How do I stop being used and just played games with?

[Altruist]

Stop being so nice. I don't mean that you should be mean and nasty but don't do anything to seek approval from anyone. Be your own self-respecting self.

[RedPenguin]

Maybe that's why when I stop worrying about girls all together, so many pay more attention to me.

 

Some actually come up to me, without me actually even starting anything.

 

I gotta start ignoring way more often, LoL.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Yea just put them out of your mind. You benefit in 2 ways: less stress for you and worries and planning, and second: you become more attractive and less "easy to get."

[RedPenguin]

Yea just put them out of your mind. You benefit in 2 ways: less stress for you and worries and planning, and second: you become more attractive and less "easy to get."

 

Yeah, it was funny, things just happen when I "give up" on girls.

 

The one time, I just looked at one girl, walked away, then she just randomly introduced herself to me. Yet, I bet if I tried like I do for other girls, she probably would have ignored me.

 

Then other times, I literally walked into stores, thinking, "I'm not going to find a girl, at least not in here" and I swear, I was looked at by girls as if I was a piece of meat or something.

 

I don't mean to sound like a bragger or something, it's just I can't believe my luck, when I just don't care vs when I do care.

 

I must make my luck change or something. When I could care less what a girl thinks about me, people who walked with me would say, "Boy are you getting checked out" and "Dude, she just smiled at you"

 

Then I started to think, oh I can get girls, then it suddenly all stopped.

 

Then I said, I must not be as good with girls as I thought, so I kinda gave up again, suddenly I was back to the looks again.

 

I must have some more natural look or something, when I just don't care. Because like I said above, I can't believe the difference in luck just by saying, "screw it".

 

I wonder if it's like ghost69 said. When I got looked at by many girls, I would look at them, let them see it, then just ignore them. I had tons of girls looking at me after that. Yet when I look at girls, keep looking at them, trying to flirt, they act like, "Who are you?"

 

I still must look at the wrong girls, because even when I get looked at a lot, the ones I look at, either end up somehow being unattractive to me somehow or they don't digg me. I must have an attitude that looks at the wrong girls and ignores the other girls looking at me.

[RedPenguin]

You know, I gotta admit, ghost69, you are one damn good judge of character.

 

I'm surprised at how easily you saw, that the girl was not right for me and she was playing games.

 

I could ask you how you do it, but I don't know if you know for a fact how you do it. I guess it may just come natural.

 

I guess I just too forgiving and somewhat desperate, so that's why it took me so long to give her up.

 

But again, I'm just amazed at how you just so easily can tell things.

 

I wish I had your secret and ability, LoL. I know I would get in to way less s***. LoL.

 

You know, I hate how in life, you are always told to get everything your all, but they never said anything about not in the attraction field.

 

I swear, if you give it your all, you just scare them away, it seems.

 

I just wish that in life, things could be so much easier. Too bad, I didn't have that power like the Fonze, where I could just have women come to me, LoL.

[ghost69]

it's just the nature of the beast of dating. i can judge a woman based on how she acts and be 95% right i know her attitude. i just know women. maybe it's because i'm a momma's boy. but i base most of my knowledge on experience. that is why i advocate trying so much. first time on a bike, you didn't just ride off and start hitting jumps like on the xgames. doesn't work that way. practice practice practice.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

if your being used its probaly beacuse your too nice.

 

does that mean stop being nice

 

heck no, be the nicest person ever but you also have too have a authority side that says "BIT** dont you F*** with me" and a side that says "hell f*** you if you wanna walk out ho, i gotta life and dont need you"

 

^^ you must aquire those too sides.

 

immediately

[Dating Coach]

I think you are analyzing WAY TOO MUCH. "If I look at a girl and walk away and she introduces herself to me" "I chose not to talk to her today and she initiated contact with me." These things, they could mean anything. Stop trying to judge how a person feels towards you based on every tiny minute little interaction. Just go through your day caring about what you want to do and having fun with people you interact with. That's it. If you start this analyzing stuff, STOP. Let go of those thoughts. I think your head is your own worst enemy here. Just let your insticts take over for awhile.

