Chris4430

HI Cid! Sure you can ask her to go steady if you would like and feel that is where things are going! In fact why not look at the positives with her as well? I mean you say you are shy and well, this is a big ego boost for you to be with her. It sounds like she pretty much wants to be serious too otherwise she would not have asked about the kissing. Of course you can never anticipate how serious or far a woman will want to go, I mean what if she said, no let's just be friends? Although I think she wants to be more than that. When it comes to kissing, here is what I do…. I ask, I don't just lay a kiss on a woman. Nor do I rush that. It doesn't have to be weeks or months either before you do that. Instead, after some dates, being close, holding hands, and so on, you get close, and say,,, would you like to kiss?? Then once you have done that you are the man!! Because really you are initiating that! So, she will probably say yeah sure… Then kiss. With a woman you have to watch for her cues to the next step, you have to be somewhat bold to ask about the next step as well. Asking is both respectful, and gives her a choice, and it is often fruitful as well. If you are cuddling and she is touching you a lot, you may ask, can I put my hand here or here?? If she says yeah, you are getting there! Of course as you get more involved you will understand eachother's cues more and more, and sometimes the communication is understood. However it is always good to be bold and ask as well later on as well… You may say later on to her, do you want to make love? And she may say no today I cannot because it is my period or something. Don't ever assume that women don't want to be intimate or close, a lot of times they do, but don't assume that these things are just for the taking either, they are not. Look at each relationship, each lady you get to know and meet as a feather in your cap. You may meet some woman initially as just a friend, she may even be dating another guy, but you can have a respectful friendship with such a woman. And most importantly, it boosts your ego with each one you got to know. Say, Hi I am Cid, how are things going today, and what are you studying, what's your major, funny weather we are having today… and so on. Small talk can go a hell of a long way. The girl I am dating now, I met her in the lunch line at college. Oh, some of the food here is good, blah blah blah… She walked by me when I sat down at the table later, I pushed out a chair, and said would you like a seat? And wow what a hot relationship I ended up having with her!! Shyness only says, I don't believe in myself yet, someday you will believe in yourself and shyness will yield to confidence. Only if you make that effort though. Remember DO, don't try. I took some time to write to you Cid because I feel that you can overcome your shyness in time. Of course we will all have some shyness we live with. The knowledge of knowing that you can meet women, can kiss them, can get past second base, will break down the shyness into something someday you will call confidence. Cid, try this, visualize in your mind the postive outcomes you would like to see with this lady or that, and go through the steps in your mind to achieve those things, and see a productive outcome. Then ask her out, ask for the kiss and so, and see if the result doesn't show up a bit better. I think it will.

Hi! Yes, I can understand the situation. It is too bad you feel like you have to break up but it is not an easy relationship... I think that she will appreciate your support as friend, I can tell you that. I think she will also understand what directions you guys have to go also because she understands her situation just as well you. It is just an opinion, but if you have felt this strongly about her, maybe you could just hang as friends for a while to just see how things may change for her or improve in the coming months, perhaps she does need more medicine or what have you. I had done some reading though after I had read what you said about bipolar, and it said that the depressed cycle can go for 6 months or so before that clears up, so that may be rocky for you. It seems like people I have seen with the disorder are OK, but that is all just OK... alot of times they do not experience much up or down because of the medicine. Of course that is ideal but, I think reality is often more complex. All the same, people with bipolar can be wonderful friends, workers, and many things in life. I can understand your feeling for needing to chill out for a while moving into a friendship stage kind of thing. One thing to keep in mind though is even though that disorder is largely biological, people with that problem also are very sensitive so things just get to be a real heavy mix of emotions and chemicals... Whatever you do, do it gently. She would probably be appreciative of knowing that you will be as a friend and your first aim is not to just hook up with another woman. Another approach you guys could try is to talk with a therapist or psychiatrist about your relationship and concerns, perhaps there is something they could do to improve the situation or to help her emotionally if you decide to break up so she has proper support, in fact I highly reccomend it.

