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Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship


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Your ex was asking to much of you.Perfection beside God doesnt exist.

If shes looking for mr perfect she will never have a long term relationship !

She needs attention just like a child ! So immature..If its all a man lacks,big deal ! Your doing nc,the best for now for sure.

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Your ex was asking to much of you.Perfection beside God doesnt exist.

If shes looking for mr perfect she will never have a long term relationship !

She needs attention just like a child ! So immature..If its all a man lacks,big deal ! Your doing nc,the best for now for sure.

 

Thanks, I will be the first to admit that I took the relationship for granted, got to comfortable, and wasnt as affectionate as I could have been towards the end but I always did what I could for her to see her smile over 3.5 years. I was so worried when we broke up that going N/C would enforce her idea that I didnt care about her but after the first month of the breakup after everything I did to try and reconcile I decided it was time to enforce strict N/C and I told her if she thought I still didnt care after all this then there was nothing I could ever do to please her and she responded to that crying saying "I know you care". So she should know where I stand and the ball is in her court now. Hopefully she does come back because we had geniune love for each other and had a great relationship but if she doesnt come back, it will hurt like hell but life goes on.

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SYXXX87

Please go and read post # 10 and 16.Maybe the reason she gave aint right.

She might not want to tell you, but other reasons do exist.

To take someone for granted is automatic after a few years,we dont expect our other half to leave for a stupid reason !

 

**** Second,dont take all the blame,she didnt negociate,she took another man instead of communicating her needs.Takes two to tango ! Dont put yourself down,its not worth it.

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**** Second,dont take all the blame,she didnt negociate,she took another man instead of communicating her needs.Takes two to tango ! Dont put yourself down,its not worth it.

 

Thanks for tip! Zorba's posts are what inspired to go with and stick to N/C! I was orginally planning to just drop off the face of the Earth (It's what I did the first time I did N/C for a week during the first month of the breakup) but after reading Zorba's posts I worried that if I just tried to disappear it would backfire because she would either figure I was being childish and/or cause her to move on completely and never want to reconcile so thats why I told her straight up that we wouldnt talk or hangout as long as she was dating her boss, until she figured out what she wanted, and while I was talking to a new girl. After her games she played on New Year's I was done chasing after her and realized I shouldnt and that she should be the one chasing since she dumped me.

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Yes zorba and dream guy are very good !

You already did the LC..didnt work.

So you must go NC,its your only chance in my honest opinion but its up to you to decide ! You goof this one and you are done !

** post # 48 is also very good,for you its says it all why LC and then NC

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Yes zorba and dream guy are very good !

You already did the LC..didnt work.

So you must go NC,its your only chance in my honest opinion but its up to you to decide ! You goof this one and you are done !

** post # 48 is also very good,for you its says it all why LC and then NC

 

My thoughts exactly! The way I look at it is after a month of L/C, she still didnt come back and I potentially did more harm than good but atleast I know she still loves me deep down and she knows where I stand and how I feel so I no longer have any worries about going N/C and feel that at this point, its' the only thing left to do. I cant mess up if I do nothing and just stay out of her life until she comes back (if she does come back).

 

I dont know where I would be if it werent for ENA, I would have probably still after a month, heavily chasing after her and heavily in her life but thanks to ENA I feel as if I am making progress.

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My thoughts exactly! The way I look at it is after a month of L/C, she still didnt come back and I potentially did more harm than good but atleast I know she still loves me deep down and she knows where I stand and how I feel so I no longer have any worries about going N/C and feel that at this point, its' the only thing left to do. I cant mess up if I do nothing and just stay out of her life until she comes back (if she does come back).

 

I dont know where I would be if it werent for ENA, I would have probably still after a month, heavily chasing after her and heavily in her life but thanks to ENA I feel as if I am making progress.

 

I agree,i myself found this thread a bit to late.I begged and cried.

3 months and 1 week now.I know im done,i have no hope of her contacting me. We never know but... anyhow i screwed up.

You still have a chance to change that,shes different from my ex.

My ex wont call,never did.She will try hard to make her rebound work.

Shes the stubborn type.Shes probably thinking i would take her back...

im not so sure anymore after the way i was treated !

