Why are people so nasty to overweight people?

[jettison]

There is a disconnect right now re: your understanding of why people are put off by your posts on this thread regarding obese people. There is not a single obese person on the planet who woke up one morning and said "hey, I think I'll be obese." This is never a choice. Yes, people makes poor choices that lead to obesity, but no one ever chooses the outcome consciously.

 

If someone is voicing their disgust or annoyance toward an obese person then I will uniformly be disgusted and annoyed by the voicing of their displeasure. It is so far beyond tacky to worry about yourself when some overweight person actually touches you incidentally on the bus (egads!). You are dehumanizing them. If a very fit, attractive man accidentally rubbed your shoulder on the plane, you wouldn't be worrying about it one bit.

 

I could replace obese person with African American, and you could say, "I hate being on the bus and all these blacks are touching me because they move around so fast." Did that sound bad to you? That's exactly how your comments are going to come accross to an overweight person. You are sounding like an overpriveleged malcontent.

 

Think you're put out when "their fat" touches you on the plane? Think about the person that you're shooting those bad vibes toward. Harder to get a great job because the interview is unlikely to go as well. They get discriminated against. Harder to get a promotion because it's often given to the "in shape" person who is more accepted by society. Hard to get a date because, afterall, people want to date the fit. Harder to stay healthy because, as we know, obese people develop more health problems. Harder not to develop depression because, again, they're fighting weight problems.

 

So, this "fatty" knows what you're thinking about him, and it's not "helping" him/her as you say. You're not helping a bit. The bad vibes are only adding to the misery. Don't pretend that you know what it's like. And if you do know what it's like because you were fat once, then shame on you for not remembering to hold onto your compassion.

 

And btw, I weigh 147 lbs. I'm an athlete. I have never been over 164 lbs in my life. I doubt there is a single person on this board who is in better shape then I. I ride 200+ miles per week during the season beginning next month which last 8 months. None of my family is obese. Few of my friends are. But I can tell you one thing, you will never see me judging someone who is less fortunate then I in some way. They're people too. There is no one I respect less then a dehumanizer, and I'll never be afraid to less that person know it.

[shikashika]

Yes, exactly. It is not because of concern over the obese person's health, it is an inflated sense of superiority, arrogance and looking down on the other person.

 

What a blanket statement.

 

You honestly think that no one has any concern over someone's health??!!

 

I don't think anyone here is talking about going up to an obese person and saying "You're fat.

 

I don't believe that if one of your loved ones had been told "Lose weight, or you will die" by their doctor, you'd sit back and do nothing.

[shikashika]

There is a disconnect right now re: your understanding of why people are put off by your posts on this thread regarding obese people. There is not a single obese person on the planet who woke up one morning and said "hey, I think I'll be obese." This is never a choice. Yes, people makes poor choices that lead to obesity, but no one ever chooses the outcome consciously.

 

If someone is voicing their disgust or annoyance toward an obese person then I will uniformly be disgusted and annoyed by the voicing of their displeasure. It is so far beyond tacky to worry about yourself when some overweight person actually touches you incidentally on the bus (egads!). You are dehumanizing them. If a very fit, attractive man accidentally rubbed your shoulder on the plane, you wouldn't be worrying about it one bit.

 

I could replace obese person with African American, and you could say, "I hate being on the bus and all these blacks are touching me because they move around so fast." Did that sound bad to you? That's exactly how your comments are going to come accross to an overweight person. You are sounding like an overpriveleged malcontent.

 

 

 

No I do not think that is a good example at all... to change "fat" with "insert race here"

 

When I sat next to that man on the plane it was uncomfortable because he was squishing me. I'm not talking about someone brushing my shoulder on a crowded subway.... or accidentaly touching me.

 

Did you read my post about the 10 hour plane ride? Where did I say someone 'brushed past me"?

 

I don't feel someone's colour, or feel someone's gender, or feel someone's sexual orientation. But I do feel a stranger's body on my leg.

 

 

There was a case a year back, where a woman sat next to a very large person on a plane and had such an uncomfortable ride, she tried to get her money back. I think she did.

 

Have you ever had someone sit on one of your legs for a plane journey?

 

 

So to use that comparison makes no sense at all.

[jmantra]

oh dearie me... so if someone came and sat on your lap, as i gave in my example, you wouldn't have minded at all?

 

you say we have to show some consideration..Point out where I haven't.

 

Do you not think the extremely obese man next to me shouldn't have shown some either?

 

where is this 'you think you are so important" attitude coming from?'

 

 

When I said consideration I meant either you move or the fat person moves. If the overweight person refuses to move that speaks volumes about their character, you should have been the better person and moved. however the fact they are overweight may or may not to be a choice of theirs, but why hold the fact that they are fat against them? You don't live in their body, so why do you care? Now I would have no problem with you saying, "this fat person sat next to me on a plane and squished, I think she is a very selfish person". It's just not fair to insult someone's appearance.