Hi! I am kind of confused by your posts, because I had read a post of yours yesterday also... and then you were talking about an ex that you wanted to be with and just broke up with and now you are talking about a g/f you are with now who is bipolar.... I am not sure what to think, if maybe the one you are with now you don't feel good about and you want to be with the ex??? It doesn't matter. I just want to say that I have met some people with that bipolar before, and I know that when they feel depressed that it is normal that sex is not part of their oh, how would I say, when they feel bad sex may just not be part of their day. Here is the deal, you have a g/f with a serious mental condition, you will have to be a very flexible man in this relationship. Bipolar is a disease that is helped with medications and I am sure she is on that, but it is an illness that people have for life because it is an inborn biological disorder. You will have to accept her for how she is, ups and downs, sometimes sex and sometimes not at all....

Hi! This is a really good topic!! ha! And well, you love him so much so you want his health and heart to be healthy as well!! It is interesting. My g/f is Chinese. And the American man I am, I have been reared on the typical poor American diet. She on the other hand eats a very very healthy diet... Also, true Chinese food is not at all like the Chinese food we eat here. She tells me this is not Chinese food/ this is Chinese American food here. So she eats, stir fry, tofu, greens, fish, and so on, and she is much much healthier than me!!! And she has no fat at all, and I have fat which I am working on getting rid of. My g/f is older than me, so she has a mother streak in her and she politely tells me what is good for me and what is hurting me. At first I did not like that. But then I figured out, that she was always right when it came to such matters. So, my feeling is this. It depends on your bf. If mothering him drives him nuts then just don't do it, and he will have to figure it out on his own. If he can handle some mothering then so be it, advise him. Here is my best suggestion though on this matter, lead by example. For instance when I offer candy to my gf, she refuses to eat it, or any sugar at all for that matter. Lead by example. You do have a reason to be concerned, he has a poor diet. But here is the deal, practice what you preach. If you are a health nut, and in good shape, he can learn from that. If you preach to him, and you are overweight, it will be hard for him to see your point. My China girl she looks 15 years younger than her age easy, I follow her steps when it comes to diet. She lets me lead on my issues as well, but when I see a woman with no fat at all..... Well, all I can I say folks is they don't eat like we do and that is why they are so thin, and what they eat ain't what you see in your typical Chinese restaurants... fried foods are not part of the diet for them, that's our doing.

HI! My opinion may differ alot here than the others, but lets think about this scenario for a moment. He has been gone 3 years??? What if he is gone another 2 years more????????! You're entitled to live your life, so live it. All hats off to the men overseas, no doubt they are doing their duty. In the meantime, lets take YOUR side, and consider YOUR feelings. You did not send him over there, but you are here alone, without the b/f. At a minimum there is no need to feel guilty at all. You just wanted to smooch up to some man after not smooching for a long long time. That's understandable. Be free, you waited, you cannot wait forever. If you do want to wait it out though until he finally returns though, cool. But it could be a long wait, be forgiving of yourself for having normal feelings of wanting a body in the flesh with you. Not only that, you can fear his wrath when you tell him about meeting some guy???? Why put yourself though such hell? Here is the thing though. If you decide to leave him for good. Then just tell him in a letter or whatever, and move on with it. That way you don't have to dance the two step between him and another guy. You're putting his feelings over yours and it is a mistake to yourself. There is no law that says your life has to be put on hold forever while waiting years for a man to return....

Hi! Just remember, she can tell you one of two things: Yes or No now you have a 50/50 shot it at. There are no mistakes here. There is no wrong... You make the effort, you cannot help her response. You won already by asking her and approaching her. This one may say no, the next one may say how about tonight? That is my response, from a guy. The only failure is when you failed to act. Embarrassment/ shyness is not an issue, that just says your are human and alive. The girl before is saying you have failed because you have blindly asked a girl out. I don't agree. She may have just been waiting and waiting for some guy to ask her out and you finally did. Remember this though, if you radiate confidence, then others will feel confidence as well. If you radiate weakness, then they will have no sympathy. Make--think--be-- what you want. If you Make-think--be failure, then that is the result you will get. If you make think be success, then so be it. Will a woman want a man, so shy he has to run and come back in an hour??? What will you do when it comes to sex? What will you say when the time for sex comes, and you say... ummm excuse me, I was just wondering... I am not sure, umm excuse me but is sex an option now? It won't work dude. You're the man be in control and the woman will be happy for it.

Ummm... So kissin' aint your cup of tea, but it sounds like the sex is. So that's OK. No problem with that. I know I like to kiss my girlfriend more when she is wearing a good lip smacker... Like a lip gloss. I say wear it hot baby. But you you know good kissin' takes some practice. Eh ah you know kissin' is different with everyone. I used to know a girl that could not put her tongue out so well. Try tic tacs and lip smackers it will improve the action.