[RedPenguin]

Yeah that is true. I guess, that since High School, when I was just ignored by women, I mean literally ignored. Women were EXTREMLY harsh to me in High School.

 

I got turned down, not with no, or I have a boyfriend or anything like that.

 

I was turned down like "F*** no", "Get the f*** away from me", "F*** you", and way more.

 

So I guess when I get a little bit of attention, it just drives me happy or something.

[ghost69]

Yeah that is true. I guess, that since High School, when I was just ignored by women, I mean literally ignored. Women were EXTREMLY harsh to me in High School.

 

I got turned down, not with no, or I have a boyfriend or anything like that.

 

I was turned down like "F*** no", "Get the f*** away from me", "F*** you", and way more.

 

So I guess when I get a little bit of attention, it just drives me happy or something.

 

i'm assuming you weren't in the popular group. it's the attitude of girls in high school. everything is based on social status.

[Dating Coach]

I can see that happening in High School, but much less so in later life.

[JadedStar]

I can see that happening in High School, but much less so in later life.

 

And the older one gets the more this decreases.

 

ALTHO, i know some people that are in their 40s and up who are rather snobbish and very cliquish. It is so juvenile to retain those ways when you are well old enough to know better. They are a sad lot I can tell you that.

[RedPenguin]

Am I just being picky? I mean, it's like so many girls I find, I don't end up liking because they are somehow not what I am looking for.

 

Many of the ones that had just what I was looking for, did seriously have a boyfriend. They were not just telling me that.

 

So does it just take a while to actually find the ones you are in to? I mean, I feel that many of those "attractions" that I had, were more like "forced attractions" because I was in a desperate mood.

 

Also, I would love to be like you ghost69, and talk to many of the girls that my friends are talking to, hanging out with, or whatever with, but my friends are worse then me socially. The one is so anti-social that he can't even ask someone for a pen or something. The other, just annoys the crap out of people and scares girls (at least that's what some of the girls that have talked to him, have said, and I've heard some for myself).

 

So what sucks, is that part, I can't really get experience from. Not that that's the only way to get experience, but it would be nice to have that option as well.

 

I don't know why, but I keep running in to a lot of unfriendly girls while I like friendly girls, so that's another problem.

 

So, why do I keep running into so many girls, that I'm not actually attracted to?

 

I don't know if it's just me alone, because much of my family, some guys, some women, can't even find partners, and they are older then me, and have a lot to offer, just like me. They always tell me, how they either find stuck-up, immature, or other reasons, they are just not attracted to those who like them or those who they thought they liked.

 

So, why is it so darn hard to find someone, when others seem to have them, like a snap of their fingers? LoL.

 

I don't know if I can vouch for these guys who just have women "like that", because, I've seen many with girlfriends, that end up not even being happy.

 

Can it actually be environment, that makes it hard to find people? I don't know why, but many people in my environment, actually have a hard time finding a partner. I can't believe how many people that I've seen that are single and complain they can't find anybody.

 

I've even heard this from women, saying they don't like the majority of guys that approach them, that the ones they don't like approach them, and the one's they like ignore them or don't approach them.

 

Also, I'm amazed at how many college guys are single. You always hear that college guys always have girlfriends, well all the college guys that I've met.

[ghost69]

it can be the environment. there are cities where a vast majority of the population are stuck up snots. look at LA. horrible. i'd run the girls into the ground if i lived there. with their posh clubs and their money and attitudes. i'd slap them all up. but yeah, this can happen. maybe in your town too. i don't know.

 

but it's part of life man. you can't just run out and find someone. at least not someone to date. hook up? just about any night you can find that if you do it right.

 

don't be in such a rush to find a good girl to date. like i said, maybe toss out the sweaters and plaid shirts man. get a fade on your head and spike it up or something. contacts. try some things.

[RedPenguin]

Yeah you are right about the environment.

