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Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship


love4life

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You were selfish and she has a new bf ! Thats your answer ! Far as i know,you lost her ! Begging only push them back further.All you should not do you did ! NC full time and move on.If she loves you she will let you know !

Waiting for her would be a waste of time,forget her for your own sake.

Your in the same position since June,how long are you willing to take to give up on her ? Put your energy into finding a new gf and dont repeat your past mistakes or it will happen again.Taking a women for granted is a big no no ! So move on and enjoy life again.

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I agree I was very selfish. I wrote a long letter apologizing, but not kissing her ass. I just want her to know I * * * * ed up is all. The only reason I continue to make an effort is because I believe it was mostly my fault.

 

Once a women makes up her mind to dump her lover,she was ready before she did.She took time to think about it.Less sex and being selfish is a total killer ! I screwed up to but my ex had a new bf since day one,she turrned into a brick wall.I begged on the phone and in writing.Guess what ? She wont talk to me ever,i no longer exist for her,shes a goner ! She even turn nasty towards me,i was now her toxic ex lol.She will never come back,i know for sure.My relationship lasted 5 years.

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Do you think sending a letter that makes me feel better and gives me some closure would do any damage. It's really good I apologize just for being selfish, and telling her I appreciate our time and together, and I know what I did that caused our breakup. I also, told her that it wasn't fair for her to blame me for everything, and she did a lot of cruel things to me. I thought if it matters which I don't that it might seem needy because I'm sending a long letter and shes not saying * * * * . Would you ever think a woman would be mad if you were acting crazy and guilting her for breaking up with you and then I just went NC basically. I contacted her a few times and it seemed that she was happy to talk to me, but once I brought up the breakup, she would go nuts. But I did it in such needy guilty way I was crazed.

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She doesnt want you to interfere in her new relationship,you're a threat to her.Beside everything you want to tell her she already knows ! I stick to my guns,better to leave her alone.Nothing you can do to have her back even has a friend.Shes the only one who can decide and whitout your intervention !

If she still has love or misses you in the future,she'll find you !

In between, anything you will do is futile ! It really stinks but thats the way it is for most women after a break-up.Worse if shes the stubborn type.Another thing,she blames you because of her guilt over the beak-up,it happens to most dumpees.

No closure...i think you have one..not much to add.

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Why do say she is a threat? I just want her to know that I know and if in the future she thinks about what I said then who knows. I just don't want her to remember me like I was, thats the main part of the letter. She is so stubborn, I don't think she would ever change her mind.

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She is so stubborn, I don't think she would ever change her mind. I also read an email between her and her mom. Her mom was telling her to spend some time away from me because I guess she told her we had problems and my ex said i need a break from a relationship not our friendship and this was like two weeks before broke up. Then she saw photos of me with some other girls at my house and flipped out. She was always very jealous, this was the day after she tried to break up with me and I begged her to stay with me and when I went to kiss her goodbye before she went home she turned her cheek with an anry face. I was just being so pathetic. Most recently i got into her email a week ago I know its * * * * ed up but i saw some * * * * , and sent her messages on fb that I wanted to delete so I went in her fb. She got the notifications on the iphone. I went up there just for the hell of it to see if I could talk to her for a few mins. Again I went up to her called her name from down the aisle, instant mad face, and she runs away.Im there for like twenty mins talking to my boss about something, and Im about to leave and the cops come, I was like * * * I could been her brother he came, her or the store. Last mistake I'm making

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Why do say she is a threat? I just want her to know that I know and if in the future she thinks about what I said then who knows. I just don't want her to remember me like I was, thats the main part of the letter. She is so stubborn, I don't think she would ever change her mind.

 

Not her ! YOU ARE ! Shes in a relationship that she wants to keep.

She knows how you feel.You wrote to her before.The time she has whitout you around her will make her think of you and forget your bad side and think of your qualities instead.When you stay in contact, you get the reverse effect.

Just let her be and move on.Im sure you lost her for good in my honest opinion.Its sad,but many are in the same boat here,we dont get that chance to change what went wrong..we are too late ! Let her be and hope she misses you and that nostalgia kicks in.Nothing else you can do at this point.

