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Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship


love4life
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lol DaveTrump and Bitebenot, yeah it was definitely baffling to me. My ex isnt the shallow type to go for someone just off of looks alone but she definitely had standards. She has had way more better looking guys hit on her and try to sway her away from me over the past 3.5 years and she would effortlessly reject them all. Naturally, my ego told me after a while that nobody could take her from me. Then her boss out of nowhere sweeps her off her feet. All I could do was scratch my head. Oh well, the way I try to look at it is that, while I think my ex is beautiful, I dont want to say that I peaked at the age of 22 so I will find someone better in the mean time and let her have Mr. Perfect/Romantic aka Alan from "The Hangover".

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Thank you lol i think its her kids. i think he wants to be a daddy. he is someone who wants things instantly. hes living out the family man fantasy. he couldnt wait what till i we got our own place and 9 months to have his own. lol his dad calls in the microwave boy. all his mates have just walked away from him now because its like he fixated on her. he doesnt go out with his friends anymore he doesnt have fifa nights he doesnt do anything. i'd understand if i was a walk over but im not. the women is is ex gfs auntie. .... yes weird i know. im still not quite sure how that wroks. thing is i dont wanto go back. i wanto start over because my lifes changed now. and i have so much going on.

 

 

I have moved on but i just have this weird feeling something is going to happen. i realise that im only at month 3 but i know by month 8 i'll be happy content just having my own life without him who knows i might fal for someone else in the meantime. right now i have a plan for me my own life plan things i want and things i wanto do and if he comes back my plan is not changing becuase if he leaves again then i wouldnt be broken again.

 

i believe its not about what a person looks like its about there company. relationships kind of change from honeymoon to bubble burst or carry on between month 3-6+ . i believe its about heart. lol i havent heard the word pikey for ages! hahaha your from the uk to. lol looks like im not the only one on this hunk of rock!

 

p.s being bumped out of the blue by text message is completely cowardly and only acceptible if 13yrs old.

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Why did she pick this guy ? i dont get it !

Much older and not good looking ! Im baffled ! What is she looking for if hes older and ugly ? What does he has that we dont know ?

Only she knows i guess.

 

I did get my ex back and she had left me for an older, uglier guy so I was able to ask, * * * wit dat?

 

Well remember guys, women do not prioritize looks like us guys do (thank god or else I’d still be a virgin, amirite?). They tend to leave for someone who’s the opposite of us and more importantly is giving them attention and making them feel good about themselves. Women don’t leave for sex, they would rather have their ego stroked than anything else. Eventually though once the honeymoon stage is over and they get a good look at what they have then they start questioning themselves. Hell even guys when they cheat end up hooking up with not so attractive women just because they are easy more than anything.

 

Besides, do you really want them to leave you for some GQ model?

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Well remember guys, women do not prioritize looks like us guys do

 

This is absolutely true (with occasional exceptions, of course). In conversations on this subject I've had over the years with women (excluding very shallow flakes), things like intelligence, humor, stability/maturity, and thoughtfulness trump looks when considering a long-term partner. That is, unless the guy is the elephant man or something.

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It's funny, because I don't want her back but still have to deal with all these feelings and thoughts of what if's, why's, how may lies has she told me over the years,

Dealing with the thoughts of her being with someone else in bed and maybe being even more intimate with him.

 

I know in my own mind that shes no longer the person I loved but she still looks the same. Today has been a hard day maybe tomorrow will be better who knows. I have my daughter most evenings so I have to see my ex most evenings.

 

The ups and downs to this whole thing is incredible, one day I can cope with it all and feel on top of the world and free and the next so down its beyond belief, the thing that gets me is logically I dont want her, im so hurt by it all why would I want to be with someone that is willing to do this to me, I have more respect for myself than to put up with that treatment not just from her but anyone.

 

I guess the question is why is affecting me so much?

 

I did for a time after finding out try to sort things out with her and she seemed very torn but would never make the break from him. I think the questions that the situation poses arent helping me. Id like to shake some sense into her.

