spinstermanquee

SilverFactory, in my imagination if she were into you she would have found a way to make fun out of the situation. Criticizing gmaps, snapping on gps algorithms, etc. but not YOU or MEN. That's how you make lemonade out of lemons, not by harping on your date. When you think about it, she could have had you convulsing with laughter instead of cringing...

You guys are not going to believe this... mylo mostly! Things have heated up... guess the old saw "never say never" is still valid

Rose Mosse's advice was spot on! And you did nothing wrong by coming to this community for a "sounding board." That's why we are here 🙂 Please enjoy your current dating partner and I hope you do so for many moons to come.

Tugging at my heartstrings, Deb_rox! This ^^^ Hair no hair, pinky finger no pinky finger, pet no pet, blah blah blah: attraction is attraction

"This isn't a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a human sex machine." 🙂 Two stories: I dated a guy who was in his mid-twenties and he had a weave. I only found out because while we were being intimate, I reached down to intertwine my fingers in his hair... the urgency with which he removed my hands from the vicinity of his head informed me I had done a no-no. Afterward he confided that he had a health condition which made him lose his hair and went to something like a "Hair Clinic for Men" to get a weave using his own hair, so it was kind of like a natural toupee. But I didn't dare ask because obviously his ego was tied up in it. We saw each other again (and I never tugged his hair again). Earlier than that, was with an older guy on a first date, and he had the ole "combover." We were walking on the beach. A gust of wind blew the whole combover "tail" to the other side that it grew from and it looked like he was wearing a curly scarf from his ear. I said to him (and please remember I was in my mid-twenties and not at all tactful), "You're a good-looking guy. Why don't you just cut that off?" Haha. Never heard from him again. Guess the universe wanted me to marry a guy with hair I could pull on 😉 So I agree with the other posters, don't bring it up... when he's ready he will. If it's not a turnoff for you it will be fine and work itself out! Best of luck my dear. P.S. - all my brothers started going bald in their twenties, one started shaving his head at 24 and has been doing it ever since, for 30 years

Hey I wasn't trying to sell you anything. Your health and pristine abode come first. 🙂 I was being supportive, juxtaposing my situation and yours. I am fine with mine, but were I in your shoes, even dog lover that I am, would JUST SAY NO WAY JOSE/NIN. I am not allergic, but I would NOT tolerate the dirty and unkempt unrulies for even a second! No matter how good the sex! Not worth my health (primary) and my assets (secondary)! Good luck to you my dear.

^^ this. No, a pet will never be the same as a kiddo, but I firmly believe they were put here on earth to teach us about love and loss. The universe designed our beloved pets to not last as long as we do, or our kids do, because they are an essential part of the world we live in and they lead us to truths we cannot discover without their demonstrations. I was a pet hater in my early years. I could not understand why people sacrificed their lives and spent so much money on them. Then we had a doggo come back to us from hubby's and daughter's past! And I fell in love! Irrevocably... and after experiencing this kind of unconditional love, I was a changed woman. I could never feel the disdain for a pet again. I became one of those spoiler people that I formerly cast aspersions on. Go figure. So YMMV, but the bottom line is: nothing wrong with being a responsible pet owner and the benefits are great, as long as all parties are on the same page

Fatherlearning seems to have "posted and ghosted" here... guess the second part of the moniker can be canned

survivor2021, as someone who moved to foreign countries a few times with no support systems or encouragement, i wish you the very best. remember that you are your own best cheerleader and only you, right now, have your best interests at heart. please follow whatever opportunities come your way and make the most of them! don't listen to others' words, they sound self interested and only have their own agendas in mind. if your heart and mind are pure-intentioned (not trying to hurt anyone, just help your own self and life) then you will always triumph. good over evil 🙂

Kromb, I better than anyone have had this hard but truthful item ^^^ "smackie" me in the face 😉 Started divorce, got a therapist, moved into my own place, said to myself o yeah get on a dating app, you're ready rah rah rah sis boom bah. About 3-4 weeks in realized I am in no way ready to date after that many years of being with one person, I don't even know who I am anymore. Canned the app, hid my profile, decided to bookmark a year, year and a half to work on myself, just live and be in the world with ME. It's going pretty good! Have several projects going, not lacking for social engagements, travel, work and family stuff, just NOT dating. I actually feel good since it's been almost 30 years since I was last single. Don't forget the pandemic kind of hosed up a lot of social stuff as well... anyhoo, best of luck and hope you find your North star!

