Wandering eye...

[Fiancee1]

well guys are like that, my ex-boyfriend, who is apparently very loyal to his wife, still running after me. If u ever see him with his wife, you will def say that u would have never seen that respectful guy ever in ur life.

 

We are dealing with human beings, there r no set standards

[JadedStar]

well guys are like that, my ex-boyfriend, who is apparently very loyal to his wife, still running after me. If u ever see him with his wife, you will def say that u would have never seen that respectful guy ever in ur life.

 

We are dealing with human beings, there r no set standards

 

 

If your ex is still running after you, most would not consider him a loyal husband. Maybe he is not cheating with you but "running" after you is not behavior that i would consider a very loyal trait.

 

Thing is some cheaters are respectful around their wives, some are not. but to say the respectful ones are cheaters is insulting to men who practice tact.

 

My ex husband never cheated on me in 17 years, and yes he also showed a lot of respect when we were out in reference to other women. My current hubby and I have not been married as long but he is also respectful and I would not even want to be with a man who got all flustered and hot and bothered because a young hot girl walked by. Sure they look, but getting DISTRACTED by it is an entirely different thing.

 

I would honestly just be single if i thought that a prerequisite to having a man in my life meant i had to deal with him stopping our convo to check out a girl and get distracted. Good grief I would rather not have a man if that went with the territory.

[Fiancee1]

well, he got married to someone else n hided that thing to me for 9 months, and pretended to me that he was stil single. When i got to know after 9 months, i found out that he married 7 months back and wife was 3 months pregnant.

 

then i broke up with him, but he still contacts me off and on to have an extra material relationship! HOW DO GUYS BE SO DISGUSTING!

[Fiancee1]

u cant judge people - if someone is apparently loyal to u doesnt mean that he would never do anything behind ur back or see a women. They have their physical urge to see a women etc

[amtjrtcet]

Hey girl. I have to say, if you have already tried telling him how it bothers you and he's not making any kind of changes, well, this might not be the right relationship for you.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

Sorry Beec, if a man cannot refrain from being visibly distracted then they are indeed in need of some help.

 

 

i was thinking exactly the same thing...its just completely disrespectful...and if he's going to be disrespectful in this area .. who knows where else his disrespect is going to ooze into?

[JadedStar]

u cant judge people - if someone is apparently loyal to u doesnt mean that he would never do anything behind ur back or see a women. They have their physical urge to see a women etc

 

BUt you are judging on the reverse. You are insinutating a man who gawks and leers at women won't do anything more behind your back. I find that a preposterous statement.

 

Not ONCE did I say a man who is respectful in front of his lady would never cheat. You went off on that tangent all your own.

[JadedStar]

well, he got married to someone else n hided that thing to me for 9 months, and pretended to me that he was stil single. When i got to know after 9 months, i found out that he married 7 months back and wife was 3 months pregnant.

 

then i broke up with him, but he still contacts me off and on to have an extra material relationship! HOW DO GUYS BE SO DISGUSTING!

 

Yeah, he sounds like a real loyal husband to his current wife.

 

Just because this pig is like this and respectful in front of her is no reason to judge all other men who are respectful. you are doing the very thing you accused me of. Cheaters come in all kinds. I have known men who are sweet and sober as a judge around wifey and dogs behind her back, but i have also known men who cheated and were dogs in front of her, behind her, to the side of her and so on. You are the one making some huge generalizations.

[Fiancee1]

well JS, dont be so aggressive, i m just talkin in general not directly referring to you.

 

Secondly, we are dealing with human beings, we cant set some standards for them. We are complex indeed.

[Beec]

So, this tendency of his to look at younger women should be in large part a question of how and whether he will act. I don't think that because a man looks at young, old, or whatever, that means he will do anything. He's looking. Men look.

 

I've looked at younger woman, and yes, I try not to be obvious, but I'm just looking. Nothing is going to come of it. I wouldn't try to ever make anything happen, and if one of them came onto me, it still wouldn't happen.

 

Obviously, his looking must make you feel insecure about whether he will act or not. From what I've seen and read, the simple part of it is that men are attractive to women, young, old, red, white, black or blue. There is a difference between and attraction and acting on it.

[Batya33]

well guys are like that, my ex-boyfriend, who is apparently very loyal to his wife, still running after me. If u ever see him with his wife, you will def say that u would have never seen that respectful guy ever in ur life.

 

We are dealing with human beings, there r no set standards

 

There are no set standards there is only the question of whether one person's standards are compatible with the other person's standards. From your post I see that you're judging whether someone is respectful based on external appearances - I believe what is relevant is what happens internally in the relationship. What have you done to get that behavior to stop? He can't run after you much unless you respond.