 

She says things sometimes like how my daughter will miss out on us not being together and how there things she could do with him but wanted to do with me ie, dancing classes. The funny thing is his bad leg, lmao the elephant man salsa dancing Lol

 

The whole thing makes me laugh really, well i guess its laugh or cry.

 

I would like to see her want me back just so she knows a little how it feels to be rejected. I know in the end she'll realise what she let go and for what, I would say that she knows this already but in that case why not let the muppet go and build her own independence?

 

Will I ever get the answers?, I doubt it. Will me and him stand face to face one day?, I believe so. Will I hurt him?, no, I hope that ive found someone so special that I give him and my ex a big hug and say thank you

 

If you can help me understand any of this I would be grateful.

 

takecare all

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Her rebound: a 40 year old washed up, chunky former fitness competitor turned trainer (she'sin her late 20's), who can't make his child support payments, not an attractive man in the least, and likes to wear women's clothing in the bedroom. No wonder all he trains are women. I used to think it was simply a sleeze ball thing.

 

I wake up every day infuriated by this fact.

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Her rebound: a 40 year old washed up, chunky former fitness competitor turned trainer (she'sin her late 20's), who can't make his child support payments, not an attractive man in the least, and likes to wear women's clothing in the bedroom. No wonder all he trains are women. I used to think it was simply a sleeze ball thing.

 

I wake up every day infuriated by this fact.

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The fact that you have to see her everyday makes it a lot harder than most of us.You cant just desappear..that stinks big time ! You will have to cope with it.I think it would be wise to start looking for another g/f very soon or you will be stuck in the same place for a long time.You know,all those questions that you ask yourself daily is the same for all the dumpees in the world !

Even if she gives you answers,will they be true ? She might tell you anything to not hurt your feelings.Yes,life after a break-up is a roller coaster ride that wont stop.The fact that its totaly out of our control makes it a lot harder to accept.I would like to see the elephant man dancing a salsa..lol

You know,people lower their standards when rebounding but i wouldnt !

I still dont get it, even with the answers that were given.

I guess it would be like going from a Rolls Royce to a Volskwagen Beetle-- lol

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Her rebound: a 40 year old washed up, chunky former fitness competitor turned trainer (she'sin her late 20's), who can't make his child support payments, not an attractive man in the least, and likes to wear women's clothing in the bedroom. No wonder all he trains are women. I used to think it was simply a sleeze ball thing.

 

I wake up every day infuriated by this fact.

 

She got herself a real number huh ! Cross-dressing ! Well,kick my a$$ ! lol

You should call him Edgar Hoover.Are our ex's losing their f**** mind ?

You got all the rights to be pissed at this crazy situation.Thats why its better to turn the page and move on.Most of dumpees who wait do let go after a few months and find someone else.And if the dumper shows up,they are pushed away ! Hourray !!!

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She got herself a real number huh ! Cross-dressing ! Well,kick my a$$ ! lol

You should call him Edgar Hoover.Are our ex's losing their f**** mind ?

You got all the rights to be pissed at this crazy situation.Thats why its better to turn the page and move on.Most of dumpees who wait do let go after a few months and find someone else.And if the dumper shows up,they are pushed away ! Hourray !!!

 

She's in for a real big surprise. She has no idea about that yet. Her ex- gave me the skinny on everything. That's why he's still texting her every day because he knows his ex- is one of those only people on this planet to accept his, let's just say "eccentricities" .....

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If they're engaged after 5 mos seeing each other and 2 months dating, surely it's not a rebound? (6 mos after broke up)

 

Oh yeah it can still be a rebound. People jump into rebound relationships full throttle. They try to fill the void and do it any way possible. By this I mean someone may have lived with their gf/bf and broken up and they start to see someone new and move in with the new person fast because they are trying to fill the void of someone not there anymore. Yeah they rush into things, and in this case they are engaged, but really all their relationship are a void filler. Soon the dumper will realize what they have done and may or may not be able to get out of the situation they put themselves into.

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Oh yeah it can still be a rebound. People jump into rebound relationships full throttle. They try to fill the void and do it any way possible. By this I mean someone may have lived with their gf/bf and broken up and they start to see someone new and move in with the new person fast because they are trying to fill the void of someone not there anymore. Yeah they rush into things, and in this case they are engaged, but really all their relationship are a void filler. Soon the dumper will realize what they have done and may or may not be able to get out of the situation they put themselves into.

