E-mailing with married man

[Miss Firecracker]

He said he would find it weird even if it was a woman

 

No woman would ever do this in the first place. He did it because he was attracted to you. He wasn't a friend, he just wants a little fling on the side. Obviously since he is married he will call it friendship. They do that every time.

[JadedStar]

I like link removed about as much as i like myspace. which is very little.

 

Anyone who was someone i cared to keep in touch with i would already have had their phone number...those i lost touch with there was usual a good reason...

[Batya33]

I joined a small "group" on facebook for the small school I went to as a child. One of my classmates from back then - a man - found me. We knew each other well from age 9 to age 12 and of course back then you didn't really keep in touch so much without real access to phones (one line at home) and snail mail was about it. anyway, I was very happy he found me on facebook through this group and enjoyed hearing about how his life is going (he is married). We e-mailed a few times and now just "link up" so in that case, it can work out very nicely.

[annie24]

I think gradually tapering off might be a way to go - ie, respond with an e-mail in a few weeks about how your holidays went. ie, "My boyfriend and I had a great time during the holidays, and I like the sweater he got me. We went to a great new year's party at a friend's place...... Hope you and your wife had a good holiday season too!"

 

I see no reason to completely cut off contact, but no reason to keep up daily e-mails either.

 

I wonder if he is going through a rough time in his marriage and maybe came accross your photo and wished he had approached you in the cafeteria 20 years ago.

[BellaDonna]

respond with an e-mail in a few weeks about how your holidays went. ie, "My boyfriend and I had a great time during the holidays, and I like the sweater he got me. We went to a great new year's party at a friend's place...... Hope you and your wife had a good holiday season too!"

 

I think that is PERFECT.

[summerpeach]

Is he college educated. If not, stop talking to him

 

 

Just kidding. Sounds to me like he's looking for a sounding board.

I have many married men come to me telling me they are unhappy. Most of them are just looking to talk. The others, well I charge 500$ an hr ;-)

 

Kidding again

[blender]

Yep as love4life said, just start casually slowing down on your responses to him, he doesn't know how busy you are or what you are actually doing on a day to day basis, so stop "sharing" so much with him and let it go... as you said you wouldn't like it if your boyfriend were doing this, so use that as your standard and guide to not be communicating so much with this guy, it started friendly but now your gut is right, it's just "too much".. he's a married grown man with children.. and he's emailing you on a daily basis? You're right to have a not so great feeling about this, it's no big deal, you don't owe him an explanation, just casually let go, and then say: "won't be emailing so much for awhile, busy with too many things, have a great new year".... and leave it at that...

[Batya33]

Thanks Blender. So far he has emailed twice this week since Tuesday with no responses from me. I tried the whole referencing boyfriend thing last week and it didn't work so I'm going with non-response and hoping that since T-day was yesterday that he will forget about e-mailing me again. If not I will do something like what was suggested about being busy and saying I will write when things slow down, and then not.

 

Thanks again to all.

[blender]

Well try not to say things like "I'll write when things slow down" especially if you do not plan on doing so, just keep it simple with a "so busy right now, won't be emailing, I have to focus on things here, hope you have a happy new year"

 

this way you are making a clear choice to not be communicating, of course part of you might not want to shut the door completely but that is a slippery slope, because honestly what is this "communication" with a married man about?

 

He's not "friends" with you AND your boyfriend, he's not a close pal whom you've always stayed in touch with, his wife may NOT be fully aware that you are communicating with him, he's not a young kid who needs your advice and sounding board presense,

 

so go with your gut instinct on this, it's not "okay" for an adult married man to be emailing an old female friend so much... maybe once a month or even a few times a year, but at the rate he's communicating with you, I think your instincts are right on target that it's a bit "too much" and doesn't "feel so right".... allow that feeling to be your guide.

[Batya33]

There is no part of me that wishes to keep in touch. My "will email when things slow down" was a strategy to avoid finality which might provoke a "why?' email from him.

 

No emails from him since Wednesday, so that's good - I was hoping the holiday might end his daily pattern - so far, so good...... I have not responded to his last two emails.