Why are people so nasty to overweight people?

[RayKay]

For the record - I have never called someone overweight; I have never TOLD them they are overweight, I have never made fun of them for being overweight. I never said I did not think they had struggles.

 

 

Lots of words seem to be put in my mouth here that I never alluded to. I simply said if I saw someone whom was VERY OVERWEIGHT it would pop into my head they were unhealthy. I never said this was right, or that I judged them for it...simply that is what popped into my head.

 

I don't think anyone here can say that things NEVER pop into their head or they NEVER have preconceived ideas about certain things, people. That does not mean I carry through on it or think it is "right".

[Inspirational]

Well that sums it up..Thank you for being HONEST, I'm sure most people will appreciate your honesty. This post has run it's course "I think", so I'm outty!

[flower99]

re-read what I said. I didn't say I assumed that they don't take care of themselves....I said the thought that "MAYBE they don't take care of themselves cross my mind' I also said I KNOW there is more to a person that what we see...

 

Inspirational, You can not tell me you don't have thoughts you see some people. That's just a lie if you do say so. And having a thought doesn't make you a bad person passing judgement. whether you choose to act on that thought & not give people the a chance, I believe that determines the kind of person you are.

 

I know I'm not a judgemental not nice person regardless of what you say, because I know I give people the benefit of the doubt, I treat everyone with kindness & openess. And I can't help it if I'm a careing person who is concerned about peoples health, warmth & shelter....ect (yes it doesn't stop at excessively overweight people) though you may find that to be a not nice, it's what leads me to help others...voulenteer with the sick, help the homless & dress the cold. no I don't waste my time contemplating whether they take care of themselves, it's just a passing thought & I'm not to proud to admit I have them. It's what you do with the thoughts that determine the kind of person you are.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

i love how if a person was overweight at a table full of people and ordered a bunch of fattening food, it is socially unacceptable for anyone at that table to say anything like "are you eating that?! it's unhealthy to be overweight!!!". Yet, if someone decided to light up at that table, just about everyone would say "are you smoking?! it's unhealthy to smoke!!!".

 

That's just a funny observation though, I don't smoke.

 

Now for people being critical about weight. No one should make someone else feel bad because of how they look. It's in poor taste, bad mannered, and frankly, your size in none of their business! Just ignore them. Only your own personal opinion matters when it comes to you.

 

Smoke damages the lungs of people around the smoker. You probably will not injure a smoker's self esteem by saying such a thing. Whereas, with an overweight person, appointing yourself the food police and humiliating them in front of others is slow murder via words.

 

I've never understood why people appoint themselves the guardians of other adults. Leave them alone and let them run their own lives. When they want help, they'll go get it. There's no need for you (used generally) to police the world...

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

we all have preconceived notions based on outward appearances.

 

we all do.

 

our minds are made to recall and connect information.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

i just can't understand how someone can let themselves go and feel comfortable. it's not healthy either. i just have never understood how someone can live with themselves in that condition.

 

One doesn't have to understand. One just has to shut one's mouth. Pretty simple.

[ghost69]

One doesn't have to understand. One just has to shut one's mouth. Pretty simple.

 

then why did you just quote me and talk like this? wow

[ghost69]

She said that she has thoughts about other people who are overweight, underweight, etc. I think it's wrong to judge other people in general. A thought about someone else is a "judgment" even if you don't follow through, it's still a "prejudge mental" thought.

 

i get judged. cause i 'look' like a jerk or a player. why? cause i'm in good shape, have a good face, etc. i get judged all the time. women tell me this too. that they never would have talked to me if i didn't come up to them cause they thought this of me. everybody makes assumptions. i don't see the big deal. you really care that much what someone thinks of you? a person you don't know?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I would venture to say this change in treatment is reflective of the change in your treatment to yourself, though. We respect and admire people who respect and admire themselves. I'm guessing your self-worth has increased since you made the effort to lose weight and people sense that.

 

I agree with this in a sense. I lost 140 pounds. It is never just one factor when people treat a class of people shabbily. It is a combination of their own stuff and your own stuff.

