Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship

[bitebenot]

We're all guilty of perhaps not putting enough effort in. It's what people do in long term relationships. You get your old self back. you know they guy she fell for, turn up dressed smart, looking great, and she will regret it big time! That's the ace up your sleeve.

 

Thats a wise statement..do all he can to make her regret her stupid move !

She didnt want that relationship working.She was eager to get together with that a$$hole.If a relationship was good, regrets will follow shortly after unless the new one is exceptional..which its not the case here ! She wanted someone new for a change.Nothing he could do to compete will the novelty !

After a while,they will be on a tight budget since hes short of money and the fights will start.That new relationship was doomed from the start.

Wait for the honeymoon to be over,wont be all pink for her anymore.

At this time she doesnt see it,love is blind and everything seems perfect for her but reality will sink in soon.Beside,it aint love but lust.

13 years of history cant be just pushed away..it will catch up with her.

A lot for her to deal with.What happened to the " For better or for worse " ?

[stargazer2009]

It must be so difficult when children are involved. My heart goes out to you on this one. Mine decided to bail with the wedding 6 months away. Our whole future planned out and already 5 yrs together. I never saw it coming until about a couple of months before it really ended.

 

For me, all the new things in my life are like a blessing and I just feel great being single and free again. I can make choices purely for my own self and friends and family. Just back to loving life with a fresh pair of eyes looking out at the world with hope.

 

as a girl in this. im not wreckless with peoples hearts or myown. i know the pain u felt when she left. at first it takes so much out of u. and u question every dissision u made while with them. 3 months NC and 3months 2 weeks since the break up out of the blue. And i feel ok lol i have taken a step back and gone OMG look at everything ive been missing! friends and family. and just doing things for urself. i've done so much since he dumped me and im successful and ive got everything going for me! its exciting! the funny thing is he left me for grass is greener because he dumped me by text message 2 weeks before he was set to propose to me. lol he left me for a women with 2 kids. 8 weeks into there relationship and hes moving into her council house when she gets it. i work have an beautiful apartment now and all paid for by me. the best thing to do is show intrgrity. grass is greener fades very fast. and i know in my heart he'l come back. i dont know when but he will when u meet someone u tolerate everything they do u just accept it and dust it off when the honeymoon fades things change they pic up on things. and the green grass wont look so sweet. in my case i think hes going to get dumped.

 

 

u are right about being selfish and dont things for you! we are so free now! if i wanto go out drinking with friends i just go. if i want something i jjust go get it. i love being around my friends. this time is so us. im doing a sky dive for my birthday in afew months lol 6 months ago if u asked i would have said no to scared. now yea! i'll do it! becuase i lost the most persious thing to me and im not scared of anything anymore. im scared of hights but im doing it to prove to myself that i can do anything.

 

So get out ur joggers dress sharp, look great everyday. becuase word speads fast. i saw blah blah other day he loked great i wonder where he was going. you haveto be positive and just let go. its the only way they will come back. if they have the moment of clarity. if they dont then u deserve so much more! i ramble so much. i started to realise that was i was writing was right and im living by it. posistive is attractive. show them that u can survive without them and have a great time doing it

 

i dress nice everyday for me and for the chance that that day might be the day he knocks on the door and i look great no body knows what tomorrow wil bring. so laugh and smile and be positive even when u dont wanto. lol i really do ramble lol sorry! lol

[stargazer2009]

and also u have an advantage. if she see's u happy and getting on with life it will trigger memorys for her. she has 13 years of memorys of u in her head. lol that alone should be enough to make u smile alot inside. u have a kid be the bast dad u can be, paint with them, go out to the zoo, make a scrap book of pictures of ur adventures, read them books, make a spacial night for tea. your going to be ok things are going to be ok. new year new start. u can be anthing u want! she'll have her moment of clarity. everyone does.

[bitebenot]

STARGAZER............ i have a question for you !

If you enjoy your new life and he decides to come back...how will you deal with it ? I mean you will have to come back to that old situation with him !

Are you ready for him to come back and turn your new life upside down ?

Will you be able to deal with it ? Are you ready for that ?

I was asking myself that question.I want you opinion on that. Thank for your reply.

[stargazer2009]

STARGAZER............ i have a question for you !

If you enjoy your new life and he decides to come back...how will you deal with it ? I mean you will have to come back to that old situation with him !

Are you ready for him to come back and turn your new life upside down ?