I feel a lot better today.Every week i get stronger and i enjoy looking at other women now !

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That's the point: healing from the break-up. Usually hard in the beginning, but easier as time goes by.

 

Thats what i like about NC,gives you a chance to heal and maybe get the ex back...if thats what we still hope for after 3 or 6 months...sometimes we want it so bad..after a while we change our mind !

But when we think about it,our ex left us in the cold,so why try to get them back so badly ? They dont care but we do ! Strange this human nature...

Women,cant live with them,cant live whitout them !](*,)

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Thats what i like about NC,gives you a chance to heal and maybe get the ex back...if thats what we still hope for after 3 or 6 months...sometimes we want it so bad..after a while we change our mind !

But when we think about it,our ex left us in the cold,so why try to get them back so badly ? They dont care but we do ! Strange this human nature...

Women,cant live with them,cant live whitout them !](*,)

 

What you need to "get back" first and foremost is not your ex, but your old self. Not just your old self though....If you're focused you'll eventually be looking at a sharper, more tuned, wiser, stronger, evolved, version of your old self. Someone that your ex found cool, fun, loveable and more! That's where you want to get and NC will pave the way for it! Who says being dumped sucks? You've got the keys to become the best you can be now.

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What you need to "get back" first and foremost is not your ex, but your old self. Not just your old self though....If you're focused you'll eventually be looking at a sharper, more tuned, wiser, stronger, evolved, version of your old self. Someone that your ex found cool, fun, loveable and more! That's where you want to get and NC will pave the way for it! Who says being dumped sucks? You've got the keys to become the best you can be now.

 

Thats so true..but im a good man..the break up was over commitment !

Now with her rebound, she will try to obtain what she wanted !

Its her choice,now i couldnt care less.Will i be happy for her ? Of course not !

She lost respect towards me,was nasty and acid in her comments.

So i hope her relationship drops dead,not because i want her to come back,she wont.It will be a personnal pleasure to see her at the same point i was 3 months ago.I was dumped..fine ! It will make me even better and more humble for the future.A bad situation can turn good on the long term.

I dumped her in April and took her back..stupid me ](*,)

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Thats so true..but im a good man..the break up was over commitment !

Now with her rebound, she will try to obtain what she wanted !

Its her choice,now i couldnt care less.Will i be happy for her ? Of course not !

She lost respect towards me,was nasty and acid in her comments.

So i hope her relationship drops dead,not because i want her to come back,she wont.It will be a personnal pleasure to see her at the same point i was 3 months ago.I was dumped..fine ! It will make me even better and more humble for the future.A bad situation can turn good on the long term.

I dumped her in April and took her back..stupid me ](*,)

 

Was she planning your future from an early stage of the relationship? Best avoided if that's the case. Her agenda and selfishness will always be top priority, way above any man. That's an insecure woman.

 

Take it easy.

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Was she planning your future from an early stage of the relationship? Best avoided if that's the case. Her agenda and selfishness will always be top priority, way above any man. That's an insecure woman.

 

Take it easy.

 

In the first two years, i always told her i wouldnt but she rejected that first hand.But when she dumped me,i asked her to talk or negociate because i did love her..was too late.The new one was there 3 days before she dumped me ! Everything i tried was a waste of time.She was rude and nasty !

What did hurt me the most is that she loved me and still does,i know,but didnt stop her from rebounding with this baboon ! I dont get it !

Go from one penis to another so quickly ! Turns over my stomach !

How could i take her back after this ? Would be a miracle if i did !

Like i said,i hope she gets hurt twice as bad as i did ! No remorse from me.We were together 5 years

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Has anyone had the scenario where the woman falls out of love (looses the spark, love you but not like a boyfriend, ect) several months before the relationship ends... rebounds and returns. Personally don't think i actually want her to return but wondered if it was ever a possibility.

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In the first two years, i always told her i wouldnt but she rejected that first hand.But when she dumped me,i asked her to talk or negociate because i did love her..was too late.The new one was there 3 days before she dumped me ! Everything i tried was a waste of time.She was rude and nasty !

