fnlyfrei Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 I was wanting others opinians on this subject...here is the article link... link removed My *new* husband and I have argued over this issue. I guess what bothers me most is that he looks at women who are waaaaay younger than I am...like late teens, early 20's...and doesn't hide his interest...seems he cannot help himself. I feel he now "has" me, but is still drooling over what he really might want...and is very obvious about it. Yes, if it continues, I am considering breaking it off for good. He does it in front of me, and I hardly will go out into public with him anymore to avoid a fight. Call me crazy, but this is a red flag to me...someone who is so obviously attracted to other women and is looking so vigorously... I think will eventually cheat on me. Anyone have any of these "flags" and then found out their gut instincts were true? Or is someone married to a cheeky rogue who just likes to look and would never act on it? I am nearly ready to ask him for a divorce...it is unacceptable to me. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 so you have presented this to him and told him that it bothers you? i didn't read in your post that you spoke up. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted September 6, 2007 Author Share Posted September 6, 2007 We fought about it...I guess that means it has been presented to him. More than once. Tyvm. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 You're gonna dump him eventually, so might as well save your time to look for someone else. Life is too short. This relationship has been dead for some time now. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 We fought about it...I guess that means it has been presented to him. More than once. Tyvm. no need for the sarcasm. i was just asking as this information was not presented in your OP. sorry geez. but anyways, this is just going to go downhill. he obviously has no respect for you and your feelings. better to get out quick and find a better life. you only get one. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted September 6, 2007 Author Share Posted September 6, 2007 You're gonna dump him eventually, so might as well save your time to look for someone else. Life is too short. This relationship has been dead for some time now. Wow. So there is no resoloution to this issue from your perspective? Do tell. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted September 6, 2007 Author Share Posted September 6, 2007 no need for the sarcasm. i was just asking as this information was not presented in your OP. sorry geez. but anyways, this is just going to go downhill. he obviously has no respect for you and your feelings. better to get out quick and find a better life. you only get one. Sarcasm? Just pointing out the obvious. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Wow. So there is no resoloution to this issue from your perspective? Do tell. you talked with him about it and he is still doing it. either look for a counselor and try that or get out. really no option when someone you are with doesn't care much for how you feel. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 What can be done? He's not going to stop doing it. You're never going to be OK with it. I said this back in February, you're going to dump him and there's no stopping it. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 The article is a bunch of BS by the way. Advice from someone who has no idea about relationships in the real world. Just someone who learned from the movies. I check out other girls all the time. I would never cheat on my gf, I will never leave her. She knows this now and that's why she's OK with it. I can't speak for your man's motives because I don't know him though. Link to comment
dystopiandream Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 He obviously doesn't respect you, he's very aware that it upsets you and he continues to do it. A relationship lacking respect will never make you happy. Link to comment
Beec Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 A wandering eye means nothign with regard to cheating. I don't see that it should. He picked you and picked you to marry an intertwine his life with. That does not mean he is never going to look at another woman and enjoy the view. I don't really know any man who does or would. I think one can stop oneself from ogling and starign, but from looking for a moment or so and seeing the outline of a breast or seeing the movement of a woman's cheeks as she walks in front of you. He is not goignnto stop looking entirely ever, and neither is any straight man I know. So, if that is the standard to which you are requiring him to be before you walk out, then give up on all men. Just give up, and buy a battery operated boyfriend, because that is the only thing that won't look. But looking need not equate to cheating. Why would it, why should it? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Men with wandering eyes do not necessarily cheat. This is more an issue of disrespect than potential to cheat IMO. I will wager that all men look to SOME degree, some more than others...it is his not stopping this activity when you are around that spells disrespect, even when you asked that he stop. Is that enough to warrant divorce? Only you can answer that. I do think he shoudl make an effort to stop WHEN AROUND YOU since you told him you don't like it. I don't think the watching is abnormal or indicitative of a potentially unfaithful man, i just think he is too dense or disrespectful to stop doing it in front of you. Not sure why he can't refrain during those times. Link to comment