[fnlyfrei]

I am not "discriminatory" towards fat people.

 

I feel the same way about them as I do towards everyone in the following list:

 

-smokers

-smelly people

-people who play music loud in public, either in their cars with windows open, or boom boxes, etc

-religious nuts who knock on my door

-religious nuts who try to convert me to their way of thinking

-telemarketers

 

What do they have in common?

 

They bother me, they don't keep their beliefs, or their habits to themselves, or they make things uncomfortable for me in some way because they make it difficult or impossible for me to simply ignore them.

 

They can do whatever they want in their lives, but stay the "heck" out of mine.

 

Well, I am sure that no fat people are knocking at your door trying to jam a twinkie in your face and wanting to convert you into their world. I do not agree that your list of annoyances is on the same plane as fat people. I do not think I have ever been crowded or bothered by a heavy person.

 

I have never been more than 30 pounds over my ideal weight...and with the way that I love to cook for my family and eat (and I am a pretty good cook) , it's a struggle at times, and I am working on it. The holidays are especially difficult. I think food has been on and off a comfort, an easy fix...and like anything...too much of anything can be bad for you.

 

I had a very thin aquaintence who pronounce "I hate FAT people."....I looked at her. She was bony and angular, and every tooth in her head was rotted from probable meth use in her past. "Yeah," I thought, "You hate fat people and I can't stand bony arsed crack users." She was one to judge eh?

 

I think that too many people lack compassion. If you think you are superior because you are thinner, therin lies your first inner flaw that might not show up on the outside...but is just as offensive as you percieve someone with extra padding to be. You can at least see their weakness...yours is shown when you open your mouth and let your shallow judgements escape.

 

I have an older sister who was pretty heavy in high school. She had lots of friends and was very intelligent. (Graduated valedectorian of her class)

She was my foster sister, I lived with her family. Her mother used to beat my brother and I. My sister would intervene and protect us..against her own mother. She is, was, and will always be my hero. I never saw her as a fat person, I saw her as my sister whom I adored.

When I would get on the bus in the mornings, kids would shout and say "where is your FAT sister?" I hated them. They did not know her...

someone's body size does not dictate their character. When people make sweeping generalizations about someone based on their weight, it bothers me, annoys me and hurts. It IS akin to having a handicapped sibling and having others call them a "retard".

 

Please go against your base instincts to be mean and shallow and rise above it. If you can't say something positive, keep it to yourself. Thanks.

[RayKay]

I think there is a big difference between approaching a complete stranger and saying "I am concerned about your health" as opposed to someone you know and love.

 

If one of my family members/friends was rapidly losing weight - I would express concern.

 

If one of my family members/friends seemed to be extremely fatigued or stressed, or depressed - I would express concern.

 

If I noticed a peculiar looking mole (i.e. skin cancer) on a

family member/friend - I would express concern.

 

If I noticed a family member/friend was seeming to become abusive of alcohol, or suspected drug use - I would express concern.

 

And yes...if I noticed a family member or friend was putting on a lot of weight - I would express concern recognizing often there is more to it that just "wanting" to eat more or be that way.

 

 

When I had my own issues with body image and had anorexia - I had many family and close friends express their concerns. Of course at the time I hated it because I felt ashamed and put on the spot but you know what...ultimately it is knowing they loved me enough to not be passive as I endangered my health; and knowing it was hurting THEM too, that motivated me to get help.

 

I KNEW I was anorexic, I KNEW I was unhealthy - it was not them telling me that that helped, it was knowing they were there for me and loved me and supported me.

 

I am VERY healthy today - I run 30 miles a week, mountain bike another 8 or 10 hours a week, do yoga daily..and I EAT!!! But I will say I would NEVER have gotten there without their support...and yes....them letting me know THEY knew I had a problem. I would of kept slipping through the cracks. It was not a matter of me "hating food" (as some may assume someone overweight "loved food") at all..it was about me feeling lost, alone and out of control and people whom cared CHANGED all that for me.

 

So yes, someone may not be ready to "listen" until they are ready to make the changes themself however if you have a close relationship with them I see no reason why you should not express your concerns in a compassionate manner - this is not to say controlling their diet or criticizing them. Let them know you are worried, you are there for whatever they need...and then step back.

 

I would NEVER go up to someone and call them fat; I would NEVER do that to someone I loved either. But I would indeed say I was concerned about their health and ask if everything was okay, and if they needed anything from me.

[jmantra]

amen to this.

 

I just love how people in this thread keep trying to justify their prejudice and lack of compassion. They only see the "fat" and not the person, and judge them based on that.