Will you be able to deal with it ? Are you ready for that ?

I was asking myself that question.I want you opinion on that. Thank for your reply.

 

i have filled mylife with so much and i have become the strong, playfull, sparkly, successful person he met. This time of NC has made me come to realiseation that its him, the one i wanto spend the rest of my life with. At first filling the void was very very hard and i just kept filling. i have so much going on now. but none of it matters the car the appartment the job the success. its not the path i wanted. its the path i HAD to take. ive discovered alot about myself and i really have betered myself. I'm not the girl he left. i'm the women he meet just with so much more going for me. i had my moment of clarity the other day. And its him. hes the one i want nexto me when i'm 90 and having wheelchair races. I look at where i was and i look at where i am now. I have my sparkle back. I'm charming, i smile all the time, a strager aproched me when i was at a club with some friends and he said " im sorry to bother you but yuor beautiful, theres something about u, i had to tell you have a great night" and i saw him leave. lol werid moment but evryones picking up on it im myself again. and i was lost for a long time. i dont think about him much now. i really dont i might think about it once a day . I know that i love him with all my heart. But i went NC to let him go so he could experience life without me and so his Grass is greener relationship could do whatever. I think of it like this. Being with her might make him relise what i brought to his life and what he chucked away it might take 2 more weeks it might take 3 months i dont know. But i want him to come back on his own becuase he's decided that its me. that i am the one. And if he doesnt wake up and have his moment of clarity then he wasnt mine. I love him so much i really do. But i want him to be with me becuase its me.

 

so if he knocked on my door tomorrow and said its you. i made a huge mistake. my first words would be a playful "prove it". for the past week i've had the same dream where i wake up to the sound of a baby crying. and i get up and walk to the cott. and pick this baby up and do the baby dance u do to calm them down. then the baby starts to giggle and i hear a mans voice and it ses " your beautiful" and i turn to look at the bed and its him. and at this point i wake up.

 

That should make me cry but it doesnt. it kind of gives me peace. i have a feeling in my gutt that hes gonig to wake up. In a way i think the break up probably reinforce my love for him. but i needed to figure that out. Now its his turn. 3 months and 2 days and counting. Thing is i dont see this as going back i see it as starting over. imagine falling in love with that person the second time! its exciting. I have a sepreate life now. if he wants to be a part of he hes gonna haveto slot himself in. my whole world revolved around him before. now i know not to let that happen.

[Archangel77]

Hi, Just to clarify the guy my ex is with isnt macho, hes affraid of me for some reason. He'll stay in the house when he feels I wont go round. If they go out he has to pick her up and drop her off where he thinks hes safe, lol.

 

He seems to act the big man on a txt or over the phone but wont even stand face to face with me. I dont want trouble, just move on but its like he needs to try to bring me into things, Its like he cant get to me through my ex anymore so now its being around my daughter, its all very odd. He likes to try and control things from behind the scenes, hes just a sponging muppet.

 

I am feeling a bit more positive today, I have good and bad days but the good ones are coming more often. I would like to thank you all for your advise, its really helped.

[stargazer2009]

His thing is control. thats all. Your child will always be YOUR child not his. Dont let his actions get to you you are the stronger man!

 

I came here looking for answers and i realised that i have gone from craving advise back to my level headed self. im the rock all my friends come to. Now i give hope and advice to others. Because i know that there is alwas light no matter how crap a situtation there is always light! your child is lucky to have a dad who is there. Your her dad hes never gonna be her dad.

[Archangel77]

Stargazer, Thank you, Im sure you understand how the demons of the mind start to play tricks on you. There is so much that I feel I need to figure out, I just dont understand my ex's actions, Shes 28 and hes 44, hes white haired, got a lip, pretty much the opposite to me really, im no oil painting but this guy has more in common with the elephant man. That I find hard to deal with, our relationship wasnt bad, maybe we could have had more communication but there was never any need for her to do what she did and with him why.

 

I guess moving on is the hardest part, its getting easier, im planning different things and starting to look at courses and different things to meet people so all is not lost.

I think the hard part is the betrayel and trust she broke and with some guy old enough to be her dad. He had a family, kids, grandchildren. Im just at a loss with it all.

Im sure you know what the questions are like that you have to face, was it all just a lie.

 

I know im better off, I know moving on is the best thing, as hard as it is and I know its getting easier but it just seems to be taking forever, I think having to see her when I pick up and drop off my daughter is what making it that much harder, seeing her dressed up for him, seeing her doing things she never felt the need to try for us.