 

When I was a lot bigger, I was a lot unhappier. I carried myself differently. People react to how you present yourself in that sense. I didn't want to look people in the eyes, etc. I assumed that I needed a defensive posture in case they decided to make fun of me. This affected how I was treated. That was my stuff.

 

When I got thinner, people did treat me differently. People who didn't used to talk to me were now talking to me because I am pretty, etc. That was their stuff. What their stuff was exactly, I don't know. Their biases, their prejudices, their own self-esteem and insecurity, who knows?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

then why did you just quote me and talk like this? wow

 

I'm just letting you know the simple procedure by which you can stop wasting your time trying to understand that which you have no need to understand, since you are obviously fine. Other people's weight is other people's business.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I agree with this in a sense. I lost 140 pounds. It is never just one factor when people treat a class of people shabbily. It is a combination of their own stuff and your own stuff.

 

When I was a lot bigger, I was a lot unhappier. I carried myself differently. People react to how you present yourself in that sense. I didn't want to look people in the eyes, etc. I assumed that I needed a defensive posture in case they decided to make fun of me. This affected how I was treated. That was my stuff.

 

When I got thinner, people did treat me differently. People who didn't used to talk to me were now talking to me because I am pretty, etc. That was their stuff. What their stuff was exactly, I don't know. Their biases, their prejudices, their own self-esteem and insecurity, who knows?

 

I wanted to disappear and not be noticed... because then... they would notice how big i was.

 

I held back a lot when i was heavier.

 

btw...congrats on the weight loss success.

[tiredofvampires]

oh, i know it's a sign of initial weight gain. doesn't mean it can't be corrected. you might have to change your diet and work out more or something. i just hate the excuse for people that KNOW what their problem is. yet they continue to use the excuse and keep the same lifestyle.

 

While I have not seen much bullying and meaness towards overweight people since grade school (when kids are ridiculed and teased for anything that stands out as different), this here is part of the problem and stigma of being overweight: lack of compassion. And some ignorant beliefs. For instance, that losing weight is a simple matter of changing lifestyle, or that hormonal imbalance is a flimsy "excuse."

 

I don't think anyone who is struggling with a problem (even if they KNOW it is a problem -- and maybe especially if they know it's a problem!), beit something they can make a choice about or whether some of it is out of their control, if it's biological or psychological or whatnot, I don't think it's compassionate to frame their reasons as an "excuse." There is a blaming and shaming in that, that causes so much hurt to people, on top ofo the problem itself.

 

I am very health-conscious, (I used to be anorexic, too), and NOT overweight, but I have gone through enough psychological pain in my life to understand that people express their emotional pain in different ways. It may not be MY way to overeat and "let myself go," but that is the way some people end up coping. I remember watching a VH1 Behind the Music documentary about the band Poison, and how the lead guitarist, CC DeVille, went through rehab for his severe drug addiction after the band fell apart. He was talking in this interview about that, and how when he stopped using the cocaine, he had an insatiable need to eat. Which made him put on a lot of weight. Which is very common for addicts who "clean up." And the sad thing, he said, was that everyone thought he was a "cool, hot rock star" when he was thin and lanky, but on crack -- and then when he was more sober and cleaned up, but fat, he lost all that respect. Sadly, he said, it was more acceptable even to be on drugs and look good, than be off of them and be fat. I thought that was such a GRAPHIC illustration of how totally obsessed we are about appearance.

 

If we are going to have compassion for anyone who messes up their body or life because they are unhappy, insecure, empty inside, needing an escape from pain, we have to have that accross the board. People overeat for the same reasons some people over-gamble, over-drink, over-internet surf, over-sex, over-work, anything. Ghost, do you not have ANY things that are personal vices? Do you do live in perfect balance, free of compulsions? If so, you are an anomaly. If not, then you should be seeing overweight people as no different from you, except that the things that are difficult for them to manage are different from yours.

 

I think the problem is just a general one of lack of compassion, which is being able to see the pain in someone's plight, instead of the "excuse" or the "failure."

[Entomon]

I cannot believe that some of you people get offended by what I said!

 

Being overweight is not an appearance or self-esteem issue but a medical concern. And when it seriously affects a person's health then it becomes a business of mine.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

RayKay is really taking a beating. She didn't say anything offensive, in my book.

