Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship

[bitebenot]

First try to control your panic,Relax a litle ! A dog wont chase a parked car ! It means you are not moving and he wont try to chase you,or win you back ! The more you try to get him the more he will run away ! Thats what reverse psychology is all about.Dont do what others would do in this situation. You have to stop now,no more contact of any kind ! What he said aint important.The fact that he said hes moving out of the state next year is a joke.Hes making you crawl to obtain what he wants.Thats an old trick ! He knows that you are HOOKED ! Am i wrong ? You really need to push him away to show that you dont NEED him ! That way he will think,well..she doesnt need me after all ! You will look a lot better to him and more attractive.Change yourself,become even more appealing and sexyer.That for a man its huge ! But first its NC AT ALL.The change its for him to see if he ask for reconciliation.So NC to show your not needy and work on yourself .It could take a few weeks,months or lets face it..maybe never.But i truly think you have a fair chance.

[Archangel77]

Hi Guys,

 

I have a quick one for you, the 45yr old my ex is seeing has started becoming very insecure, more than before. Im not having alot of contact with my ex but he's giving her love bites for my benefit!! Not sure why but she admitted thats why he's giving them to her. the other thing is that my daughter had a hospital appointment so me and my ex took her, when we came out from the hospital this guy had left a note on her windscreen, saying eye spy. what a nut job. can anyone offer me any advise as my ex is pissed with me because I said to her do you think thats normal behaviour for someone 45. For some odd reason she's with him on this and thinks im the one with the problem.

[bitebenot]

Hi Guys,

 

I have a quick one for you, the 45yr old my ex is seeing has started becoming very insecure, more than before. Im not having alot of contact with my ex but he's giving her love bites for my benefit!! Not sure why but she admitted thats why he's giving them to her. the other thing is that my daughter had a hospital appointment so me and my ex took her, when we came out from the hospital this guy had left a note on her windscreen, saying eye spy. what a nut job. can anyone offer me any advise as my ex is pissed with me because I said to her do you think thats normal behaviour for someone 45. For some odd reason she's with him on this and thinks im the one with the problem.

 

Her novelty is more than weird,hes a cuckoo bird ! Its just another proof that love can be blind.Give her time to discover it on her own.I wonder if she will accept that hes imperfect and will not make the cut.Time will tell.

[Lastchallenge]

this is by far some of the best advice I've read on this forum!

Thanks for sharing it's reading something like this that really makes me appreciate the opportunity I have of being single and able to analyze things in a different way.

Thank u for sharing 

[bitebenot]

I agree,Zorba is the brain...hasnt been around for a while.

[inDenial]

What if he already checked out emotionally months ago? he told he started not to care as much 2 months ago, that was when he stopped calling me as much or coming over to see me as much or canceling our plans..

 

is it my needy behavior that cost him to lost his attraction to me?

 

any advice on how to regain his attraction?

[bitebenot]

What if he already checked out emotionally months ago? he told he started not to care as much 2 months ago, that was when he stopped calling me as much or coming over to see me as much or canceling our plans..

 

is it my needy behavior that cost him to lost his attraction to me?

 

any advice on how to regain his attraction?

Its possible that he was prepared to leave you but it doesnt mean you cant bring him back ! To regain his attraction,change the way you look if you can,like some new clothes,hair coloring and so on.Become sexyer ! But right now what he wants its you not being so needy ! By using NC and being away from him will make him miss you,thats what you need right now.Im convinced this is your last hope.If you mess up, he will be gone for good and nothing will bring him back to you.Start NC now and follow the rules or it wont work !

[btlc23]

My ex broke up with me 7 months ago. Before we broke up she was very mean and condescending to me. I had acted like a complete wuss, I was so insecure needy, clingy, I said things like "Your the only person I have in my life" and basically she was my life. We were long distance by 2 hours but we saw each other on the weekends. Before that I had stopped pleasuring her sexually I was being very selfish. It was all about my needs not hers. Long story short she tries to break up with me I flip it out. Two days later she sees pics of me fb with other girls and other friend of mine. She flips out and two weeks later she breaks up with. She did it through text. She told a friend of mine that she did it through text because I was psychotic in person. A friend of mine (actually me pretending to be someone else) talked to her. She still seems to be very angry with me. I found out that she was seeing someone less than two months after we split. Im 20 shes 24 and hes 28. Maybe she wanted someone older? I feel that it was loss of attraction because when I used to treat her worse she still wanted me because I was confident and secure. How can attract her back when I don't talk to her. I was going to send her a video of me just making some things clear so she could see that Im back to my old self but I think its not a good idea. I just want to get some closure its been 8 months since Ive seen her besides trying to talk to her about a month ago and she ran away from me. Somebody help...

