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Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship


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which one still texts you, new or old ex?

 

If this one was to me, the recent one still talks to me. The one that broke up, and now has a new boyfriend.

 

I just popped into to her facebook page earlier, she had a post from him saying "god I love you, when can I see you again?!"

 

Greeeaaatt can't wait to watch this one go down the toilet. Dating for barely a month and they're already in love? Classic...

 

Rise above it guys... Rise above.

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If this one was to me, the recent one still talks to me. The one that broke up, and now has a new boyfriend.

 

I just popped into to her facebook page earlier, she had a post from him saying "god I love you, when can I see you again?!"

 

Greeeaaatt can't wait to watch this one go down the toilet. Dating for barely a month and they're already in love? Classic...

 

Rise above it guys... Rise above.

 

=) my ex did it in 2 days, putting love messages. Needless to say, she broke up 4 days later.

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Great stuff. I'll just add that a rebound doesn't necessarily have to be "after" the dumpee has been officially dumped. I know a lot of times a rebound can be ramping up as the dumper lets the dumpee go (generally a few weeks to a month before the "official breakup).

 

That's also why reconciliation doesn't work 90% of the time. It isn't that either person doesn't want to give it a chance at some point, but that they very rarely want to give it a go at the SAME point. The timing is always off.

 

But life goes on and hopefully the rebound relationship doesn't end up wrecking their self-esteem. But in any event, they are out of our lives so we can only wish them the best and move forward.

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This tug works both ways. Amazing when you think about it. I've had times as a dumpee that I wanted my ex back, and then when I had a chance to have them back, I realized after all that longing for them, that when I could get them back, and it was right before me, I no longer wanted them.

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This tug works both ways. Amazing when you think about it. I've had times as a dumpee that I wanted my ex back, and then when I had a chance to have them back, I realized after all that longing for them, that when I could get them back, and it was right before me, I no longer wanted them.

 

thats what im afraid of. im 21 years old my ex decided out of the blue he didnt want me anymore. 2 weeks before he said he was going to propose to me. i no u probably think comitment. but a few days later hes hooking up with a single mum with 2 kids. its totaly out of charactor and weird. and i know in a month and a halfs time hes gonna wake up. i know it because i no him. and i dont no if i want it back? our honeymoon period lasted about a year lol. he'd haveto chase me if he wanted me but i dont no if i want it. it was great and hes amazing but i dont wanto go back i wanto start over. if that makes sense. right im gonna write my story! lol

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ok soooo lets start way back my story is a random one and yes it should be a book lol

 

once upon a time. . .

 

