Fiance' assumes I'm cheating , what should I do?

[JadedStar]

I think in Princess's last post she is trying hard to come clean and give the real facts.

[RayKay]

I agree with Jaded. No way are you ready to marry this man, or he ready to marry you.

 

Sure love is tough at times...but there is a BIG difference between a strong, loving and long-term couple coming up on hard times and working through them together...and two very young, insecure and jealous people whom JUST met really constantly at odds with each other and trying to "force" something (i.e. a healthy relationship) that just isn't.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Thanks JS and ray Kay. JS, have you ever been in my situation where you feel like you can't let him go because deep inside you love them. and well this part might be off topic here but anyways " the sex between him and I is great!" Now what do I do?

[princess_summer_blue84]

You started dating in September?

You got engaged in December?

Yet earlier you stated you have been dating for 6 months? (from September, that is only 5 months)

and you also said you have been engaged for 4 months (that is only 2 months)

Hmm maybe math has changed since I was in schoolor maybe I just forgot how to count?

 

Once again stories dont add up.

 

Look I'm trying very hard to come clean here. Please give me a chance here.

[JadedStar]

Thanks JS and ray Kay. JS, have you ever been in my situation where you feel like you can't let him go because deep inside you love them. and well this part might be off topic here but anyways " the sex between him and I is great!" Now what do I do?

 

I think everyone has been in that situation at least once Princess...well at least most people. For me it was almost opposite with my ex husband tho. I knew i had fallen out of love but it was REALLY still hard to let him go because we had so much history.

 

Sometimes we have to do what is best for us even if it hurts. It isn't easy for sure.

 

Princess is that your real name in your siggy? YOu might want to think about at least removing your last name for privacy reasons.

[princess_summer_blue84]

I think everyone has been in that situation at least once Princess...well at least most people. For me it was almost opposite with my ex husband tho. I knew i had fallen out of love but it was REALLY hard to let him go.

 

Sometimes we have to do waht is best. It isn't easy for sure.

 

Thanks so much. How and where do I even begin at? I'm scared .

[JadedStar]

I think the first step is realizing that being alone isn't the worst that can happen. You are young and have many years ahead of you. You don't need a man to validate who you are.

[princess_summer_blue84]

I think the first step is realizing that being alone isn't the worst that can happen. You are young and have many years ahead of you. You don't need a man to validate who you are.

 

Thanks so much J S . So I just need to tell him this : ( his name) , I think we should break up because this isn't right for neither one of us and I just think it's not working out. You don't want to get married and I feel like I'm pushing you to do so. So I am breaking this off with you and I hope that you will understand. We can still be friends but in the meantime we can't be together.

 

How does that sound? Stupid , not to the point , or still trying to beat around the bush. ?

[JadedStar]

I acutally think that is a great way of putting it Princess.

 

The thing I would caution you on, however, is the continuing to be friends part. You are going to be hurting for awhile and having no contact with him will likely make you heal quicker.

[metrogirl]

When and where did you get the ring?

[princess_summer_blue84]

I acutally think that is a great way of putting it Princess.

 

The thing I would caution you on, however, is the continuing to be friends part. You are going to be hurting for awhile and having no contact with him will likely make you heal quicker.

 

Thanks! I will tell him that. Thanks so much .

[princess_summer_blue84]

When and where did you get the ring?

 

 

I got the ring in November. Where I don't know where he got it at. why does that matter?

[metrogirl]

I meant when did he give it to you and were you on a date or?????

[princess_summer_blue84]

I meant when did he give it to you and were you on a date or?????

 

He gave me the ring on our first date. We were well in a romantice get away room that had a jucuzzi in it. There were rose pettals everywhere. But....... I'm going to break up with him. It's just not working out between him and I .

[metrogirl]

He gave you an engagment ring on the first date??

[JadedStar]

He gave me the ring on our first date. We were well in a romantice get away room that had a jucuzzi in it. There were rose pettals everywhere. But....... I'm going to break up with him. It's just not working out between him and I .