 

I know at least in my neighborhood of the city, which some call the projects, has many people who act like they are way better than everyone else in the neighborhood sometimes even the whole city and even sometimes the world. We are in the process of a recession in my city, after a major job collapse, so that may be one of the reasons that depression is huge in my city. You will not believe how many people say they can't stand our city. They go as far as to put it on their MySpaces and even IMs.

Our newspapers, TV, etc, have to put stuff in for people to stay in our city.

 

So I guess my area is not the greatest to live in, even though I don't really mind it. Other then the girl thing, I don't really have that many problems.

 

Except maybe the depression, which is somewhat self-esteem, OCD, and somewhat the female thing, but I'm starting to not really care anymore about that.

 

I know, I will one day find the girl, that I just click with and she clicks with me. So what if most of the girls that I meet now of days, don't click with me, and I don't click with them. I seriously doubt that can happen with every single girl that I meet.

 

I hate sometimes even guys, some treat me like I'm so weird and stuff, and it gets on my nerves. I don't look goofy or anything, yet guys often treat me like an a**holes or something. I'm not trying to say I'm better than anyone, but I do feel I act better than those guys who treat me and others like a**holes.

You would think that in college, people would have all changed, but I guess maybe their brains never fully developed, LoL.

 

You know, maybe I'm not supposed to have a girl right now, because now that I think about it, with all of the school stuff that I do, it would be darn hard to have the time for a full dating girl. I don't even have a car yet and most of my day is with full blown college, and soon I will go 5 days a week. That sounds kinda busy to me to fit a girl in there. But maybe that's just me.

 

Also, ghost69, I think the problem may be with how the college works sometimes. Not the college's fault, but the students themselves. We got a lot of hyper and sometimes immature guys and gals. We got many who just go for a while then drop out. We also have a lower fee for college, so we get the students who don't want to go to college but feel just like they should. I am not knocking community colleges, but it's like we don't get the best and greatest behaved and mature people.

Plus many people are 18-22, which those people don't seem to be nice and mature. Not to knock teens, but we don't seem to be that wonderful behaved and that friendly and stuff.

 

These are just a few of the reasons that I don't want to go for girls in my college or even college at all, reallly.

 

I think it's true that people like to date up or higher than they are. Which maybe is why, I get more looks from High School girls than from college girls, LoL. I'm kinda young or the same for college girls, but I guess I'm old and mysterious for High School girls. Only bad part is, I don't mind college girls, and many are cute, and some are just what I want, but the law is like, they can only be 2 years apart, so many of the relationships can easily be illegal, even though I'm not a crazy lunatic or something that would hurt them.

 

Also, now that I think about it, ghost69, I think the other reason that it may be environment is this. The class that these girls were in, is a class called Health and Wellness, a class that everyone has to take.

 

It is the only class that I've actually seen immature and rude people. There is at least 4 guys that act immature and these 2 girls. The one guy, literally interrupts class, tries to trick the teacher in to stuff, and sometimes makes the teacher have to tell him, the class will stay longer if he doesn't behave. The other guys are always laughing and giggling at stupid stuff. Amazingly, two of the immature/rude guys, one being the class interrupter, actually talks to these girls off and on, so that shows me something.

 

I think that most likely, these guys and these girls are in their first semester, which would really make them think they are still in High School or a place like High School, since they haven't really experienced college then.

 

ghost69, does my theory make sense? I feel that it does. Because in my other classes, no one behaves like they do in this class. Not my Technical Writing, not my Computer Forensics classes, or others, just Health and Wellness.

[RedPenguin]

ghost69, I apologize for the last reply being so long, but I guess I had a lot to say, LoL.

 

I just wanted to get my ideas out, and the last part is the most important because I feel it makes the most sense.

 

I'm not saying that I'm giving up on college girls, I just mean, I feel I have to be more careful when it comes to college girls, because it seems that many or a fair amount are not really mature and can easily poke fun at me and be stupid, especially if it's their first semester.

 

I figured I would have problems in high school but appearntly I can very easily have problems in college as well. What's funny is, I thought college was a place where people behaved and acted normal, but I'm finding out that, that's not always the case.