so craig a boy i went to school with but never talked to he was in my art class and i had a major crush on him for about .......2 years then my best friend jessy went out with him when they were 16 ... crush over! anyway they were together for will they were 19 he got a car with her a house with her and she brought cats he hates cats and then one day she comes home and ses shes leaving because she likes someone else. craig got drunk and told his dad he really hated her .. that was before they broke up. so clearly they didnt really get along. anyway a year passed and in comes me! i went on facebook and i notice i have an add from him. a boy i havent seen in 4 years. rather than clicking accept. i sent him a message saying i dont know u. it kicked off ffrom there i was away at uni while he was still bak at home working as a barber. we talked for about 2 months then he came upto visit but i kept telling him i only wanted to be his friend thats all. it took him 3 months to convince me to be his gf. ( im not the kinda girl that lets her guard down) lol he chased me and he told everyone that i was the one and he knew it. even when i went back to uni he got a god closer to me so he could stay at my uni house for 4 nights a week =] and we'd have dinner go out for dinner meet at the train station surprise eachoher at the train station. lol typical fairy tale. and as i got more stressed he calmed me down and one day about 4 months into the reationship i thoguht about letting him go becuasei felt bad that i was so busy and he hardly got to spend time with me and i wanted better for him. so i told him and he came straight over and we sat and cried for about 2 hours and he told me that he didnt care what i wanted for him he wanted me etc and after that we were fine for ages and everything was back to normal i showed my catwalk collection in london and my parents chose to be on holiday that day so he was the only person there to support me. and t ment a lotn to me. then he decided that he wanted to open his own barbers and with his parents help he did and we're all so proud of him. and i finished uni and he wanted me to move inwith him at his parents house. so i did half and half with my parents then i had to save cos i didnt have a job and his new business wasnt brining in much money becuase it takes a while. everything was normal i was abit down about not finding a job and not going out because i was saving for a car. he told me he was goingto propose to me on his 22nd birthday and he had a beautiful place booked. he took a day off work to bring me flowers and a card randomly. the card said u inspire me to make you smile thank you . there arent enough days in my life to tell you how much i love you......that was 8 days before he dumped me the last 2 days i saw him. he was normal we wnet handing out flyers for his shop made sunday diner and because im skiny and i stuff my face with sunday dinner it makes me look like in pregnunt! lol he said look at you! u look like ur pregnunt! then he put his hand on my tummy and looked at me and said imagine if it was our baby. so i looked at him smiled and kissed him. went to sleep he got up at 4 am for a course and got dresed crawled aback into bed for 5 mins and hugged me. then he went. and that was the last time i saw him. i rand him later before i started work to see if he got there ok and he was normal. he didnt get back till late and the next day he was at work and later on when he got back at 8 he said he was tired and just wanted to go bed so i said ok all nice cos i would be tired next night was fifa (game) night with the boys . then the next day he text me yes text message telling me he needed to think about things and if it was me or the business and i tried to tay calm but i fel apart. we're best friends and bf and gf. friday night he want out with all the girls he used to work with and then on the saturday he told me he didnt want me anymore. and i was shocked i didnt no what to say i sent him a picture of the inside of the card and sed him wha was that then? why send that to me. and he said he didnt no it was all a lie. and thats not true i didnt run to him and scream at him. i didnt becuase i wanted him to make a chise on his own and not be with me for pity. i kept quiet for a few day then he wanted me to get my stuff so i did when he was out and his parents cried becuase they said we are like family and they dont no whats going on he wont talk to them. i asked to talk to him and a week later we went for a walk and he told me it was over and he cried and i asked him why and he coudlnt give me an answaer i didnt shout at him i just listerned and when he asked why i hadent said much and why i was so ok i said im not ok. the man who told me he wanred to marry me just told me he didnt want me anymore what do u want me to say ... ok ? thanks . i stayed calm and he cried! the whole time he cried! then a few weeks after he dumped me i found out that he went into a relationship with a women he used to work with who recently left her relationship of 6 years and who is father to her 2 children. and they have been together every second since. every second. and when shes busy he rings a friend he never spends a night on his wn. he doesnt see his friends go out drinknig eating he just goes to her. 5 weeks no contact 7 weeks since he broke up with me. i wanto send him a goodye letter telling him to be happy. so i plan on writing it and posting it tomorrow. i dint just loose my bf i lost my best friend. he cant be on his own! lol i dont feel mad or anything now i just feel like im living in a weird dream. i dont no whats going on now so im rebuilding my life and moving forwards if he comes back i dont no what ill say. or do i love him so much but i dont no what i should do now. by the time his relationship reaches 3 months i'l have a car a flat a new job and thats alot considering where i am now. i think i needed this. but i want him back. if u love something so much let it go and if it comes back to you then it was ment to be. im living by that right now. the idea of dating anyone else creeps me out. im not interesed in anyone lol i try but i just switch of. theres no spark i dont no lol anyway my post is gonna be so long any ideas what i should do now? thanks guys! x x x

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ok soooo lets start way back my story is a random one and yes it should be a book lol

 

once upon a time. . .

 

so craig a boy i went to school with but never talked to he was in my art class and i had a major crush on him for about .......2 years then my best friend jessy went out with him when they were 16 ... crush over! anyway they were together for will they were 19 he got a car with her a house with her and she brought cats he hates cats and then one day she comes home and ses shes leaving because she likes someone else. craig got drunk and told his dad he really hated her .. that was before they broke up. so clearly they didnt really get along.

 

anyway a year passed and in comes me! i went on facebook and i notice i have an add from him. a boy i havent seen in 4 years. rather than clicking accept. i sent him a message saying i dont know u. it kicked off ffrom there i was away at uni while he was still bak at home working as a barber. we talked for about 2 months then he came upto visit but i kept telling him i only wanted to be his friend thats all. it took him 3 months to convince me to be his gf. ( im not the kinda girl that lets her guard down) lol he chased me and he told everyone that i was the one and he knew it. even when i went back to uni he got a job closer to me so he could stay at my uni house for 4 nights a week =] and we'd have dinner go out for dinner meet at the train station surprise eachoher at the train station. lol typical fairy tale.