What did hurt me the most is that she loved me and still does,i know,but didnt stop her from rebounding with this baboon ! I dont get it !

Go from one penis to another so quickly ! Turns over my stomach !

How could i take her back after this ? Would be a miracle if i did !

Like i said,i hope she gets hurt twice as bad as i did ! No remorse from me.We were together 5 years

 

Sounds like my Ex to a certain extenet. Especially with the moving on swiftly scenario. There's nothing you can do. It really is their agenda that gets in the way of all healing and so on. Comes accross kind of callous and cold hearted but I learnt that I had a lucky escape. The new relationship won't work either because she hasn't dealt with losing you. Perhaps she tried sticking you in the friend zone to alleviate some guilt and compartmentalise her idea of you. Again, this isn't really healthy. It's vile and pretty much denile of whatever past you had together.

 

Wish her the best for the future and do your own thing now. Take it day by day and you'll see some positivity coming back into your life as a result. You'll find happiness again but get all your cards in place and you'll find love as well.

 

In your corner!

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Thanks,i appreciate your opinion.I am getting better.A broken leg would be better then this.Its hard when you have no control in a break up.

But thats life.Im moving on no matter what.I wont just sit still hoping for my phone to ring.The gym is helping me a lot,makes me feel great.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel !

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Thanks,i appreciate your opinion.I am getting better.A broken leg would be better then this.Its hard when you have no control in a break up.

But thats life.Im moving on no matter what.I wont just sit still hoping for my phone to ring.The gym is helping me a lot,makes me feel great.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel !

 

The only control you have is that of your dignity and NC takes care of that. Try not to get fristrated though. Go through the emotions when you need to but staying busy is a priority. I was training every day in the early stages and it gives you the release you need. Don't forget youe friends and family. This is when you find out who the good ones are.

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I have to say my wife used all the things like, I want more independence and we're more like friends crap. She said she felt alone and that I was'nt there even given the fact I was there all the time. I asked her several times if she had someone else and she flat out lied to me, she said she wanted to work at our relationship and then be seeing this other guy at the same time. Shes told me that he's planning the wedding and holidays, he's bought her a laptop and is trying to buy her. the best part is he borrows money and since staying in the house she has said he knows all her passwords and allsorts of things she would never tell me ( not that I wanted to know), im just dumb struck, Shes only been seeing him just under a year.

 

I know he told he loved her from the moment he first saw her When we dont talk about her going off we really connect. Its hard because we have a child and I keep things to a minimum as best I can, but she still drops things in like, how my little girl will miss out on so much and how there are things she wanted me and her to do together. It's still hard seeing her. I did want to get back with her but not now. I wasnt happy and I look forward to finding real happiness with someone, in the meantime The gym does help but only to a certain amount. Its worse at night when I take my little girl back knowing that * * * * will be staying over.

 

It's funny because it seems harder to deal with than someone dying, I would love to cut her out but have to stay on good terms for my daughters sake. I do believe my ex still loves me and Ive asked her if shes happy because I want her to be, but she says shes ok but never over the moon, they do seem to argue alot but I guess lust is like that.

 

I wont lie, I would love to see it end just so she can fully realise what she had with me and how she threw it all away for some guy 16yrs older that has insecurities and control issues. I know in the end it'll destroy her, such a shame she used to be such a kind person, its funny how some people have the power to twist and change you, but at least the spell always gets broken in the end

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The only control you have is that of your dignity and NC takes care of that. Try not to get fristrated though. Go through the emotions when you need to but staying busy is a priority. I was training every day in the early stages and it gives you the release you need. Don't forget youe friends and family. This is when you find out who the good ones are.

 

I agree with you again Dave !! t. you for your conmments

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Sad isnt it ? Like most of us here,those situations really gets out of control.And having a child makes it a lot harder ! She will regret her decision,watch and see ! That kind if relationship never last.

One day maybe she will try to come back but it will be too late.She will create her own downfall.Women seems to have an easy time doing this

sh!t ! Its all about lust,i agree.Just let dig her own hole.

You have control over your life,just move on and find a better women ! Contact her only about the child..for the rest just stay away.