 

The fact is that if a person is 100 pounds overweight...they're not taking care of themselves. When I see a person like that, knowing my own experience, I wonder why they are hurting themselves, what pain are they trying to numb out? What pain are they going through?

 

Because normal people, with normal attitudes toward food, weight gain, and self-maintenance, if they notice they are gaining weight, they eat less. They exercise more.

 

Someone who is very overweight usually has an eating disorder and they notice they are gaining weight, but they *can't* stop. They need help. However, they can only get help if they want to change.

 

And this is just my experience and my attitude and opinion. It doesn't apply to everyone. But the truth is that our bodies don't like being overweight. Our bodies like being at a healthy weight.

 

When we use food to abuse ourselves, we're *not* taking care of ourselves. Those who do this don't believe, at their core, that they are worth taking care of, for whatever reason. I see a lot of significantly overweight people who are gay and have had to hide their sexuality all their lives (cue the fat to keep attention away), I see a lot of people who were abused as children (cue the food and fat to avoid notice and provide comfort), this is especially true for adults who were victims of molestation, children of alcoholics (at least your food can provide some comfort and stability).

 

Bottom line, we just don't have the right or the standing to voice judgements to others about their weight. If you are the friend of someone who is overweight significantly, certainly you have standing to kindly and gently try to help them ONCE, but if they don't want your help, you have to wait till they do.

 

When we use our words to hurt someone who's already hurting, we are killing them inside.

[shikashika]

No one was mean to me. I'm sick of seeing people treat others like crap.

 

For one weight gain happens with hypothyroidism, under active thyroid, weight lose happens with hyperthyroidism, over active thyroid. The thyroid is a significant part of weight control as it controls metabolism, so if its bogus that the metabolic control isn't working how do you explain one of the first signs of thyroid disease being weight change.

 

 

 

Just like you are sick of people making fun of people, I'm sick of hearing 'excuses' like this. Only a miniscule amount of people actually have this problem. Most people are just lazy, or don't realise how much hard work goes into looking trim, and dont' want to make the effort.

 

I'd say the only people who get offended with this are those that are uncomfortable with being overweight themselves. If you are overweight and happy with it.. then it wouldn't bother you ( you being the 'collective' you)

 

I have a friend who is surpised she is not losing weight, when all she does is go to aerobics 2 or 3 times a week. The problem is, most people have no clue about how to lose weight, and then say they have a weight problem.

 

 

if people are happy with thier looks, being slightly overweight, then so be it...

 

But, most people who are overweight talk about wanting to be slimmer nad healthier.

 

Like others have said, its highly immature to poke fun of people based on their looks, sexual orientation etc...BUT, we can still have our opinions about people. Everyone has opinons, whether they want ot admit it or not

 

What do you think of people that overdo the drugs? or people that drop out of high school in grade 8 or people? You may never say anything to that person, but you still think it.

 

What I find incredibly hilarious, (especially on ENA) is that when someone posts their height /weight on here, people are quick to say things like "Oh you are skinny anyway, dont' lose any more weight"...but when anyone wrirtes, " Yeah you are kind of fat".. people get all uptight and "how dare you say that..." bla bla"

 

We are so quick to congratulate a woman on her 'curves' when most of the time, those curves are nothing but rolls of unneccesary fat, but heaven forbid someone try and lose weight and be healthy.. then peopel say things like "Just be careful you dont' get too skinny"

 

As someone who works out a lot, I have people say that to me often ( of course, the only peopel that say that are the unhealthy ones!)

 

I could never imagine saying to someone who was slightly on the portly side, "better not eat that extra muffin, it will go straight to your bum!"

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Just like you are sick of people making fun of people, I'm sick of hearing 'excuses' like this. Only a miniscule amount of people actually have this problem. Most people are just lazy, or don't realise how much hard work goes into looking trim, and dont' want to make the effort...

 

I don't put much stock in hypothyroidism. Only a small amount of the population has that. I just think people don't need to explain their weight to anyone, and others don't need to comment on other people's weight. Sympathy and maturity would go a long way in this society.

[ghost69]

it is human nature to be attracted to healthy, fit looking people. not that a fat person is any less of a person or anything. something subconscious happens in the brain to where you look at someone and think they'd be a great provider for you. maybe this has something to do with fat people being less desirable.