 

and as i got more stressed he calmed me down and one day about 4 months into the reationship i thoguht about letting him go becuasei felt bad that i was so busy and he hardly got to spend time with me and i wanted better for him. so i told him and he came straight over and we sat and cried for about 2 hours and he told me that he didnt care what i wanted for him he wanted me etc and after that we were fine for ages and everything was back to normal

 

i showed my catwalk collection in london and my parents chose to be on holiday that day so he was the only person there to support me. and it ment a lot to me. then he decided that he wanted to open his own barbers and with his parents help he did and we're all so proud of him. and i finished uni and he wanted me to move inwith him at his parents house. so i did half and half with my parents then i had to save cos i didnt have a job and his new business wasnt brining in much money becuase it takes a while.

 

everything was normal i was abit down about not finding a job and not going out because i was saving for a car. he told me he was goingto propose to me on his 22nd birthday and he had a beautiful place booked. he took a day off work to bring me flowers and a card randomly. the card said u inspire me to make you smile thank you . there arent enough days in my life to tell you how much i love you......that was 8 days before he dumped me the last 2 days i saw him. he was normal we wnet handing out flyers for his shop made sunday diner and because im skiny and i stuff my face with sunday dinner it makes me look like in pregnunt! lol he said look at you! u look like ur pregnunt! then he put his hand on my tummy and looked at me and said imagine if it was our baby. so i looked at him smiled and kissed him.

 

went to sleep he got up at 4 am for a course and got dresed crawled aback into bed for 5 mins and hugged me. then he went. and that was the last time i saw him. i rand him later before i started work to see if he got there ok and he was normal. he didnt get back till late and the next day he was at work and later on when he got back at 8 he said he was tired and just wanted to go bed so i said ok all nice cos i would be tired next night was fifa (game) night with the boys . then the next day he text me yes text message telling me he needed to think about things and if it was me or the business and i tried to tay calm but i fel apart. we're best friends and bf and gf.

 

friday night he want out with all the girls he used to work with and then on the saturday he told me he didnt want me anymore. and i was shocked i didnt no what to say i sent him a picture of the inside of the card and sed him wha was that then? why send that to me. and he said he didnt no it was all a lie. and thats not true i didnt run to him and scream at him. i didnt becuase i wanted him to make a chise on his own and not be with me for pity.

 

i kept quiet for a few day then he wanted me to get my stuff so i did when he was out and his parents cried becuase they said we are like family and they dont no whats going on he wont talk to them. i asked to talk to him and a week later we went for a walk and he told me it was over and he cried and i asked him why and he coudlnt give me an answaer i didnt shout at him i just listerned and when he asked why i hadent said much and why i was so ok i said im not ok. the man who told me he wanred to marry me just told me he didnt want me anymore what do u want me to say ... ok ? thanks . i stayed calm and he cried! the whole time he cried!

 

then a few weeks after he dumped me i found out that he went into a relationship with a women he used to work with who recently left her relationship of 6 years and who is father to her 2 children. and they have been together every second since. every second. and when shes busy he rings a friend he never spends a night on his own.lol hes cant actually be alone! he doesnt see his friends go out drinknig eating he just goes to her. 5 weeks no contact 7 weeks since he broke up with me. i wanto send him a goodye letter telling him to be happy. so i plan on writing it and posting it tomorrow. i dint just loose my bf i lost my best friend. he cant be on his own! lol i dont feel mad or anything now i just feel like im living in a weird dream.

 

i dont no whats going on now so im rebuilding my life and moving forwards if he comes back i dont no what ill say. or do i love him so much but i dont no what i should do now. by the time his relationship reaches 3 months i'l have a car a flat a new job and thats alot considering where i am now. i think i needed this. but i want him back.

 

if u love something so much let it go and if it comes back to you then it was ment to be. im living by that right now. the idea of dating anyone else creeps me out. im not interesed in anyone lol i try but i just switch of. theres no spark i dont no lol anyway my post is gonna be so long any ideas what i should do now? thanks guys! x x x

 

i got carried way its now in digestable pieces!

 

any help would be good as im not mad at him i dont hate him.

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My ex is in a rebound, she started 3 weeks after our year. It has been 2.5 months for her. We talked last week after over a month of NC. She suggests we meet and it went ok. She missed me, is confused, needs to think, wants me to think and call her. bla bla bla.

 

So I call 5 days later, and again 2 days later, and she does not respond. I am now frustrated and a little angry. I cannot be on her back burner anymore. She knows I love her and would get back together with her if she wanted. I don't want to be on her leash if she tugs.

 

I am planning to go back to NC for however long I need to for me.

I was also thinking about sending this e-mail after reading of one of Zorbas earlier posts. I'm tired of being jerked around and need to stop it. I do love her, but I cannot be in this limbo anymore. Its too hard and I need to move forward and better myself.