[JadedStar]

well JS, dont be so aggressive, i m just talkin in general not directly referring to you.

 

Secondly, we are dealing with human beings, we cant set some standards for them. We are complex indeed.

 

I am not being aggressive at all, I am engaging in dialogue on a pretty popular topic.

 

Point is, I made my posts in reference to the several posters here who insinutated that a respectful man will probably cheat, where one who is open with his ogling likely won't.

 

Secondly, you are talking in general terms about all men. I do not think that was a very valid generalization to make.

 

Third, I would definitely set my standards for what i will tolerate in my marriage and I think the OP is trying to figure out what standards she should set with her own tolerance levels.

 

Lastly, my posts are not just directed to you either. They are to anyone reading the thread.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

beec ..normally i agree with you .... but i think if your SO is expressing that your ogling other women ..younger women..bothers them to the point that you fight about it... wouldn't you think that a person who was committed to their partner ...and committed to relationship ..would say "gee ..looking at these women..isn't worth hurting my wife?"

 

i personally think this thought process of "we are men ..we look... we can't help it" ...has about as much validity as "i'm acting crazy because i have pms"..

[Fiancee1]

alright as u say so

[fnlyfrei]

Thats not an issue! probably, the next guy ull find will be the same kind of but not as honest as ur current hubby.

 

Rule is simple, men loves the visualizations but they are good at differentiating at whom to spend the whole life with and whom to spend a few seconds. I went to stripclub with my fiancee just to have fun and later we had good time. I dont mind that at all!

 

I could go to a strip club and be FINE...I would EXPECT him to drool...that is the place for admiring the human form, and of course any female who went there would be foolish to become jealous...or just do not walk through the door !

 

For my son's 16th birthday we took him to Hooters for dinner. I was fine, the girls there are gorgeous, young...and I expected blatant admiration...I also thought the restauraunt FULL of men who all sat around tables together eating so-so food and watching the waitresses who are probably working their way through college or paying off a nice car with the tips...the whole thing is entertaining from that perspective...

 

But a man who tells you you are gorgeous, loves you, and you are his world, not hours later forgets your name and you could be a tree-stump for all he cares because a female walks by....sheesh!

 

A few years ago I was a size four and very toned,after I worked out I would go to the local bulk foods market in my gym clothes to pick up a few things on the way home....and men walking with their wives would turn their heads..I thought they were jerks. I have been on both sides so to speak, and I imagine that some of the women the oglers look at while they are next to their SO...think that the men are old, creepy letches. Some might enjoy all and any attention.

 

I am just sad that I married someone who is so in your face about his desires..or fantasies. I don't want to be the old-hag wife while her husband has a very young mistress. I would undoubtedly rather be alone.

[miracle29]

well guys are like that, my ex-boyfriend, who is apparently very loyal to his wife, still running after me. If u ever see him with his wife, you will def say that u would have never seen that respectful guy ever in ur life.

 

We are dealing with human beings, there r no set standards

 

 

Exactly. its the ones who hide it, who usually aren't being respectful about it at all, they are just acting like they are. I would rather a man be honest with me, but respectful, meaning "no pointing or drooling or whipping head around" then to tell me what I want to hear just so I don't b**ch him out. Then I'll just find out later, that as soon as he's not in my site, he's doing way more.

 

A woman who tries to be some control freak and says "YOU BETTER DO THIS OR YOU BETTER NOT DO THAT" will be very hurt when she finds..that she indeed does NOT control a thing. A man will do what he wants to , and you don't tell them what to do, because they'll just find a way around it. Hence the jokes about a woman being the "ol ball and chain" or "My new Mother".

 

 

I don't worry about my husband cheating because he is very honest with me. I leave it open like this and I don't jump down his back everytime he makes a mistake. He does not hide the fact that he's human just so I wont piss and moan about his noticing movement or other humans. He's even pointed a few women out and said "look Halle Berry's twin" we laugh it off and move on. I think trying to tell any human what to do, and then adding a threat behind it is just wrong. It also invites revengeful behavior. If he loves you..you dont have to threaten.

 

***now back to the OP....Now the poster is not saying its the looking so much that bothers her as much as the age he's choosing to peek at. I can understand her concerns from that standpoint. With all this talk about these sexual preds...I can't blame her for her suspicions or her concern. Also sounds like he has been doing this for a while. **

[Fiancee1]

well, thats pretty sad! im sorry to say, ure married to a jerk! its better u set some standards of ur own like what u can or can not bear in ur marriage, and then decide! its better to be single then to live in this torture.