 

Yes, thinking back you probably know moving this fast was a mistake so just move on and chalk this one up to experience for the future.

[princess_summer_blue84]

Yes, thinking back you probably know moving this fast was a mistake so just move on and chalk this one up to experience for the future.

 

Thanks girl! Also I just emaild him and told him. Do I feel better.......... No. I feel bad . Actully I feel horrible. But I know that I will be better off without him. I also know that someone is out there waiting for me but just hasn't found me yet. Now is when I need to " stress exercise" .

[princess_summer_blue84]

check my other thread. Joined the gym. Check it out.

[ghost69]

we still didn't get the answer to the ring question. seriously a ring on a first date?

[princess_summer_blue84]

oh shhhhhhhhh! Yea and him and I talked this morning and.......... I couldn't do it. I couldn't break it off with him. But I told him how I felt about him and marriage. He told me that it was ok. That he's fine with marriage. He also told me that I make him very happy. That he is proud of me about joining a gym and exercising. woo hoo.

[ghost69]

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh K. i'm lost for sure now. so it's all gravy now? i don't get why.

[Hope75]

oh shhhhhhhhh! Yea and him and I talked this morning and.......... I couldn't do it. I couldn't break it off with him. But I told him how I felt about him and marriage. He told me that it was ok. That he's fine with marriage. He also told me that I make him very happy. That he is proud of me about joining a gym and exercising. woo hoo.

 

Princess,

 

I am glad that you chose to come somewhat clean with us about this relationship.

 

But your little talk doesn't change the fact that you hardly know each other and that thinking about marriage at this stage in this relationship is a big mistake.

 

There's no reason you can't continue to see him and see if you can't work out these problems, but this relationship has not shown any staying power (only a few months old and already broken up how many times? Fights about silly things that lead to game playing, pouting, and ignoring? Insulting each other and shooting below the belt, as in when he told you he was using you for sex...) and it is not a healthy relationship at this point.

 

I urge you not to be pacified by a few sweet words that do nothing to change the fact that you hardly know him and your relationship is not healthy or ready to think about marriage. In reality, I think you are being mislead by a fantasy that marriage makes everything alright, marriage is forever, marriage means you can get through anything. Reality is marriage is a lot of work, a lot of compromise, the hardest thing many people will ever do. Half of all marriages end in divorce. a full 60% of marriages your age end in divorce. The reason? People in your situation jump in when deep down they know better, but they choose to ignore it and find out later (when going through an ugly divorce) that they should have paid attention to their gut- the one you were paying attention to yesterday.

[princess_summer_blue84]

I thank you all so much. But....... I think that this relationship will work out. Just pray for us that it will work out .

[JadedStar]

HOpe is right Princess.

 

But sometimes we have to learn by actually living thru some mistakes so hopefully you will live and learn here.

[Hope75]

I'm with Jadedstar. I know at your age I closed my eyes to obvious signs and advice from friends and plowed ahead with my own engagement to a man who was not a good person for me, in a relationship that was unhealthy. Fortunately, I figured it out before we actually walked down the aisle and I gave him the ring back and ended the relationship.

 

It took me almost 10 more years before I figured out what kind of relationship is suitable for marriage, the type of guy who deserves me forever, and the type of woman I need to be (able to stand up for myself, able to recognize maltreatment when I see it and not put up with it, not placated by a few sweet words, but held fast with actions that are consistent with a strong, long term healthy relationship) and the effort it takes to make a marriage work.

 

I've been living with my now fiance for over 5 years and I can tell you it has not been easy. We love one another and respect one another, but we have worked through many struggles together and learned to adjust and compromise and understand that our lives are no longer just about "me" but about us...that we are truly a team in every sense of the word.

 

Sometimes the only way you will figure it out is by going through it.

 

Just remember we will be here for you if things don't work out.