 

I'll get there in the end, I just hope it'll be sooner rather than later, Takecare all

[tara_flynn]

I feel the exact same as you. I know my ex will come back one day. We had so much together and this time he is throwing it away, not me. So I am going to move on and let things be, and maybe one day I will get that phone call or the knock on the door asking if we can be a family again. I would love for that to happen now but I know it will take awhile. But for now the best thing is for me to work on me.

[stargazer2009]

I feel the exact same as you. I know my ex will come back one day. We had so much together and this time he is throwing it away, not me. So I am going to move on and let things be, and maybe one day I will get that phone call or the knock on the door asking if we can be a family again. I would love for that to happen now but I know it will take awhile. But for now the best thing is for me to work on me.

 

Then me and you are proof that there is light at the end of the tunnel for al the newbies on here i came here looking for answers and a few months later i have peace. its funny tho i know in my heart thats hes going to wake up and realise i just dont know when. No matter what happens we're going to be ok i've noticed the ones who let them go most of the time got them back. some people just need more time to work out what they really want. but im enjoying working on me. i feel really happy inside. im ok with it. just waiting for his momnet of clarity.

[bitebenot]

TARA and STARGAZER

I really hope you girls get your ex's back.

[bitebenot]

Why did she pick this guy ? i dont get it !

Much older and not good looking ! Im baffled ! What is she looking for if hes older and ugly ? What does he has that we dont know ?

Only she knows i guess.

[tara_flynn]

All my girlfriend's and I know that he will come back. They all say that if I stick to my guns and NC he will come crawling back in no time. But I'm not putting my life on hold. I do have our child to look after. I have to put a smile on my face in front of my child no matter what. He is my top priority.

[tara_flynn]

Why did she pick this guy ? i dont get it !

Much older and not good looking ! Im baffled ! What is she looking for if hes older and ugly ? What does he has that we dont know ?

Only she knows i guess.

 

Ok I read somewhere about this and it says that the person they go for as their rebound is usually less attractive than the ex. People do this for a reason so that when it comes time to leave them it is much easier because they aren't very attracted to them.

[bitebenot]

Ok I read somewhere about this and it says that the person they go for as their rebound is usually less attractive than the ex. People do this for a reason so that when it comes time to leave them it is much easier because they aren't very attracted to them.

 

TARA,you have a strong point here ! I read that too.

But i wonder if the dumpers really think about that.

Seems so unreal,its hard to comprehend ! I never saw my ex's boyfriend,thats ok with me lol.

[anon12]

Ok I read somewhere about this and it says that the person they go for as their rebound is usually less attractive than the ex. People do this for a reason so that when it comes time to leave them it is much easier because they aren't very attracted to them.

 

my ex's rebound is the ugliest ive ever seen, makes it harder on the dumpee, who then compares themself..

 

I heard that whenever they go out together, everyone asks her why the hell shes going out with him. I'd feel sorry for her if i could.

[bitebenot]

my ex's rebound is the ugliest ive ever seen, makes it harder on the dumpee, who then compares themself..

 

I heard that whenever they go out together, everyone asks her why the hell shes going out with him. I'd feel sorry for her if i could.

 

When people tell her why shes going out with him,that will surely make her think about it ! I know beauty aint everything but....he must have something she likes or some social advantages of some kind,who knows !

She likes her baboon lol.But i know for sure that monkeys are cute !

[anon12]

When people tell her why shes going out with him,that will surely make her think about it ! I know beauty aint everything but....he must have something she likes or some social advantages of some kind,who knows !

She likes her baboon lol.But i know for sure that monkeys are cute !

 

he works in mcdonalds, doesnt go to college, and is very, very thick.

 

god knows what shes thinking, one day shes gonna wake up, and be physically sick

[syxx87]

Ok I read somewhere about this and it says that the person they go for as their rebound is usually less attractive than the ex. People do this for a reason so that when it comes time to leave them it is much easier because they aren't very attracted to them.

 

I can vouch for that! My girlfriend left me for her boss and her boss is fat, has shaggy hair, and a scruffy beard. He literally, I kid you not looks like the fat guy from "The Hangover". He even embraces it with pics on his facebook having a babydoll strapped accross his stomach like the dude does in the movie. Everyone who sees him are baffled as to why she would leave me for him. My ex's sister told me how she said that she knows that he isnt cute but that he is really sweet. It was definitely a crushing blow to my ego and overall self-esteem.

