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Reverse psychology and the "Rebound" relationship


love4life
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No, I think the more they see you, esp. if you're making them upset every time, the worse it is. They won't forget you. Missing you may not be enough to get them back, but it's definitely not out of sight, out of mind. Also, if you're in contact, you're not keeping the memories alive; you're giving them new information. In your absence, the memories will be there, with a huge halo over them. New information will be new information. Most likely, it'll be them seeing you in a non-relationship light. That can't be good. And if you have negative interactions, it'll drive them away.

 

I guess you're right

In my situation my ex told me while she was wiht her new guy that she wanted me back but she feels like we were too serious (both of us are 19) so ive left her alone, blocked on fb and all of that and hopefully she'll come back around, the thing is im not sure if i still want her

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I guess you're right

In my situation my ex told me while she was wiht her new guy that she wanted me back but she feels like we were too serious (both of us are 19) so ive left her alone, blocked on fb and all of that and hopefully she'll come back around, the thing is im not sure if i still want her

 

i wasnt sure if i still wanted my ex. but i do. and i cant be his friend becuase i love him so much. is that so wrong? to much love and laughter and happyness and sex lol to much to just be to mates. i want him but i want all of him. 2 months on and im still completely in love with him. ive sorted my life out and even tho i could go to a whole new ciy with a great job im not. becuase i know no1 will be him. lol i cant go into a new realtionship becuase they wont be him. lol so i wonnt be in a rebound relationship. think do u see urself with her in 5 years? so u see urself with her in a house? i see myself with him. i see my future with him. for now i am staying in this town for a year and if he doesnt come back on his own within that time im leaving for another city. chaned my hair colour today lol to make a change so word will get back that i've made changes but im getting it coloured back tomorrow!! lol not happy with it lol x

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  • 2 weeks later...

I agree with coolchick64.Smart thinking !

My ex replaced me 3 day's before i got dumped ! Whe are in our late 40's.

Also told me not trying to contact her.Like most here i begged her by phone and in writing,no effects ! wrote a 2nd letter to tell her that i agree with the breack up and it was probably the best for us at this time. I'm now a toxic waste to her ! Reason ? Commitment ! Her new a$$ hole is totaly different than me.

I'm a banker while he's a plummer..she's also a banker.

She was clingy and jealous but that was ok by me,she did love me a lot.

I still love her,i miss her terribly ! 9 week's in NC,it's tough cookie to stick with but i have no choice ! NC work's for me to get away from it all.Still hurt's but i get better day by day.I will move on and give her 6 month's after which it will be to late for her afterward's,if not sooner !

My instinct tell's me she will never communicate with me,she will try to make that rebound work one way or the other.I told her at the beginning that when she's with him she think's of me..and she agreed !!!

women,can't live with them,can't live whitout them !

___________________________________________

Opinion's are welcomed,and thank you Zorba and love4life ,ur the brain's here !

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  • 3 weeks later...

I would like advice from a different angle.

 

I'm dating a guy who 6 months ago split from a 7.5 year relationship. His decision though obviously was hurt a lot. He shows me he likes me a lot, is very respectful and I have no complaints at all.

 

His ex has tried to get him back even though she is seeing someone. They have a house which they have to see what to do.

 

I don't want to lose him but worried I might end up a rebound and in competition with the ex, especially now that they have to start discussing what to do with the house.

 

What is the best advice to keep cool and keep him???

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I'm in a similar situation but the reverse---I'm the LT ex. We're reconciling after he was with a rebound for several months. Now I worry about her! My advice is this. Make your relationship with him as happy and strong and fun as you possibly can. Don't think about the ex or talk about her with him. If you hear they're in contact about the house, don't worry or make a big deal out of it. Just let it go. If he's happy with you, it won't matter what she does. If you've put as much into your relationship as you can and he still leaves, what more could you have done? The worst thing to do is get clingy and flame out about it, so just be confident and keep rolling.

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Hi, Ive read every page and found all the info here a great help.

 

I have one question and thats what happens when a 3yr old child is involved and you have to have contact with your ex? How do the rules of NC and LC work?

 

Sorry ! you just can't ! You will have to suck it up ! Children first,LC or NC does not apply here ! Just dont communicate more then you have to.

