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Fiance' assumes I'm cheating , what should I do?

princess_summer_blue84

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

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Then make sure that you spend as much energy as you have on this thread in letting your fiance know that. If he is still overseas, especially deployed in action, he will need all the reasurance he can get. Unfortunately, cheating on soldiers overseas is quite prevalent so he will have seen many of his buddies go through that.

 

Exactly, and if you're willing to accept my advice I will more than happily share what my ex and I went through.

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

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yea! I am . I'm so scared that he might not be the same guy when he comes home. Also I do get a strong gut feeling from time to time.

 

 

Things do and will change when he gets back from deployment. It isn't you, it isn't him. They go through alot physically and mentally while deployed. It isn't easy on either of you but you have to think he is dealing with double the stress about it that you are.

 

He will seem like a different person for awhile, when my ex came back from Afghanistan after being there for 6 1/2 months I didn't even know who he was. His attitude was harsh (what they're taught there, kill or be killed, etc..) and he was just numb towards everything and it did take a toll on our relationship, I had to learn how to deal with it and him. But I stayed by his side and once things calmed down and he got back into normal routine our relationship continued on like normal.

 

During his deployment, it was harsh on us. We were only able to speak 3 days a week for only a few minutes each time for the first 3 1/2 months he was there. Thankfully, the last 2 1/2 months we were able to communicate more often through the internet. But it still was hard not being able to be with each other.

 

He also went through a phase where he just knew I had cheated on him ( i hadnt even thought about it at all) because all of his buddies were going through divorces or breakups where their wives/gf's had cheated on them while they were gone. It is a common thing in the military for spouses to cheat. So, most are going to extremely suspicious. If you are infact not cheating, I would avoid any "funny" behavior (Such as the posting on here, etc. but thats said and done with so you can't go back). Just try to put as much time and effort into making him as comfortable as possible and reassure him as much as possible that you're not going to stray and he's the only one for you. That is all you can do.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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Does anyone think that I'm over re-acting here? If so let me know please.
Yes I do. But that is partly because your story is, to say the least, confusing.

 

If you can learn to be more serene and less swayed by emotions then he may be less anxious. People who get overly emotional often make their SO nervous because they exhibit a certain lack of control. Cheating is very often a manifestation of uncontrolled emotion.

 

What he needs from you is reassurance and you are certainly not exhibiting that quality on here so you probably aren't to him either.

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

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well........ personally speaking here he will be gone for like 2 yrs. no sex , possibly women over there............. see where I'm going with this?

 

 

If a guy is commited to you, he will wait! I have known many many men (and women alike) in the military who were away from their partners for anywhere from a couple of months to a few years and they never once strayed.

 

Where will he be again?

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JadedStar Collaborator

JadedStar

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Princess, I know i said my last post would be my last but one more thing - you need to try to not let your emotions drive your life to such a large degree. You are so topsy turvy and emotional. Calm down and relax girl.

 

If not mother nature will calm you down by giving you an ulcer or something worse. Calm down. Tell yourself that this is not the end of the world.

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

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Princess, I know i said my last post would be my last but one more thing - you need to try to not let your emotions drive your life to such a large degree. You are so topsy turvy and emotional. Calm down and relax girl.

 

If not mother nature will calm you down by giving you an ulcer or something worse. Calm down. Tell yourself that this is not the end of the world.

 

I couldn't agree more.

I think this may fuel alot of your problems, been there and done that myself things get me into such a emotional roller-coaster sometimes and it just makes the situation so much worse.

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Hope75 Grand Master

Hope75

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Yea well , if he really loves you he will prove it. I know, it makes NO sense. But I really love this man more than anything. He's my heart, my soul, my life, my everything.

 

Buying you a ring the size of the one on Titanic doesn't prove he really loves you, only that he has no problem spending a lot of money.

 

Isn't 6 months a bit early to get engaged?

 

Sounds like a foundation for a real lasting marriage.

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jane2000 Rookie

jane2000

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Buying you a ring the size of the one on Titanic doesn't prove he really loves you, only that he has no problem spending a lot of money.

 

Isn't 6 months a bit early to get engaged?

 

Sounds like a foundation for a real lasting marriage.

 

 

I must admit I do agree with Hope.

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Hope75 Grand Master

Hope75

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yea! I am . I'm so scared that he might not be the same guy when he comes home. Also I do get a strong gut feeling from time to time.

 

If you are having feelings of cheating maybe it's because you hardly know this guy after dating for 6 months, how much of this was he deployed in the military where you don't even get a chance to get to know him?

 

Honey, I honestly think you are rushing to get married here when you are not ready and neither is he.

 

Something to think about. 60% of all marriages under age 25 end in divorce... probably in part because people don't pay attention when things aren't right (like right now).

 

What's your hurry to get married?

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musicguy Mentor

musicguy

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If you are having feelings of cheating maybe it's because you hardly know this guy after dating for 6 months, how much of this was he deployed in the military where you don't even get a chance to get to know him?

 

Honey, I honestly think you are rushing to get married here when you are not ready and neither is he.

 

Something to think about. 60% of all marriages under age 25 end in divorce... probably in part because people don't pay attention when things aren't right (like right now).

 

What's your hurry to get married?

 

agreed. If you guys really want to get married and make it work, why not wait until both of you are ready to get married. He's heading off into the military, he's gonna be gone for a long time. I think that you can wait until he comes back and go from there. A lot of things can change

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Mythical_Suicide Experienced

Mythical_Suicide

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I think most people assume that when in either a LDR or a military relationship marriage is the ONLY way to make it through, when in reality it is the worse thing you can do.A normal marriage is hard but being married to someone in the military is beyond challenging. Not only do you have to normal everyday stress from a marriage you have the added stress of deployments, moving around, etc, etc. If you're having any doubts whatsoever you don't need to hop into marriage.

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