Poe

I disagree. She might as well go all the way, she's just as dumped either way.

Agreed. I'd be willing to consider allowing the relationship to continue if she were apologetic, sincere, and honest. Granted it sucks, but at the same time... I'd think, wow at least she is telling me. Sucks but she is kind of putting the cards on the table. I'm more worried about the girl that wouldn't tell. The relationship would definitely be a lie. The only way out is the truth. If she ever let it slip that she did that... ten days later, ten weeks later, or ten years later... I would swiftly kick her out of the relationship and out of my life. Infidelity is one thing, but that on topped of lying? Pfft

actually, narcisstic individuals hate themselves. That they love themselves is an illusion. They are obsessed with their image. It's all a facade. Basically, narcissistic individuals create this image that they project to circumvent dealing with who they really are. They typically have a conscience, but choose to ignore. They don't have the same bounds of conscience the rest of us do, and it's typically inflicted by extreme emotional trauma that the person was unable to cope with. Read into it... it's not a character trait you would like to have, nor associate with.

I find that trust is a decision you have to actually make. First consider if the person is worthy of your trust. Then, trust them. At some point you have to let go of your inhibitions and give them the space and freedom which defines trust.

I agree... As much as I hate to say this...we've all been through worse here, and that sounds pretty amicable at least from my experiences. Hell, if half my relationships ended on a note like that, I'm sure I'd still be on civil speaking terms with them. If it's what she needs to do, it's what she needs to do. And hopefully she comes back... she'll be 100%, which is what you want anyway, right? All you can ask is that she is honest and sincere, and it sounds like she is doing that. I would recommend against NC... only because that's really used as a defense mechanism to protect yourself. If she's being honest with you and you can handle it, nothing wrong with staying on civil terms. Keep in mind the biggest reason why people don't stay friends is because the breakup is a huge blow to the ego. Why do you think people change so much after a breakup? After their ego is utterly destroyed, varying in degrees based upon the individual, they essentially have to recreate themselves. If it's nothing to be taken personally... then I would keep in touch. There is a way to stay "friends" without going into the "friend zone." Keep it cool, keep it casual, and don't let her have the upper hand of the situation with you waiting hands and knees for her. Make sure she knows you will keep moving too... this way she doesn't take you for granted. Not that I know if she would or not, but it does tend to be human nature.

Sorry I have to disagree, and Frost I can relate to what you're going through. My ex and I broke up almost 5 years ago, and I still think about her. I saw her just the other night, gave her some of her * * * * back I came accross... and I just wanted to shout out to her everything that I felt in my heart. But I know that I'm going to have to build this back up right if there's any chance. I don't want to emotionally overwhelm her and confuse her, hell thats what got me in this situation in the first place. Being her friend doesn't mean you have no balls. Just don't let her put you in the friend zone... don't let her take you for granted or see you as predictable. Be around just often enough to satiate her curiosity. As long as you aren't put in the friend zone, sounds like you've got a good shot, as I hope I do too. But popping out of nowhere after a few years and then being like HEY LETS GET BACKTOGETHER will only bring trouble. Keep in mind people change. She might not be the same person she was before... you are a different person as well. The new you might not like the new her, and might long for and miss the old her. As long as you can emotionally brace your heart for whatever she can dish out... if a second chance is worth the possibility of going through all the heartbreak that you already went through with her... then go for it. I wish you luck with whatever you do. Regardless of what you do, don't rush it. As for me... I'm going to force her to either break my heart again or get back out with me. Maybe I've gone crazy but I'm lusting for either... I need to lay this to rest.

Make a decision; how will you allow yourself to be treated? Where is the line drawn? You can do better. Sometimes making the right decision involves doing what you know to be right over what you feel. Otherwise you'll never be in control of your own life.

Usually, I find situations like these are typically cat-and-mouse... whomever cares the least gains the attention of the person who cares the most. Let her know that you are still around...subtly... but that you couldn't care less about what the other person is up to. Basically, you're faking total indifference. It's playing games, yes... if you really want to get her attention, this is a good way to do it. I can't guarantee it'll work, but it's your best shot... if it's worth it to you to be with someone who requires your constant attention and manipulation anyway. But even the best relationships require some skill.

Allright so, I'm new to the board... and I have a situation, and would appreciate any input! Me and my ex broke up about 5 years ago. We were 19/20 at the time, now we're abit older, more mature, etc... you know how it goes. We broke up for alot of stupid reasons, she was smoking up alot with her friends and I being a non-smoker had some problems with this. So we fought about that, money, a few other things... Trivial stuff . Things escalated from bad to worse in a typical downward fashion, and eventually we were broken up. We had a few communications online and over the phone, I called her, she called me, I didn't return calls, she didn't return calls. She claims she was very confused at the time, wanted there to be a chance for us in the future, etc... Back and forth... until she became a little more firm, in which I promptly cut her off (NC). At the end of the situation, it was her decision to remain broken up, and I believe she started seeing this other guy. She asked about me through her friends a few times... asked if i was seeing anyone... my friends were pretty clear to her friends to back off. I needed my time to heal. I was her first relationship and first love. She was mine too, though I had plenty of experience prior to her. So I suppose she had alot of experience to gain, which I felt I didn't need at the time. But here we are, 5 years later... and hell we were only together for a year but damn what a year! Anyway, I've moved on... have dated other people, boosted my self- esteem... in absolutely every fashion, a better person than I was 5 years ago. But... she still clings to my memory, and it's hard to shake. I don't really know how to read her signals...it's like we became so close so fast, that once I was not a part of her interior circle, and saw her from an outside perspective, it confused me because I had never known her like that. 5 years later, I gave her a call to drop off some stuff that I would have thrown out otherwise, figured it was the right thing to do. And I saw her... and it was oddly awkward, now I've hung out with other ex's before, and once you get to the point of being over somebody you are alot more comfortable with yourself. Now there are two possibilities. (1) She's indifferent, and just doesn't want to say anything to hurt me and probably felt awkward naturally, or (2) There are some latent feelings there that are making her uncomfortable to deal with. My question is... how do you read an ex after so long? I can't read her signals or her body language, she was always a very difficult girl to perceive. I'm nobody's spare tire and nobody's sucker, and I have had a great deal of dating experience since. I know she dated some real ***holes after me, and I treated her pretty well. I made some mistakes, I am just a man, but nothing beyond forgiveness, I certainly never treated her badly. Another thing too, I hear she's with some guy who treats her like absolute crap . From what I hear, they've been together longer than I was with her. I really don't believe in rescuing girls from their own stupidity... as it is, she broke up with me once before our final breakup, only to break down the next day and apologize to me and all that and wanted to get back together. Any girls here that might be able to shine some light on the situation? Am I stupid for letting my pride get in the way of rekindling a relationship with a great girl, or should I know better than to try to get back with a girl who's got a 2-black mark track record with me already? You know, most dumpees say to themselves "you made the bed, now sleep in it..." and watch with a devilish grin as everything turns to mud for the other person. But you hardly expect them to continue sleeping in it.