It's going to be a tough one.Good luck.

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To my honest opinion,once you have been dumped,the chances for the ex to come back are very slim ! Rebound or not ! If the rebound doesnt work,he/she might just decide to go to another one ! Getting the ex back,i consider the chances of about 10% max. So once its gone,just do NC for yourself and heal much faster.Better spending time to get a new g/f----b/f !

I have read all of this thread,not much success i might add !

For me its almost 3 month's and i feel much better now.But i dont have any hope for my ex to communicate with me.Rebounds can last a week or 2 year's or even more.But hey,you never know

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Hi, myself and my ex are on good terms and our daughter will always come first. My self and my ex had been togetherfor 12yrs and pretty happy until a guy she worked with started coming onto her and well as im sure you guess the grass seems greener.

 

Me and my ex talk but as soon as the topic goes onto me moving on she gets funny almost jealous. I believe she still has feelings for me but seems afraid to want to give it a go. if this new guy says jump, she jumps. Do you think lc could bring her around or just cut all ties for any future hope?

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Hi, myself and my ex are on good terms and our daughter will always come first. My self and my ex had been togetherfor 12yrs and pretty happy until a guy she worked with started coming onto her and well as im sure you guess the grass seems greener.

 

Me and my ex talk but as soon as the topic goes onto me moving on she gets funny almost jealous. I believe she still has feelings for me but seems afraid to want to give it a go. if this new guy says jump, she jumps. Do you think lc could bring her around or just cut all ties for any future hope?

 

Yes LC will work. You know, keep everything to a minimum and be upbeat. It would be much more advantageous for you to get on with going out and doing things. Not only will this do you good but it will get your ex thinking what she is missing out on...

 

Above all, dont let yourself slide into being an emotional rock for her while the rebound relationship is still running as she will just use you until she is healed and the rebound guy can then do your old job. it's a win win for her so keep it light and be elusive!

 

Good luck.

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Hi, I'l take your advice, thankyou.

 

I'l keep LC accept where my daughter is concerned but its hard not to want to be there for her after 12yrs.

 

The guy shes seeing is 16yrs older than she is, shes 28 and he's 44, shes said they have nothing in common and that they argue alot.

He left his wife and children for my ex and uses guilt and her emotions to control her.

Hes gots kids and grand kids which my ex wants nothing to do with.

I guess it's just lust but my ex has said shes dug herself to deep and feels she cant get out of it, the question is would she come back if she felt she could, i doubt it.

 

Our relationship wasnt bad by any means and we've both said that we could never have what we had with anyone else so im just finding it hard to deal with, as is my little girl and shes only 3.

 

I appreciate your help and any further advice would be great.

Thankyou

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Well it sounds as if they're on a slippery slope. Just leave them to it. Sure the attraction will be there for x amount of time but that is not enough to keep it going in the long run.

 

As you know, it's very important that you are there for your little girl but the contact with your ex must only relate to her and nothing more. Otherwise she will use you and then stick with the rebound. Please remember that above all. As much as your ex pleads and complains about him, it is him she is sleeping with!

 

Wish her all the very best for the future, spoil your little girl, and go about your day.

 

one other thing...with your new found freedom use this period of time to focus on what better things you can add to the relationship when you reconcile.

 

staying positive is the key.

Edited by DaveTrump
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Thankyou for your help, I will take your advice and leave it alone and focus on me and my little girl.

 

My ex said tonight that its hard for her to see me, its funny because she chose to go off with someone else so why should it make it hard for her to see me.

 

I just struggle with the logic of her whole thinking.

 

Anyway Thankyou again

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Thankyou for your help, I will take your advice and leave it alone and focus on me and my little girl.

 

My ex said tonight that its hard for her to see me, its funny because she chose to go off with someone else so why should it make it hard for her to see me.

 

I just struggle with the logic of her whole thinking.

 

Anyway Thankyou again

 

Next time she says something like that just laugh it off. She is only testing to see if she means anything to you. remember to play your poker face

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Hi everyone,

 

ok so I have been with my recently named ex for 3.5 years and we live together. We have a 19 month old baby and have been madly in love up until recently. We have been having $$ issues...especially him and things I guess got worst. Almost 12 days ago he breaks up with me saying I'm too good for him he doesnt feel aduqueat as a man, etc etc/ I immediately thought it was about a new girl when he first broke up with me and it turns out that there is. they supposedly knew eachother for two weeks and have been riding home together on the bus...they had been contacting each other through facebook and text.