[bitebenot]

You have a huge problem.Broke up 8 months ago and she has a new bf for 6 months now.Sex wasnt good...she lost her attraction for you.You took her for granted,it was a matter of time before it happened.If she was mean to you its because she had enough and was ready to let you go ! Lots of damage done here ! You pushed her way to far,it will take a lot to bring her back.

Dont send a video,bad idea ! I suggest that you write her a letter.Tell her how sorry you are for the way you acted and all the wrong you did but cant take it back.Wish her the best for the future and give her all your love.Dont ask her for reconciliation and no begging.Dont try to get in touch with her after this,ever ! You will have to desappear ! Remove every thing around you that reminds you of her.Try to go to a gym,become the man you were before you met her.Stay very busy. Work on your problems and solve them.Now you need to move on,date other girls even if your not in the mood ! Go out with friends,dont talk about her any more.You will find love again and maybe even a better girl for you.At this point you have to move on and learn to LET GO or it will be a long term in hell ! If you do become a better man,she might find out by her friends who will tell her.But just dont wait,she might never come back to you.So NC at all and hope for the best,eventually you will get over her.

[blossum]

Hi all! I would like to thank you all, your post have helped me going through my breakup. I specially wanted to thank Zorba, your thought have been very useful.

 

Keep it short. Me and my ex mutually agreed to break-up. We were emotionally very attached and I still love him very much. And I know he missed me a lot in the beginning. We use to talk everyday on the phone after the breakup, and I agreed that we should continue as friends. 2 weeks after the breakup, he tells me he is going to start another relationship, with a friend that he met some time ago. Actually he was hiding her from me, which makes things harder. I was crushed and didnt know what to do. Istead of keepin NC I was pleading him for keepin in touch He told me he would keep in contact but most of the few times we talked I initiated.

 

One and a half month later, I really do not want to be his back-up anymore and want to get out head high I am devastated and will start NC and delete all his contact details. To reverse the psicology do you think I should send him an friendly e-mail saying I do not want to keep in touch nor be his friend. It has been two weeks since our last e-mail, is it weird to send him this e-mail. I just want him to not take me for granted and I guess by sending the e-mail I will feel more in control of my life. Could you give me some opinion?

[btlc23]

I had sent this back in november before I knew she was dating someone else

 

Hope you have been doing well these last few months. I took the time away from our relationship, to examine myself and what went wrong. I learned more in these few months then throughout our whole relationship. I really feel that this was a blessing in disguise, it snapped me back into reality. I realized how I was wrong on so many levels and I didn't treat you right. I went through a tough time those last few months, basically sabotaging our relationship. Until you ended it, I could not see what I was doing wrong it was my own ego, I thought you would never break up with me so I didn't keep it rolling, I was very selfish. I did not trust you enough when you were giving me signs that you were pulling away. We both know the mistakes I made, I don't need to go through them. This was honestly the biggest lesson I have ever learned in my life, and I learned it at 20 years old. It addressed all of my issues, and now I will never make the same mistakes twice. There are reasons why I was so devastated at the end, patterns. This time away has allowed me to create my own life again and I'm sure you as well. See, when you left last year I never got used to it, I filled my void up with others especially Andrew, and when he stopped hanging out, the void opened back up. At the same time I was hanging out with Jack, and he got me into drugs and I started thinking like a nihilist(look it up, it will ring a bell). If you go back months ago, I became really depressed and would just talk about how * * * * ed up the world is and how good drugs are. I became very insecure, and smoking a * * * * load of weed intensified it(stopped smoking and selling in july). Thinking back now I can remember you trying to tell me I was acting like this, you were angry at me that I became a shell of my former self. Most if not all of the stuff I said towards the end was untrue, when I would go onto the internet and diagnose myself with all types of mental diseases. I know it has been months since the end, but it took time for me to figure all this out. Although, I lost you, I got the rest of my life back. If you saw me now, it would remind you of the man you met at CVS many moons ago, confident, funny, driven, all good * * * * , and best of all I have the knowledge of relationships and have learned so much about myself. It's unfortunate that we have this distance between us, because we'll never get a chance to run into each other. I know this one incident was not the reason, but it sticks out in my mind. The day you came down and I was really drunk, and smoked a * * * * load. I said some terrible things to you that I won't mention. I did not mean any of them, and I feel so guilty about it. I don't think I ever apologized to you for it. I could sit here and write for hours, but the reason I am writing this letter is not to ask you back because I love you enough to want you to be happy, and If you think I can't make you happy any more so be it. I am writing this letter to you because I never got a chance to say how I really felt, I was so emotional and so distraught all that came through was begging and crying , and I don't want you to remember me that way, that's not me. We both have been through a lot in our lives, very similar circumstances, thats why we clicked. We both are very strong people and we'll get through this.