^^^ this. she is a package deal, couldn't have said it better! dogs and babies are not like cats, you can't leave them alone and go spend the night at your boyfriend's house or kick them to the curb and go live with your boyfriend

Upfront payment: first, last and security? first and security? is security the same as the rent or a different amount? Monthly payments: is there a discount for paying on or before the first of the month? what is the grace period? what if the grace period expires over a sunday or holiday? will day after be considered late? what are the late payment penalties? Lease renewal: is there a cap on percentage rent raise yearly? how far in advance is the renewal offer presented (usually 60 days before lease end, but might vary in your state)? Repairs: what types of repairs are tenant responsibility? for example, if tenant breaks garbage disposal because they put avocado pits or chicken bones in it, I would make them pay for the repair or remove the garbage disposal. if their kid flushes a toy down the toilet and clogs it, that is tenant responsibility. if an appliance dies, landlord replaces unless it was clearly abused by tenant. Moveout: when does the walkthrough happen? what is considered standard wear and tear? is there a cleaning fee at moveout? if you move in and every light bulb works, does the replacement fee for burnt out bulbs come out of your security at moveout? A/C filters: provided? if so how often changed out? Pet policy (fish fowl serpent canine feline equine etc)? Parking policy? assigned spaces, how many, guest parking, etc. Amenity rules, clubhouse, pool, common area rules? Paint: if you stay multi year, will they offer paint touchups? As per wiseman ^^ investigate your state landlord tenant laws. states often vary with the finer points vis-a-vis security deposit, rental rate increases, renewal timing, vacancy notifications, security deposit return timeframes, etc. also appliances. in utah, for example, landlords provide the hookups and tenants are expected to bring their own washer/dryer All I can think of at the moment. Good luck in your search!

Nin, neat freak Spinster had a (single) doggie visitor this past weekend in her high end town home that was recently renovated, maybe not to the tune of yours but that is irrelevant. This long-haired, large breed animal is quiet, tidy, polite, gets brushed twice per day, and bathed once a week. It is doted on by its owner. However, even the tidiest of dogs will shed, drip their drinking water on the kitchen tile, and leave "nose art" on the stainless steel and sliding glass doors. I just spent the last hour lint rolling dog hair off the tile floors and it's probably going to take a few more days to stop seeing "reminders" that he visited, plus clean up the slobber & marks from the floors, windows, and appliances. However, for me, it's a labor of love. I smile with every hair I pick up because I just adore him! Now I can only imagine the shape your place would be in with 3 unrulies that you don't love... and I didn't even touch on the impact canines have on automobiles... and carpet 😉 Good luck Nin!

Hmmm... dadstotwinsplusone, Was married for 25 years, during which many many times went out for "girls' night out." Also many times husband would squire us to club, drop us off, and pick us up after we'd had our fill of dance. OK I busted myself this was before Uber. Never once did I kiss a man or a woman or my friend(s) that was/were with me. Am I an anomaly?

There is a saying among fur parents, "Having 2 dogs is like having 10." This is why we never went over 1. One is enough! And a lot of work! Nin, if I were in your shoes, I'd nix the movein and just keep the dating fun and easy. Know that those doggos have no place in your abode, you would be inviting hurt feelings and disaster for the fur kids and your SO. And the zoo? She should have the means to buy her own farm to stock with strays. Your place is off limits. You two are def. not on same page... (it's my turn to sound harsh because... really... I am advocating for those fur babies, sucker that I am) 😉 Edited to add: as for "family planning," one of the strictest tenets of our fur parenting agreement was that he was the primary caregiver to the dog. I travel(ed) extensively and am not capable of caring for a pet from afar, nor did I want to be responsible for the feeding and lodging arrangements for our dog in addition to my breadwinner responsibilities. This was never a sticking point for us nor did it contribute to the demise of our marriage. Just... different strokes for different folks.

Nin, couple red flags here from a super duper animal lover but also a big neat freak who likes to keep a lid on the god hair 😉 First off (and I am aware this sounds judgemental) I think anyone who has 3 dogs in a small apartment is not very mature or considerate to the doggos, and as other posters have said, not considerate AT ALL to your allergies. For the doggos: canines need space, fresh air, exercise, discipline, and (IMHO) should not be let on the furniture unless everyone in the household agrees. I could not imagine a world where I was being intimate with my SO and felt a dog nose in my bum! I also think it's enough to clean up dog hair from the floor as an act of love, but not have to constantly lint remove hair from furniture or compete for space with dog(s) that we didn't choose/adopt together. We trained all our canines (but we only ever had one at a time) to not enter our bedroom or bathrooms (toilet water drinking) or go up on the furniture. They had their space and their place. I say all this because it was not thrust upon me. After careful consideration, I willingly shared our lives with a pet. This is more in line with family planning. Imagine that she has three kids in diapers and you are discussing becoming their daddy. You have to want her really super bad to agree to that, when you are allergic to her children. PS properly trained, well exercised canines do not damage, chew furniture, excessively bark, or poo all over the place. Those are called "nuisance behaviors" and have to be trained out.