She doesnt deserve you,let her new b/f have the problems.

When you get a new g/f,she will change..will make her regret a lot faster and will see what she lost.*** Dont wait for her,never !

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It's hard, i'm moving on but it feels like my old life dosnt want to let go no matter how hard i'm trying. We were together for nearly 13yrs feb 12th, its just hard to let go after that long and having a child together makes it that much harder.

 

I don't want her back, not after the lies, there would never be trust.

I dropped my little girl back tonight and my ex seemed a bit low, almost regretful which happens every now and then but I stayed the course.

 

It would be nice just see that she regretted cheating and to see her want me back. As I said I dont want her but the thought of her having to go through wanting someone she can no longer have kind of appeals to me. Before I took my little girl back I shaved and put on aftershave which I dont really do alot and I caught looking me up and down which I thought was funny.

 

I know she dos'nt love this guy and I get the feeling shes only with him out of guilt because he said he left his family for her. Its funny because the other morning she sent me a text saying to takecare and wrap up warm and tonight she said to takecare, I swear she still loves me. If I had moved on I just would'nt care about her in that way or is it me?

 

I guess in the end we're all here because were looking for a way to understand why our partners did what they did and if there are any magic answers to not feeling like crap while we recover.

 

Right now I feel alone, have you ever wanted someone to hold you and tell you its going to be ok? Sounds kind of girly for a bloke to say I guess but even the hardest of us has a moment where they realise that being open about these things is the start on the path to real growth.

 

From all of this and even having my ex blame me for what she has done even given the fact it was her decision, her choice rather than work things out. I've learnt alot about real love and about forming special relationships with women and how not to take your partner for granted I guess, maybe thats the wrong word, not so much for granted but having to much faith in there being there.

 

Im on the start of a long road to recovery and have been taught some of the hardest lessons of my life, as much as it hurts im almost grateful for the lesson i've been taught. I know that the next relationship I have will be the most incredible experience because of this, I might even one day give my ex a hug and say thankyou.

 

Thank you all for listening, it can be hard dealing with this on your own and i'm sorry to ramble, just needed an outlet. Takecare

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ARCHANGEL,,,After a break up we always feel lonely.Yes it does make us better.The fact that you say you took her for granted,thats mutual in a couple after so many years.She had the chance to talk about it but didnt ! Go to a pub,relax and enjoy the women around you ! Even if its start by a friendship,you wont be alone ! The first day you will hold and kiss your new g/f,your ex will loose her space in your hearth ! If you think you are not ready,do it anyway but slowly.It will do wonders on you ! Fastest way to get out of the rut.Use this new g/f when you go pick up your child..your ex will be stunned !

Just dont stay home alone,aint good for you.Get the hell out and enjoy your time with others.Dont have any hope for her to come back..in your mind she wont come back.

Hope delays the healing..it becomes negative.Get dress right now and go out all night !

Look at the new chicks and go talk to them and laugh.A new you will immerge.For now its about you and your child.For your ex,just say " WHO CARES " !

So go out and enjoy,i mean now !!!!!! Keep posted for support,we are here for you.

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It must be so difficult when children are involved. My heart goes out to you on this one. Mine decided to bail with the wedding 6 months away. Our whole future planned out and already 5 yrs together. I never saw it coming until about a couple of months before it really ended.

 

Maybe he's more controlling and macho othan you? Women like a change but in the end they realise that everyone has faults. I think she'll regret it one day. I don't think you were bad to her it's just that people eventually get in a rut if they're not putting in as much as effort as they should and naturally their eyes start to wander.

 

They're in a whirlwind at the moment, not really evaluating what is going on so to speak. All these big plans coupled with the intensity of the honeymoon period is slightly immature but again, another valuable lesson for people of this type of character.

 

It's goodf to nkow that you feel you're better off without her. Getting back together for the kids is not a wise choice. You now have the added luxury of not knowing what your future holds but if you keep on pushing you'll meet someone when the time is right.

 

For me, all the new things in my life are like a blessing and I just feel great being single and free again. I can make choices purely for my own self and friends and family. Just back to loving life with a fresh pair of eyes looking out at the world with hope.

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