[fnlyfrei]

i personally think this thought process of "we are men ..we look... we can't help it" ...has about as much validity as "i'm acting crazy because i have pms"..

 

Sure, we will give you the "Men can't help staring, they are visual and have urges" if you give us "I have PMS and I really cannot control behaving like a total hag for some length of time every month"....

 

 

Sounds like a fairly even trade.

[Beec]

has about as much validity as "i'm acting crazy because i have pms"..

 

You know, I've heard of women blaming themselves having PMS a lot as an excuse. But, I don't really think it is a valid excuse, imo. But I know plenty of emn that endure it month in and month out, and I know women who think it's ok to be nasty during that time.

 

To some extent I agree that, yes, him ogling a girls backside as she walks for a minute is a bit much. Yes, he should be able to stop some time before she reaches ten yards.

 

However, I also think the behavior modification in adults is tough to make happen. You are talking about a man in his 40s who is doing soemthing he has done all his life. Changing his idea and actions is not goignt o be easy, and simpyl saying it is a matter of respect is not goignt o amke it happen either. He probably views this as a matter of her trying to control him. I don't know about you, but I think that this is more analogous to a person saying that their partner cannot have friends of the opposite sex, that you cannot meet and have a lunch with an old friends, because they are of the opposite sex, and that might lead to cheating. If a woman told me that, i'd refuse to adapt. I look, but I also don't get caught much, I think, because I try to be subtle. However, I have been trying to be that way for many years. And I still think it is obvious at times.

 

But I also don't think ogling is a divorcing offense. I don't think having a friend of the opposite sex or oggling leads to cheating. If someone is Cheating, get rid of them. Taking steps toward actually trying to cheat, done. But a look, no, I don't think that amounts to enough.

[miracle29]

You know what..I'd like to know....and again the OP is concerned with a more severe issue then just looking or googling.

 

My question to the ladies is...

 

Is it ok for a man to stare at you when you're with your man? Is this as big of an offense as you feel it is for your man to look at others? If men are looking at you because you're hot, then you can expect your man will also find someone else hot. He doesnt have to point, or whip his head around twice, but he'll look...guaranteed. Don't let anyone fool you.

 

Think of it like that..."when you go out looking nice...men look at you"...why should your man have to be any different?

[fnlyfrei]

Okay, what if:

 

A man has an very small penis. Very small. His wife has told him time and time again that he is enough for her, she is satisfied and loves him. He starts to feel okay and is fairly convinced...

 

Then one day he finds her at the computer looking at websites with gigantic members..that feature them. How is he supposed to feel then? Is he supposed to be so secure that he just shrugs? Or maybe, just perhaps...her convincing words do not seem to ring so true anymore.

 

I don't feel I am young enough for his OBVIOUS tastes..and guess what, so far the fountain of youth hasn't been found...and I would have to take three jobs to afford all of the cosmetic alterations it takes to fend off gravity...although I am not bad off yet...but I am sure it will happen ! If he looked at women MY age it wouldn't feel so horrible. The women he looks at look like bratz dolls...and probably own a few.

[jul-els]

Sure, we will give you the "Men can't help staring, they are visual and have urges" if you give us "I have PMS and I really cannot control behaving like a total hag for some length of time every month"....

 

 

Sounds like a fairly even trade.

 

All straight men notice women visually. We can't help it. It's something we're born with.

 

All women have a menstral cycle that can cause them to become irratible and moody. They can't help it. It's something they're born with.

 

The difference is whether or not you have enough respect for your SO not to let them notice it.

 

It seems as though your husband does not have enough respect to realize that this kind of behavior will hurt your feelings and thereforeeee he isn't trying to keep it covered up.

 

You should explain to him that you expect and deserve this kind of respect and that if he can't give it to you then there is a problem.

[amtjrtcet]

The women he looks at look like bratz dolls...and probably own a few.

 

ha! Sorry, thats funny

[miracle29]

Its really sad when women let a man rob them of their security and beauty. Him googling at these young girls is hurting you in a way that I think you may need to get out now before you develope this disdain towards other women due to his own issues. But do know that all men look at other women. But NOT ALL MEN prefer prepubecents. Take comfort in knowing that some men actually like WOMEN who look like WOMEN..not pre-teen! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

im not really even thinking about the cheating aspect...what bothers me is the obvious lack of respect. they've been married a month ..i just think he should be a tad bit more respectful... marriage is a compromise.. if he can't compromise and not look at other woman ..(or young girls) ... then ..i dont know .. how much will he compromise in other areas?

 

i dont know if this is divorce worthy ..but its definitely understandable that Fnlyfrei would be upset over it.