 

you guys act like i sit here and put people with a weight problem down. sure, there is genetics, family history, etc. that come into play. am i saying the people are lazy? absolutely not. but there are things you can do to correct the problem. FOR YOURSELF and not for just the appearance to others.

 

i used to be extremely skinny. i got picked on all the time growing up. did it bother me? sometimes it got to me. but i changed it. not for everyone else, but i wanted to look different. i didn't want to be a twig anymore. at one point i had some extra pounds too from eating horribly. i fixed that as well. so don't tell me i can't sympathize or say 'i'm fine' and i have no idea what i'm talking about.

 

so some people can judge based on something really quickly. just like you judged my words prior as me being some rude name calling person.

 

i guess it's a society thing. society looks at overweight people as lazy or eats horribly, etc. chances are it is true though. and medical history does have a part. does not mean that some doctor says 'hey don't work out. hey don't eat better.' this is why i don't understand why some people choose to be that way. but if you feel comfortable the way you are, good for you. anything anybody else says should not matter then. this thread should be done.

[shikashika]

I cannot believe that some of you people get offended by what I said!

 

Being overweight is not an appearance or self-esteem issue but a medical concern. And when it seriously affects a person's health then it becomes a business of mine.

 

 

Exactly... it becomes everyone's concern, when national obseity rates are at an all -time high there is a serious problem.

 

I'm all for a bit of the 'tough love 'approach. nobody can say anything.. this is why we have gotten to this point in society. I visit a lot of high schools with my work, and i can't believe the amount of tubby kids i see sauntering around the halls.. Comes from the parents of coruse, but when it gets to this level, its time someone steppped in.

 

When taxes or healthy insurance or whatever it is in your county go towards treating people who are just too lazy to take care of themselves, then it is my concern. So many health problems are treatable if people only took care of themselves a little better.

[ghost69]

I don't put much stock in hypothyroidism. Only a small amount of the population has that. I just think people don't need to explain their weight to anyone, and others don't need to comment on other people's weight. Sympathy and maturity would go a long way in this society.

 

well, of course. it would be great if we all joined hands and sang songs too. but you know what, it will never be that way. there is always somebody that has to hate and make fun though.

[shikashika]

I don't put much stock in hypothyroidism. Only a small amount of the population has that. I just think people don't need to explain their weight to anyone, and others don't need to comment on other people's weight. Sympathy and maturity would go a long way in this society.

 

 

so i'm assuming that it would work the other way too then? if you saw someone who weighed 80 pounds and looked like they were on death's door, should people keep their mouth's shut as well?

[RayKay]

Thanks phreckles

 

When I was anorexic, I dealt with my feeling "out of control" by not eating or restricting myself - I always realized those whom are overweight often are the opposite and are trying to control other things by masking themselves, or feel out of control.

 

I just don't understand honestly why it is offensive for me to feel that people whom are overweight are unhealthy; either in mind or body - or both, when all the evidence shows it is (just as eating nothing but donuts and Coke if you are 115 lbs would be!).

 

I have admitted I do think "unhealthy"; and I do worry about the general passivity in our society towards the alarming epidemic (children being born today have a LOWER life expectancy than their parents because of it!) where instead of changing the menus in our school cafeterias to healthy choices, we just opt to change the labeling sizes on clothing so people don't feel so "bad". The average weight of men and women goes up every year....and the stats for those whom are "obese" are also going up and up.

 

As I said, people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and that is what is beautiful about our differences. But we owe it to ourselves to take care of ourselves.

 

Maybe "part" of the reason I subconsciously make these judgments is that my own life has been filled with people whom were taken too young, or face huge health crisis too young. My late boyfriend died at 25 years old suddenly of an illness, my own family genes basically say it is very likely I will be facing breast cancer in my 30s or 40s even if I take the GREATEST care of myself (my mum has a rare, advanced form (diagnosed at 4-8 (damn smiley!) , my grandmother died of it in her 50s after a ten year battle, my great grandmother died..you get the idea). All of those whom have died or gotten ill in my family took/take VERY good care of their health and they still got sick. Maybe I kind of in some way feel a bit frustrated when I see people NOT taking care of their health and whom end up living until they are 103!