 

I asked him how this happened and why and he basically he fell out of love with me because he felt I didn't understand him, listen to him, and he felt more like a son to me than a lover. As a result we stopped kissing, holding hands, and even sex- they all became rare and thats never been us. Still, All theses things I felt we could fix. he wont hear of it. He's been out with this new girl, has talked to her on the phone for hours, and has even visited at her home where God know what has gone on.

 

I want to know how I should handle this...the first week was awful- we both cried so much- I begged, I pleaded, I tried to convince him I would change

 

Anyways, after he told me the full truth about this girl I knew for sure that he genuinely wasn't feeling the relationship and his actions have proven this fact. He no longer felt any romantic love for me- his sexual longing is being taken care of by a new girl- and it all makes sense now-

 

Basically I want him back ok. This morning I let everything sink in and I told him that I agreed with the breakup and that we needed to bury our old relationship- take what we learned and start over as build a strong friendship which would hopefully blossom into more one day. I decided against NC and LC because I have to take some fault in our break-up, we have a son, and we live together- it just seems rt to be mature about this. Plus my strategy is to remove all the stresses he associated me with- and remind him of the girl he fell for years back. I still cook for him, we work together and we go together for coffee breaks, and lunch- we pretty much are like we were before aside from mouth kisses, sex, hand-holding. I also make it a point not to be pushy or force him into a relationship just because its what I feel is best for us.

 

Im sorry im taking so long to get to the question--I just have no idea of how to go about this. I know I need to prove to him that I understand him and why we broke up. I also know that aside from the love he has for me that he needs to "like" me again- so I try to make our contact carefree, fun, and familiar...in hopes that the more face time i get with him- the more he will learn to like me again- and maybe come back. I am also planning new things for us to do as well as implementing some new things and attitudes for myself--

 

Am I on the right track? How do I insure that I am giving him the space he needs when we have to live together for another month or two. What is the best approach?? I was hoping I could get him back by the time we move in Feb. I am just nervous that he will get comfortable with me as a friend and build something with the rebound.

 

I WANT HIM BACK!!!! I KNOW that we are meant to be and that I have checked my faults--how can I make him seeee? How can I put myself int he position have him fall in love all over again and come back to his family especially if I have a strained time to do it with the move and this rebound chick in the mix?

 

Please help....

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Seems you have somewhat described my situation. I first met him when I was 14, had his 1st child at 17 and had his last child at 22. We have a big history but I finally realized that kisses weren't promises and I ended it with him in 05. I hardly would ever speak to him in the following 2 and half years. Our conversations were alawys about how I could have done something better than what I did and to me that was critizism when he was nowhere to help me with our children so I really severed ties in 07 and wouldn't even speak to him.

 

I started investing in myself and doing things that made me happy, things I wanted to do becasue when I was with him, it was always about what he wanted. I started to have better self-esteem and I had entered into a new career field becoming a businness owner part-time in Financial Services. My perspective changed and it seemed like when we talked every now and then he had changed too. We didn't argue anymore over my parenting and him not being here. Our conversations become more joyful, light and understanding.

 

It seemed like we had both changed. His is very far away and we have been back together since Nov of 2008. We have a long way to go to repairing our relationship and we've already come into some difficulties but we are listening to each other more, being honest to each other and addressing our concerns as parents and maybe as future wife and husband.

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Aww thank you! you gave me hope. i still struggle with what it best for us to have a chnce at a relationship-- should we be close friends- go out- have fun- parent--or should I cut all ties and we just parent-- I just feel that our relationship didnt end on bad terms so why cut him off but at the same time i dont want him to get complacent and that can so happen if I let him have my love and time in the ways I want him to...

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Aww thank you! you gave me hope. i still struggle with what it best for us to have a chnce at a relationship-- should we be close friends- go out- have fun- parent--or should I cut all ties and we just parent-- I just feel that our relationship didnt end on bad terms so why cut him off but at the same time i dont want him to get complacent and that can so happen if I let him have my love and time in the ways I want him to...