Hi! I am not an expert on this... I can only speak from what I have known from friends, read, heard and so on... I think few people could really give you a completely truthful answer except for a psychiatrist who would know about what that may have done to your brain or not. From what I know most drugs will metabolize in your system within a certain period time and then simply wear off. I mean no more than a day or two from taking the drug at most. The problem with street drugs is that who knows what you are really are taking! It could be part LSD and part clorox for all you know. All the same, chances are that your mind is simply have rememberances of when you took that. The drug is no longer actually in your system, but your mind remembers the experience of being high. Our minds have a way of replaying pleasurable experiences. You're trying to quit drugs now, so your mind is playing the experience to remember it as well. Obviously, the trip/high was pleasurable and so the mind has a way of replaying that in your dreams and so on, it wonders what happened to that high. These are things people experience when they get off drugs. You may have these experiences for a while, but they will dissipate in time. That is just my practical knowledge, but if you have big concerns then you will have to talk to a doctor. My suggestion is don't self medicate with things like that when you feel bad. All drugs are dangerous when they are overdosed, even alcohol can kill a person at a certain point. There are people out there who have fried their brains from coke, and other things as well. But I have a feeling that with you, it is part of the struggle of breaking this past addiction, where the mind remembers, but understands it not...

Hi! Just move onto the next girl.... She either still has feelings for the ex-boyfriend or the ex is really not ex, but the fact is he was big part of the reason... When her heart is empty then you can fill it, but right now her heart says to you on the phone... I am still dealing with him. I wouldn't call her back, no means no. If you call her back you will just keep barking up that tree and probably getting the same reply.

Hi! Yes I read your letter it, is very interesting and sad.... Umm, something is up with her and she is not telling what it is or what it is about, that is what I see. You said"week and a half ago stating that she didn't know what was going on right now in her life but she knows that she is not happy with herself and I don't deserve someone who can't give back in a relationship what I was giving to her" It is a mystery, sort of. What I can say is that the problem is not YOU! It is something with her. She may just not feel happy in her life right now, it could be a million things. This may sound ridiculous, but you could try this. It may be pressuring her a little though. But you could meet with her and say OK! Let's have a little honesty session here for 10 minutes. And be completely honest with eachother. There is something she does not want you to know that is why she also does not even want to stay friend and she feels like she has to totally cut off. If you love her, I would just support her and say, whatever it is we can be here for eachother in life. She needs to know that you will not judge her for what she has to say... It is just my feeling. If you give her, her way then you two will part and she will just fade away for reasons uknown... It could be an opportunity for you two to really become much much closer by just opening up completely to eachother. Women love to talk, I think you two need alot of heart to heart and let it out... good luck.. Sometimes women just get really really really emotional and you have to just ride it out. The whole thing could be different in a month.

Hi Dude, I feel that from what you are saying that she likes you ALOT! It is just my opinion... Play it cool that is my best advice. I think that she did not say much to you the previous summer because maybe you said TOO much to her at that time, or who knows??! She is waiting for you to make the next move, but it needs to be a move in which you both feel comfortable. Like a social outing with friends. She has a strong interest in you but she does not know how to let it play it out... Do some homework together and study, then ask her out to the movies. You're only a teenager once have a good time! She seems to be going out of her way to ALWAYS say hello, if she didn't want you around, you would know it. That is not the case with her. She is waiting for you to move on the situation, but she may play a little hard to get first...

I will give you a few tips: Right now have your sights on more than just one girl. Of course this does not mean that you will be dating alot of women, but at this point there is no big commitment to anyone so, look at all of your options. You may ask her out and she may turn you down, or she may say great lets do that! You don't know. Here is one thing I can tell you for a fact though, if you never ask her out, you will never know her response.... I am alot older than you and I can say that girls at your age sometimes just are not ready to really date, I don't know why. It seems like when the girls finally become women that they are ready to have a good time? I don't know. Ask her out if that one doesn't work out for you have a second one that you have in mind. Before asking her to the prom though, how about having a homework study session with her or a meetng at the library first. See, start small, don't just go for the BIG DATE. Be her friend and she will give back to you also...