 

I have certainly never criticized someone for their weight; some close friends I have expressed concern with (be they very heavy, very skinny or obviously dealing with food issues because I have a past there too and know how hard it is) but I would never call them fat, or make fun of them (either TO them, or behind their back).

[ghost69]

friend of mine growing up was diagnosed with the thyroid problem. he took pills, etc. yes, he was overweight. he still is. his excuse long ago was the thyroid thing. maybe this is why i can't see why someone can live like that. well, he didn't even change his diet. he knew the problem and did nothing. still has done nothing. he is comfortable with his size. so it's all good. but we would get into battles rippin on each other. yeah, i'd use fat jokes on him. not to put him down, but it was funny. he even laughed. did he cry or complain when he went home at the end of the day? doubt it.

 

he is actually married to a girl that is overweight. i'm sure kids n such look at them together and laugh. but you know what? they do not care.

[jettison]

I think this is well said, and well thought out, but I don't think that it's always a matter of just understanding one's pain. If anyone ridicules or belittles or dehumanizes another human being, then it is always a reflection on the weakness of the character of the disher. If I hear someone crack a fat joke, I'm not going to look at the overweight person negatively, but I'm uniformly going to think that the person making the diss is a weak person on some level. Or else, they're feeling weak at the time. So even for them, I usually don't think they're a bad person. In my liberal approach, I just think that they are a person who is acting without conviction or courage. But I don't know them well enough to know what pain they may or may not be going through to have to be so outwardly and vocally judgemental.

 

Some of you, and this may be Vamps, are close to above reproach when it comes to understanding and appropriateness. I envy you for that. I'm not always as strong. I will never do or say anything on purpose to hurt someone emotionally, but I'm also the kind of person who is completely capable of puting my foot in my mouth because I don't censor myself near as much as the next guy. I shoot from the hip quite a lot. I say things that get me into trouble.

 

I believe that all of us have ugly thoughts, and really negative thoughts that we'd rather not be thinking, and occasionally, they'll just come out if you're the kind of person who takes social chances.

 

I would never in a million years chastize anyone's affliction, be it a weight problem, an alchohol problem, or anything else. I have little idea about the road they've travelled. But I do think that everyone thinks negatively about others. We judge all the time on an almost constant basis.

 

For example, I will date an overweight person, and I am attracted to overweight people even though I'm thin and athletic. However, I'd guess that most of the time I'd think that person was even more attractive if they took care of themselves more. So, if someone asked me to judge the very same person, the fat exhibit A and the thin exhibit A, I'd think to myself that I'd prefer to be with the thin exhibit A. I don't think that makes me a bad person. It's a choice based on physicallity.

 

But in those ways, I'm not honest. I'd never tell that person that I think less of them on a physical level because they weigh more then the ideal weight. I'd just think it. And whether I like it or not, just like almost everyone else, I will be juding people based on looks.

 

I always find it amusing when I hear about someone dating an incredibly attractive man or woman, and then they'll go on preaching about how looks arent' important to them. The pretense is that they'd like you to believe that they're above it all and that the attractiveness of their mate is just an accident. It never is.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

well, of course. it would be great if we all joined hands and sang songs too. but you know what, it will never be that way. there is always somebody that has to hate and make fun though.

 

Yes, indeed, our society is in a sad state of affairs when people whom society has had very little sympathy for and little support eventually let their demons overtake them and then go kill innocents at the mall and then the government claims to be mystified because they did after all spend $265,000.00 on that person's mental problems. That's the kind of thing that goes on in a society like this one, that values attractiveness and money above compassion and kindness, and then excuses it by saying that it's ok because that's just how it is.

[Poe]

The world caters to attractive and successful people.

 

It's the way it is. Society builds itself into tiers on a social ladder.

 

Best bet is to work on improving yourself to climb the ladder rather than whining. Those who can only climb by pushing others down are of poor character and should not be within your social circle. Make sure they are not a part of your life. I try to bring people up, not down. I'd like ever night of my life to end like an episode of cheers.

 

Sorry I realize this is a callous reply, but I have found that life has pity for no one.