 

With a 19 months old child,he should be trying harder ! He should be thinking with his head instead of his penis.Very irresponsible far as i know.What can you do with men like that ? Not a lot ! Its up to you to know if its worth it to get him back..what will it be in a year or two ? Let the bum go and make the child your priority! Best of luck to you.

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This subject fascinates me a bit, because it plays on the strings of human nature.

 

My ex- ended our 4.5 year relationship in November. I was made to believe it was all my shortcomings. I was told "she was always doing me" and "it hasn't been right since the beginning." Initially I struggled. I slipped up quite a bit in contacting her with text messages. I apologized all over my myself. This only led to the reinforcement of her decision. It was bad enough that she started dating her trainer within weeks of our break up, I mean I had no time to mentally prepare.

 

However about 3 weeks ago I went completely no contact. No texts. No calls. Had removed her from Facebook and Myspace. Changed my gym time to later at night to avoid running into her. Didn't wish her a Merry Xmas or a Happy New Year. I had a wonderful week the week of NYE, in particular on Friday. It was one of the most fun nights I've had out with my friends in a long time and it was actually one of the first nights I was able to look at other women without it feeling so alien.

 

Wouldn't you know it, she texted me the following morning with:

 

" Hope you're doing well and had a good new years eve! I don't want us to hate each other cuz we had a lot of good times and I wish only the best for you."

 

It's now Tuesday and I still haven't responded to that text, don't even know what I should say if I do. I do know that I'd have to be coy and confident if I do. I'm navigating uncharted waters here. I've never had to think twice about any of this crap because in my previous two relationships, when I was done I was done.

 

I just think it's funny. All of the sudden now she doesn't want us to hate each other and she wants the best for me? Sure had me fooled. What does that mean anyway? She let me sit and stew on my own for about 6 weeks as she never initiated contact other than one time to rage at me for some unfounded accusation. I was convinced the relationship was awful for her, with no impact whatsoever. Now all of the sudden she's bringing up the good times.

Edited by TimeToGrowUp
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All of the sudden now she doesn't want us to hate each other and she wants the best for me? Sure had me fooled. What does that mean anyway? She let me sit and stew on my own for about 6 weeks as she never initiated contact other than one time to rage at me for some unfounded accusation. I was convinced the relationship was awful for her, with no impact whatsoever. Now all of the sudden she's brining up the good times.

I'm not generally a hard-ass, but if events really transpired as you describe (and your reality is reality, I guess), then I'd ignore that half-hearted attempt at contact. (And text messages are soooooo lame.)

 

On the other hand, if she contacts you again, then I'd respond in a polite, confident, non-committal way. You did well not to jump immediately when that one message came in.

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I'm not generally a hard-ass, but if events really transpired as you describe (and your reality is reality, I guess), then I'd ignore that half-hearted attempt at contact. (And text messages are soooooo lame.)

 

It really did go down like that. My "I'm sorry, I'll fix it all" routine was not doing me any favors early on. So I had to cut that stuff out. She ignored me at the gym. She never called me. Her lone initiated contact, like I said, was to accuse me of talking bad about her and her trainer and it was in that same conversation that she reiterated she no longer wants to talk about us that she gave me all these "chances" previously, unbeknownst to me.

 

Then once I went MIA, now all of the sudden she opens up that little communication line.

 

On the other hand, if she contacts you again, then I'd respond in a polite, confident, non-committal way. You did well not to jump immediately when that one message came in.

 

I just didn't want to be so accessible. That only other time she contacted me, I immediately called her to discuss. This time around, I was not going to. I'm not sure what the odds are she continues to try and contact me, that is still a wildcard .........so that is also why I'm mulling over issuing a delayed response.

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By the way, the trainer thing is pathetic. I work with a personal trainer too (a guy), and he and I shoot the bull during our workouts. He'll be the first to tell you that, in a legitimate organization, trainers don't put moves on their clients (or on any gym members). It's really bad business -- the gym can't afford to get the reputation that it's a place where buff trainers try to score with the female clientèle.

 

Yeah, I know, it's the real world, and people meet where they meet, but if your ex is screwing her trainer, it speaks poorly about both of them.

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