Go NC and dont break it ever because it wont be to your advantage.

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To a women to be jealous is not unusual (for men too).What if it was you in her apartment and saw pictures of her with her ex boyfriend all over the place ?

You would think.why she keep those around ? Your relationship had to much drama and was doomed to fail soon or later.Stay away from her and remove her from all your messengers and fb from your pc.

Desappear from her life and move on.Dont be obsessed with her,she might never come back,thats reality ! If you dont change,she will never be interested.

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I think letting go and moving on or at least the decision to is easy, im finding all the memories, betrayal, general emotions the hard part to deal with.

 

I've been cutting off the drop off time so im in and out, any other contact is only to deal with or see how my daughter is. Im finding it hard, im still thinking about what she see's in this guy, I have questions that rumble around in my head. As you guys said before, i'll probably never get the answers and even if I speak to my ex, she will just lie.

 

A couple of days ago I did speak to my ex and in a moment of frustration I asked her what she was playing at, I know shes getting something from seeing me, I can feel it. Shes being nice when she sees me at the moment, its like she trying to stay on the fence. I asked her why can't she be honest and tell me she loves this guy and that she dos'nt want me, she just wont answer me, just looks at me and stays silent. I asked her that because she tries to pretend they're not getting on as well but I know different.

 

I want her to be straight forward and scream at me she dos'nt want me but she seems unable to say it. I feel that I need her to shout it at me, so I can feel that hurt so much it shut me down emotionally, I think its the only way.

I ask her if shes happy and she says shes ok. I don't get it.

 

She has said that she still loves me but her actions clearly say she wants the other guy.

 

Please don't get me wrong I don't really want her back, a small part of me does but im fighting it as hard as I can, after 13yrs I can't shut all my emotions off no matter how hard i've tried.

 

Takecare

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Maybe shes not so sure about the relationship shes in and she doesnt want to lose you in case it doesnt work out.She might love you but also love the other one.Weird but it happens.I know you cant put aside your feelings after

13 years,it will take time,nothing less than a year i believe.But you dont have to ask her why shes whit him,thats the way it is and the way she wants it !

It stinks big time...i went through a divorce once after 7 years also with a child,i know how it feels.Situations like that are out of our control.We can only accept it because we cant change the way it goes.The fact that you have a child makes it harder since you still have to see her.But what else can you do really ? Healing and moving on are the only options you have.Stay cool.

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Hi, I'm new here, and have a situation, if Zorba or any other who had the expertise in rebound thing can help, that would be really appreciated.

 

So here's my situation :

I dump my ex g/f because we had fights, partly it's my fault....anyway, I want her back, but she with a new guy right now, long distance relationship. So she met this guy 1 month after we broke up, but through all this time she's been thinking about me and the new guy understood and give her supports. So after 1 month with this guy, this guy go back to his country, and they're doing long distance. Right after this guy left, she contacted me and talk how sorry she is about what she did, etc etc. Now the situation is I'm in contact with my ex everyday and together with her for most of the time. She still keep in touch with her new guy almost daily around 30 minutes a day through msn mostly, sometimes the guy called. Now I'm really getting tired of this situation and I'm trying to be good friend with her to get her back, just I don't want to make the wrong actions that can lead this to end. So she asked for time to think, around 1 month to decide, but I feel it's not good idea since she's still in her honeymoon with the new guy (now long distance, that guy in another country).So I gave her 3 months instead, so maybe after the honeymoon stage, she'll come to realize it's better to have short distance than long distance relationship. I want to avoid me being emotional support for her while she's showing all her happy state and nice side to this new guy (through phone call and msn chatting), which can do me no good at all. So please advice me what possible solution is best for this situation. Thanks in advance for this forum and everyone's help.

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I asked her again, I said that I want to hear it from her, I want her to say its the other guy she wants to be with. She still kept quiet and then tried to change the subject.

This frustrates me because I know once I hear it I will be able to shut her out and hopefully the emotions off.

 

Bitebenot: How did you deal with the feelings you had, I guess you still had to see your ex because of your child, how did you deal with those feelings/ unresolved feelings?