[bitebenot]

Zorba isnt around any more.But i suggest that you start NC immediately and no email at all.It will make him wonder even more why you are not chasing him anymore ! He will have many unanswered questions.Let him stew for a while,it will be in your advantage.In between, stay a very busy bee.Dont answer the phone,listen to messages only.Dont answer to any of his emails either.If you want him back,he will have to earn it first or he will leave you again shortly after if he came back.Important,if he shows a desire to come back to you,he will have to dump his new gf otherwise keep ignoring him totaly.If you do this the way you should,it will increase your chance of getting him back.Good luck 2 u.

[blossum]

Thanks bitebenot I will do that!

[bitebenot]

BTLC23...

Nice letter,it was well done.Send her another one,tell her where you are in life at this moment including your improvements.Tell her how much you still love her and that you are moving on.Also add that you wont disturb her any more. Wish her the best and give all your love.Not much more too do at this time. For you its NC full time,she might never come back,but you never know !

Still have to move on and get over her and fast.

[bitebenot]

Thanks bitebenot I will do that!

 

I truly believe its your best shot.I really dont see other alternatives.Im sure he still loves you,love doesnt desappear that quickly.Let him miss you and have time for nostalgia to kick in.Dont worry,he wont forget you.Shortly he will think of you full time and enough to disturb his sleep,and thats the key !

[btlc23]

I don't know if I should write her another letter, you read my posts from a couple weeks ago she obviously doesn't want to hear or see me now. I was gonna send a video of me saying what I would say in a letter but I want her to see me and know I'm back to my old self. I have made so much progress I was so insecure and begged and begged for another chance I was so needy and kept guilting her. I'm embarassed to say I threatened my life twice over the couple weeks before and during our breakup, just because I wanted to see if she still cared. She told me to much damage has been done after I asked her if we would ever get back together. We don't have any mutual friends, and were about two hours away so I'm afraid we wont hear much about each other besides facebook. We were friends but when I went into her account she rightfully defriended me. I think it was for the best because I would view her profile multiple times a day. I made my profile public so she can view if it she wants. I know she lost her attraction to me, because the day she tried to break up with me in person I went to kiss her on the lips and she turned her cheek, so painful. But I pretended to be an old coworker of ours on fb and talked to her and her and she still seemed angry about me when I brought me up.

[blossum]

This may be a little bit sadic, but I find the idea of disturbin his sleep quite attractive. I have accepted the NC challenge so I would not break the promise.

[dazed_83]

 

Yeah, I've heard this said a lot of times now. It's sad really. My ex told me that he doesn't believe a relationship needs work. He says "It should just come naturally". It makes me think that his relationships are doomed to fail if he continues in that mindset.

 

Now this is an old quote from 2007, but this is exactly the kind of crap my ex g/f said to me "relationships shouldn't need work, they should just flow naturally" or some crap like that. But I believe it's how you deal with any problems as a couple, that's what makes you stronger.

 

Last time we split up 3 years ago, she had three different 'boyfriends' in the space of 8 months, she's a re-bounder alright, and she's doing it again this time!

 

aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

 

I'm following the advice on here, and I have been strict NC for 5 weeks now, ever since I found out about her new guy.

[bitebenot]

What would the video do ? She doesnt want to see you...the video would come to the same conclusion.Imagine her and the bf watching it together !

Will they laugh or not ? You can take the chance,what the hell,you got nothing to lose anymore ! Still NC after.Wait at least another month before you send it so she can cool off a litle.

[bitebenot]

Now this is an old quote from 2007, but this is exactly the kind of crap my ex g/f said to me "relationships shouldn't need work, they should just flow naturally" or some crap like that. But I believe it's how you deal with any problems as a couple, that's what makes you stronger.