 

 

Ya tara nailed it on the head. That is still a rebound, I have seen this situation personally. We broke up, she moved on instantly with one dude, didn't work out then within another few weeks met with another dude. Moved in with him after not even 3 months (while telling me she thought we'd have worked it out in the end). I am fairly certain with the way this girl operates that she will be engaged or knocked up in the next 6 months. I am not saying it will fail and I could care less anymore but the odds are against them. She can't be alone and has never been alone for more than maybe a month. She is always trying to fill that void in her life with men and relationships and its destructive behavior really. They cycle will just continue for years until she and like people have a good look inside themselves and realize who they really are and choose to work on themselves.

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Oh yeah it can still be a rebound. People jump into rebound relationships full throttle. They try to fill the void and do it any way possible. By this I mean someone may have lived with their gf/bf and broken up and they start to see someone new and move in with the new person fast because they are trying to fill the void of someone not there anymore. Yeah they rush into things, and in this case they are engaged, but really all their relationship are a void filler. Soon the dumper will realize what they have done and may or may not be able to get out of the situation they put themselves into.

 

I totaly agree,its way to fast after a few months,desaster waiting to happen !

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You guys are taking it a bit too far i have to say. I mean im all for hope and everything but as long as it stays in the realm of reality. A rebound is not determined by how fast it happened but rather according to the dumper's state of mind. I dont mean to be the bearer of bad news but 6 months is quite enough to move on to something new. My ex took 2 weeks, does that automatically mean its a rebound? Probably, but not necessarily. She hasnt looked back or second guessed her decision at all so some people could argue that she had already moved on. Only time will tell i guess. And also not all rebounds are unattractive, thats just plain silly. My ex's "rebound" looks very good but is a total unambitious idiot. There are no "rules" to what rebounding is.

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You guys are taking it a bit too far i have to say. I mean im all for hope and everything but as long as it stays in the realm of reality. A rebound is not determined by how fast it happened but rather according to the dumper's state of mind. I dont mean to be the bearer of bad news but 6 months is quite enough to move on to something new. My ex took 2 weeks, does that automatically mean its a rebound? Probably, but not necessarily. She hasnt looked back or second guessed her decision at all so some people could argue that she had already moved on. Only time will tell i guess. And also not all rebounds are unattractive, thats just plain silly. My ex's "rebound" looks very good but is a total unambitious idiot. There are no "rules" to what rebounding is.

 

True,its a case by case situation !

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Sounds like my ex- as well. I never realized how bad it was, but should have given more thought to her rocky childhood and the traumas she experienced because it has direct correlation to who she is now as a person. She can never be alone. She seeks to fill her loneliness with men and the comfort of sex. The worst part is given that fact is it makes me feel like the relationship wasn't true. Feels like it could've been any guy. She's always had a back up guy to go to, a guy waiting in the wings.

 

In speaking with her former best friend and former roommate (who both cut her off completely), they both said the same thing - she's got serious issues with men. They said they felt so bad for me, that I didn't know what I was dealing with. My ex- had me convinced for a long time that she was strong and that she had overcome those problems from her childhood, but it was just an act. In fact she's so good at fronting being strong that she made me feel like I was the one with all the issues when she broke it off with me.

Edited by TimeToGrowUp
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I knew women who couldnt stay with the same man for long.A year or less.

Maybe they have psychological problems or they just enjoy the change !

That applies also to men,seen it happen many times.At first its love, but it melts like snow in the summer sun.To them, its just has easy has changing furniture.They enjoy the change and the trill of a new one.

They know their situation,to them its normal.But for their new b/f or g/f,

its the beginning of their own personal hell on earth.No one can tell till it happens,when its way to late and your in love up to your neck !

I think as a preventive remedy,its to keep some distance from the new lover,

i would say after two years anyone would know if its the rare pearl or not.

Even then,we still could get caught ! In a new relation sometimes we need a bit of luck to make it work.

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