How did you get over having to see your ex?

 

I want to move on but feel im stuck in a never ending loop.

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I asked her again, I said that I want to hear it from her, I want her to say its the other guy she wants to be with. She still kept quiet and then tried to change the subject.

This frustrates me because I know once I hear it I will be able to shut her out and hopefully the emotions off.

 

Bitebenot: How did you deal with the feelings you had, I guess you still had to see your ex because of your child, how did you deal with those feelings/ unresolved feelings?

How did you get over having to see your ex?

 

I want to move on but feel im stuck in a never ending loop.

 

Well,to tell you the truth,it took time,nothing else.I was closing my mind to her,takes some will to do so.I knew it was over and saw it as that.I never kept hoping.You have to close the book and tell yourself its over and for good.With your ex its like trying to get water from a rock.The way you feel is normal,give it time and give up all hope to save your relationship.Moving on is your only option,the same was for me.Dont let her torture you any longer.If you cant get out of the loop,see a psychologist..a few sessions and your good as new ! Its your will to get out of it that will count the most.

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You have your answers in your comment.First,theres no garantees for anyone.

So right now you need to tell her this: i need time to heal since your involved with another man.So please dont contact me anymore and we are no longer friends,friends are no good with the ex.Also tell her you give her all your love and best luck in her new relationship and that maybe you will cross each other one day if its meant to be.Leave it at that.From now on you are in NC !

I mean NC totaly,remove her from all the messengers on your pc.Let her only use the phone or email.If its the phone,just listen to the messages,never answer it.Emails you do not answer either.If its not about reconciliation,you NEVER answer.Now if she contacts you about reconciliation,shes got to work hard to get you back ! Why ? If its too easy she will leave you shorly after to go back to her new bf.IMPORTANT: if she wants you back,she must dump the other one first or ignore her totaly.You cant not spy on her in any way and you must DESAPPEAR TOTALY FROM HER LIFE ! You become scarce to her.Dont go to places where she might be or her friends.She cant have no news from you in any way ! If your not sure about something,come back here.

Dont forget,NC is also for healing,we dont know how long or if she will react to all this.But if shes still have love for you,you have a chance still.By staying away she should miss you.If you break those rules,your fried ! You wont have another shot at it and she be gone for good.Its hard to compete with her novelty,you must do it right to have a fair chance.Good luck.

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Zorba:

 

Does this work after bad break up (break up with fight – no cheating) when ex starts rebound relationship soon? Both sides start NC immediately after break up, and avoid meeting each other. They both are full of pride and don’t communicate, even don’t say hallo to each other when they meet on the street. They both intend to heal, but in deferent ways (ex uses rebound relationship).

Dumper thinks that dumpee is guilty for the relationship failure and that everything during relationship was according to dumpees needs, not dumpers (this is my exes opinion-her view of our relationship, her side of story).

I would like to hear your opinion about how this story fits into your theory.

 

Thanks

Wow- if you weren't in germany I would think YOU were my ex boyfriend. lmao!

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Been following this thread for quite sometime and I have to say that there is significant advice to be taken here. I think the idea of reverse psychology is pretty much embedded into the human makeup, you're always going to want what you can't have.

 

I was dumped on my all mighty a88 back in October of this year, and this may come of as a cocky, confident attitude, but I was shocked "No way did that just happen to me?" "I dump people, I don't get dumped". Well guess what, here it is January 2010 three whole months removed and I'm still out of luck, burned, bad. I made an absolute fool of myself the night it happened as well, drunk as a skunk and breaking things in her apartment and acting like a four yr old child, strike that maybe a two yr old, isn't it the terrible twos?

 

Well, I called her the next day, I begged her really to get on the phone and all I heard was "I want this to be right, but it's not right right now" "this is sour" now all I was convinced was that there was another man, had to have been right? You don't just jump ship to jump in the water, you jump to jump to another ship. I initiated NC that moment, I hung up that phone and said screw it, I need to compose myself. That was the first weekend in October...

