Wandering eye...

[annie24]

Example:

 

We are in a shopping mall parking lot...a young blonde woman gets out of the passenger side of her boyfriends jeep. She has blonde, shoulder length straightend hair, hip hugger jeans, a wide pink belt...yeah, bratz doll cute. My husband watches them walk away. Unblinking. To the point we are standing there waiting for him to finish watching so we can go into a store. He comments that we should maybe tell them their lights are on so they can come back. (Their lights weren't on.) I guess I didn't get the joke. He watched her until they disappeared into the store. Yeah, I get furious. I am not exagerrating....he ADMITS he has a staring problem. I don't mind NOTICING someone...drooling is another matter.

 

oh yuck, that is disrespectful. it's one thing to look, another to act like a deer in the headlights. Have you ever said something along the lines of "Honey - we all notice attractive people, that's ok. I would just appreciate it if you didn't blatantly stare at another woman while we are out together."

 

Maybe you should start making some plans by yourself. Have a regular "ladies' night" with your friends, or take a weekly gym class, without him. maybe not having you around every second will make him appreciate you more. even if he does insist on always being together, it is silly.

 

Slightly off topic, like I said before, i am not a jealous person. but your story just reminded me of a 2nd date I was on a few years ago. i met the guy in an elevator and he asked me out by the time i got to my floor. We had a nice first date. On our second date, he suggested watching a DVD so we went to blockbuster. there, he started flirting with the desk counter clerk, totally ignoring me, even when I walked off and started browsing the horror section. Like I said, I'm not normally jealous, but I was pretty blown away that he just ignored me like that on a 2nd date, and if he was trying to make me jealous and turn me on, it didn't work. it just ticked me off and i cut the date early (not at that instant though), and never returned his calls again even though he apologized.

[Cimmie]

All men look, but some men are just totally clueless about hiding it. The fact that he is clueless about hiding it is more worrying than him looking in the first place. He is not considerate or self-aware or respectful enough to hide it. It's actually quite weird, and rather sleazy.

 

The first thing I would do is to blatantly ogle young men in front of him, and see if he enjoys that.

 

Given some of the stuff you've pmd me with, and written on other posts on here, frankly this would worry me.

[Batya33]

I have never ever seen a man of reasonable intelligence and who learned some basic manners who is not a total hermit be "clueless" about ogling and staring. It's a choice and if they are with their serious girlfriend or spouse then it is a choice to be disrespectful unless with rare exceptions the SO points out the woman and encourages the staring/stares herself.

[Derewyn]

My *new* husband and I have argued over this issue. I guess what bothers me most is that he looks at women unacceptable to me.

 

Here's something to try.

 

I had this exact same problem with my partner. We had an argument about it and my parting words were, OK, two can paly that game!

 

When I caught him 'oggling' other women I would do the same if I saw a fit guy, but would be over the top about it.

 

He HATED that! And now as a result doesn't do it, when I'm with him anyway LOL!

[Adrian28]

THought I answered it, must have been interrupted whilst posting...no, before we were married, he wasn't so blatant. We had a two instances where a little red flag went up....but I thought I was being a jerk....and yeah, I did talk to him about them. Since we have been married and spend every moment together now, I guess I just saw more of that side of him. We did not live together until after the wedding...a month after ! And yes, insecurity plays a part. If I felt terrific about myself, I wouldn't get so upset when he paid attention to other women. I am going to work on that.

 

I have been following some of your posts about this issue. And to be honest, I think that your husband is the cause of a lot of the insecurity about yourself. At the very least, he is making it worse. So, don't blame yourself for it. If he is so blatantly ogling other women right in front of your eyes, of course it is going to make you feel like crap! If my girlfriend started staring at every muscle bound hunk that walked by, you can bet I am going to start getting a complex about myself. There is nothing wrong with appreciating other men/women when you are in a relationship, but what he is doing is UNACCEPTABLE.

 

I am sorry, but I think your husband sounds like a jerk. You need to be with a man that APPRECIATES you. I have seen your pictures and you are nothing short of stunning. Find a man that sees your beauty and don't put up with this crap.

[Derewyn]

. Find a man that sees your beauty and don't put up with this crap.

 

I agree with this, but, there are men who will still behave in such a way regardless of their own girlfriends beauty.

 

Men who only ever see and treat women as pieces of meat, put on this earth for their pleasure alone will still behave in such a disrespectful way.

[annie24]

here's an article on how to deal with the husband's wandering eye....

 

link removed

[ProtestTheHero]

I think people are TOO easy on us guys. "We all do it." eh...

 

For one thing, I would never check out another girl when I'm with my gf. She's the only girl in the room when I'm with her as far as I'm concerned. Physical beauty is physical beauty. I can appreciate it for what it is, but I never hyperventilate or start creating fantasies in my head or doing double takes when a pretty girl passes my way.

 

It just doesn't matter. I love my gf and I'd much rather look at her. Plus, doing it in front of her would be disrespectful IMO, even briefly. I don't want her to ever doubt whether or not I find her more attractive than anyone else, and she does the same for me. We didn't even sit and talk about it, it's just something we do.

 

If I was so intrigued by a pretty girl that I had to constantly check her out, I'd question my own self control. There are a lot of pretty people, but only one that I love -- and I act accordingly.

 

Yeah, I'm in the minority. Yeah, to other people this might seem stupid. Just how I am.

[BellaDonna]

Yeah, I'm in the minority. Yeah, to other people this might seem stupid. Just how I am.

 

I don't think it is stupid at all. Very well said, especially:

 

If I was so intrigued by a pretty girl that I had to constantly check her out, I'd question my own self control. There are a lot of pretty people, but only one that I love -- and I act accordingly.

 

That just about sums it up. It's about respect and self-control.

[chieko]

I wish my husband was so thoughtful... He denies he ever stares, but it's so obvious! Instead he'll say I'm "misinterpreting" what he's doing, that he's just a people watcher, and say "so what if I'm staring, who cares?" Well...I DO... As another poster mentioned, the insecurities were not there to begin with--they manifest over time after each incident!

 

To the OP: I am also somewhat of a newlywed (one year) and my husband also displayed his problem during our dating period, but I really thought I would be able to overcome it. One year later, as each incident caused me to emotionally withdraw from him, I am also contemplating whether or not I will be able to spend the rest of my life with someone who holds such little respect for me over something he claims means nothing to him, yet he cannot seem to control...

[JadedStar]

Bravo Tyler, Bravo!

 

Proof that maturity and age are not necessarily congruent.

 

You sound extremely mature for your age and your g/f is lucky to have you!