 

Last time we split up 3 years ago, she had three different 'boyfriends' in the space of 8 months, she's a re-bounder alright, and she's doing it again this time!

 

aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

 

I'm following the advice on here, and I have been strict NC for 5 weeks now, ever since I found out about her new guy.

 

What do u expect from her if she comes back ? Will she repeat the experience one more time in another 3 years ? Can she become a long term lover ? Just something to think about.Sometimes we have to come to the conclusion that moving on and accepting our losses are the only solutions.

[confused2010]

After I sent an email to my ex fiancee of 8 years on Monday night letting him know that I think we should go back to not talking (I tried NC for the first time the week prior, didn't last) Also told him that he has betrayed my trust (He was talking to someone else and has been with her since he broke it of with me). He Has made his decision and now it's time for me to make mine. I wished him luck and told him to please take care.

 

He called and called on Tuesday, I didn't answer. Same thing began on wednesday. Now he texts and asks me if this is just for the time being that I am not going to talk to him or if it's going to be forever. I finally go online and tell him that I do not know, lets just let time answer that question for us. He begs and begs me to let him see me in person. So I give in and he came over last night.

 

He didn't have much to say except sorry for everything that went wrong in the relationship. I was hoping for something a little more substantial since he was telling me he had to gather his thoughts to make sure he wasn't missing anything. Again he asked if I would know when I would know if I was going to talk to him again.

 

He gave me numerous hugs before he left. One of which he said, "I really want you in my life and I hope in a few weeks you can find it in your heart to talk to me again, if not I will understand. I just want what's best for you." I do not understand this statement. Can someone translate??? Does he not think I'm being serious about not talking to him ever again so he won't take the NC as seriously?

 

He also asked me if he could text me in a few weeks to see if I was ready to talk to him again. I said sure. Should I not have?

 

I kept my composure almost the whole time, except for at the end, after our 3rd hug or so, I dropped a few tears. He noticed that I had started wearing make-up and told me I looked good with or without it. He also complimented me on how I looked.

 

I didn't feel as horrible last night as I did the first time I said NC, but this morning I did not want to leave the bed.

[bitebenot]

You have limited options here ! First,he dumped you.Second,he has someone else.(maybe a rebound)Why does he want to stay in touch with you ? Dont know ? OK i will tell you,he feels guilty for the pain he caused you and i do think that hes unsure of his decision.If you talk to him from now on it will be for HIM ONLY ! And whats there for you > NOTHING but crumbs ! Friendship wit an ex lover is NOT recommanded ! You have to cut all ties with him,i mean ALL ! Dont become a door mat or a crutch.He will use you till his conscience is clear and his new relationship is in good standing.I strongly suggest that you send him an email,tell him you wont communicate with him any longer and give him all your love and wish good luck with his novelty,thats it,nothing else.After its total NC.Never answer his emails.Erase him from your pc,i mean fb and all that is similar.Never answer the phone,just listen to the messages.If its not about reconciliation you keep ignoring him.If he wants you back he has to earn it the hard way or he will surely leave you again shortly after.If he shows up at your door,same thing,ignore him.You have to desappear from him.NC will give you a chance to heal and for him to reconsider the situation.If you do this well you might have a good chance for him to regret his decision and miss you.If you default hes gone for good,i mean it ! Hard it will be,however thats all you have to work with.By accomplishing this you will show him that you are very serious and he will feel like hes being dumped ! Hes very attached to you,use it to your own advantage.In between stay busy,talk to friends and family and come here for support.It will get easyer with time.Good luck 2 u.

[infamous]

plz some advice on my situation would help so much

 

 

[bitebenot]

plz some advice on my situation would help so much

 

]

 

The fact that she passes by your home shows shes missing you.Getting engage in the first year is very fast ! She should know you had financial problems ! Now shes got a new bf.The only way to get her back is to wait a litle longer while in NC.Shes got to come back on her own.Dont chase her or call her,no emails either.Remove her from fb,desappear from her ! Dont answer the phone and listen to the messages only.Wait for her to ask for reconciliiation and ignore the rest.Do not forget to move on,she might never come back,thats reality.If she comes back, be attentive to her emotional needs.You were told shes unstable,might be true.Asking for an engagement in the first year and another boyfriend right away after dumping you aint good at all.So,its NC and move on.Life goes on even If she doesnt come back.

[infamous]

what if shes to subborn to call because she is ?