 

3 days until Thaksgiving rolls about and I have a card in my mailbox, "Hey, just wanted to say "hi" there's no need for us to not be friends I hope you and your family have a great Thanksgiving, yada yada yada. I was super stoked to see that card, ignored it, let my ego eat it up though. I ignored her and she came looking, again. I got a email from her at 5 am about a friend of hers that was passing away, we had dealt with this in our relationship as it was her previous ex. I looked at the email and ignored it as long as I could, about 7 hours before my heart got the best of me and replied...crickets. Here I thought I was the nice guy.

 

Queue up December and I have her sister text me saying can you call my sister, I'm at a tailgate for a college football game in all my glory, but I guess things had taken a bad turn for my ex's ex, so I call her. She picks up and is a complete mess, bawling all over. We talk for an hour and she's laughing at the end. I thought after I got of that phone look at the affect I still have on that girl. I can transform her and lift her spirits up. All we did was talk about life. First time in 2 months I had decided to give into a phone call.

 

Well that call opened the flood gates, I started gettting text, emails, but a lot of jealous emails that I went and saw a female friend that is a mutual friend, and might I add spent the night, platonic as could be...but lets let her mind wonder. NYE she was texting asking where I was and who I was with, well to be honest and I told her, I was with my mother..wooohooo happy 2010 I'm 24 year old male and I'm with my mom on NYE and I just told my ex...sweet.

 

Here's the funny part, this past weekend the long weekend, MLK we met up and spent 3 nights together. I live 1,000 miles from my ex. I was going to that big city on the east coast for the long wknd and she "hadn't been there in awhile, I've been wanting to go there" convenient. We spent the weekend holding hands, kissing, just being that old couple we had been before. I by the grace of god ran into a girl from high school that I hadn't seen in 6 years, well she's still the 5'9 brunette dream girl I remember her as and guess what I flirted my hiney off in front of my ex with this girl while we were at a bar because my ex broke up with me and she can see now that I am doing quite fine for myself!

 

I ended up back in her city and took off on a flight home to my city the next day, fyi she had pictures of us up around her place, odd? I've heard from her here and there over text, but stupid text. I thought the weekend went well and decided to write her about maybe doing it again, she COMPLETELY ignored the idea...Ok, maybe I bit too early, hook line sinker, quite possibly. I have a feeling that I've played this well and she wants to be chased, after all who doesn't. Anyways, the second she writes/calls me I am going to shoot it down. She thinks we had a great weekend, I'm a great guy who helped her through a tough loss, well I'm a guy that deserves a title better than "friend" especially after the past weekend. So as a test I'm going to tell her how I see it, and say hey the weekend wasn't the best idea, hope you do well in your future endeavors. I'm going to let everyone here know how it goes as well, we're in it together. I agree with the points made here too, don't let your ex lean on you, I have a heart and had to be there for her loss. Might be the mistake that never puts her back in my arms, but that's who I am at the end of the day, and I'm ok with that.

 

Its' time to hit the bars and get out of this apartment. Pick yourself up and get out they'll come back just push them out of your head every second you can. I'm dealing with the most high pride girl you've seen, I'm willing to take wagers on that.

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Hi all,

 

I have a rather strange situation and I'd like some help if possible.

 

We've been together with my ex for 5 years. She was totally in love with me from the begginning, while I was kind of distant and cool. Well, things began to change last year. I had some personal problems, I was out of work for 6 months, didn't want to go out, feeling gloomy etc.

 

So she became more and more distant in time, until one night she met a guy at a club and they made out that night and the following. The thing is, he is from another city so he left, and ever since (that was 16 months ago) she became totally infatuated by him. She calls him, sends him emails, even went to his town to see him. Its obvious to me that this guy wanted nothing more than a one-night-stand from her, which I think he didn't get.

 

The problem and the reason why we split is because after she met him, she has created this image of the "perfect" man in her mind (romantic, the knight in shining armor), and became obsessed with that. As I said she hasn't spent time with him in order to know him better (only been with him for a total of 5-6 hours perhaps during two days), so I have to compete with a mental picture instead of a real person. I should add that she's the ultra-romantic type, she believes in fairytales, love at first sight etc even in her thirties, while I'm more "practical".

