated or respected by you.

 

Three years ago, I found out my 16 year old son was addicted to prescription meds. He got them on-line and was very good at hiding it from us. We found out when he had a siezure and went into convulsions. He came back around and assured us he had no idea they were that dangerous and wouldn't touch them again. We believed him. We felt we "owed" it to him to take that into consideration. He has always been a wonderful son, and never gave us any trouble.

 

After a year, we felt more comfortable until he had his second seizure. This time, he didn't come too right away, he wet himself, drooled out of his mouth and couldn't recognize any of us when he came out of it or speak without slurring. He ended up at the hospital right around Christmas and it terrified us. The guilt we felt, that if he had died and we'd let it happen because we wanted him to "like" us, was overwhelming.

 

Since that time he assures us he has stopped. Again, we WANT to trust him, but also don't want to be fooled into thinking he means it. He has an anger problem now (much better than a drug problem) because he feels he has been so honest and has indeed stopped, yet we don't give him credit for it. On top of that he's never gotten into trouble, got great grades at school, is going college and working. He too thinks we need to allow for his good behavior and trust him but I can tell you that it will NEVER happen.

 

We don't think he'd do it to spite us, but we do know he cannot be trusted to stay away from temptation. He's 19 now and about to get his associates degree then go to an out-of-state college for his master's degree. Very soon he'll be starting his own life and he can't understand why we still check his pockets, his car, bedroom etc. for signs of drugs. After the second overdose, we realized that as responsible parents, no matter how much we wanted to trust him, it wasn't our call. As long as he under our supervision and living in our home, we have to do everything within our power to make sure it doesn't happen again.

 

Once he is gone, we can only hope he'll use good judgment. Until that day, he's on our watch and we're not going to let him make a mistake that could cost him his life. No matter how angry he gets at me and his father, our love for him is stronger and we can handle the anger. Regardless of the mistakes we may have made in our youth, or our earlier parenting, there is never a day that you stop being a parent.

 

Sounds like your Mom has gone through the same type of trust issues with you and she is no longer making excuses for her parenting. You need to appreciate that commitment, and respect her for being your mother. Soon you'll be on your own and accountable to no one. Until that time, she is the one person in the world who wants what's best for you. Like it or not.

[redhearts]

lol yeah.

any my bf and friends know how i feel about drug since my dads death and thy still insist on me doin it.. so i kinda just blow em off.

 

My bf and i are TOTALLY 100% against drugs

 

No offense, but why stay friends with people who are on drugs. That's like contradicting yourself. You need to find new friends.

[babygirl1991]

cause they've been my friends for yrs now..

and just cause they do the stuff does not mean im gonna

[greywolf]

cause they've been my friends for yrs now..

and just cause they do the stuff does not mean im gonna

 

But there is a reason why they have an expression that goeslike this: "If you want to know what a person is like, look at his friends."

[babygirl1991]

yeah..

but maybe people need to grow up and not judge as easy?

do you think maybe thats the case?

[greywolf]

yeah..

but maybe people need to grow up and not judge as easy?

do you think maybe thats the case?

 

I don't really think it has to do wtih judging. People are friends with people that are similar to them.

[melrich]

I guess that is why she is treated like she is 5!!