This ^^^ hit the nail right on the head. She was the one who f***ed up a FWB relationship with loose words and willy-nilly desires

That is the best therapy in the world! Congrats!

As someone who was in a cross-cultural cross-continental family for double digit years, I can say AWESOME that you are getting to introduce your sweetie to your family. I sure hope he is enthusiastic enough to learn cultural signals, mores, and the basics of the language (please, thank you, excuse me, sorry, and (the most important "yourmom" phrase) this is delicious! No, the brother should not expect to tag along on all activities. Me too, always wanted to go to your hometown! But if it were ME (spinster) accompanying YOU (somechick) on your trip with your boyfriend, here is what I would do: Let's have a blast going to the airport, flying over, and getting you to your destination (somechick with two bodyguards arriving like a rock star in hometown, wootwoot). Bow to the potential future inlaws, give host/hostess gift, maybe have a meal, and take off for the capital where I have a super hotel and lots of stuff planned for my week. Meet back at airport after your trip and fly home with you, glowing with all the adventures I had, happy for yours 🙂. When I get home I would send a thank you note to your parents for our brief encounter. What I would NOT do: depend on you and BF to be my tour guides, ushers, companions, etc. The whole fun of it for me would be that you guys helped me launch into something that I would be too scared to do myself. So it's entirely possible that he is not trying to bite on your couple time, he just wants to have an adventure and doesn't know how to manage it himself or even get started. So the only piggyback is really the framework of your trip, not the content. I've done tons of things like this on my own (I'm closing in on 60) in Asia, so if you want further suggestions please DM me. This sounds manageable, somechick, so please don't despair. It may be just a little ole communication booboo. All the best and please enjoy your trip home with you guy. I remember going with mine to his parents' and it was one of the most wonderful trips of my life!

Hello helpme, hope you are doing well today. I saw some "shades of me" in your post and wanted to just chip in a little nugget - in case you are someone like me who is a pleaser and likes to be needed. You said he needs to have someone and you filled that role for a while. Please remember to NOT back burner yourself in relationships, your needs are just as valid as your partner's and while one or the other's take precedence now and again, if one of the participant's needs take priority most of the time... not fair to the other. Good luck my dear and keep posting! Lots of good colleagues here on the boards.

Ohhhh... so sad. Hope in the future things can be better. ❤️

This... in the first year of marriage I realized my hubby had poor boundaries with "visitors." There was a couple that came from overseas, stayed a month, used our home and his business services, never made or took us to dinner (or any meal for that matter), then sued him for malfeasance on the job he did for them (after the free stay, of course). AND WON A SETTLEMENT. There was a lot more detritus, but that's not for this story 😉 The final one was a single guy that came from an island nation, stayed for 2 weeks, piled up electronics in our dining room, used our home as a warehouse/crash pad. Never once made us food, offered anything, to go out. Total freeloader. Family (hubs and me) meeting was called. The new rule was: visitors get three days max like fish; family members like sis/bro/cous can stay a week, parents 10 days. When his parents came from overseas, we never even had to enforce our new rule because they had appropriate boundaries. It doesn't seem like his parents understand his situation, and they definitely aren't considering YOUR needs. What kind of intimacy can you maintain in an apartment that already has a nonfamily member staying in it? If this were my circus with these monkeys, I would find or become a new trainer.

You are right, it won't be easy but it will free you from the prison you've been building in your head. You never know, she may have been thinking similar things and opening this line of discourse (while owning your part in the equation) might even prompt her to speak up and own her part. Properly brought out in the open, it could even honor the time you did spend together.

Greg40s, Putting myself in your wife's place for a sec... I would want to know your feelings (or lack thereof) and hopefully that it would be presented in a gentle way. It's only fair she have accurate information. Then and only then can she participate with you in decision making in a meaningful way. Lots of good suggestions in this thread, and many perspectives. No reason for you to continue to struggle with this unilaterally or without seasoned professional help... best of luck no matter which way it rolls.

Recently had this conversation with STBXH... he firmly believed everything we built/acquired during the relationship was 50/50 and even called me out on my family inheritances as qualifying as joint property. We didn't involve lawyers we are doing the divorce ourselves (because we always agreed, from the beginning, that once attorneys get involved they are the ONLY ones that win), but it sounds like YOU can't trust HIM. Get an attorney, he wants to mess with you. Good luck and God speed.