 

The relationship went from bad to worse since she met him, so for the last two months we are officially broken up. I cut all contact, while she called me, told me she loves me, she misses me etc, even had sex some times, while at the same time she says she's not ready to get back together. On the other hand the other guy is blowing her off completely, to the point that he doesn't even answer her calls or emails anymore, but she keeps on sending and calling!

 

I should add that she comes from a super-conservative family, and until now (she's 30) I was her only relationship.

 

Is ther a way to get her back? I love her and I was planning to marry her, until this thing happened. Or is she a complete basket-case and I'm the only one who can't see it? I think its way too much to be stuck with someone who doesn't even exist after almost a year and a half!

 

Thanks for any help guys!

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Read post # 10 and 16,also 470 on page 47 ..These 3 post will give you all you need.Personally i dont think you can find any better.This is your best option,im sure of it.Do it well if you want a real shot at it.Wont be easy ,but its worth it.Start as soon as possible.Good luck to you.

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Thanks! I've already read these posts, I actually did my homework before posting

However, the difference in my case is that there's no real "rebound" relationship, its all in her head! All this guy wanted was a one-night-stand, didn't get it, and dissapeared after that. My ex ha since then biult a mental image of the ultra romantic-gentleman-knight type of guy, probably because she wanted to feel it, and wasn't getting it from me. The question is, can you compete with this mental image, since its not a real person with flaws etc? I'm doing NC for 2 weeks already.

 

Thanks again!

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Thanks! I've already read these posts, I actually did my homework before posting

However, the difference in my case is that there's no real "rebound" relationship, its all in her head! All this guy wanted was a one-night-stand, didn't get it, and dissapeared after that. My ex ha since then biult a mental image of the ultra romantic-gentleman-knight type of guy, probably because she wanted to feel it, and wasn't getting it from me. The question is, can you compete with this mental image, since its not a real person with flaws etc? I'm doing NC for 2 weeks already.

 

Thanks again!

 

You cant compete with the novelty for the time being,it may be in her head but to her its real.Your situation is still the same even if the other one is a ghost.What is important here is the NC...rebound or not.Go and see NO CONTACT CHALLENGE PART 2 FROM ENOTALONE.Its very similar,its about NC also.You will find me there still.

Its more active at this time,take a look.

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At the moment I don't even think I could compete with her rebound if I wanted to.

 

Reason being: He's directly tied into her biggest insecurity aka "her body" ....

 

As many of you know, my ex- left me for her personal trainer. Throughout the 4.5 years we dated I always knew how obsessed she was with her body weight, especially when she went from about 125 to 160 over the course of the last 1.5 years of our relationship. She started training with him in August and he got her back into shape and she loved every second of it, especially him massaging her self-esteem. She left me by Thanksgiving. It no doubt is an addiction for her.

 

She almost quit after the first two months. She had hit a wall from the dieting and wasn't losing anymore weight, then that's when he got her on fat burning steroids and illegal thyroid T3 medications (unbeknownst to me at the time). And since he's familiar with the competitive fitness racket, he's her mentor. He sold her on this big dream of getting her pro card and doing it for a living.

 

It's like they've "entrapped" each other. He knows he can no longer go back to his ex-fiance after their spat two weekends ago. My ex- actually leased his apartment in her name because he's got a felony on his record and couldn't do it himself. And like I said, my ex- is so obsessive compulsive over her body weight that she'll remain co-dependent on this dirt ball for as long as it takes...... regardless of the fact that he's a dead beat non-child support paying dad, an ex-felon, 40 years old (12 years her elder), a cross dresser, and posts craigslist adds to play with other men who cross dress.

 

The whole thing is just so sad and so disappointing.

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Do you still want to get her back ?

 

I still wonder why she likes this guy ! How blind can she be ? Even if hes nice to her,cant she see hes dirt ? Only she knows i guess.Its strange to see someone take such a bad decison and dump the ex who was a lot better !

She will come back to her senses,but could take a long time.Too bad for her,it will be her lost and if she decides to come back, it will probably be to late.Most of the time,the dumpee has moved on and the ex is rejected for good.Strange world we live in.For better or for worse is no longer in fashion.

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