 

I work with a girl who is significantly overweight, and yet I've never heard one person speak negatively about her fat or anything at all about her in fact. She is married to a wonderful guy, she is intelligent and an incredibly kind person. Again the "fat" is not the person, stop judging people based on appearance, it's rude and shallow.

[jmantra]

It's not clear to me if any of these last few posts were directed at me personally, because I was quoted in at least one of them, but to clarify, I have nothing against fat people, I do not talk nasty to them, I do not discriminate against them, I simply do not want them sitting next to me and invading my personal space. I dont want to feel their fat against me, and if they are a smelly fat person (and there IS a connection), I dont want to be stuck within olfactory range of said fat person during a flight, train ride, movie, or concert.

 

 

Yes but not all fat people smell, but if one is being inconsiderate by not allowing you enough space you have every right to either speak up or move, that just shows a lack of consideration on their part.

[citygirl25]

two things here. I agree that SOME overweight people may have a medical problem that causes it, genetics, etc. I'm sure some truly cannot help it.

 

As for the others, you know what.....this entire COUNTRY is growing more overweight by the day because of all the fast food sh*t thats available to eat. and yes, its cruel to poke fun at someone because they are overweight, but you know what, that line is drawn when you see a large person stuffing their faces with fried food at wendys, mcdonalds, burger king, kfc, or whatever fast food joint it may be. then they probably will get made fun of. why? because it shows they dont care about their bodies. they are doing nothing to take care of themselves and instead are just wolfing down a bunch of crap thats going to give them a heart attack in a year or pack on even more weight.

 

that is the group of overweight people in this country who DONT CARE. if your overweight and dont want to be, you wouldnt be filling your face with fried food and junk thats only going to make you fatter. i will never understand why they do this. ANYONE eating junk food just looks disgusting. its like telling the world hey, i dont care about myself, i dont care if i get fatter or that im puting loads of artery clogging grease into my body.

 

its just mind boggling to me that if your overweight you would continue to eat things that are only going to make you bigger. it makes you look foolish and like you dont care about yourself at all. again, not all overweight people do this. im talking about the ones who just don't care.

[jmantra]

As for the others, you know what.....this entire COUNTRY is growing more overweight by the day because of all the fast food sh*t thats available to eat. and yes, its cruel to poke fun at someone because they are overweight, but you know what, that line is drawn when you see a large person stuffing their faces with fried food at wendys, mcdonalds, burger king, kfc, or whatever fast food joint it may be.

 

That still does not give anyone the right to poke fun at them and scoff at them, you don't live in their body and have no idea what kind of struggles whether they be physical or psychological. They don't live in that person's body so why should they care? Society just likes to take their insecurities out on those who don't "fit the mold" and then try to justisfy by claiming they are concerned about their health

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I wonder about all this hostility...why do you even care what a perfect stranger does? Why would you make fun of someone you don't even know. Maybe while you are sitting scoffing at them and saying they don't care about themselves...after they finish their fast food they are off to the homeless shelter dishing out food for the homeless or helping the frail elderly or volunteering in a hospital etc. You want to make judgements on their character based on them eating a Big Mac! That's about as preposterous as me saying that anyone who works out for two hours at a gym and wants to have perfect abs must be a vain, superficial, selfish and self-absorbed human being. If you don't know someone, don't make assumptions on their character based on what they eat or whether or not they exercise.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Yeah. I know what you mean. When I talk about blacks that I don't like, I'm only talking about the ones on welfare or the ones that are criminals, not the nice ones that fit my idea of what they should be...and they better not eat fast food...

[jettison]

Ok, so now you've compared "fat people" to 6 other groups of people that you absolutely can't stand.

 

This is an exact quote: "I feel the same way about them as I do towards everyone in the following list

 

And yet you say in other posts that you "have nothing against fat people." You can't have it both ways. Either they are like all the other people on that list whom you despise or they aren't.

 

And btw, I had no idea until reading this particular post how hard your life was. Smokers, smelly people, telemarketers, religious nuts.... you've got it rough my friend. I may have to call the waaambulance for you. I've already cued the tiny violins. There are currently 30 of them playing "Send in the Clowns."

 

To hear some "normal guy" whine about his life just because he's been inconvenienced by those who are likely waaaay less fortunate then he is, by people who might have real problems that are actually worth complaining about like the morbidly obese... people who may suffer from severe depression because of their condition, have health problems, and be shunned by our society as a whole is pretty laughable. I don't know how you can even write the words and sleep at night.

 

Should we start up a charity in your name? Perhaps if we can raise enough money in your name, we can get you your own bus, your own private jet, and maybe even a limo so you don't have to be so disgusted by those around you.

[avman]

This thread has run it's course and is now turned to flaming.