dystopiandream Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 I agree whole heartedly. My boyfriend looks at other women too, he doesn't do it in front of me, not because it bothers me but out of respect. In saying that, I look at other men all the time it doesn't mean that I'll cheat on him. I think the real issue is the fact that he is aware that it upsets her and he continues to do it (in front of her), to me that indicates a lack of respect. Link to comment
lunatic Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Looking is one thing but, staring/drooling/oogling is not. I know I would never stop looking at women as I am a man who is a pig. hence why I am single still but, I would never do it to a point that it became creepy. I think if your gut instinct is telling you something is wrong in my experience 9/10 times it is right. Before you go any further with this I would recommend marriage counselling. Don't let this get so far that the relationship is not repairable anymore. Link to comment
dystopiandream Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Looking is one thing but, staring/drooling/oogling is not. I know I would never stop looking at women as I am a man who is a pig. hence why I am single still but, I would never do it to a point that it became creepy. That bit cracks me up Link to comment
Dako Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Women are sometimes hard to ignore, and looking is quite different from wanting. This guy admires women and chose you for a reason. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 I agree with Jadedstar and wanted to add, first, that I am sorry he is behaving so disrespectfully and second might this be a good issue to explore with a marital counselor, whether a therapist or a religious figure? Good luck. Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted September 6, 2007 Author Share Posted September 6, 2007 Battery operated boyfriend? That comment skates near insulting. I don't expect that he will NEVER look...or notice...but in front of me??? He is visably distracted...it DOES bother me ! I have asked him to not behave this way when I am with him....I guess the men here are stating that it is too much to ask... And nah...no battery operated boyfriend...I just will never be in another commited relationship again if this doesn't work out. I will keep it v e r y casual. Link to comment
Beec Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Battery operated boyfriend? That comment skates near insulting. I don't expect that he will NEVER look...or notice...but in front of me??? He is visably distracted...it DOES bother me ! I have asked him to not behave this way when I am with him....I guess the men here are stating that it is too much to ask... And nah...no battery operated boyfriend...I just will never be in another commited relationship again if this doesn't work out. I will keep it v e r y casual. My point with regard to a "bob" was that what you are expecting of him is virually impossible. So if you expect him to never look in your presense, then you should give up on having any relationship with a man. If he looks and admires, or is visibly distracted, once again, something men do, will do and won't stop doing. If her stares at her for minutes, then yes, he is going a bit overboard. But asking him to fight something he has done for ages, and which is part of his nature, you might as well ask him to stop breathing. Link to comment
99gagt Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 This past weekend I was on vacation with my girlfriend, we went to the beach, and she said "how about this spot here, it has a great view" she was talking about the girl in front of me with an A+ body and fake boobs... when the girl got up to leave my GF even said, "you should go ask your friend if she wants your number." I will only date girls that are confident in that type of situation, because I look at the menu, but never do I order. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 It's different when the woman initiates that kind of conversation. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 It's different when the woman initiates that kind of conversation. That's some sexism right there. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Sorry Beec, if a man cannot refrain from being visibly distracted then they are indeed in need of some help. I know that men look, and neither my current husband nor even my ex would look to the point of distraction or even to the point i noticed. They know how to be subtle apparently and that proves it CAN be achieved. In the beginning of only dating my now husband occasionally he would glance very quickly and after i said that bothered me, he refrained from doing it when i was around. I told him I knew men looked and i dind't have a prob with that but I had a problem when it occurred with me and to the point I noticed it. If he still does it, and i am sure if a really hot girl walks by he does, but he does not do it to the point i can tell it happened. I look at guys on occasion too, but i would never be so rude as to check out a guy with my husband right there with me. What kind of pig would that make me? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 That's some sexism right there. No, I meant that if the woman asks the man what he thinks of a pretty girl that is different than the man initiating the conversation. Likewise, if the man asks his gf what she thinks of a hot guy, that is different than the gf initiating it. Link to comment
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