[DaveTrump]

3 months NC and 3months 2 weeks since the break up out of the blue. the funny thing is he left me for grass is greener because he dumped me by text message 2 weeks before he was set to propose to me.

 

lol he left me for a women with 2 kids. 8 weeks into there relationship and hes moving into her council house when she gets it.

 

dress nice dumped by texte everyday for me and for the chance that that day might be the day he knocks on the door and i look great no body knows what tomorrow wil bring. so laugh and smile and be positive even when u dont wanto. lol i really do ramble lol sorry! lol

 

Hi Stargazer,

 

I don't think anyone is so bad as to be dumped by text. That's disgusting. I know it is still early days for you and you're trying to rationalise his actions. Seriously though, dumped by text for a woman with 2 kids and a council house? how the hell that can possibly be greener grass i do not know!!

 

it would only be greener grass if you were homeless with 5 kids...lol

 

Perhaps he fancied some pikey chav because you were too much of a walkover? Anyway, you learnt from it but you got a long way to go yet.

 

"Knowing" that he'll come back one day when he "has his moment of clarity" is a comforting thought, but I don't think it's healthy as it stalls your moving on. One thing I learnt is that exes don't come back unless you have moved on and harbouring fantasies about the day he returns are not the way forward.

 

But it's not all bad. I'm not here to destroy your mindset just move the pieces slightly so you have your moment of clarity.

 

On the brightside you've made lots of progress by the sounds of things and I'd just keep focusing on that to help you fully move on.

 

Best wishes,

 

DT

[DaveTrump]

I can vouch for that! My girlfriend left me for her boss and her boss is fat, has shaggy hair, and a scruffy beard. He literally, I kid you not looks like the fat guy from "The Hangover". He even embraces it with pics on his facebook having a babydoll strapped accross his stomach like the dude does in the movie. Everyone who sees him are baffled as to why she would leave me for him. My ex's sister told me how she said that she knows that he isnt cute but that he is really sweet. It was definitely a crushing blow to my ego and overall self-esteem.

 

I've just seen that movie so LOOOL! Women eh? They have chocolate cake every day and then want some doughnut. There's no logic in it.

 

She probably doesn't really know what she wants. I would say, he is in a position of power, so she might find that a turn-on. People have lots of relationships in their early days to find out...You're still young, get out and enjoy yourself. Just say she is with her "dream man" now and try not to laugh too much.

 

You'll meet a stunner one day and then you'll be laughing more. We always have the last laugh

[bitebenot]

he works in mcdonalds, doesnt go to college, and is very, very thick.

 

god knows what shes thinking, one day shes gonna wake up, and be physically sick

 

You really make me laugh ! So shes with a burger man..lol..nice future ahead for her,not much brains must i say !

[bitebenot]

I can vouch for that! My girlfriend left me for her boss and her boss is fat, has shaggy hair, and a scruffy beard. He literally, I kid you not looks like the fat guy from "The Hangover". He even embraces it with pics on his facebook having a babydoll strapped accross his stomach like the dude does in the movie. Everyone who sees him are baffled as to why she would leave me for him. My ex's sister told me how she said that she knows that he isnt cute but that he is really sweet. It was definitely a crushing blow to my ego and overall self-esteem.

 

Now you know our ex are always going for mr/mrs ugly,so your safe !

Never put yourself down from a decision your ex took ! Not worth it.

[tara_flynn]

I really miss my ex right now... NC is so hard, even though I know it will get me nowhere right now!

[bitebenot]

I really miss my ex right now... NC is so hard, even though I know it will get me nowhere right now!

 

Its very hard,but it does get easyer with time ! After a while,you wont even think of breaking the NC.Beside, what else could you do ?

Once dumped,its logical to stay away from the ex.3 months and a week for me.Gets better week by week.I use to think about her the minute i got up in the morning.Finally its starting to change ! Its about time,im so tired to have her in my mind.Its like a bad cold that wont let go.In the morning i think about the 2 hours i will pass at the gym and the nice girls i will see.

I was told not long ago from another women,she said think about her bad sides,not her good ones ! She had a point...i did put that into practice,it works a bit.Everything to get rid of them from your mind is good.

Thats all about moving on.I know my ex thinks of me,i know its not easy on her right now..i know her so well after 5 years.I wont break NC ever !

To her, i completely disappeared !