 

So ghost69, my point is that, I believe that it would be a very good idea, if I was more on the lookout for girls to stay away from. I need to learn to stay away from them, not stay thinking they are good girls and that it's me that has the problem. Too often I did that in High School and I felt that I had to impress them or awe them so they would see me differently, but now I realize that they really are the ones with the problem. Not only the girls but the guys also.

[Raiden]

I haven't read the whole thread, apologies.

 

But I think you should stop focusing your worth on attracting women. If some girl "uses you" then blow her off. She's wasn't worth your efforts anyway. Learn from the experience and move on.

 

And for the record, I don't think you should stop being nice. You shouldn't change the fundamentals of your personality in order to please other people.

[ghost69]

yeah RP, once you strike out with a girl, move on. no big deal. you are just making it worse on yourself.

[May_It_Be]

I've used and been used so many times, I can't tell the difference anymore. LOL.

[RedPenguin]

You both are right, ghost69 and May_It_Be.

 

Here is my question.

 

Why do so many young girls and guys, at least in my city, act like they have to be nice?

 

I mean, I've met some real nice girls, who act what some call "normal", I mean they are just nice by nature.

 

Although, I am amazed at the number of girls that I see now, that just seem to be forced to be nice.

 

I mean, you know how you swear someone is being nice but it's not natural?

 

Why are so many girls and guys like this? It doesn't seem like I meet that many young girls/guys that are nice naturally, it seems to be all forced now of days.

[Batya33]

Could be many reasons - maybe they were raised that way, maybe they're overcompensating from a fear of making someone angry and getting into an angry situation, etc. The only relevant issue is why you get so upset about girls who flirt with you. Why not just enjoy the experience and if it's meant to lead somewhere else, then the girl in question will agree to a date with you - if not she says no and I don't see the big deal of that either - not everyone is going to be interested in dating you.

[RedPenguin]

No, I know that, I was just curious about my previous thread about the "forced" niceness. It just seemed interesting how so many people I've seen doing it, but not the kind where when you have to talk to superiors but the kind when you just talk to everyday people.

[ghost69]

well, i'm nice to pretty much everyone. you will just have to realize niceness versus flirtation. they are very different.

 

being nice should be embraced around the world. every once in a while i run accross an idiot that is just always down and rude. but you have to take in the surroundings.

 

-in school, you pass a paper. girl says thank you and looks you dead in the eyes. it's school. she is being nice. wouldn't it be weird if she snatched the papers out of your hand and told you to F off?

[RedPenguin]

well, i'm nice to pretty much everyone. you will just have to realize niceness versus flirtation. they are very different.

 

being nice should be embraced around the world. every once in a while i run accross an idiot that is just always down and rude. but you have to take in the surroundings.

 

-in school, you pass a paper. girl says thank you and looks you dead in the eyes. it's school. she is being nice. wouldn't it be weird if she snatched the papers out of your hand and told you to F off?

 

What sucks is and what's funny is, I've actually had many girls/guys actually do that, LoL. The papers thing.

 

I guess I just had bad luck or something. Maybe in High School.

 

I met many rude people in my class with those 2 girls, so maybe it's just a bad class.

 

But many seem to be forceful nice, like they are completely faking it vs just seeming to be nice, like they don't really want to be nice.

 

I don't know if I make people angry or something, but I still get a lot of people that don't seem to really like to be friendly with me while others are completely nice.

 

I've had it pretty much as far back as I can remember. Maybe I just have a knack for finding the rude people or something.

 

Yet at the same time, I get people who are SUPER nice to me, like way more than normal, and I'm like dang, that's interesting. Not necessary thinking they are flirting but it's somewhat unusual to me being rude to most of my life.

 

Some people even are rude to other people yet very friendly to me.

 

So I guess, I'm a guy you either hate or love, LoL. Not much in between, I guess. LoL.

[Luke Skywalker]

were more like "forced attractions" because I was in a desperate mood.

 

Yeah, I know how that is.