Nico1607306451

loner, You have no idea how much I feel for you. I don't know why it's always the good people with the honest, true intentions who get hurt so bad by this stuff. And it IS NOT fair for him to be so happy and for you to be miserable. The problem is, there's nothing you can do about it. I know you're mad at everyone around you: him, her, God, yourself, even innocent people who had nothing to do with it, just because they're happy and you're not. I've been through something like this myself, and it aggravated me to no end that he could just walk away and get on with his life while I was stuck with all the leftovers. So I wrote everything down, everything about how he hurt me, how horrible he treated me, how he was a selfish bastard, how my life was ruined and how it was all his fault. And I sent it to him. I made SURE he didn't walk away without knowing that I held him responsible for all of it. It was really the only thing I COULD do. Let your ex know exactly what you're going through. Get it off your chest and let it be his burden, if only for the time it takes him to read through it. And while you're at it, tell him I think he's a worthless pig.

Quoted from jujigatame: Now for a disclaimer: I don't think that men and women should let this primitive caveman mentality get in the way of expressing themselves the way they want to in a relationship. But it's going to butt in no matter what we do, at least until Homo Sapiens is replaced by the new model. As always, it's up to the individual to choose what they want in the long run. This is exactly what I mean by it being a matter of maturity: you have to be self-aware enough to understand your motives for doing something. People who go out and screw around on their partners are mainly acting on a selfish impulse; they're not taking time to consider what consequenses are going to result. When people drop a "nice" person because they're bored, it's the same thing. I don't think it helps anything to foster a discussion on how to keep someone through these mind games. You have to communicate with your partner: if they're not mature enough to take on a serious relationship and they're not willing to REALLY ask themselves why they're "bored", then I say drop THEM like a hot rock.

I don't think this stereotype applies only to women--I've seen guys pass up wonderful girls to be with a witch plenty of times. I think it all comes down to the person in question's maturaty level--anyone who is truly looking for a serious relationship will look for and stay with the "nice" one--everyone else is just having fun playing mind games. It's VERY aggravating and, like I've said before to my very patient friends, the ones who only want to dink around and mess with people's minds should have to wear a tattoo or something on their forehead to warn the decent people off. 8)

Tell her straight out you're not into playing games and give her an ultimatum: she tells you exactly what's going on in her head or you leave her life for good. She sounds like a spoiled brat who wants to have her cake and eat it too--nobody should feel compelled to jump through hoops for that. Sorry if my words are harsh, but it sounds like you already have a handle on things, the main problem being that SHE keeps contacting you. If it comes down to it, don't take her calls and ignore her emails--you have to get this mess and confusion out of your life for good if you want to move on.

You have my sympathy!! The dreams where everything is great again are the WORST part of breaking up. For a few moments everything is fine and wonderful and as it should be, but when you wake up you have to go through it all over again. Just remember, your head is trying to heal your broken heart: it's methods are very painful, like re-breaking a bone in order to let it heal correctly, but it's a necessary evil to endure. If it helps at all (though, rarely, anything does), try to wake up from one of these dreams saying to yourself "I'm that much closer to feeling better..." Also, though I'm no expert, I've found that if you try to up your time taking in some excersize during the day and maybe going to bed later than you are right now; try to really exhaust yourself during the day, you might sleep deeper and have less dreams at night. Good luck.

I completely disagree. When I first started dating my ex, I viewed the entire thing as casual; it was only his efforts to treat me well and show me his commitment to a serious relationship (which completely evaporated later, but that's a different rant...) that made me fall in love with him. It sounds like the girls you're talking about are too immature to REALLY be considering a serious relationship. Nice guys always finish first with serious-minded women. Though there's alot to be said for charm and confidence, I disagree with the concept of challenge: it gives me a headache just thinking about it. The main attraction factor for me in a guy is knowing that he's willing to be there for me 100%--head games really turn me off.

I've come a long way in feeling better about everything. I've just had a really hard time dealing with this because the difference in him happened so completely and so fast--I really have no idea what was going on... Initially, it was HIS idea to continue seeing each other, as "friends" . I really don't feel I should be the one held responsible for the mess that ensued--his words were saying "I don't love you" but his actions were the complete opposite. I was just trying to hold onto something good... I just felt I needed some different perspectives on the situation: has something similar to this ever happened to anyone else? I still don't understand it at all, and that's the biggest thing that's holding me back from complete recovery. Thank you to everyone who replied.

A little long, but complicated and I would value ANY thoughts on this.... Thanks I began dating a guy I knew from school last May and I thought we hit it off wonderfully. We always laughed, had a good time, never even fought. He was considerate and sensitive and really treated me well. At first, things were casual, but I always got the impression he was ready something more serious from the way he made such a conscious effort to treat me so considerately. By the end of the summer I had fallen in love with him big time. One night at the end of August we made plans for dinner and a movie rental at my place to just chill and hang out, and he mentioned he wanted to have a talk with me. I didn't get any "bad vibes" from that, 'cause things were still very good between us, and not even that serious yet. He came over for dinner that night and I remembered thinking he was being especially love-y towards me; we even had a hot make-out session in the kitchen while we were doing the dishes. Then he started in with his "talk": he told me he didn't love me, and that he didn't think we should be together anymore. I was completely floored, to say the least. I told him I didn't care if he didn't love me yet, that I felt completely wonderful by everything in the relationship as it was. He said it mattered to him. The whole thing completely crushed me--I cried for hours and stayed pretty much intoxicated that whole weekend. Suffice it to say I grabbed on to the opportunity to see him again when he called and suggested another movie/dinner date at my house about two weeks later. We ended up having sex, even though he kept referring to us as "broken up". I ignored that fact; I was in denial and I was willing to do anything to keep him with me. For about two months after that, my entire life revolved around seeing him, talking to him, and getting him over to my place so we could have sex and I could pretend everything was fine. I can't help feeling he was using me and I don't know what happened to the sweet, considerate guy I had fallen in love with. This continued on till the bitter end, when he got a sudden case of morals and piously told me that sex should be saved for "someone special". I'm still not over this, mainly because I have no idea what happened! What does it mean when a guy makes out with you in one hour, breaks up with you in the next, calls you the next week and suggests dinner and movie, hints at sex with you, then self-righteously calls it "wrong"?? I know it does SOUND like he's a complete A**hole, but then I think back to the guy I knew all that summer and NOTHING MAKES SENSE. The worse part about this is I feel guilty for having sex with him when he treated me so horrible, and I feel stupid and gullible for believing he was a nice guy--Even though I know deep down he IS... I just need to know WHAT happened?!?!?!?

The FIRST thing you have to do is quit putting yourself down so much. YOU have to value yourself before anyone else can. And don't go changing your personality for the sake of someone else. For one thing, nobody can really be in love with you if you're not you, so what's the point? And, for another thing, it wont work. Your personality is YOU, and you can't really change that (and no, I am quite certain you're not as dull as you think you are). You don't need to dress and act like Brittney Spears *pauses to spit on the groud* for people to notice you. Just be you and let yourself enjoy being you: you'll be much happier and THAT'S what people are attracted to. The trick is to try to meet someone who shares your interests: take a class or join a gym; find something you really enjoy and pursue it. Even if you don't meet a guy, you'll be having fun and building self-esteem.