 

E-mail:

"It was very nice to talk to you and see you the other day. I do care about you very much, though I have been doing some thinking and its probably best that we both move on. I wish the best in your new relationship and education because you are an amazing person and I hope you find happiness in everything you do."

 

Then I must truly move on, it will be hard but I need something to focus on. And working on myself is the only thing I can think of.

Edited by MNmike
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E-mail:

"It was very nice to talk to you and see you the other day. I do care about you very much, though I have been doing some thinking and its probably best that we both move on. I wish the best in your new relationship and education because you are an amazing person and I hope you find happiness in everything you do."

 

I also would not send an email.

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Well, he's officially in relationship according to facebook status, it's been 5 months since our break up (and 3 weeks after that he's actively searching for new girls up until now). That's a cue for me to really move on.

 

It's a hypocrite of me but I think it's really useless for me to try pretending to be friends with him if I can't 100% be friends with him. As miuch as I care alot about him, there's only so much you can do.

 

I wish him well, I can see he's happy. I am sad that I am replaced- not even that, replaced is not the word since the new girl is new and she is not a replacement as she is a human being, I am sad that I am no longer relevant in his life.

 

That's life, I am less naive, I have to move on.

 

Thanks for the love, I'm sad to see it go. I'm sorry I dreamed.

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I get the impression that my ex's rebound is going to work out. She ran off to him the SAME day she dumped me and was "in love" by the end of the week. After a week of me grovelling I initiated NC and she started texting/emailing me. That just messed me up and I went a bit nuts sending really nice/really angry texts. Now we have no contact at all.

 

It's almost 3 months now and she's living with him. She's totally rushed into this and I've blown any chance of getting her back. She said she really misses me sometimes though.

 

I'm now in a phase where I want her back, but don't think I could get over what happened. It's horrible. I might text her happy birthday next week to show no hard feelings because I don't want to be enemies.

 

A real life testament on how NOT to save your relationship.....but if this person got a clue then it is possible that he turned things around...not gloating or rubbing salt into a wound.. just pointing out the folly of letting your emotions dictate your actions.

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so what have you done?...you said there is only so much you can do but I bet my bottom dollar you have left stone unturned...whats more important to you being a hypocrite or doing something to save the relationship even if it is under the temporary guise of "friends"?..it all very well to be moral and noble but not when it does not serve you well in your aims...dreamers dream but doers do...

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I want my ex to come back on his own but wont no contact make him forget me? i'm getting my hair done tomorrow and going out for a big night out on saturday and the pictures wil come up on my facebook. but i havent been on facebook in about 3 weeks because i didnt wanto see anything from him. we were always together becuase he always wanted me there we were best friends. but it did make me laugh his cousin my mate just let out into convo that he now gets porn dvds hahahaha i shouldnt laugh but is it a sign. lol he never watched it when we were together i know this cos i half lived with him and hes an open book. i cant be just friends with him. no contact for 7 weeks now broke up 9 weeks ago.

 

men out there what would get ur attention? i dont mean running up to him and flashng i just mean attictide. that she didnt need u and was fine? hmmm im out of ideas.

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Yes for now leave her alone and give her a lot of space...rebounders are very confused people and your input at this stage will only confuse the issue more.

 

So I call 5 days later, and again 2 days later,

 

Too eager and too much...

 

Damn I realize I should have waited a couple weeks to call her, but those emotions got the best of me. It has been a week since I called.

She did say for me to call, so should I wait another week or so and call. Or just wait for her to call me.

I was planning to go NC, but since she said for me to call I feel like it would be ok after some more time has passed. I'm confused.

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Well I haven't read all of the posts on this thread, but to me it seems like getting out of the picture would only make the ex forget about you, since they are in the rebound to get over you, if you aren't in the picture, theyre relationship may fail, but that doesn't mean they won't be over you. If you stay in the picture, making them upset every time you talk to them, you it just keeps the memory of your relationship fresh in your mind. Does anyone make agree with me, IDK this is a very very complex scenario, I'd like the perspective of the dumper who got in a rebound.

Out of site out of mind right?

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No, I think the more they see you, esp. if you're making them upset every time, the worse it is. They won't forget you. Missing you may not be enough to get them back, but it's definitely not out of sight, out of mind. Also, if you're in contact, you're not keeping the memories alive; you're giving them new information. In your absence, the memories will be there, with a huge halo over them. New information will be new information. Most likely, it'll be them seeing you in a non-relationship light. That can't be good. And if you have negative interactions, it'll drive them away.

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